hannah ananas

I ought to go to sleep as soon as she falls asleep. But there is something that has me need to stay awake for a bit and just enjoy her cuddling me, passed out across me in one way or another. I definitely don’t sleep well with her on me, so it doesn’t work for me just to go to sleep. I have to set her next to me before I can do that and actually sleep well. But it is usually very hard to set her aside. Emotionally, not physically. Physically, it’s pretty easy still, though she’s getting bigger and bigger.

Thank you, God. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

I went! And it was hard to get there on time, but we made it. And it was kind of lame. But it was worth finding out in person now, versus wondering forever and finally paying the full price to try it out and then borderline hate it. And it was fun to get to be with the other kid my daughter’s age for it all.

And I did another activity out of my norm this afternoon. It had its moments of discomfort, but I’m still really glad I went. It was a good experience to have, even if the experience itself wasn’t the best. I’m really grateful I had both opportunities, and I’m glad that I seized both of them. They were good for my daughter and for me.

I miss my husband already, though. And he’s only been gone a few hours. But maybe we will get to take an awesome trip together when he finishes this test Wednesday.

God, be with him and guide him always, please, but especially in his studying and preparations with work. Keep him and us safe and well. Help us to be our best selves. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

I want to wake up early in the mornings again. But I also want to be rested when I do that. However, I am not yet getting my daughter to sleep early enough for that to be possible. So, whenever someone invites me to do something before roughly 11am, I almost never want to go once I’m setting my alarms the night before. I just want to sleep in. My daughter sleeps best at the end of her nighttime sleep, so I usually get my best sleep from around six to ten AM.

Ugh.

Not tomorrow, though…

Post-a-day 2026

She was passed out when e got home this evening, so I went and put her down on her new bed, which is a low-to-the-floor twin.

Naturally, while finishing showering, I heard distant crying, then heard my bedroom door slam hard into the wall, followed by louder crying. A few seconds later, the bathroom door popped open and a crying baby girl appeared. Haha

As expected, she had easily found her way to me. And it was good timing, in a way. I whipped her dress and diaper off and had her get in the shower to get cleaned up quickly, then we quickly finished getting ready for bed. She’s sleeping with me, because I don’t want to freak her out by putting her in the bed without warning for overnight, but she’s already passed out, way earlier than usual. Hoping she’ll sleep hard tonight!

Now, the question is how long my husband will sleep face-down and totally passed out on the guest bed… which is where he’s been since we got home earlier.

God, guide us and keep us safe and well, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

We’ve been reading a dinosaur bedtime book for about two weeks now. We don’t read it every night, but we do most nights. Tonight, as I was about to get onto the bed, my daughter had opened the book herself and was flipping through some of the pages.

At first, I thought she was just roaring because they are dinosaurs. Then, I realized that she was only roaring on the page on which the dinosaur was roaring.

Then, I realized that she was doing or saying each of the things the dinosaurs were doing on each page. ‘Swing his head back and forth’ – she shook her head back and forth slowly. ‘Ask for one book more’ – she says, “More.” ‘Throw his teddy bear all about’ – she says, “Throw.”

And she was flipping back and forth between the pages, consistently doing each thing correctly with each page.

Absolutely blew my mind. She is so smart, it feels unreal. This has been such an amazing stage to witness firsthand, how quickly she learns things. I am absolutely amazing and awed.

Thank you, God. Keep us safe, make us well, and make us whole together. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

My husband has been home for a few days, and has mostly needed to study the entire time, but has given us some time each morning and evening to be together as a family. And not a lot of time – maybe a few hours total each day. But I notice how much less worn down I am today than I usually would be after such a day. I’ve had very full and long days this week (mostly due to trying to keep the house quiet for my husband’s studying, so we’ve stayed occupied away from home most of the day each day), but I’ve been less emotionally drained than I would have expected for each day. And today has left me less physically exhausted, because I actually got to take a nap for around 45 minutes this afternoon, while my husband played with our daughter. Just from today, I can only imagine how it must be for families to have two parents in the same house each night (versus our situation of being not even in the same city for about eight months, and now not even in the same state the past month and a half and for another couple months [or more] still). And it is wildly more manageable.

And it kind of angers me, too, that those people complain to me all the time about how hard it is having a kid when I mention that I’m struggling. They have seriously no idea what it’s been like for me the last ten months, and they likely never will understand. Even when talking about my situation, it usually takes several minutes of discussion and several explicit explanations of how not-here my husband is and for how long that has been the case before they even notice that I am literally on my own with my child every single day and night, that my husband is not here to help, not even in the evenings most of the time. They literally do not listen to the words I am saying for most of the conversation, even when they are initiating and asking the questions in the first place. It’s ridiculous.

Anyway, I’m going to go to sleep now. Goodnight.

Post-a-day 2026

The depression was working hard today, pushing its way into everything. That made it a really exhausting day for me, in which I felt very, very lonely. The irony is that I was around lots of people, and some in very small group circumstances. But I mostly felt slightly out of place, and never fully embraced for exactly who I am, which makes all the difference with that sense of isolation and being unwanted.

Tough day. Here’s to hiking tomorrow is much better.

Thank you, God, for this family and for your love. Make us well, keep us safe and whole, and heal our pains. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

Most importantly, I want to support my husband. And it feels like I am failing entirely at doing that.

God, guide me to be a good partner and good wife to my husband. Help me to support him as only I can, and, especially, as he needs. Make us well, keep us safe and whole, and help us to heal together. Thank you for this opportunity in our life together. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

Sometimes, I just wish I could take care of myself/my immediate family and no one else. But I care about others and I also want to do good in the world. Plus, I do believe that we get back what we put out into the world. So, it’s good for all of us. But it is also totally exhausting to do it all, sometimes.

Post-a-day 2026

Communicating while sleep-deprived and utterly overwhelmed can be difficult to do, especially to do it kindly.

God, guide us, please. Make us well and keep us safe and whole and together. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026