hannah.ananas

Room servicing…?

I started really taking on making my room functional lately. Just yesterday, I had a massive reorganization take place, in which everything went to what looked like – and was – total chaos for a while, during which time I sweat boatloads while shoving and shifting and shoving and shifting some more…, and then everything kind of found a place out of the way, leaving so much open space that I love hanging out in my room now. A lot of stuff is not in a real, semi-permanent place yet, but the big stuff has found its locations, I think.

My bed has only moved a few inches, but boy did that totally shift things in my sleep last night! I think I have resolved the issue of the air blowing directly over my mouth (and thereby practically choking me in my sleep with dryness), which was the main issue. So, I expect to sleep loads better tonight than last night. Perhaps, when I wake up, I’ll even be in the mood for making myself some tea.* 🙂 That’d be great. 🙂

*For those who do not know, I tend to make tea for myself when the world just feels right, and I feel at great ease in the space around me. So, it would be a sign that things are going very well with my room organization, and that I slept well and have woken up refreshed and ready for the day fully.

P.S. Okay, all that stuff about tea is true…, but I also will make tea when it is super cold out… but that still falls into the same reasoning, because life just kind of feels right when it is really cold outdoors. 🙂

Post-a-day 2020

Apps

I suppose most people organize their phone applications based on frequency of use or date of download. I organize mine partly by frequency of use, but mostly just by color.

I have my main screen, which is the functionality necessities. Those icons, of course, are arranged by color. Then, on my second screen, and every other screen, I have the application icons all arranged by color within each screen. Even the first page of a group/folder on a screen matches up with the icons around it. Every so often, I rearrange the icons, because the app developers decide to rebrand a bit and change their icon and its color.

I enjoy the satisfaction it offers the eyes upon viewing, and also the fun letter combinations that turn out from the apps that have their first letter showing. Until today, I had a line that read “FOWW”, and it almost always made me smile. But I rearranged today, and it has changed to “FOLr” and “W–W” on separate lines. Oddly enough, I have three apps, and on the same page, that read “W”. Fun, huh?

Now, do tell me, can you possibly take me seriously after this? 😛

Post-a-day 2020

Ready

I began the first steps of a new program for my daily self today. It was actually really, really cool. I have a gift membership to MasterClass yet hadn’t used a single class until today, despite my first being given access in early March.

But I was inspired by a girl in a movie I saw recently, when she showed that she started each day with a TedTalk. I want to do that, I thought. And so, I added that idea into my recent dilemma of how to accomplish all these things I want to accomplish but have barely even touched?

So, I now have a daily task of doing at least one of those specific things. If it turns into multiple ones in a day, great. If it is just the one, also great. The point is that I am doing them. And today was perfect as a start. I watched the first half of the MasterClass, and took the challenge and inspiration given from it to started doing some practical work in response to it. At the end of the day now, I feel not only delighted in myself but also excited, relieved, and surprisingly fulfilled by my accomplishments of the day. And even a bit inspired, especially so to do it all again in a new way tomorrow.

Tomorrow, after a solid sleep and mental processing and, hopefully, healing, here I come. 🙂

Post-a-day 2020

Oishii yo!

I discovered myself suddenly longing for udon tonight… kitsune… niku… tamago…. all together. It was funny when I was staying with my old supervisor back in January. I told her that one Japanese food I really, really liked was udon. She thought it was surprising and funny, because udon is one of the easiest Japanese dishes to make (in Japan, anyway). So, she said we definitely could have udon for dinner, and she would make it for the four of us. And then, as we talked about the different types of udon, it came out that, really, I would like to have a combination of all of them, please. She and her daughters thought it was a really funny idea – almost like if someone said she wanted all the ice cream flavors mixed together or something – but they allowed me to have it… and boy, did I praise that dinner! They thought it was funny how much I couldn’t get over the amazingness of that dish, but it was one of the best and most satisfying meals I have ever had. It was spectacular – just what I had always wanted with udon.

