Tag: self-expression

On the defense, offensively

I attended a women’s self-defense class today. A friend invited me multiple times, so I imagined it was expected to be a good class. It was taught by a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu instructor, which was actually the main reason I went. I had a feeling she would cover some extremely valuable stuff that is different from what we do in karate. By going, I could begin to round out my self-defense repertoire, something I’ve been wanting to do for some time now.

And I was right.

She covered some very simple ways to get out of wrist grabs, being bear hug-grabbed from behind, as well as how to take on being knocked to the ground and attacked by a man from the front/top, and, not only to stop him in two different scenarios, but to render him unconscious by restricting blood flow. That last part was definitely awesome to learn. I had always wondered how to do that, and I learned much for it today.

The whole class, though, I was thinking about whether I could execute this stuff on someone bigger and stronger than I am. I have always held my own in wrestling matches that are for fun, but all that stopped when I met my man. I do believe that I have not once bested him in any kind of wrestling scenario. I mentioned something of this to the instructor, and she said to bring him next time, so I can practice with him at the end of the class.

I guess I get to look forward now to practicing these crazy things with my man!

Thank you, God, for the many blessings of today. Thank you for this life. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Uuuagaggarrrggghhhh!!

I was at f***ing 97 days!!!! Aaaaaaahhhhhhrrrrggghhhh!!!!!! Aaahhh!!!! Aah!

And I missed it by 17 minutes. I had t even gone to bed or anything – I’d only just gotten home from a graduation party.

Talk about being pissed over something simple, yet being pissed, despite its being simple.

Ugh.

God, help me to release this pain, please. I have been working hard – please, help me to experience that. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Safe travels

Dear God, please, keep my man safe in his travels this weekend especially. Grant him the space he needs to release all that he has been carrying so heavily these past years. Help him to free himself willingly from the restraints that have kept him from being true to himself, true to the man You made him to be. Give him clear sight of who he wants to be, longs to be, was made to be, and grant him the tools and the endurance and the drive to become that man, always and forever. Thank you for the blessing of him. Help him to be ever more so the blessing Yoi long for him to be, both to the world and to himself. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Give some credits

At the end of a good movie or show, when the credits music is right, I love to dance to it. Especially if the movie was a happy one and one where things were accomplished, I am already in a celebratory and happy mood. Put on some great music that makes one want to move, and I am so on board. I, too, want to accomplish things and be happy and take on the world successfully, like they did in the movie (or, sometimes, show). The story followed by the music just makes me want to jump up and dance wild and freely right there in the living room. I love living room dancing period, and this is one of those living room dancing times that is particularly goofy and fun. It’s just great and so freeing…

I have yet, however, to find anyone since my childhood who enjoys doing this with me. When I first began visualizing the partner I wanted to have in life, back as a teenager or, possibly, pre-teen, I had these visions of the two of us dancing together in the living room of a cabin-in-the-woods type of house, in front of the fireplace, on the big living room rug. I wanted this to be a nightly occurrence, really.

Alas, that has yet to happen. It has partly happened, in that I got my man to dance with me a couple times to this long, thrumping song that plays at the end of the Mandalorian episodes. But that’s it for the living room dancing. Otherwise, I’m the only one who hops up after a film to dance around and have fun. I seem to be the only one who’ll dance around at all, really…

Guess I’ll have to work on that with him, because I really want to dance with him both at home and at dance things and anywhere at all. My first guess is that he likely is like most people – how I myself was at one point – in that he likely feels a lack of confidence in his ability to ‘dance around’ or dance spontaneously and freely/free-form, and so feels embarrassed whenever he attempts it, and, therefore, avoids it.

Here’s to hoping we can resolve whatever it is for him that holds him back from being silly and dancing with me, because it is such a wonderful experience to go wild with dancing in the living room. Cheers.

