After much consideration, discussion, and deliberation, we submitted our requests for the hors d’œuvres for our wedding reception. When I sent the list to my mom, just to share it with her, she almost immediately expressed concern about it. Three in particular, she said we’re not commonly-enough liked, and so we should axe them. She also said that we needed to decide if we were picking the hors d’œuvres for ourselves or for the guests. But then she made it clear that she expected us to choose them for the guests.
It was extremely frustrating for my man, but also frustrating for me. I appreciate that my mom always shares her opinions with me. But this was an occasion on which she was doing it forcefully and with a somewhat self-serving reason.
And that is? My stepdad.
He doesn’t eat seafood, which some of them are, and he doesn’t eat anything that isn’t basic pure meat or vegetables… so, he wouldn’t eat almost any hors d’œuvres that we might pick, anyway. But, since I was planning to get something extra for my mom to have on her own, since she’s vegetarian and the hors d’œuvres are not. She took that offer to turn it into, ‘and also order this $40 thing for your stepdad.’ News flash: that’s more than we’re spending per person on the hors d’œuvres in the first place. Also, THIS IS NOT DINNER. We specifically chose a cocktail hour setting with cocktail hour food and drink and tables, as well as a cocktail hour timeline. It starts at 4:30pm, and will be done by around 7:30pm. We aren’t serving dinner, because we are only having a reception in order to mix and mingle and chat with those who came to support us at our wedding.
And my mom knows all of this. She has been supportive the whole way through, encouraging us not to worry about what others will think, but to create the party we want to have. Thus the irony of her trying to force an opinion about pleasing guests with non-high-class tastes. Because, frankly, she vetoed hors d’œuvres that easily could be labeled as on the snootier side. No, they aren’t caviar or anything absurd. But oysters and raw tuna and lamb are certainly for a palate that is accustomed to a higher bill.
Which is the entire reason we selected them – if we’re getting this catering and all of the hors d’œuvres cost the same, we are absolutely getting the ones we wouldn’t usually be able to afford buying.
We understand her concern. Truly, we do. And we also have been intentional about the food. We both will continue to consider her concerns over the next two days, of course. But the final decision must be made by Monday night, and we will keep ourselves present to the whole goal and point of our event.
I reached out to my dad to ask his opinion on the selection. He, basically, said it looked like a great selection that had, not only variety, but crab cakes, which are always awesome. He, as we both knew before asking him, also regularly eats higher-prices foods at higher-prices restaurants. Called it a more sophisticated palate. It just means more expensive, whatever you call it, though.
My cousin, who is extremely money-conscious and pescatarian, also understood my mom’s point, but initially saw the list as a great list of foods. And I very much trust her opinion to step away from forceful bias.
So, that was one of the many things found within tonight. Now, I shall sleep. Hopefully, I can use the new pillow that seems like it might end up being perfect… if only the smell will leave it from the packaging…
Goodnight, God. Thank you for this life. Please, please, give us perfect, clear weather for flying on the 23rd. Please. And keep us all safe, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2024
hannah ananas 