Tomorrow, I’m going to school dressed as a student. No one else is dressing up for Halloween during the day… they’re all wearing Astros t-shirts with uniform bottoms. But that’s okay. I’ll enjoy being dressed as a student, whether other people appreciate it or not. I may even see about “getting in trouble”, doing things only teachers are allowed to do, but looking like a student. 😛
Post-a-day 2017
I have been worrying lately about my future. Every time I aim to figure out how to steer my career for the long term, I end up somewhat sad and upset, and totally uninspired. Thinking about this this weekend, I had the sudden obvious realization that I don’t have to know my long term – I don’t have to know what’s next after what’s next. Just one what’s next is good enough. It’s better than good enough – it’s actually great. Ideal, possibly. Yes, I have all sorts of ideas for my future, but they don’t need to be solid, set in stone now and forever. Every year, my dad is ‘about to retire’, and that’s been for the past decade, I believe. And yet, he’s still chugging along happily (mostly happy with it, anyway) at his job. And he’s one of the most plan-y people I know when it comes to work, finances, and career choices.
So, if I go for this now, I can be looking for what’s next while doing it. I certainly know that I end up becoming a new, different person after every phase of this or that, so how could I possibly know now what the future, new I will want most? Though I have my amazing moments, I’m not God, so I don’t know all.
I guess it is kind of just a slightly altered perspective of “What About Bob”’s baby steps. Worry about this room… then, when I’m in the hall, think about that hall…, and so on and so forth.
Yeah, I’m down with that.
Also, Brad Paisley was interviewed by Jeff Foxworthy on the radio this evening, and it was delightful in an unexpected way. Find the recording, if you can. They now plan to write a song together, as a result of the interview. I’m looking forward to it. 🙂
Post-a-day 2017
I said to myself yesterday that I needed a native-Spanish-speaking boyfriend, or else a native-Spanish-speaking friend, because I need Spanish in my life, and I need to use the language more than I currently do (hardly at all).
Tonight, at dinner, the waiter, who might also be the manager or owner or something, brought over to our table a handsome-looking young man, probably right around my own age, and explained that the guy knows very little English, and, if I would like, would be willing to work with me on improving my Spanish, if I would help him learn English. And no, I hadn’t told him about yesterday’s declaration.
Isn’t life awesome? 😀
To give a little context, – the waiter was not being crazy or anything, with his suggestion that the helper and I work on language together – I had asked the waiter, after interacting with him a few times in English, if he would speak to us in Spanish from now on. My mom had studied Spanish in high school, and then briefly in college, and has had plenty of interactions with Spanish in the years since then. I spent a summer in Spain while in high school, and had just used Spanish all over for a couple years after that. So, while it could be difficult at times, I figured we could handle it.
The waiter was delighted at the request, and instantly spewed out fast Spanish. My mom told him almost immediately (in Spanish), “But you have to speak more slowly, because I am a gringa.” (It’s essentially a term for foreigners.) We all laughed, and he acquiesced.
As the meal went on, the waiter would pause and chat with us here and there. He moved here from Mexico when he was 17 or 19 (I forget which), and don’t even know how to say ‘please’ in English. To help himself learn English, he watched the American movies, and had on the English subtitles, and action I fully approve and support, and which I have done plenty myself. He also spoke of how strong the Spanish-speaking community is in Houston, and that I need only get involved, and they will turn me into a Latina. He learned that we are not studying Spanish; that I speak Spanish, but just never use it; that I just lived back from Japan; and that I just have no friends here who speak Spanish. So it made sense that he brought over the guy later. And it wasn’t weird.
When we left, a while later, I gave the young guy my number on a napkin.