Dear God, please, heal us all. In your name, we pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Nostalgia

I find myself very much missing watching movies on VHS recently. I miss the previews at the start of the video, as well as the surprise bonus features at the end of the credits. In particular, Shrek was one of those awesome VHSs, what with the really cool character karaoke after the credits. That was awesome. And movies just don’t have any of that from the streaming services nowadays. And that is kind of really sad to me. :/

Post-a-day 2023

Nerds

My man and I just unintentionally got into a Duolingo battle to win the family scoreboard for the week, simply by coincidence. We both happened to do a lesson, and also happened to see how the score had changed for the other.

In the last seconds of the timer, he passed me up and got first place. I had a 30-point lead on him, but he eeked it out, nonetheless, by completing half a legendary round with bonus right before the time ran out for the day. So, even though he hadn’t finished the lesson, he’d gotten halfway through it, and it gave him the first 40 points for today and the next 40 points for tomorrow’s scoreboard. Ridiculous.

It was a fun little event.

I love this man.

Even though we have really been passing each other off lately, I remember that I love him despite it all, and even because of most of it.

Thank you, God, for our idiocy and nerdiness. Thank you for, even after all this time, giving me someone who can enjoy this adventure so well with me. Thank you for all of it. Also, please, heal all my mosquito bites, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Cutting it close

Sometimes, things don’t feel like they’re getting close. It doesn’t feel right now like I am getting closer and closer to completing my course. It not only feels like I’ll be cutting it close to my self-given deadline. It feels more like cutting… it almost hurts like actual cuts, not having more done already, not progressing faster… failing so much… it just hurts…

Post-a-day 2023

Semi-on-schedule

I slept in until noon today, actually sleeping for a change. Granted, we went to bed around two something, so I actually only got just over nine hours of sleep. However, it was real sleep this time, only interrupted briefly by a need to use the bathroom a couple times. I fell right back asleep after each, which is huge. I knew I was tired, but didn’t know if this sinus infection would let me sleep. I am grateful that it has lessened enough to let me sleep. I pray for good sleep tonight, too.

Thank you, God, for sleep last night. Please, grant me good and healing sleep tonight. Heal me, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Mother’s Day

Has anyone else ever struggled on Mother’s Day, due to the sudden overwhelming amount of everyone your own age and even significantly younger putting up photo after photo of how happy they are being mom’s? For some reason, that hit me really hard today, and I was in actual tears over it all. It felt like a slap in the face, over and over again… like they and God were just dangling their joy in front of me, showing me what I still cannot have yet have wanted for so long. Though, I suppose it would not be God dangling something like that – that would be more akin to the work of the devil, would it not? ‘Go ahead, covet what they have,’ he might say, ‘Hate them for it,’ he would encourage, ‘Be angry with your God.’

But I shall not. I shall do just the opposite.

Dear God, thank you for my current state. Thank you for not making me a mother or a wife sooner in this life. Thank you for giving me the man who is perfect for me and for whom I am perfect. Thank you for helping us to become perfect for each other before we met. Thank you for giving us the time and experience to let go of and get over so many things that do not serve us or you. Thank you for taking the time to work on us before we get to be together and get to be parents. Thank you for such care and concern and love. Thank you. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Are you kidding me? :/

I sometimes really dislike being sick. I already can’t stand how I’ve been sloppy and lazy with tidying at home, and now I have to be sick in a way that I can barely get up out of bed or off the sofa just to go to the bathroom (which I’ve had to do constantly, due to drinking water as I need). Add to it that I’m feeling all emotional about all of the aforementioned, likely due to the impending beginning of menstruation.

Ugh… sometimes, things just feel really sucky, and I really dislike that I have a desire at such times just to go to bed and avoid life and the world, and hope for better circumstances whenever next I wake.

But I kept that in mind today, and made myself watch movies all day and eat as much food as I could handle… I even worked on my coding course as much as my eyes and brain could stand it. I don’t want to go down that path of avoiding life. Been there. Done that. Don’t need to go back.

I worked hard today, and it felt like I just sucked at life, and ended up still sick.

Oh, God, heal me, please. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023