Fearing love

I’m in love with a stripper

Okay, obviously, I am not, but do you remember that song? It’s been chilling in my head tonight, and it has me wondering: How often do people find themselves in love with an unavailable, non-option individual? How often can people’s love not be reciprocated? And, on that note, how often can they be reciprocated, yet they are not?

I think there might just be a lot of lost love out there. How do we help those who feel so unloved, who have intense unreciprocated love or merely a denial of love, possibly again and again?

Perhaps we need only begin with loving ourselves fully and truly, and then, when we see ourselves fully, we can see and therefore love others truly and fully for exactly who they are.

Just a thought… I shall consider deeply my role in this is my daily life, especially where I presently feel most uncomfortable sharing and being love with and for others. Those uncomfortable ones are probably the situations most in need of my love, I do suspect.

God and Universe, please, give me the strength and the will to be your love in all that I am and all that I do.

Amen.

Post-a-day 2021

Twist

“Miss ——, the look on your face when she walked in was priceless!”

I had told them not to bring her into the classroom, for I would not be able to refrain from saying something. This is the girl my student prepared to ask out, the one he missed yesterday. However, a twist of fate brought them together tonight.

Another of my students is friends with this girl. She is also friends with the male wanting to ask the girl out. So she, when visiting me after school today, ended up discussing with the boy how he intended to approach the other girl. She approved of his aims and methods, only critiquing certain words slightly.

But then she offered an alternative. ‘She’s here right now. I could tell her to come in here with us.’ When that was a no-go on my and the boy’s end, they decided to go join the girl at the basketball game. At the game, my one student purposely sat not next to this girl, allowing/forcing the boy student to sit next to the girl. And he joined in the conversation, as well as struck up some of his own with just the girl.

When my girl student declared that she was coming back to my classroom, however, the other girl said that she wanted to join. And so, a few minutes later, all three of them walked into my classroom. One student already in my room, sitting near me, told me quietly who the third person was walking into the room…

I most certainly made a face…

And, I tell you, it was extremely difficult not to ask anything about what on Earth was going on and what had happened at the game and what the plan was going forward now for the boy student. Not that I typically care much at all regarding my students’ dating lives, but this boy has me invested in the silly soap opera at this point, showing up constantly to tell me it’s progression and his plans for his next move.

As soon as the girl had too leave, we all three exploded. It was hilarious. The female student of mine told me how she was genuinely concerned about bringing the girl with them to my classroom, because of what I’d said about my saying something. Both of my students were on a bit of an edge while the girl was in the room with us all. Their sudden free breathing after her departure was obvious. And, of course, they immediately filled me in on everything that had happened at the game. 😛

So, what will happen next??? Perhaps we shall have another episode of this delightful soap opera tomorrow…!

Post-a-day 2021

No way

I’m reading a diet of murder mystery ‘with a great plot twist’, as it was recommended to me this week. However, I had a sudden panic that there might be a dude living in the walls of this old house. If that is the case, I can not and will not do this book. No way. A film I was semi-forced to watch last year had that in jt, and it is still haunting for me. I just don’t do freaky crap like that. Ugh! I have too good a brain and memory to waste its effort or space on anything of that genre. I love a good problem-solve or Agatha Christie, but this one has me worried. I already have stopped listening to it close to or after dark, and it’s only the second day (and that rule started yesterday, actually). I asked the girl who recommended it to me, and she hasn’t replied yet. I’ve asked a buddy if he would look up a summary for me to find out about that specifically, and let me know if I need to stop reading it, but I haven’t heard back from him yet either. I think he’ll do it, though, as he tends to understand that I am just plain odd, and so something like that is a crazy yet important request for me. That isn’t to say that won’t comment on how bizarre I am, or even make fun of my total wuss-ness. But that is nothing. 😛

I just need to know if I can read this book or not. I’m already freaked out in bed tonight, and I’ve only just started this book! And someone is teaching downstairs but moved the porch monitoring camera, and that has me super freaked out. This book is scaring me, and it isn’t even scary yet… ugh!

Post-a-day 2021

Happy Halloween

Well, I allowed them to present about Halloween in class, and play the darn song…, and I have since had it repeating nonstop in my head. I know all the words well now, and can even play the song on ukulele… I’m planning to play it on my last day with them as a parting gift. I suspect that they will go wild… I await with extreme delight and anticipation. 😛

Also, I was Ariel on the beach today, my costume. It was spectacular. I even put Sebastian hanging on one of the ropes. I considered carrying around a fork, just to help people out with context, even though she didn’t have a fork in that outfit. But I didn’t do it – the costume as for me, and I enjoyed it thoroughly as it was, no fork, true to the series of events. The few people who realized I wasn’t just terrible at dressing in a toga – but who even would wear a yoga so dreadfully, really?!! – also were extremely delighted.

Post-a-day 2021

Vulnerability

Well, I was shut down and crushed in one area this week. But then I was praised and respected in another. The boys – I suppose they are technically men, though their brains, I think, are not fully developed [not being by mean here – that’s a real thing] yet – officially requested to be my friends. I am to change the group chat name from ‘“Buddies”’ to something with “friends” in it, whenever I consider them to be friends of mine, instead of just acquaintances and buddies. And yes, the word buddies is in quotes in the actual name. No, I did not do that myself. 😛

Anyway, they expressed the need for vulnerability in friendships, and so I offered up a good chunk of that in our group chat, after our adventures together tonight, and I shared what I had written about the abuse I experienced in college.

We shall see what happens…

Post-a-day 2021

Crosswords

I finally made it happen tonight, and I got back into doing crossword puzzles. Yippee!

I messaged the buddy who got me into them in the first place, and we both got on Zoom to do the e-puzzle for the LA Times online together. Started with a Monday, because it has been a while for both of us. Then we jumped to today’s puzzle, a Wednesday, and had a grande ole time. It feels good to be a nerd, and it feels really good to be a nerd with someone else doing the same thing with me.

I look forward to our next puzzle(s) together in the very near future!

P.S. Happy feast day of St. Jude, October 28!! He’s my confirmation Saint.

Post-a-day 2021

Be supreme

– In honor of your desired night of spirited gaiety
– Also now what is that because it looks aesthetically pleasing

– Frothed, and with the ‘red hot kick’
– Okay wow that actually sounds really good
And that’s despite my deep-seated trauma with fireball
– Well, it wasn’t even technically name brand
Catch Fire, perhaps
Haha
But it was delightful
Oh, and fresh nutmeg on top, because duh
– I mean yea if you’re gonna pull out all the stops then you’ve gotta have the nutmeg at that point
I am now less triggered since it’s not “real” fireball
– Good
Because it was good

…….

I love being ridiculous, and I love when ridiculous people join my life.

Post-a-day 2021

Learning fiend*

*friend, do I mean??? ;P

Well, I am apparently learning some Russian now. And it has beautifully reestablished a deer friendship of mine from high school, for which I am already grateful!

Thank you, God and Universe, for these seeming absurdities that I pursue, and for my ability to pursue them so full-heartedly and effectively.

Please, bless my mouth and brain, that I succeed with Russian beautifully and bring joy and honor to the speakers of this beautiful and slightly frightening language.

Post-a-day 2021

Sometimes

Sometimes, I feel insignificant, unnecessary, unwanted, only loved out of requirement or convenience; merely accepted.

I imagine many people in the world experience this in life, too.

I want to be a source for people always to feel loved fully, wholly, for exactly who they are and exactly who they are not. We are perfectly ourselves, and I am in love with that, in love with each of us, these beautiful blessings of God and the Universe.

Post-a-day 2021