I have never much wanted to be on a kiss cam. But, tonight, sitting at a baseball game for my first – I say that with hopes of more in the future, of course – date with the man who makes my heart grow more than I knew possible at someone else’s hands*, I wanted to be in that kiss cam (with him, of course. I mean, duh. Haha).
And so, it begins officially, this life with him.
God, may you ever be with us and work within and through us to share your love in the world. Help us to desire and to fulfill your will. Your will be done. Amen.
*The man who asked me, after seeing my awesome tennis shoes with my casual daytime outfit today, if I was going to be his wife. 😛
I can barely stay awake. The person next to me keeps popping in and out of consciousness, attempting to complete a Duolingo lesson while battling against the body’s clear desire to sleep and snore. We are not exactly full of energy the way people claim we ‘young kids” should be. We’re old folks here. And I love it, really.
Started menstruating early while on a middle-of-semi-nowhere resort. Didn’t have quite enough tampons to make it through the rest of the weekend. Must purchase from the store on property, because we’re in the middle of a nature preserve and can’t get to anywhere reliable easily or cheaply. Glance at magnets, because he likes to collect magnets from his travels, but determine that none were interesting in the first place and he didn’t much care to have one for this particular trip, anyway. Buy two eight-pack boxes of regular Tampax Pearl and a box of ten Mexican brand supers. Cost is $25. $25 for 26 tampons. He asks, “Is that typical?” ‘Five or so dollars would be,’ I tell him. He comments that well, everything is expensive just because of where we are, and we have to get these, so, oh, well. He doesn’t say it meanly or annoyedly, but simply acknowledging what’s so.
We finish paying, I grab my boxes, and we begin to walk away. The worker/cashier calls out to us. He turns away to grab something, says, “Here,” and hands us two shot glasses that are actually kind of cool looking. We chuckle and thank him, and everyone is smiling genuinely, and the two of us feel so delighted at how just being ourselves while buying tampons turned out to be so fun. We don’t even have shots, but we certainly will find some small serving of some beverage or beverages to enjoy with these little glasses.
And then my mom asked, of course, upon hearing the bulk of the story and seeing the photo, if they were tampon holders. (For those who don’t know my mom, it was a definite joke on her part, and we all laughed really well at it.) It was great.
Have you ever been with someone who makes the discovery that an alcohol-filled lifestyle is not necessary? That the previous lifestyle was mainly a habit, and not what one truly wanted? I think that, when coupled with an intention to live authentically going forward, with less (if not no) alcohol than previously had been common, could be one of the coolest moments/times to witness… someone standing up for one’s own self and life, and stepping freely away from societal standards for unhealthy coping and avoidance of life and it many difficulties.
Tonight, we attended Gounod’s Romeo and Juliet at the opera. Yes, it was lovely. Yes, it was a touch different from Shakespeare’s pay. But, golly, if that story made for opera! Talk about drama, irrationality, and dying for love… that story has it all, and then some (plenty!).
As I pack for this beachside trip this weekend, I find myself having to unpack all sorts of stress. My clothes are an odd combination of styles, when it comes to the clothes that actually fit me properly, and I am struggling to build outfits that aren’t simply workout-type clothing or fall weather clothing. The cute bottoms I have have no cute tops to go with them – just an abundance of matching/complementary cute sport bras, which isn’t the same thing. It seems my mid-range of formal clothing never really got replenished with my new age and style and size these past few years, but I had still gotten rid of everything that didn’t bring me joy. And, given my lifestyle the past couple years, with even most of my work requiring a workout gear wardrobe (and my actual workouts, of course), I have little that fits beyond the workout gear, some formal dresses, and the few teaching outfits. Even my swimsuits don’t quite exist. I just have a couple old one-pieces – like from my mom from before I was born – and one modern one-piece that is actually a touch small on me. None of them fit quite the way one wants to dress on a beach vacation.
Anyway, so, I’m having to deal with various emotions and thoughts around myself and my life as I work on this packing… the should-haves and shoulda-dones in which I do not believe in believing have been strong today, reminding me of how I could have done things better, differently, etc…
I trust that I will work it all out tomorrow, but it is definitely a touch uncomfortable still now, having only begun to unpack the emotions and what lies behind them, as well as having only gotten first-round outfits put together (meaning that I don’t love them and am not super excited about them yet, so they need some work to reach that point tomorrow).
Dear God, please, help me to fulfill your will through being my best possible self and through loving fully those in my life, with your love. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Two things here. Firstly, language, and secondly, looks.
Language: I find it important to be conscious of what language we use around everything in life. This includes body weight and fitness. So, I do not like to use the term ‘to lose weight’ or any form of it. Why? Because, like they say with hypnosis and all other subconscious-connected things, if we “lose something,” our brains will aim to “get it back.” So, if we say that we’ve lost weight, our brains subconsciously can be always on the lookout to find that lost weight. It may sound utterly ridiculous, but the ways in which our words can impact our thinking, our habits, and our lives is quite profound.
So, I say things like, “released,” “went down in,” “got rid of,” etc. weight or fat, or I just say that one “weighs less,” instead did that someone “lost weight.”
Now, that being said, I move to the second item on the agenda.
Looks: Have you ever seen or known someone who actually looks like he or she lost weight? Like it is actually missing from their bodies, and they look, somehow, incomplete without it? Like they need to fill out, and presently look shrunken and somewhat collapsed and odd in their own skin? Some people seem like they are actually made to be a bit thicker, tougher, more solid, and so they look odd – like they’re missing something – once they have lost their weight…, because it seems it really was lost somewhere and ought to be found.