Post-a-day 2017
Today, I talked to a girl briefly about Kokopelli. She had one on her sweatshirt sleeve, and I asked her if she liked him. I absolutely love him, and my love showed as I spoke about him to her. A girl who normally says nothing at all to me, and who oddly declined any sort of interaction with me when I previously asked her any kind of question, this girl seemed intrigued by my delight in Kokopelli. I asked her if she knew him, anything about him, and she looked right at me and shook her head. At my somewhat comedic disbelief, she even smiled a little bit, and her eyes had a slight glisten, sparkle, to them. “Oh, my gosh! Look him up. I love him!” I told her, and then proceeded to tell her a few basics about him, as well as saying at least a couple more times how he is awesome and I love him.
It was a great interaction, and I was (and still am) incredibly grateful for it. In addition to that one, I had several other interactions that felt like my relationships with the people had reached a turning point – at last, there is comfort, ease, and openness. Today was just filled with fabulous interactions. I am grateful and delighted.
Post-a-day 2017
If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
I am still working on this one. I have made immense strides these past several years. As with everything, though, it is a work in progress. My newest goal in it is tied to the idea of this not being purely audible things that I say. Dwelling on the angry and/or rude thoughts in my head does not improve the situation, does it? While it does not hurt the person in my immediate speech, do those thoughts not remain somewhere within me, and affect me whenever I interact with the person? And also when the person comes up in conversation with others? Will my disturbance remain only within me? Perhaps, and perhaps not. Whatever the case, I dislike being stuck with the upset thoughts anyway, and so aim to rid myself of them altogether. If I don’t have anything nice to think, don’t think anything at all. That is a space for meditation, after all, and meditation has only ever done good in my world.
Post-a-day 2017
Today, I cried multiple times. Some were at work, and some at home…, one even on the way home from work. I am very tired right now, but the pains and hurts and strains of today, the ones that activated the crying, have reminded me of my time hiking Mt. Fuji. It was painful, and annoyingly so, because I knew that I could do it, but so totally did not want to go through the hassle and pain that I knew would result by doing it. And so were the various situations today – annoyingly painful, because I knew that I could (and still know that I can) deal with the various situations and circumstances, and they weren’t necessarily necessary for my life to move forward, so I just didn’t want to have to deal with them all (or any of them, really). But I also knew/know that something useful awaits me, and will greet me upon my successful completion of dealing with the stuff. So, I cried some today and now I will deal some more.
Post-a-day 2017
Tonight, we made apple butter, and we canned it properly. We still have loads of sliced apples, but now we know how to make apple butter, so we can easily do another round tomorrow, I guess, if we feel up to it. Hopefully Hannah’s friends will eat most of them tomorrow, though (This is not a royal self-address, but merely a different Hannah.).
I gave almost half of my 23lbs of sliced apples to the dental hygienist earlier, when I went for my cleaning and check-up. It was my first time in a year and a half – a huge change from three times per year. The only comment ever made about my oral healthcare is the color of my teeth. She says that it is purely genetics that have my teeth be slightly yellow on the inside and all, as opposed to surface stains (like what coffee and tobacco cause), and so there isn’t really anything I have done poorly there, but I could have them professionally whitened, if I wanted. Otherwise, she spends the hour practically bouncing with delight at how little buildup she can find on my teeth (i.e. almost none). She never fails to declare that she wished she could end every day with an appointment with teeth like mine. Today, she was extra delighted, because I gave her apples AND I took amazing care of my teeth. She almost couldn’t believe that it had been a year since my last cleaning… “Fun fact:,” I said, “It’s been about a year and a half.” She had to check the log to verify, she struggled so much to believe it.
And, as I had guessed, an old filling of mine had worn down just enough that it needs replacing (on that one part of it, anyway). The dentist also mentioned that it would be best to repair the more recent chip I have in another filling in the front. Also somewhat expected. When the dentist asked whether I flossed, the hygienist and I shared a secret chuckle – not only do I floss daily, and then some, but I had been asking her about tricks to get to the few spots where I knew I would have some buildup (and actually did have a tiny bit)… I am her ideal patient, essentially. I wasn’t always, of course, but I really took on my oral health after an incident several years ago with multiple fillings being needed within a very short time period. So, I actually love going to the dentist now, and they kind of love me (they love my teeth, anyway). I’m glad she got those apples…
Yeah, so, I made apple butter tonight with Hannah. It was awesome. And the canning was terrifying, just a bit.
