hannah ananas

I didn’t have to get my daughter test for bed tonight. I also didn’t have to wear her down before bedtime. My mom got her ready for bed, simply because she was following my mom around when my mom went tog et ready for bed. And my cousin’s kid was running around playing with my daughter – he’s just four years older – for like a solid hour and a half, maybe two hours, both inside and outside just before that. So, my baby got some good playtime in this evening. Now, she’s passed out atop my mom, snoring away happily. I only had to hold her and nurse her a few times over a couple hours while she finished winding down. (She did get ok the shower with me when I showered just now, but that was mostly because she wanted to nurse, and so I did that and hen let the shower occupy her while I worked on getting myself ready for bed.)

It’s wild how much more energy I feel I have right now… how much less worn down I feel mentally. Just… wild…

Thank you, God. Please, keep my husband and our daughter and me safe and well and whole. Help us all to sleep well each night and to have a great time together. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

We’re supposed to be joining family at an Airbnb tomorrow. I have to take an early morning flight for this. And the family will have to be moving out of the Airbnb tomorrow due to a roof leaks en repairs work that needs to be done as soon as possible for that. And the place they recommended as similar/comparable looks awful. I don’t want to touch those beds, let alone sleep in them for several nights. Yikes.

I asked my mom if we can just get a hotel instead. I’m not into this. We shall see what she says in the morning.

God, guide us kindly and clearly, please. Help us to have a great time. Keep us safe and make us well. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

I used to hit overwhelm at a certain point. I could handle certain things. Now, however, I can’t handle the same things, because my starting point is nowhere near where it used to be. Imagine you hadn’t slept through the night for several days in a row and were utterly exhausted. Now, go do something that was always hard for you to handle emotionally/mentally, even after a good night’s sleep. That’s where I am, but a year and a half into that not-sleeping situation, and already hitting overwhelm limits every day from the exhaustion of raising a baby almost 24/7 solo. So, yeah. It’s really stinking hard. And I just can’t handle the same stuff I used to be able to handle.

And people get mad at me for not being able to do that. And that sucks.

Post-a-day 2026

Okay, half an hour earlier to bed than last night. A positive. Again only one nap for the day, but kind of late. However, much earlier than the nap yesterday. Also a positive.

Thank you, God. Please, keep us safe, make us well, and give us great sleep tonight and each night. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

I thought we might be going to bed early tonight. My daughter never took a nap during the daytime. So, when she finally fell asleep around 6 o’clock this evening, I thought we might be able to go to bed then. However, she was up within an hour and a half, which is shorter than her nap is if she only has one nap in the day. And I’ve only just gotten her back to sleep. At 1:15 in the morning. This has been an awfully long and tiring day. I really hope we get to sleep for long stretches tonight. 

Thank you, God, for the live and support I received today. Please, keep us and my husband safe, make us well, and help us to sleep well and to be together often and happily. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

This was my 8pm today:

I don’t remember if I mentioned that I slept horribly last night. She woke up after 2.5 hours, and made it into my bedroom before I could get up. I was just so tired, I used the bathroom, and then let her get in bed with me. She then basically attacked me all night with weird nursing stuff, and so I woke up feeling like I had barely slept. I’ve just felt like crying all day, I’ve been so tired. I had to run errands after a family birthday lunch. She was already asleep, and we were over half an hour from home, so I wasn’t going to be able to nap while she did. I forgot to go to Costco during the errands, and I need the strawberries for our morning smoothie tomorrow. So, instead of getting ready for bed, we are going to Costco right now. It’s days like this that it feels so hard not having a partner with me. She wants to go to bed and is crying. I want to go to bed and I’m crying. But the errand has to be run, so we both get to go to the store right now.

Also, she has been casually spouting the F word all afternoon and evening. I yelled it once this morning while I was crying and trying to do something or other…

God, guide us clearly, please. Keep us and my husband safe and well and whole. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

Tonight, I got a glimpse of how a genuine desire to share good things in the world can turn into a tainted anger-based thing. Rather, I saw how the nasty anger one could have actually originated from a desire to share good things. I currently have the desire to share the good things in this scenario. And I felt a lot of bummed out semi-frustration at seeing someone who is severely under qualified to do something being the one doing that something. And I can see how, after years of encountering this, one could become nasty about it and about trying to improve the situation.

I can see how that could happen. Just this one time was hard enough for me to hold my tongue and just to let it be. No one asked for my opinion, despite my high level of expertise in the area, so I did not give it. And I trust that that is okay for now. There are better things to which I can put my mind for now. I hope, anyway. Haha 😛

Post-a-day 2026

I had to have a conversation tonight that I really didn’t want to have. I think I felt like it was the wrong thing to do, an unfair or mean or bad thing to do, to share what I was sharing. Speaking poorly of another, even when it is gently said and it is all the truth, can feel very wrong. Especially when it is something that could affect someone’s livelihood negatively. Even if there is an extreme dislike for that someone in the first place. It just feels wrong to speak poorly about someone like that.

Again, and yet, it was all only true. And the person was asking for honesty on the topic. I think I still wish that I had said less than I did, though. I could have kept it simple and short and less direct and still answered the request effectively. Nothing was false or unfair for me to have said. And I didn’t even say much at all, relative to how much there was that could have been said. But I still said more than I would have preferred, and that bothers me. I wasn’t prepared for the conversation, not really. I was mentally prepared for the topic to come up again, thanks to my husband’s guidance earlier today. But I was actually prepared to talk about it all with someone. And definitely not with someone in this context and this position in my life. I wasn’t ready for worlds to cross, and they did today. I hadn’t been prepared for that to happen ever. I guess it never really occurred to me as something that was at all likely. Nonetheless, here it was today. I think I just need to mention to the person tomorrow that I hadn’t intended to say as much as I did. I also feel like I need to apologize, too. For what, though?? For somewhat forcing her hand in forming an opinion, versus allowing her to form her own. Yes, I want to apologize to her for that. And I will.

Thank you, God, for always supporting me and always guiding me. Please, continue to keep my husband and my daughter and me safe, to make us well, and to help us be the people you made us to be. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

I have a sort of humming in my ears tonight. But I got the baby to bed in her own bed again. So, progress on the latter, at least. Hoping sleep will resolve the former.

Off to find out!

God, guide us, please, and make us well, keep us safe, and have us sleep well and fully each night. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

She’s sleeping her bed. Let’s see how many bouts she can do in there tonight. Last night was two rounds of three hours. The night before was one of three hours, and then two single hours after that. I am hoping for our family to get to a point of all of use sleeping well each night.

God, guide us, please, and keep us well and safe. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026