Germs

Tonight, my concerns about bathroom germs were solidified.

In talking with a very experienced and well-read and well-informed nurse, I learned of clear studies that established absurd levels of germage 1) being forced upward (into the air and the flusher’s face) from toilets when they are flushed, and 2) being blasted onto one’s hands and around the bathroom via high-powered air dryers (mostly because a rather high percentage of people do not wash their hands properly or thoroughly [naturally, Japan comes to mind, with the typical quick rinse of water onto the fingertips being as much as most women ever seemed to do]).

Crazy, it is.

And very unsurprising… as I mentioned, I had suspected as much.

It just reaffirms my desire to have toilets more like in Japan, where you wash your hands over the back of the toilet – dual flow toilets – as the faucet pours water into a basin that drains into the tank that holds the water in preparation for the next flush.

That way, you don’t get your dirty hands on the same surfaces where you brush your teeth.

Just saying…

These things I dream… haha πŸ˜›

P.S. I have been awake the past 19 and a half hours… Happy Valentine’s Day, y’all!

Post-a-day 2020

Today’s list

I had several things on my list for ‘want to accomplish’ today.

The first half happened beautifully.

The second half were avoided beautifully.

Instead of doing laundry and folding clothes, I rearranged a bit of furniture how I had been contemplating doing for a while now, and then I cleaned up piles of papers and such that I had had around the floor in my room.

And I organized all my paperwork and labeled it to bring to my CPA.*

It was a huge positive move, but definitely not on the list for today. πŸ˜›

I also, instead of working on the photos – I moved them to tomorrow, when I’ll be somewhere with Internet already, using my computer, and can stay a while – today, I expanded immensely the efforts I had intended to make with my Italian studies.

Until just a few minutes ago, I was working on the Italian, which was possibly the fourth time today… I even did detail work on it… and that’s saying something.

I also, instead of hopping to it on those aforementioned tasks, I got myself out of the house, down to our main park in town, and I walked.

For hours.

I even ran into a friend, and I joined her and her friend (and the friend’s daughter) for another hour plus, which started right about when I had been considering heading home.

(Suffice it to say that I walked a lot today, and it was great.)

(And I rode the park train twice… and that was lovely(!).)

All in all, I had a great day.

I even listened to a couple hours of my audiobook while cooking/eating and then walking at the park.

So much accomplished today… it feels good going to bed now, exhausted from a reason other than illness.

Not typically my style, but I would like for it to become my style.

Last week was a good start, and this week was even better… let’s keep this Sunday outdoor social activity + self-improvement stuff up, Banana. πŸ˜‰

*Not that I’m bourgeais (bourgey?) or anything – I hardly have money to survive in this society at the moment; I just used to work for her, and so we have a sort of arrangement for my taxes to be handled.

Post-a-day 2020

Wow

Today, I wanted to ask out a guy at the gym.

But then, I noticed, too, that I was potentially interested in going out with this other guy at the gym.

And then there was the one with whom I’d always been in teenager love…, though I was kind of over it due to his utter lack of availability and interest…

And, on that note, there’s this other guy who has some shared background but a totally different occurrence in the world than the first guy, and I kind of would be interested in going out with this guy…

So, I had had it in my head that I might ask out this one guy, if the opportunity presented itself – I even had the conversation ready.

I was ready, and over embarrassment.

But then, I got distracted in my other distractions.

If I want to date all of these guys, I just don’t see its being a good idea… when is it ever a good idea to make the rounds of dating guys in any place we go regularly?

I don’t need to be dating everyone at the gym.

And then, what’s more, there is the chance – slight but there, nonetheless – of the first guy becoming available and interested… I fear I would drop this guy I was planning to ask out immediately, if the huge crush guy were suddenly available…

if that is the case, then is it fair for me to date him at all, when I already know I would choose someone else, when given the opportunity?