Post-a-day 2017
This morning, I woke up around five in an extreme panic. My bed was shaking, and my subconscience was sure that the building soon would be tumbling down – this was a massive earthquake, and it was lasting… already almost a minute before I could get my bearings and turn on a light.
And then, as I discovered where exactly I was, – in the USA, and specifically Texas – it took me another moment to discover what was happening. I knew that it was not an earthquake. It was not the gymnasium over my head, either, as it was in a place where I briefly worked immediately after arriving to the US. So, what was it? ‘What is going on?!’ my insides demanded to know.
And then I heard it: a wind-filled noise, accompanied by a soft chugging sound of deep iron. It was a train. While the sounds of trains have never much bothered me, even when I lived beside tracks in the past, I’m not sure that I ever noticed a shaking tied to the passing of one. Nonetheless, I experienced it in full force this morning.
After I realized that it was simply a passing train, – though, I was still surprised at how much it shook the house and its contents – and not an earthquake, I mentally noted that I didn’t even have to start panicking. A few seconds after this noting, my body finally began to respond to the threat of the earthquake. It had been as though I were in a fight or flight mode, and so hadn’t had the various responses tied to the fear in the perceived situation. Once I was safe, they all kicked into action, and I began shaking all by my self. I was physically panicking now. My breathing tighted to a near non-existence, and my heart raced. My skin prickled all over, and I had to force myself to swallow and then take slow, deep breaths.
I wonder if it will happen again this morning…
Post-a-day 2017
I went to a ninja gym yesterday, and I felt very out-of-place. I was not uncomfortable, but I felt how disconnected the people in this place – this place, even – and I were. I also saw how I wanted us to be more connected, to be connected. There were plenty of things, obstacles, that did not interest me, of course, but there were significantly more that truly struck my interest. However, given that I am currently so out of shape as I am, – no, not fat, just not very fit right now – I really wasn’t able to do much with a lot of the obstacles. I envied the fun my brother had just in attempting so many of the obstacles. I want to have that kind of fun.
And so, my goal is to do some sort of upper body exercise every day (not too hard, but just enough to make habit of it), get a pair of gloves (because I am SO uninterested in having torn up or rough palms), and go back again when I feel I would have even the slightest chance of succeeding at some more of those obstacles at that ninja gym. Also, I am considering a go at some CrossFit gyms, to test it out. I might only be willing during the cooler season, but that’s better than never for something that strongly interests me (I live in Houston, recall.).
That’s what my plan is at the moment!
Post-a-day 2017
I was thinking about death last night (It makes sense, I promise.), and I came to an interesting idea. Someone was discussing how she couldn’t understand why someone so amazing as the friend who just died could die. Why would God take away someone who brings so much to the world? she asked, rhetorically.
And what came to mind almost immediately, was, ‘Because it was time for that good to spread.’
Now that that person is gone, all of the people in her life who found her to be spectacular, now have a sense of powerful, willing obligation to carry on a This or a That from her life. This way, although this one person only impacted so many people directly by living, the desire to keep good in the world drives those people to carry on her good to others, directly affecting more people than she ever even met. Whenever we lose someone we love, it is common and natural for us to carry forward consciously and intentionally something that person would say or do in life. We already do a good amount of that unintentionally, of course, but the death of a person affects us in a different way, often calling us to even note inpactful action in our lives. And so, losing someone so wonderful can almost feel like the world saying, ‘Okay, it’s time to increase this good influence on the world exponentially.’
Kind of cool, I think. It’s an idea, nonetheless.
Post-a-day 2017
hannah ananas 