Sleepy time? Hardly

I feel like some people are just destined to sleep early at night, and some to sleep late at night.

I am one of the latter.

Tonight, as a fifth-day support – for I have had now five days in a row that have ended similarly late, though without previous expectation, and each with a different, outside-of-myself reason for it – for this belief, I spent three-ish hours (more than that, actually) on the phone with an old friend, who had reached out, somewhat out of the blue, in desire to talk for a while, despite the late hour.

Now, here I am, even later than the other nights, finally going to sleep just before three in the morning, even though I was prepping for bed at nine something this evening. 😛

I’m just destined to get to sleep late at night, it seems.

Post-a-day 2018

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Say, what??

Sometimes, misunderstandings are a really great thing (so long as we communicate with one another to discuss the situation), because, in resolving them, we suddenly have grown closer to one another than we were before the misunderstanding.

And I think that is for the better for all parties involved. 🙂

Post-a-day 2018

Self-expression followed by rejection?

Have you ever truly put yourself out there, honestly and in the open, and then been rejected?  I have, and in many situations and circumstances.  However, as much as it hurts to receive that rejection – and, believe me, it really hurts, because that is the best of and the truest of me that is being rejected – it is always somewhat of a good thing.  A really good thing, actually, because, you see, if that situation, or those people, or whatever, rejects who I truly am, rejects the inner and outer me, then I find it best that I not be around them – that is clearly not the place for me.  And so, despite the pain, it is always relieving and good for me, because, as important as it is to find where I belong in this world, where I am nourished and where I nourish my surroundings in return, it is equally important not to be where I don’t have that.  So, the pain is a good thing, after all.

I guess I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently, though I hadn’t really noticed it until just now.  I’m preparing for something, something I plan to have happen soon, and I can see that I am afraid of it, because of how people might respond to it, how they might reject me (or, as is incredibly likely, and already common for me, anyway, so I’m not sure why I’m even worried about this part in the first place, misunderstand me).  But, just as I’ve shared here, I suppose it is actually a good thing.  I need not put it off for fear – if I will be rejected for that piece of my self-expression, even if it is someone misunderstanding that piece of my self-expression, then perhaps it is best for me to have that happen sooner, rather than later, so that I can create the space to be surrounded by the people and the world that are good for me and for whom I am good.  My waiting around for this serves no one, it seems, and my going ahead with it actually has potential benefits for many.  Huh… wow.

Post-a-day 2018

Pallet Ingenuity

I’m spending tonight on a little pallet of pillows on the floor, and it is reminding me of that night I had in Japan, where we had all only just moved to Japan, and so, when I spent the night at a friend’s apartment, she had to make me a pallet out of her clothes, since there was nothing else to use for sleeping on the hard, wood-like floor.

We got creative and resourceful, and it was great.

😛

Post-a-day 2018

Got a sec’?

It is very difficult for me to ask people for things, to make requests of others.  No matter the situation, no matter the request, it is always somewhat – if not extremely – difficult for me to make the request.  Of course, people seem to feel as though I have a comfortable confidence when making these requests, and have admitted to me of having no knowledge of my difficulty in making requests.  But that is simply because I make sure I am as ready as possible before making the requests.  I am usually the only one present for the inevitable turmoil that precedes a request for me.  Occasionally, my mother or best friend is around for part of the paranoia, and so they understand it a bit.  However, most people have no idea what it takes for me to make the simplest of requests of them.

All of that being said, perhaps one could understand how devastating it can be for me when I am denied a request, especially one that I might have expected to have been granted easily enough.  I am always so willing to receive requests from others, and yet I cannot practice what I wish to receive from others.  I suppose I have just had a little too much rejection of sorts in the past, that I lack the confidence now.

Post-a-day 2018