Blah-blah-blah, hai!

Well, I made it through today. And I even got in a quick walk outside in the direct sunlight. That part was especially awesome (and beneficial). I’ll need to be sure I do the same tomorrow. Our lunch break is even longer tomorrow, though, so I likely can get a much longer walk in there.

It has been interesting doing this all today. I’m working with Japanese folks, talking about Japan. I do this every so often, yet it still surprises me each time how much I find that I want more of it in my life. I have no official reason, yet I want to pursue a certification in Japanese. I want to be at a higher level of conversing. Half the time, I don’t even necessarily want to say anything myself, but it would be nice to have a fuller understanding of all of the conversations and chit-chat and everything. I usually get the general gist of it all, and often understand almost every word. However, there are definitely times when I have understood only a word or few, and have no real idea of what is being said. I know I can survive in Japanese, but I keep finding more and more so that I want to thrive in it.

Man…

Post-a-day 2021

^Only took minor consideration this time

Likes

I have been casually noticing lately how many of my “excitements”, as I call them, did not originate within myself.

Example: I got excited in fifth grade about anything to do with this one particular boy. We run into his mom in the library, I go talk with her, because it ties back to him times ten. That’s the excitement piece. Now, what were its origins? Why did I even care so much about things to do with this boy? Because my friend K liked this boy. She was excited about him and anything to do with him. I had joined in to support her in her endeavor and excitement. I was excited for her. Because she was going to be excited about something new, I was excited in anticipation of her excitement, of her would-be excitement. It’s much like when throwing a surprise party for a friend or family member – we are excited for the joy the other person (hopefully) will have. I was excited by anything to do with this boy, because I knew K would be excited about it. I didn’t like the boy as she did, but it didn’t look that way to the outside world.

I love Hello Kitty (キッチちゃん). Why did I learn to love it? Because my mom and my sister loved it and always showed it to me. I then would get excited for them every time I crossed Kitty-chan.

Pink flamingoes – my mom and my cousin.

Watches and knives – my brother.

There seem to be innumerable things in my life that excite me, but not for me. To an outsider, it seems I love the thing itself. When, really, I just love and care about a person who loves the thing.

That being said, is there anything I like, all on my own?

Perhaps language and grammar and math/physics are a few of mine. And volleyball. Haha. And dance and teaching… these are all things that originated within myself – I do not love them for someone else, but for themselves.

But I certainly still have what feels like boatloads of all the other things… I am looking into that for myself.

Post-a-day 2021

^Still takes effort

Happy Birthday, she called it

I went ahead and finished another song for today yesterday. I started it back in early October, when some big changes were happening in my life. I wondered if it was about one of those in particular. But it wasn’t. Then I wondered if it was about New Year’s Eve. But it wasn’t. And then, I wondered if it wasn’t applicable at all. But I ruled that out I easily enough.

Finally, though, I considered my birthday, and I realized that so much of what I have been doing lately in my life has been leading up to my birthday, quite similarly to this song’s thoughts on a certain “tomorrow” and on life.

So, I did it for my birthday.

It wasn’t flawless; it had many errors, my performance; I went too fast at parts; I almost totally messed up words; the ocean water was loud and invisible; the fog was intense; construction was happening in the background, sound-wise; and I forgot to record the audio for an audio track on my phone. But I did it. And I was super excited to do it. And I loved and love it.

I wrote this to go with it:

“Happy Birthday”

Welcome to tomorrow! Another year aged, another trip around the sun, and I feel, possibly, better than ever. I wish you all the loveliest of years this year: that we may all have our fears, and be filled with courage and gratitude; that we may create and embrace loads and loads and loads of love. Happy Birthday to Me, and Happy (Early) Birthday to Texas! ✨💗🎨⚡️🌏💫📿🧘🏻‍♀️❤🤗🙏🐪

🍙

🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑

🦖 🦖🏋🏼‍♀️💪

I certainly had fear in making and in sharing the recording/video of my playing and singing this song. And I did it nonetheless. And I am extremely grateful. May we all have fears and be filled with courage, especially this year and especially in new ways and places.

P.S. March 2, 1836, was Texas’ Independence Day (from Mexico), so Texas kind of has a birthday right after I have mine!

Post-a-day 2021

February 28

Today has been my birthday. It was lovely.

