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Well, we did better getting home than I had anticipated, and I am grateful. We both seem to be very tired, which is good – for once, we seem to be synched up! Here’s to hoping for a great night’s sleep for both of us! Cheers!

Post-a-day 2026

Hard times

No, not as hard as the horrible times in that novel by the same name (and which has two separate endings!!! I wrote a research paper all about it in grad school.). But still hard things. Having such high levels of stress on both of us has made interacting hard for my husband and me. We’re both likely overwhelmed by nearly constant high cortisol levels, as well as all the crap that comes with that, physical fitness included. Let alone our general exhaustion from low sleep and high stress all day of every day. So, we’re already struggling. Adapting and facing firsthand how we feel like we’re failing at being the people and the partners and the parents we each want to be is made all the harder by our current situation. So, it sucks. Even still, I think we’ve done better about being nice to one another than we have the past several months. So, improvements, even though we’re nowhere near where we want to be. We are definitely getting better at communicating in general and communicating our needs specifically. Also good.

But I am tired and just want to sleep, all the same… ::big sigh…

Post-a-day 2026

Travel

We made it! I had a solid moment of panic when I arrived at security and couldn’t find an important bag. But my brain started working again after a few seconds, and I found it underneath the stroller. The TSA agent told me not to worry and that I was doing better than I thought. And, though it was simple, it was a very meaningful interaction for me.

Post-a-day 2026

Exhaustion

It is wild to me how quickly exhaustion can have me go from having a comfortable and calm interaction to yelling and cursing and crying.

And it sucks big time.

God, help us, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

Sleep

My mom fusses at me for not going to bed earlier at night. I, of course, would prefer very much to go to bed way earlier and to wake up way earlier each day. However, I am dealing with depression. When I need to be getting ready for bed each day, I both have a need to accomplish something, so my day doesn’t feel like it was a total waste – because I barely could function enough to do anything earlier on, both for my exhaustion and the depression – and a desire for the day not to end, because it feels like I have nothing to look forward to doing tomorrow (aside from being depressed and exhausted and feeling miserable and like a total failure).

My mom thinks depression is merely a conversation. I agree to a degree. However, when my physical needs are not met, that conversation is pretty hard to shift toward reason. I never get the rest I need. I have almost no support of any kind for anything. And I rarely eat enough in a day to constitute ‘eating well’ by anyone’s definition. Most days, I feel like I’m wasting away and that nobody cares.

I know my husband cares. But he can’t do anything to help right now, so that’s that.

Post-a-day 2026

Travel

I am so tired, both physically and emotionally, that I don’t mind having canceled our trip. But I want to be a person who takes such trips and does have the energy and interest to take them. I’m happy to be home and in my own bed tonight. To have no pressure about where to be or what to do tomorrow. But I’m also sad that I didn’t really want to do that trip in the first place. It stressed me out too much and had turned into a very expensive thing that was originally supposed to be mostly free. So, there are many positives about not doing the trip, including not having to deal with smoke exposure from the wildfires. But it’s surprising how okay I feel about not going. Only a little sad, really. Not the way most people would feel if their super awesome hiking and outdoorsy vacation got canceled the night before it was supposed to begin.

So, feeling that right now.

And I really miss my husband and just want to spend time with him right now. Maybe that’s why I don’t mind so much. It wasn’t really going to be a vacation with him. Just a brief hello, then a lot of time trying to have a great time without him to share it with me and our daughter. Yeah…

God, guide us, please, and make us well and keep us safe. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026