hannah ananas

I had to have a conversation tonight that I really didn’t want to have. I think I felt like it was the wrong thing to do, an unfair or mean or bad thing to do, to share what I was sharing. Speaking poorly of another, even when it is gently said and it is all the truth, can feel very wrong. Especially when it is something that could affect someone’s livelihood negatively. Even if there is an extreme dislike for that someone in the first place. It just feels wrong to speak poorly about someone like that.

Again, and yet, it was all only true. And the person was asking for honesty on the topic. I think I still wish that I had said less than I did, though. I could have kept it simple and short and less direct and still answered the request effectively. Nothing was false or unfair for me to have said. And I didn’t even say much at all, relative to how much there was that could have been said. But I still said more than I would have preferred, and that bothers me. I wasn’t prepared for the conversation, not really. I was mentally prepared for the topic to come up again, thanks to my husband’s guidance earlier today. But I was actually prepared to talk about it all with someone. And definitely not with someone in this context and this position in my life. I wasn’t ready for worlds to cross, and they did today. I hadn’t been prepared for that to happen ever. I guess it never really occurred to me as something that was at all likely. Nonetheless, here it was today. I think I just need to mention to the person tomorrow that I hadn’t intended to say as much as I did. I also feel like I need to apologize, too. For what, though?? For somewhat forcing her hand in forming an opinion, versus allowing her to form her own. Yes, I want to apologize to her for that. And I will.

Thank you, God, for always supporting me and always guiding me. Please, continue to keep my husband and my daughter and me safe, to make us well, and to help us be the people you made us to be. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

I have a sort of humming in my ears tonight. But I got the baby to bed in her own bed again. So, progress on the latter, at least. Hoping sleep will resolve the former.

Off to find out!

God, guide us, please, and make us well, keep us safe, and have us sleep well and fully each night. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

She’s sleeping her bed. Let’s see how many bouts she can do in there tonight. Last night was two rounds of three hours. The night before was one of three hours, and then two single hours after that. I am hoping for our family to get to a point of all of use sleeping well each night.

God, guide us, please, and keep us well and safe. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

She understands to lie down. She even says the words. It’s just a matter of getting her to go to sleep while she’s in her own bed.

Then again, it’s sometimes hard enough to get her to go to sleep in any bed, she’s such a night owl.

Man… I’m so tired, I can barely function. I wanted to be asleep hours ago, before my husband even got home from the store. Haha.

God, guide us to be our best selves, both individually and together. Keep us safe and make us well. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

I tend to be very direct. When I say ‘XYZ,’ I mean, ‘XYZ.’ But so many people don’t that my husband is trained to ‘interpret’ what I say, making it have a completely different meaning. This almost always causes problems.

In the same vein, when I ask or suggest he do something, I mean for him to do it, and I usually have an entire series of reasoning behind asking or suggesting he do that specific something at this specific time. Yet he almost never does what I ask or suggest at the time, and then wonders why I explode after weeks of his doing that when he fusses at my for not doing something that was always contingent upon his doing that something I had requested and that he had chosen not to do. Yes, this has happened often for us. Tonight was yet another case of it. And I’d really like to stop yelling and exploding at my family. I am just at such a low capacity in the first place, and my requests are almost always ignored, I have had a very hard time keeping calm when it feels like nobody hears me or sees me, including my husband most of the time. (And I know it isn’t intentional on his part, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.)

God, guide us to be the people you made us to be, our best selves. Help us to love wholesomely and to communicate effectively and kindly. Make us well and keep us safe, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

We long for independence in our teens and early twenties, and then long for company and family after that. And then again for the one time, once we get the family. 😛 And, supposedly, long for the family again once the kids grow up and move out. Sounds like we are ridiculous, basically. Haha

Thank you, God. Please, keep us safe and make us well. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

I out her in her own bed again tonight. She made it two whole hours before waking up and coming to find me for some milk. I very much enjoyed the respite and the improvement. I hope it continues to improve!

Thank you, God. Keep us safe and make us well. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

My husband said he’d be about twenty minutes. It’s been fifty now. Do you think he’s fallen asleep while I have sat here waiting for him?

Let’s go find out, I guess… I know for sure that I’m not getting up early tomorrow at this point, so that pretty much blows our plan for tomorrow morning.

Post-a-day 2026

I ought to go to sleep as soon as she falls asleep. But there is something that has me need to stay awake for a bit and just enjoy her cuddling me, passed out across me in one way or another. I definitely don’t sleep well with her on me, so it doesn’t work for me just to go to sleep. I have to set her next to me before I can do that and actually sleep well. But it is usually very hard to set her aside. Emotionally, not physically. Physically, it’s pretty easy still, though she’s getting bigger and bigger.

Thank you, God. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

I went! And it was hard to get there on time, but we made it. And it was kind of lame. But it was worth finding out in person now, versus wondering forever and finally paying the full price to try it out and then borderline hate it. And it was fun to get to be with the other kid my daughter’s age for it all.

And I did another activity out of my norm this afternoon. It had its moments of discomfort, but I’m still really glad I went. It was a good experience to have, even if the experience itself wasn’t the best. I’m really grateful I had both opportunities, and I’m glad that I seized both of them. They were good for my daughter and for me.

I miss my husband already, though. And he’s only been gone a few hours. But maybe we will get to take an awesome trip together when he finishes this test Wednesday.

God, be with him and guide him always, please, but especially in his studying and preparations with work. Keep him and us safe and well. Help us to be our best selves. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026