We spent it at the beach, amidst the sand and water and birds and fish and boatloads and boatloads of fog. We made sand mandalas and a labyrinth (and walked it), threw a boomerang-y frisbee, – no, it wasn’t designed to work that way, but it did today! – walked a ton on the beach, ate a lovely Paleo brunch and lovely Paleo cupcakes, opened pen presents, drank yummy teas, played some French Monopoly and some Bop-It Extreme, made sand candles, and had a generally lovely, joyful time just being together. I also played with my jump rope (still haven’t found the right length) and practiced double-unders for a bit, and talked on the phone to a few select people.

And I am extremely grateful for my life, and I am especially grateful for what I have been able to do in it lately. It had been a lot these past few years, and even these past several months – stress after stress after stress – and yet I have made it through all of them, better than ever I was before them.

Gratitude, World, Universe, God.

Happy love unto all of us, as we travel this next journey around the sun.

Post-a-day 2021

^Man! Almost missed it!

Birthdays

What is the difference between one’s birthday and the other 365 days of the year?

I think it is the fact that we intentionally celebrate it. Otherwise, it would be just like all the other days in a year.

I, therefore, recommended celebrating oneself intentionally, lovingly, and fully for one’s birthday each year. Take the time to express gratitude for this life, and to celebrate all that one has done within and with it.

Happy birthday eve to me… 😉

Post-a-day 2021

^Minimal thought

Watch me whip…

and watch me cry, cry. Today, as my brother put it, I was, “Both taking lashings and jump roping; aka [doing] dubs!” I took the time and had the energy to go pull out my outdoor yoga mat, and to set up my brand new, personalized jump rope (no kidding, it was expensive). I have gotten it almost to the right length, but I’m not sure it’s there yet. Nonetheless, I learned the valuable lesson that wearing sweatpants while jumping makes a hugely positive difference in not getting painfully whipped all over my legs. However, having long hair and being shirtless compensated for the saved whips – my hair actually hit the rope a few times, causing it to whip into my back and the back of my arm. Plus, I somehow got my hands and the tops of my forearms a lot. My shoes were surprisingly minimal today, though. (But definitely not fully safe – they totally got whipped a few times, and super painfully so.) Afterward, I was marked up as though I had a slightly crazy cat living with me, including one bruise I just now found on my lower ankle.

All in all, it was a really good time. adjusting and using my new jump rope. I actually got to a point where they are starting to click rather easily. I just have to work on the energy and momentum part of it all now, because I tire rather easily from them still. But they are loads easier with a rope that not only fits me but that is also awesomely designed for doing double-unders.

Thank you, RPM, for your lovely craft and product. I love my new speed rope!

Post-a-day 2021

^Easy

Beach fog

My mom and I went for a walk on the beach this afternoon/evening, as a way of closing out the daytime for today. Although bidding farewell-until-the-morrow to a sun that hasn’t been technically visible all day is a bit odd, it didn’t stop us.

The fog, however, almost did.

I had measured distances to various things yesterday, and we found today that a certain spot that was .19 miles away, straight up the beach, was not visible. That set the visibility at about .18 miles this evening.

It was almost spooky, but that it didn’t feel spooky; it just looked it.

See how the world just seems to end? The typically seemingly infinite beach is short; it is blocked by fog.

An unexpected result of this walk on the beach, however, came after about twenty minutes of walking.

I turned to my mom, and, seeing her hair soaked, asked her what on Earth she had done – it looked like she’d been splashed by a wave. Seeing as how she’d been seeking and picking up seashells, it wouldn’t have surprised me if she had been splashed by a wave while picking up something. However, she replied that she hadn’t done that, hadn’t had that happen. So, what was the deal, then? Why was her hair soaked?

That’s how thick and dense this fog was – it was clinging to her hair, soaking it. I asked if mine was the same, and she said it was.

We took a picture to document the absurdity of our walk on a not-rainy day at the beach. By the time we were walking home, we were wiping soaking wet eyebrows and eyelashes, too.

Post-a-day 2021

^Whoo! Just barely!

Today

Well, I survived it all. I would say just barely, but that I was rather thriving throughout most of it… I guess I’m just super tired now, and so feel like collapsing totally into a comfy, cozy bed. I only had just over four and a half hours in bed last night. However, today was awesome on many, many levels.

And I am extremely grateful.

I felt very much myself in situations where I had only just recently begun being self-expressed, instead of slightly expressed while mostly sidelining. I had a blast doing it. And it felt… just right.

And I got my progress photos from yesterday, the six-week mark of the food challenge with the gym. It only lasted officially for three weeks, but I had determined to go through my birthday fully, and with no meal passes (we were allowed one per week). My birthday is at the end of this week, at which point I am free to use the passes as I see fit. Until then, however, I am still intent on reaching my fitness goals for my birthday. We don’t get new decades every day, now, and we don’t often improve significantly our physical fitness between them as we go upward in count…, but I have this time, and it has been amazing.

