hannah ananas

What’s funny is that I love to touch and to be touched by the people I love most. Why this is funny is that I end up touched out at the end of almost every single day now, because of my daughter. And it isn’t usually about being touched in all the normal places. It is almost always because she likes to grab, pinch, and twist my free nipple almost any time she’s nursing. That single act, on its own, makes me overwhelmed and totally touched out. It’s so dumb. But also super annoying that she insists on holding it all the time. Even right now, she is passed out from nursing, lying in bed with me, and she is still barely sucking on my left nipple, with her left hand stretched out and almost in a claw shape over my right nipple, possessively guarding it.

And when she’s like it, it’s totally okay. It’s when she squeezes down and puts pressure on the nipple that my nerves go out the window and I am borderline ready to scream within seconds. I absolutely love how much she loves to touch me otherwise. But the nipple pinching is just such a horrible and stupid experience, I neither know what to say nor what to do about it.

God, please, keep us safe and make us well. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

The sinus infection never fully cleared up, and decided to get worse starting yesterday. My voice was struggling again, my throat hurting mildly. Today, it was even worse, and the my body starting aching a little fever by early afternoon. Sure enough, I had an elevated temperature (but no official fever). I managed to get the baby to nap with me a solid couple hours on the sofa, with my head turned to the side the whole time. I also got some soup after that. Both did me well, though not enough to feel healed by any means. Finally getting to bed now, and hoping my daughter will let us sleep. I am so tired, and my body really needs extra rest right now. We have big activities tomorrow, and even normal me would have to prepare carefully for them, let alone six and sleep-deprived me.

God, heal me tonight, please. Keep my husband and daughter safe and well, and all of us together. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

I was asked if we were doing any of the Church stuff today or tomorrow. I had to acknowledge that my capacities have been hit, and so I will not be doing any of the stuff (and cannot even think about considering being able to attend them). And that really sucks. I care about God and our religious practice, yet I cannot even think about participating in some of the biggest parts of the liturgical year, because I am so under water. It’s like the exact time we are invited extra to come to the Church, when we are under water, yet my reason is also what prevents me. I imagine that’s what all people who avoid going during struggles say, though.

Post-a-day 2026

I was talking with my mom about needing to find signing lessons, and ended up finding an app that claims to be the best. It even has 4.9 stars. I haven’t confirmed by how many ratings, but it is, at the very least, a good start. I did the first few lessons, and I’m mostly happy with it so far. I still need to comb through the app, as there could be the features I want and I just haven’t crossed them yet. But we shall see. I’m feeling good about it so far, and that, in and of itself, feels good.

Thank you, God. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

I have so much work to do before Saturday, when people first will be coming over. I also have to mow the lawn… I think. Yes, I’m pretty sure I should do it tomorrow, so it has time to grow a bit before Saturday, but so that it looks nice and not overgrown, which is how it likely would look by Saturday if I didn’t mow tomorrow… that on top of everything for the inside of the house. Ugh.

I know I can do it. It’s just a lot of effort in a short period of time, and it’s when I’m already exhausted and just wanting to rest still. I haven’t even fully recovered from the sinus infection yet, which is its own suck. Now, add all the cleaning and tidying. Yikes.

Fortunately, my mom understands for once and is making an effort to support me in it all. Supposedly, she’ll come manage the baby out of the way for a couple hours in the morning, starting around 8:30 (depending on traffic). Hopefully, I sleep well tonight and am able to get loads done in the morning.

Also, my mom got mad today about how little I get updates from my husband. I think it makes me sad and I struggle with feelings of not being wanted or not being important enough to him for him to keep me updated on his life, but I don’t get mad about it. So, it was interesting to see someone so upset in a completely different way today. I don’t think he does it on purpose, not being in communication. I think he just genuinely doesn’t think ahead or plan ahead to consider what might make a difference for me. As I understand it, it is the case for many men that they are reactive to situations rather than planning ahead, and that they have zero focus or thought for things when they are not right in front of the man – that is, out of sight means out of mind. So, I get it from a logic standpoint. But it still sucks and it still makes it feel like I don’t matter very much.

Also, my daughter keeps being a night owl and pushing her sleep time later and later each night. Ugh. Literally as soon as I stopped getting us up at the crack of dawn for the livestock show, she started staying up later and later.

Post-a-day 2026

Raising a child is hard. At least, when you care about doing a good job of it, it is. And it’s even harder doing it almost entirely alone. I am grateful for this opportunity for growth. However, I still look forward to having my husband work alongside me again in raising our children. I miss him on many levels these days.

Thank you, God, for my family, Please, keep us safe and make us well and together. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

I made a bunch of food for this couple with a new baby. They live a handful of neighborhoods away from us, and the midwife mentioned to me that the mom seemed to be really struggling, so I reached out to see how I could make a difference. The irony of my making a bunch of food for them is that I barely manage to feed myself still these days. But my husband was home yesterday evening, so I had him keep the baby outside while he cleaned his motorcycle and worked on it a bit, and I made us both dinner and then made the huge stir-fry and put together a crock-pot stew for overnight for the other couple.

So, dropped it off to them today – oh, and we had a multi-hour power outage today, which was a bit wild, but the weather was okay at the time, so we were okay physically – and found some ties with them. Turns out they go to a Church I’ve wondered about attending. So, might end up going with them after Easter, which could be cool. The husband seems super nice and friendly. When I had met the wife, she seems angry and overwhelmed and just done with the world. So, I don’t know if she’s just always kind of negative and angry, or if she’s merely a happy person who is currently in the pits of postpartum depression and physical-body-suck and minimal sleep and exhaustion and wits end and mostly-solo-parenting disasters… perhaps time will tell!

If nothing else, I did a good thing for a new family.

God, keep us safe and make us well, please, my husband and daughter especially. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

My baby fell asleep in the shower tonight. Fortunately, my husband was actually home and able to help this time, so I didn’t have to set her on the ground, propped against the wall or anything… But it was just incredibly sweet to see them cuddled up in the rocking chair after I got out of the shower. I love when they get to sleep together, in whatever ways it may come about. There’s just something special about napping and sleeping with another.

Thank you, God, for this beautiful family. Help us always to be our best selves and to pursue and fulfill your will. Make us well and keep us safe and together, please. Show us your way for us. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

We went to a Stations of the Cross for children this evening, and it was great. Granted, many kids were loud and annoying, the microphone sound was not loud enough for the kids doing the readings, and there were loads of errors in the printed booklets (not to mention that the words were way too complex for little kids to understand in the first place, let alone read aloud with a group). However, as far as they were reasonably well-behaved, kids got to be kids while experiencing the Stations of the Cross. We didn’t have to walk out every time our daughter made a noise or got excited and exclaimed something. We got to stay in the sanctuary and just redirect her attention as needed, continuing to participate in the activity. For that reason, it was awesome. Yes, loads of room for improvement in the future. However, this was a great start for the event, and I’m so glad my daughter got to attend fully.

Thank you, God. Please, keep us safe, make us well, and keep us together. Guide us financially. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

My daughter started yesterday making sounds that she has never before made, sounds and intonations that are wildly similar to spoken English, and a touch of German. It would not surprise me at all if she suddenly started speaking clear words in a matter of days. It could also be weeks or months before she does, of course. However, it wouldn’t surprise me if she just whipped it all out within the next week, anyway.

Thank you, God, for our daughter. Please, keep my husband and our daughter and me safe, and make us well. Guide us kindly and encouragingly and clearly, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026