And now I want some more. 😛

Please send soon. 😉

Post-a-day 2020

Bruised

Well, my toenail on my second toe on my right foot is officially bruised. It’s actually reddish purple now. Not the whole thing, but the whole left side, all the way to just past the center, as well as a small spot on the right side. And the tip is still white, of course, because that doesn’t change since it’s already been unattached to the skin for a while. But the attached part does not look very comfortable. Fortunately (?), however, it doesn’t look like it will be falling off.

I’ve had that happen before. It isn’t exactly unpleasant, but it isn’t pleasant either. I suppose the worst part is afterward, while there is no nail to protect the sensitive skin of the toe that is now suddenly exposed to the world and to shoes. That part of it totally sucks, actually, but it is still doable, easily survived. Just very uncomfortable for a while, I suppose.

I event had a run today as part of the workout, and it was totally okay. And even pressing on that particular toe and toenail doesn’t hurt anymore, which is quite good.

But yeah, it doesn’t look like this nail is falling off. Partially and strongly bruised, but not killed. Much like my pride and drive after that date with that guy way back when. Or like my brother’s when he busted a piece of his fancy motorcycle while pushing it up the loading ramp for the trailer to take it home from the racetrack…. and then shortly thereafter when he had his bicycle stolen out of the back of his truck (though it was locked up), after he had felt like it was a bad idea to leave the bicycles back there while he and a friend went into the store…. yeah, kind of like that… except probably nowhere near as bad. This is just a light bruising compared to all of that.

So… yeah… 😛

And no, my hamstrings are not better today. However, despite the run, which wasn’t actually very difficult at all, they aren’t any worse than they were yesterday! 🙂

Post-a-day 2020

A different ouch

Well, my hamstrings started to grow sore last night… Today, they have been amazingly sore, but only when something comes into contact with them, or I have to go from sitting to standing. Otherwise, I guess I haven’t really noticed them much… But, boy… in those moments do they hurt(!!!)… whew…

I just hope testing will be helpful tonight instead of the opposite of what they actually need – action. Either way, I’ve got to exercise tomorrow, since it didn’t happen today – things ran too close to one another today for me to get in a workout. And that was totally okay for me, by the way. I have finally begun to embrace who and how I want to be around my own physical fitness and my food and such right now. I am exercising for myself, again, and eating for myself, and it has been feeling amazing – and so easy to do, too. And I didn’t get all stressed or angry with myself or my life when the workout didn’t happen today, or when I saw yesterday that it likely wouldn’t happen today. It genuinely has been okay. And I am grateful for that.

But I’d really like to relax these aching legs already. 😛

Post-a-day 2020

Ouch

Pieces of him in pieces of me. Pieces of him where they shouldn’t be.

That’s from the book After You by Jojo Moyes. The character is speaking of the rust-colored blood staining the edges around her fingernails, the cracks on her fingers. It is not her own blood, but the blood of the man she has come to love more dearly than she ever knew she could love another again in her life. He has been shot twice while attempting to save a person’s life. The gang members who had caused the injury he was attempting to remedy did not want him to succeed, and so had shot him.

…

This is all too real for me. People argue and complain about privilege. And it makes me sick. Why must we as a society constantly ignore the fact that education kind of is everything? We see it evidenced over and over again in society that a certain degree of poor education produces a significantly increased output of life-threatening, of disrespectful, and of dangerous behavior. And as a cycle that runs on a generational repeat.

There is no “us” and “them” in life, not really. We make that whole concept up. There are people and there are people and there are people – before all else, we are people. And yes, there are loads of other species out there, but they aren’t the ones running around hurting people each and every day. People are. In fact, it also happens to be people who run around hurting those other species on this planet, too. In a way, people kind of suck.

But that’s when we are at our worst. With proper education, which includes a certain level of true love, we get to be the best versions of ourselves. And those are the versions who heal the world.