It’s kind of like offering a cute guy, and then offering Brad Pitt… kind of hard to resist…, though this one is much more likely to happen than Brad Pitt to show up… anyway…

It just doesn’t seem fair, to me… it would be unfair to both guys, I think.

And so, I was relieved a bit when the opportunity did not present itself – i.e. I did not have the easy chance of speaking to him alone today – and I did not ask this guy out.

Tonight, telling my mom about the silliness of it, she mentioned something simple yet somewhat profound for me.

She said that, before, I was not complete about things with myself – physically, emotionally, mentally, psychologically, and also in terms of comfort and what I might want in a relationship – nor was I complete about things that had happened to me… Now that I am complete about all of that, I am open to dating – emotionally, psychologically, physically, and mentally – and am interested in dating… that is I want to date.

Not just anyone, of course, but I am not opposed to it for some under-layered, hidden, or absurd reason anymore… Before, I think I probably couldn’t date… Now, I can.

And I want to do so.

And I’m okay with it not going anywhere long-term… which, by the way, is a huge deal for me to be thinking.

I’m happy to learn about one another by spending time together, and thereby evaluating if we want to pursue a relationship of some sort, be it friendship or a dating relationship.

I want to spend time with people, with men, even, one-on-one.

And I’m not afraid of admitting that – and it doesn’t feel like admitting anything, actually, because nothing is out of place in the want… all is well. πŸ™‚

So, perhaps, I will end up on a date (or million) in the near future…

Yes… maybe, let’s date, y’all. πŸ˜‰

Post-a-day 2020

Wannabe who?

Growing up, I believe, we all have people we cross, both in real life and in fictional ways (e.g. book characters and movies characters), whom we want to be (or else more like whom we want to be).

We declare, at least to ourselves, “I want to be like that(!),” and then we take on new ways with determination.

We do our best in the moment o sick with these new ways of being or living, in order to be more like the desired individual – sometimes we stick with our new ways, and sometimes we drift back into whatever we were doing beforehand, and forget all about our determined declaration to be different than we had been.

I have found, though, that, in many cases, I have forgotten that I wanted to be like a particular individual, but still stuck with the new ways of being.

It is only years and years later that I rediscover my desire.

Sometimes I merely remember that I wanted to be like a certain someone.

Other times, I rediscover that want, thereby uncovering why I am doing a certain something.

The first I realized was Sailor Moon.

I am not sure I ever really watched the show, but I remember for sure seeing at least pieces of episodes, specifically the scenes where she transforms from her school uniform self into her battle-ready self.

I have always wanted a gold tattoo somewhere on me, because of the cats, but I have not pursued that one.

What I did pursue, however, was her hair.

In that scene where she transforms her outfit, her pigtails spiral around her body as her body turns, they are so long and blonde and perfect… and I wanted to have hair just like that, just like hers.

So, until junior year of high school, I had the longest hair I possibly could have.

I hated going to the hair dresser, because my sisters always lied to me, saying only an inch or two would come off – it was always a minimum of 4-6 inches, and not merely due to split ends… they just didn’t like the idea of my having such long hair.

And so, I left almost every appointment of my childhood haircuts balling.

Junior year of high school, I had been teased and taunted enough that, combined with my desire to try something different, I was ready to let the hair go.

I had a fun and silly summer with kids my age who joked about my hair in just the right way that I was delighted to allow them to go ahead and cut it for me (It was a whole huge fun and utterly silly ordeal, actually, and in an iconic spot in northern Spain.).

It was not until another few years later that, upon mentioning Sailor Moon to someone and talking about the show, that I suddenly remembered my childhood desire…, and that I suddenly understood why I always wanted my hair to be long.

People always were asking me, but I never had an answer that convinced myself… it was just some lame because I prefer long hair kind of answer… and now I knew.

And I never got those pigtails that swirled around me (because they’re actually probably impossible with natural hair)…, but I did have a lot of fun with my hair that summer, swinging it around like a helicopter to hit people nearby and all that jazz… it was great.

