Irony

I went to an outlet mall today (filled with almost no one, actually), to go specifically to Lululemon for some sports gear.

You see, the bras I have from there are spectacular.

But my workout have been so good this past year that, well, they don’t fit anymore… they are too big on me.

So, I needed to get some new sports bras, and I wanted to get good quality for something like that, that I would use so often.

So, we go to Lululemon, and sign up on the digital waitlist… the wait is estimated at two hours, because so few people are allowed in the store at once, right?

Right.

Like at certain busy restaurants and eateries, we were to receive a text message when an estimated ten to 15 minutes remained in our wait time, and it would say this and that we should return to the store now.

Unlike these restaurants and eateries, we also received a link that we could refresh at will in order to see where our party was “in line”.

We started at spot number thirty.

We walked around outside a long while – around 8,000 steps worth – before heading back toward the store (where we were parked), and verifying that we still were only around 9th in line.

The doorman told us that, since it was “parties” and not just individuals “in line”, we had plenty of time to go get the ice cream we were considering.

So, we drove to HEB, I did some quick research as to why I couldn’t find a childhood favorite anymore, and I got a very close alternative to it.

We then enjoyed our treats back in the car, and received our text message notification about 45 seconds after pulling into a parking space back at Lululemon.

I then had a blast in the store, and my friend, though not finding anything she was wanting inside the store, found a delightful time outside the store, practicing her handstands, and eventually being joined by one of the store’s staff – perhaps he was on his break? – to share in the doing of handstands, and to display free handstand push-ups (they are bomb, and it is a pleasure to witness anyone doing these successfully)(!).

We headed home after a good while, both of us quite satisfied, both in mind and in belly.

The irony?

If you missed it, the irony was that I was getting new sportswear, because I’d released so much weight/fat from my body through my workouts and healthy eating…, yet I went and had what was likely an extremely high-calorie tub of ice cream while waiting to purchase said new sportswear… 😛

But I didn’t finish it, so, that is good, and it is now in the freezer here, finding a new version of itself after having melted. 😀

Post-a-day 2020

Boiling point?

I might be at my boiling point this week… physically, though mentally regarding the physically…

You see, I have learned to handle acne rather well for my body… meaning that I have learned how to avoid having very much of it.

Unfortunately, my body is extremely sensitive – well, kind of to everything, but that’s not the point right now – to sweat, when it comes to producing acne.

All I need is to have my skin be the level of sticky sweaty – pouring/dripping sweat is fine, but, once it stops, I need to clean off the skin – in order for acne to show up in the very near future in those exact spots.

So, I washed my face three times throughout the night last night, and have done it several times today, simply because of the heat of the place where I am staying this week – it is warm, like 76 overnight and 82 degrees Fahrenheit during the day (And, before you start saying the temperatures are to save money on electricity or to help save the planet, know that the air is set to “ON”, not to “AUTO”…, so it is always running…, but with warm-ish air abouts.)… I couldn’t identify at first why I was so mentally disturbed by the fact that the apartment was kept so warm, but I eventually realized that that was it: the acne concern.

I was kind of supposed to go take photos with someone this week… now, it is definitely not happening… I already have more acne on my face than when I got here yesterday, plus, I only slept a maximum of a few hours last night, for fear of bugs (I got bitten while aiming to sleep) and for the struggle of the intense warmth of sleeping atop a fabric sofa and wool-like blanket…. so, no photos of me this week, buddy – I need to be not semi-miserable and not annoyed at my physical state to go take such specific photos.