But, sometimes, they’re the ones who just get shot by the worst versions who never learned to understand that there is no “us” and “them”, and who never learned honest love, who never learned how to function beyond their fears and their ego-centric view on life*. If we learn minimal emotional states, we live in minimal emotional states. If we learn only one, negative point of view, we live in that single negative point of view. If we are only ever taught struggle and stress and that the world is out to get us, then we will live our entire lives believing to our very cores that there is no other way in life…

*I don’t say that meanly. It’s a genuine psychological thing, where a person is not able to view the world but from one, ego-centric angle, due to a lack of emotional and psychological development… due to high stress throughout childhood and poor education.

Post-a-day 2020

Company Tonight

It rained a lot today, and for a long time. I had exercised and showered and gotten all dressed up happily to go out and be around people – only a few, but people, nonetheless. Yet, because the rain was so much, so intense, and expected to last all afternoon and evening (which it did), my outing was canceled.

And so, I spent the whole day yet again indoors (minus the quick check for a pretty cloud in the East, which I wasn’t able to see, during a pause in the rain just before sunset), all on my own.

It was okay. I have been working on being okay with this inevitable situation of being so totally on my own. I’ve even come to enjoy it a bit at times. It has not been easy to feel that I am doing the right thing with my life when I am sitting at home on my own each and every day. But, perhaps, this is a chance to see whether the things I typically would be out doing around to with people are things that fall under the category of ‘the life I want to lead’. Am I actually doing that, or am I distracting myself just enough to have me think I am, when I am not leading the life I want to lead? This time has been very difficult for me in a very beneficial way.

I have been afraid of it – and I still am – but I am grateful nonetheless for this opportunity and this time. God, help me to do the best I can with it each day and night. Thank you. 🙂

Post-a-day 2020

Matthew McConaughey

I remember seeing the film The Wedding Planner when I was little. I didn’t think the main guy was attractive. At some point later on in life, when I mentioned that, I was questioned with shock at how I could possibly think that Matthew McConaughey wasn’t just totally gorgeous and attractive. I considered this with surprise – Matthew McConaughey was the guy in that film? When I had seen him in other films, I found him extremely attractive. Why would I have formed such an opinion of him from this particular movie? Had my tastes in men not developed enough at that point in my life for me to recognize his beauty? Possibly. Because I knew that I had formed the opinion myself – it hadn’t been influenced by anyone else. I remembered that much for sure. But I didn’t know what had done it for me.

Now, another set of years later, I have rewatched the film. And I know exactly why I found him so unattractive. Because it was the same this time. His hair color. It was horrible. It looked like box-yellow blonde, and it suited him not in the least. With his gorgeous brunette, he looks spectacular. With that boxy yellow, I had trouble focusing on his face and not on the yellow. I have a strong feeling that the childhood Hannah had the same struggle. Because there is no denying that face. But there is definitely denying of that yellow hair.

So, yeah… there’s that. Hope I haven’t offended too many people with that discovery and sharing of it. 😛

P.S. I hear that Matthew McConaughey teaches acting classes to super-serious upperclass theatre majors at UT (University of Texas at Austin). That’s baller. I’d love to witness one of those classes. Not for the fan part, but because I think it would be awesome to witness anyone so a part of a trade teaching that trade to those who long to follow in their footsteps. It would be really awesome to be a part of that, even just as a spectator. 🙂

Post-a-day 2020

Really?

I book-clubbed tonight… on a book about God. Actually, on a book about Jesus.

I have never done that before.

I had never really wanted to do that before, though, because I’m not sure I have ever really had friends who are comfortable enough in themselves to be able to see and speak honestly about all of it and their own lives and experiences. So, it is cool that I have a friend like that, that we are both like that these days.

And I enjoyed the book-clubbing… cheesy as the questions may have been… and un-relatable as the author’s experience may be for me (and my friend)… But it was nice to talk about such things and in such a way. I am satisfied from it. Like a few sips of sparkling, cool beverage on a warm day. Satisfied. 🙂

Post-a-day 2020