Also, less than three minutes walking from our driveway here:

Happy Birthday Week, Banana. 😉

Post-a-day 2021

^Had to think a touch there

Accountability, even when freezing

Today took a lot in the tidying work. For one thing, it was ridiculously cold out – seriously, it was -2°C most of the day today, and we even had snow on the ground, and some of it never melted!!! – and that meant it was also cold in the house. So, my body was struggling to find balance in warmth almost all day. That took effort. For another, a creature broke into the walls somehow last night, and CHOMPed away from around 2:00am to just after 7:00am. Vibrating wood reverberations and teeth scratching on wood and all that jazz. And yes, it was right near my bed (a wall or two away, of course, but close enough). It woke me up at about 2:00; kept me up as I looked for a solution for maybe twenty minutes; kept me up another half hour because it was so loud and stress-inducing (because imagine having a wild, potentially-rabid animal break through a wall in the inside of your house – do you really want to wake up to that in the morning?); and then left me in a stress-y half-sleep for the same reasons. I woke up just after 6:00am, totally not rested. But I went outside and played for a bit, and that was fun.

Photos here:

I particularly enjoyed the idea of wearing the unicorn onesie while playing out on the snow. Because that is pure magic right there: a rainbow unicorn playing in the snow in Houston. Nothing about that idea is less than spectacularly magical. And no, I think nobody even saw me, because the world was closed up for the day, and so no one was up yet, let alone going outside yet.

After that, I ate some yummy food – leftovers from my valentine onigiri that I turned into a warm, absurdly satisfying salad – and then went upstairs to get to work. Just after seven, the chomping finally stopped, and I could focus. I got a bit done, but was so sleepy, I ended up getting on my bed for a nap around nine, and slept for just over two hours. Hard. And gratefully so.

Then I tutored and ate, and then got back to work with tidying.

I temporarily put away the DVDs I am keeping, which was super satisfying, and then I made it through all my hair accessories, all my money- and identification-related documents/cards, all my electronics (and cables and all that even-remotely-electrical stuff), and all my cameras and camera-related stuff. I was rather surprised at how much foreign currency I had sitting with my money-related stuff. I kept the individual ones I wanted to keep – because I’ve always loved having actual currency from other nations on hand – and added the rest of the excess to the pile of US money that was ridiculous for me to be keeping sitting around, and the cottage cheese container (previously cleaned out, obviously) filled with about $50 or so of coins, in preparation of a trip to the bank (when the world opens up here again) and a direct deposit into my savings account that I’m not allowed to touch.

I was surprised at how long the first parts of those took me today. I got really weighed down after the important money stuff one. I was standing with my head against the angled ceiling, warming my hands over the oil heater, having an imaginary conversation with… actually, no… I was having a real conversation with an imaginary person, about how I didn’t want to do it anymore – I wanted to curl up with a movie, and maybe even fall asleep for a while and have to watch it again, whenever I woke up. That’s what I felt like doing. That and crying. But I wanted to keep myself accountable to my higher goals and wishes – and so I made myself reach out to my accountability partner.

‘I just want to call someone, and say how much I want to watch a movie and sleep; take a rest from all of this, instead of trekking through any more today,’ I thought to myself, imagining how easy it would be to have the other person agree with me that I deserved a break.

Pause.

‘Well, you do have an accountability partner. Tell her that, and see what she says,’ I thought.

“Ha!”

And so, I had the conversation with myself, taking turns being the one working and the accountability partner, as I had to do so much at the start of all of this. And it was spectacular. She – meaning I – reminded me of why I care about all of this in the first place; of how it’s okay to be scared and terrified; and of how I want to keep my word to myself, especially on this birthday gift to myself. And I still felt heard. She agreed with everything I presented, and understood them and got them completely – like, seriously more than anyone has ever gotten me on something, right? It was very cool. And she also was present to my true intentions, and helped me stick with them. And it took only a few minutes for the whole thing… we just are that much in sync with one another! 😂

Anyway, that bit was the whole point of this today. I went really tangential today. Oh, well… that’s kind of how this whole weekend has felt. Even Monday has been a tangent of the weekend, instead of the start of its own week. 😛

P.S. Did I share this lovely photo of my valentine onigiri skills? They are even pink from beet powder, and 100% Paleo.

Post-a-day 2021

^Only slightly had to think about it