Let’s be real: sitting here, writing this, I keep taking breaks to move my arms away from my body, and to breathe deeply, both in hopes of cooling off even a little bit more… it reminds me of the days of no a/c in the world, when everyone just suffered all summer long, and sat, miserable, on their porches with cold lemonade and a cool rag, unable to get themselves to do anything else, because the mental effort involved in starting any physical effort was just too much for the overheated body and brain to handle…

That’s about how I feel here, breathing in the warm and humid air of the apartment, as though I might just be sitting outside still…, but outside has bugs and wind and rather low humidity, actually… man… not even my deep breathing is relieving, it feels so oxygen-low…

Ugh… okay, you can do this, Banana…

Post-a-day 2020

Sigh…

Well, the unexpected has arrived again, and suddenly… I suppose it can serve for me as a bit of a reminder that I can prepare and prepare, yet still not be ready for what will meet me every time, even I’m a seemingly familiar situation or scenario…

I think that is a good one for me to take forward with this whole book thing and magazine thing I’ve started but about which have begun to panic… “What if I do it the wrong way?(!!)” my brain seems to ask on repeat…

Then I do it the wrong way, and I have the opportunity to learn from that way’s having been the wrong way.

And I can do a better job the next round, because I now 1)have done it, and 2)have learned even more than before the first effort… sure, I may have messed up, but I am better equipped now because of it.

So, basically, prepare as I can, and then just go for it already, ready to get it done, ‘the right way’ or not…, whatever the case, have an open mind and be ready to learn… period.

😛

P.S. It is so warm in here, and I’ll be sleeping on a fleece(? It’s something else, but I don’t recall what it is… almost like wool, actually…) blanket, as there are no sheets for me to use… I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep very well, if much at all… :/

Dear God, please, help my body cool off enough to sleep well and fully these next few nights. **gratitude hands** 😉

Post-a-day 2020

Struggle for love

Some miserable stuff went down today, where one party was absolutely irresponsible regarding its actions and how they affected those immediately involved in the situation, and that party also acted from an irrational and ego-centered place of anger and misplaced hurt.

Naturally, I was the party who found itself utterly unable to breathe normally, was gasping for breath through tears and a fully red and wet face, and who almost actually puked several times from the intense crying… it was very rough and very rough.

But why I share about this is because of one part of one party’s exchange with me…

She said, “I wish you could un-hear all of it.”

I asked her, “Is that what you recommend? That I un-hear it, if I can?”

“Yes.”

And something about that idea was beautiful to me…

What’s more, now, hours later, I’m doing rather well, allowing my psyche – is that who handles these things? – to release the words from my memory, and free me from their harsh, un-loving attack that hit so hard and hurt so much at the time of their issue.

It is, basically, the opposite of going over a past conversation in my head continuously, analyzing it over and over again… I, instead, allow myself to let it go, and to focus on the love I received from the party who wished me the ability to un-hear such mean reaction… I have been able to embrace the love of the scenario, and to release the rest…

Just as my tears and intense sobs released something powerful of their own – my eyes are actually still tingling, though they have been dry for hours – and my body relaxed at the rubbing of my back and the cool water in my mouth and throat, so my mind has been allowing the bad to release itself slowly but surely, and the love to take hold and envelope the mind.

Anyway… please, remember to love, okay? A threat of any kind can go much further for the person receiving it than we might ever imagine… please, be kind and act with love… eve if that only means that you pause before responding, so that you do not shoot out fear or anger as the immediate response, but you can respond with composure instead… and, therefore and ultimately, with love.

Sending love to you all tonight especially. 😉 May you love yourself truly, such that you are able to learn to love the world around you, no matter who is there in it.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can totally make me cry hard core for a while… whatever the case, though, be is sticks or stones or threats or poems, I shall heal, and I will continue to love myself, and, thereby, the world, too. 😉

Post-a-day 2020

Creativity is the key, and the door does not exist

The thing is: At any given moment, there are an infinite number of possibilities as to what could happen next.

Our futures aren’t set in stone.

Sure, there are several paths that are the more likely and most likely and almost definite next moves, based on our past behaviors and ways of thinking and all…

But that doesn’t mean they are the only possibilities, the only options…

All the others are still out there, in every moment – any given moment still could go any direction, despite what came before it.

And we get to choose that next move…

No matter what, anything is possible.

And I think it is important to remember that.

Even if we fall into the deepest despair in life, we can still choose to make a different move from those “most likely” and “almost definite” moves… we can choose whatever we like.

Anything is possible, and the limit is only that of our imagination.