And it was all because I wanted swirling blonde pigtails like Sailor Moon had.

Fast forward into my adult life now.

In a conversation last night, my cousins says to me, “You’re essentially living the Dharma & Greg life right now.”

In so many ways, I am.

And it was super exciting that she said that to me, because I had always wanted to be like Dharma.

But I had never expected that it actually would happen.

However, here I am, living my own honest version of Dharma, and without even consciously doing it – it all kind of just fell into place in its own way in my life.

I am a yoga teacher; I live in an Ashram above a yoga studio; I have many odd and awesome jobs that come and go; I take spontaneous trips; I’ve done a boatload of what the average person would call absurd things; I’ve lived around the world with somewhat absurd circumstances; I speak honestly and openly, and it blows people’s minds regularly; I do the craziest of things; I surprise people with fabulous surprises; and I genuinely care about everyone in my life, and I make efforts for them to experience that love, no matter how loose the connection is between us; and there are a few others I’ll not mention just now… ;P

Nonetheless, I am very much like Dharma now, in my own way, and I hadn’t even remembered my desire to be like Dharma until just recently.

A third was Janie from the The Face on the Milk Carton young adult book series.

So many things she did, big and small – outfits, mannerisms, topics contemplated – have been around my life for years…, and I believe they were directly inspired by her in my elementary school self.

There’s actually a reminder on my phone right now to go get a certain outfit like what she had in one particular scene in the book – I loved it so much as a child, and, upon rereading it (and thereby rediscovering all of these things), I found I still loved it and wanted to make it happen, now that I really could(!).

I never would have remembered how badly I wanted to be like Janie, if I hadn’t reread those books recently.

The same would have been the case with Dharma, if I hadn’t started rewatching the show as an adult living in Japan a few years ago.

The same is so with Sailor Moon (and watching it recently).

And the same would have been true with a fourth person, if not for some meditations this afternoon on this particular person and my childhood.

This fourth individual is my cousin S—–.

As a child, I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible, and I wanted to be as much like she was as possible.

I loved having hand-me-downs from her, but I rarely got them, because she was the top of the cousin chain, and I was the bottom – they had a long way to go to make it all the way down to me.

When she returned from having studied in Spain, she spoke easily with my stepfather in Spanish, and I envied her for it.

I wanted to do that, to be that way, studying abroad and speaking a new language comfortably and communicably, like it was no big deal, full of excitement.

Plus, just like all the others, she was beautiful.

And I wanted to be beautiful like that, too.

Here I am, years and years later, and I see how many things have spurred me on via my desires to be more like she was or is.

I not only studied abroad, but I did it many times; I speak more than just a few languages, and all of them rather comfortably; I have classy, chic outfits that I know something inside me calls “S——- outfits”; and my body is finally showing up to me like I have always wanted it to be…. which is surprisingly (or not surprisingly) similar to the body of the woman who stood before me tonight for the first time in a long time…, my cousin.

If we hadn’t been coming to see her tonight, I’m not sure I would have thought back to childhood with her in mind at all, and I doubt I would have remembered consciously that I had always been inspired by her and that I had wanted to be more like she was…

No, I haven’t become an awesome lawyer like she did, but that hasn’t changed the fact that something inside me keeps considering law school… I wouldn’t put it past being inspired entirely by my childhood love of her

Anyway…, this has been fun, reminiscing on my childhood dreams for myself, but I’m not sure I did a very good job sharing about it all, so I’ll just leave it and get to sleep.

Goodnight, World… hasta maΓ±ana. ❀

Post-a-day 2020

A change in perspective, but not in mind

Have you ever had a time where you interact with a person you’ve known for a while, but you leave the interaction seeing the person entirely differently?

And then, have you ever left the interaction ready to cry, because that person just filled every need you had emotionally, but you are ovulating, and so his stellar level of physical fitness and adorably cute persona and face and hair ended up just reminding you of the facts that 1)you don’t have someone to be your someone, and 2)you really want someone to hurry up and be there for you to be your someone?