So, let’s get creative, and start expanding our move vocabulary. 🙂

Post-a-day 2020

Panties and Power

I am wearing my Tuesday underwear tonight, post-shower and in my pjs.

I have discovered that my days-of-the-week underwear are something to the effect of ‘my power underwear’.

It isn’t that they are actually my power underwear, but that they carry a similar space and experience as power underwear might carry.

(My true power panties are actually some of my other style that I typically would wear for being out in the world… and they even kind of rotate around every so often, which ones are the true power ones that fill me with confidence as a woman…)

When I wear the days-of-the-week panties, I am excited and delighted; I have fun as child does; I am released of the big stresses in my life, and reminded instead of the little things that really matter most; I get to laugh inwardly at memories I have from them; and I get to enjoy the fact that I typically wear them not on their listed days, and sometimes intentionally so… basically, I feel good in them.

But they also aren’t underwear that I would wear out in public, typically.

Not that we wear any underwear out while in public, but that I wear them while I am out in public… anyway…

They are more so underwear for myself and for me time… my public underwear are all silky smooth, the no-show and seamless kind… these guys are usually for when it won’t matter about panty lines, because I won’t be around anybody else, and so they don’t matter… and I get to enjoy my days of the week all to myself.

So, yeah… they make me feel like a kid and they heal my adult heart ever so slightly whenever I wear them. 🙂

Good thing I have on Tuesday tonight – I’ve been needing some love and healing, now that I’m back home, in the midst of whatever this all is right now.

Siggggghhhhhhhhhh…..

Post-a-day 2020

Home now; bed wow

I must admit that one of the greatest feelings is stretching out on my back on a freshly fitted-sheet-made bed (meaning not the pillow or top sheet or comforter yet) directly after a fresh and cool shower… and it gets even better if it is just after a long car trip, as I have just done today/tonight.

I have my feet up at the head of the bed, and my head it at the foot… I’m not entirely sure if it is better with or without my pajamas on me… (I say pajamas, but I really just mean underwear and a loose t-shirt.)

It feels amazing…

And there is that special feeling of the freshly made bed, combining with the feeling of doing something very uncommon and, almost, forbidden, lying upside down on a bed that is missing its pillow and top sheet and comforter… I probably would have gotten in a bit of trouble, if I’d done this as a kid…

Haha

Actually, come to think of it, I regularly lie down on my fully made bed right after a shower, towel wrapped around my hair, pajamas not yet on… it is one of the few times I don’t immediately make sure my body is properly clothed.

Well, possibly the only time I go without clothes, aside from showering itself.

But, for some reason, I somewhat purposefully and somewhat passively allow myself to experience nudity, and in a comfortable and safe and easy setting in this time right after showering.

Some nights, it lasts only a minute or so, and some last half an hour or more… the majority are somewhere in the middle of the two ends.

It started out as mirror time, like my best friend told me that she does every day: to take in, accept, embrace, and love all of my body, as it is now.

It eventually turned into an opportunity for me to learn to be physically comfortable in nudity, and not just mentally so.

Now, I think hardly anything of it… one of my favorite moments of the day sometimes is plopping down sideways on my bed, with only a towel wrapped around my wet, clean hair, and the a/c blowing lightly on my still damp skin right after a shower…

And it usually is with my head to the foot of the bed…

Hmm… I’ve actually been wondering about this lately, if it mightn’t be a good idea for me to switch the direction I sleep.

But I keep not changing it, because I always remember how this has been a hint for me as far back as I can remember, lying the opposite direction on my bed when it is made versus when I go to sleep in it.

I wonder what the deal is with my doing that all the time… hmm…

Okay, tangents are over for the night… I am back home, I had a miniature breakdown sort of incident when I first arrived and found that people had been here, had moved my puzzle and messed it up, and had used the kitchen and left lots of evidence of their having been here (and they left the toilet open[!!!!!!!!!!!!])… I am hoping that sleep will heal me fully, though I am already proud of myself for being so extremely sleepy and exhausted (on multiple levels), and for being out of a lot of my regular supplements that help me so well, yet only having the breakdown for about thirty seconds, if even that long… and it wasn’t even very intense, and I handled everything I needed to handle in order to have everything clean for the potential of more people tomorrow (even though the city said not to leave homes unless absolutely necessary, and this studio is not actually open again yet… but anyway…), and I didn’t cry or anything when various other issues arose, like being tired and still having to carry heavy stuff up two flights of stairs, with one being a narrow, turning staircase, or when the shower wouldn’t switch from the bathtub full faucet to the shower head with more than a tiny drizzle of water, much like it did for a while after I was in Japan and the Philippines, but even worse this time…

Anyway, I am exhausted on many levels, and I need to work out tomorrow and Sunday to stay on track for this week, and still make up two more workouts (I believe – got to check the list) from the other week’s stress-y break.

Goodnight!

Post-a-day 2020

Homeward Bound

One of my favorite sets of movies when I was a child, it was…

Anyway, I’m headed home in the morning.

Well, in the afternoon, I suppose… I’m packing up in the morning, though, and possibly going to a museum quickly after I do some tutoring, and before I head out.

I’m headed to Dallas area in the morning, and am meeting someone there for a drink or something, and then I’ll be heading home after that, in the later afternoon.

And I might actually be even head to that until almost noon, anyway.

So, I’m headed home at some point tomorrow. 😛

And I’m not opposed to a detour along the way, either… I just need to be able to be in Austin on Monday for hiking.

This time, it will be hot and humid hiking… I likely will miss Madison’s weather greatly. 😛

But that’s okay… the hiking will be lovely, and my skin will be glad to have humidity back in its life… it’s been so dry up north these past few weeks, both in Wisconsin and in OKC.

So… a lot is ready to begin at home… I am almost ready for it to begin… and I am ready to jump on in, anyway. 🙂

This life is beautiful, and this next part of it is likely to be a glorious and fun adventure. 🙂

Here’s to our next steps, y’all: Cheers. 😉

Post-a-day 2020

Beginning with the past

I have begun writing.  And I mean for a book.  It was bizarre at first, wondering what on Earth I would use to start off things.  But, rather than titling the page “What to write first?”, I switched it to “What to write now?”.  It seems simple enough a change, but it was a transformative effect on my brain.  The idea of first suggests importance, that something is the most important, and so should be shared first.  The idea of now, however, just means that I can write about anything at any time, and I just happen to care about what’s on my mind right this minute.  It might change in an hour or a day, or even five minutes.   But, for right now, what’s on my mind?  And that is the question I answered.

And it actually surprised me somewhat, what came up and out.

I have begun writing, I believe, the backstory for the main character of this story.  She is, in essence, a copy of myself, but with certain subtle and not necessarily intentional differences.  An intentional difference, of course, is her name.  However, I have found that, while when recounting something in my own life, I feel a need to be precise and exact, when recounting that same something in her life, I can pick whatever words the person said that still express the same idea.  I do not have to go back and forth with myself, trying to recall if the person used the word “normal” or “real”… I can just pick the one I want to use.  because I am not writing nonfiction here.  I am writing fiction.  It is based on my own life, of course, but the key words here are “based on”… and boy, do they give me so much freedom and ease.  I don’t have to get it right.  I can choose how I want it to be.  And that’s really, really cool.  🙂

Post-a-day 2020

Shall we sleep?

Some days, without explanation or understanding, I find myself wanting just to curl up on my side, snuggle in my arms and elbows, with no sheets over me, and fall asleep with the light still on.

I think it tends to happen on nights that preceded days to which I am not exactly looking forward…, but that’s not for sure… just a guess, at this point, but a decently educated one, anyway.

Well, getting even less sleep won’t help me here, so I’ll get to sleep, instead of avoiding it, and in a way that I know I’ll be actually able to fall asleep and stay asleep comfortably (as opposed to waking up all achy after a short while, because I wasn’t actually very comfortable in that sideways ball).

God, guide my day tomorrow, please, that I live love and joy, and I be happy, healthy, holy… Amen. ❤

Post-a-day 2020