Okay, so maybe it is more a girl thing than a guy thing, and maybe it is more a me thing than an anyone else thing…, but, as the kids are saying these days, the struggle is real.

I am not attracted to him, though I have always acknowledged his adorableness and his pristinely perfect body – that is, I do not have a romantic attraction to him… I absolutely enjoy his presence and enjoy interacting with him, because he is a great guy, but I am not trying to date him or anything.

Yet tonight, as I struggled to get through what I was doing, he encouraged me so beautifully, and in the quiet, ‘I care about you,’ kind of encouragement, combined with the, ‘I am so proud of you for all you are doing for yourself right now,’ that it just touched me to the core.

Sitting at home later, I suddenly noticed that he was in my mind, and my mind was somewhat sad – I was okay that he wasn’t the someone for me, but his having been so perfectly wonderful with me tonight just re-emphasized the fact that I do not have that someone in my life yet (not in that capacity yet, anyway), and that I so totally want someone who will be like that, so caring and loving and calm and comfortable in his encouragement and help and love for me.

Suddenly, I wonder if I am all wrong in my interests, if something more like this guy is what I really want…, and then I remember that I have always wanted someone who is like this guy in the sense of being how he was tonight with the encouragement…. but that curl to the hair is risky cute.

Not that that’s actually news, though… we’ve known that from the start. πŸ˜‚

Anyway… perhaps I’ll have lovely dreams that will sort out the remaining emotional stress from this, and I’ll have moved entirely forward by tomorrow when I awaken.

πŸ™‚

Post-a-day 2020′

Talenti Timing

I bought a pint jar of Talenti gelato tonight, when I went to the grocery store with my friend (on purpose to get ice cream).

I also bought bananas, though, which reminded her to get bananas for herself.

But we headed to the ice creams after we ha deselected our bananas…

And they did not have a single vanilla gelato with chocolate chips (stracciatella in Italian).

That’s a normal flavor here – it’s not like it is some exotic flavor.

And yet, for the second time this month, a grocery store didn’t have it.

And I don’t just mean they were out of it.

I think they didn’t even have it as a item that is stocked.

So, anyway, I saw in the back a Peppermint Bark one, which looked to be exactly the same as what I wanted, just plus peppermint.

So, I got it.

At the checkout, I was confused when my total showed up as $3.26.

I knew the Talenti were on sale, but that was only to four dollars and something… how was this possible?

And then I saw $3.96 on the receipt, and thought, “Oh, it was just a little extra discounted, and probably because it was a Christmas flavor they’re trying to get out,” thinking that that was the price of the Talenti.

And then, as I began to explain to my friend that my Talenti was extra discounted from the other discounts, comparing it to the listed $5.25 regular price, I saw that the $3.96 was listed as “Savings” on the receipt.

Finally, it all clicked:

The bananas cost $.89 and $1.06 (two small bunches), the Talenti was discounted $3.96 and actually cost $1.32, and my total bill was $3.26.

Basically, even though I had intended to wait a little bit longer before having gelato – my shorts are quite as loose as I had wanted, but they are loose enough that I noticed a huge difference already, and was comfortable with my extreme progress in the past two weeks – this ended up being the perfect time to have it: I saved four dollars by having it now instead of later, and I didn’t even have to drive myself to and from the store. πŸ˜›

It ended up being delicious, and the price just made it more enjoyable after the fact, reminding me that it was perfect to have it tonight.

So, basically, I had a lovely night in which my friend and I walked her dog for a really long and absolutely lovely walk in the early evening, ending just after sunset, and then we went and got ice cream, and we hung out for a lot time for the first time in a while, and it was just all around awesome (even though I got like five mosquito bites just before we got back home, and even though I was freezing riding home in my shorts that had been perfect with the sun up).

πŸ˜€

Post-a-day 2020