Room servicing…?

I started really taking on making my room functional lately. Just yesterday, I had a massive reorganization take place, in which everything went to what looked like – and was – total chaos for a while, during which time I sweat boatloads while shoving and shifting and shoving and shifting some more…, and then everything kind of found a place out of the way, leaving so much open space that I love hanging out in my room now. A lot of stuff is not in a real, semi-permanent place yet, but the big stuff has found its locations, I think.

My bed has only moved a few inches, but boy did that totally shift things in my sleep last night! I think I have resolved the issue of the air blowing directly over my mouth (and thereby practically choking me in my sleep with dryness), which was the main issue. So, I expect to sleep loads better tonight than last night. Perhaps, when I wake up, I’ll even be in the mood for making myself some tea.* πŸ™‚ That’d be great. πŸ™‚

*For those who do not know, I tend to make tea for myself when the world just feels right, and I feel at great ease in the space around me. So, it would be a sign that things are going very well with my room organization, and that I slept well and have woken up refreshed and ready for the day fully.

P.S. Okay, all that stuff about tea is true…, but I also will make tea when it is super cold out… but that still falls into the same reasoning, because life just kind of feels right when it is really cold outdoors. πŸ™‚

Post-a-day 2020

Ready

I began the first steps of a new program for my daily self today. It was actually really, really cool. I have a gift membership to MasterClass yet hadn’t used a single class until today, despite my first being given access in early March.

But I was inspired by a girl in a movie I saw recently, when she showed that she started each day with a TedTalk. I want to do that, I thought. And so, I added that idea into my recent dilemma of how to accomplish all these things I want to accomplish but have barely even touched?

So, I now have a daily task of doing at least one of those specific things. If it turns into multiple ones in a day, great. If it is just the one, also great. The point is that I am doing them. And today was perfect as a start. I watched the first half of the MasterClass, and took the challenge and inspiration given from it to started doing some practical work in response to it. At the end of the day now, I feel not only delighted in myself but also excited, relieved, and surprisingly fulfilled by my accomplishments of the day. And even a bit inspired, especially so to do it all again in a new way tomorrow.

Tomorrow, after a solid sleep and mental processing and, hopefully, healing, here I come. πŸ™‚

Post-a-day 2020

A different ouch

Well, my hamstrings started to grow sore last night… Today, they have been amazingly sore, but only when something comes into contact with them, or I have to go from sitting to standing. Otherwise, I guess I haven’t really noticed them much… But, boy… in those moments do they hurt(!!!)… whew…

I just hope testing will be helpful tonight instead of the opposite of what they actually need – action. Either way, I’ve got to exercise tomorrow, since it didn’t happen today – things ran too close to one another today for me to get in a workout. And that was totally okay for me, by the way. I have finally begun to embrace who and how I want to be around my own physical fitness and my food and such right now. I am exercising for myself, again, and eating for myself, and it has been feeling amazing – and so easy to do, too. And I didn’t get all stressed or angry with myself or my life when the workout didn’t happen today, or when I saw yesterday that it likely wouldn’t happen today. It genuinely has been okay. And I am grateful for that.

But I’d really like to relax these aching legs already. πŸ˜›

Post-a-day 2020

Really?

I book-clubbed tonight… on a book about God. Actually, on a book about Jesus.

I have never done that before.

I had never really wanted to do that before, though, because I’m not sure I have ever really had friends who are comfortable enough in themselves to be able to see and speak honestly about all of it and their own lives and experiences. So, it is cool that I have a friend like that, that we are both like that these days.

And I enjoyed the book-clubbing… cheesy as the questions may have been… and un-relatable as the author’s experience may be for me (and my friend)… But it was nice to talk about such things and in such a way. I am satisfied from it. Like a few sips of sparkling, cool beverage on a warm day. Satisfied. πŸ™‚

Post-a-day 2020

Tomorrow

Tomorrow will determine much in my life. I wonder if it has any idea how much weight we have it holding so much of the time. Or how much we rely on it, depend on it, yearn for it, and cry for it. I wonder if tomorrow knows that it, so often, is the only thing that gets us through today. Or that we, sometimes, fear it, even, or want it not to come… not yet, anyway. I wonder if it knows the significance we assign to it.

I wonder if tomorrow has even the slightest idea of how much of our lives end up being devoted to thoughts of it, in some way or another.

I wonder if it would change in any way if it did know. Or if, perhaps, it already knows, and it always watches out for us along the way, even without our having the slightest idea about its doing so.

I wonder… πŸ™‚

Post-a-day 2020

Today

I’m not sure what to share today… I woke up later than planned but early enough, as hoped, and completed a workout before sunrise. It’s amazing the difference it makes 1) to have the coolest part of the day and no sunlight, and 2) to start off the day with exercise. I had only done the first part of the workout at one point, when I noticed how I already felt amazing… and more so than I have felt any morning lately, even when I have slept many more hours.

I called my mom, because she was messaging me, and kind of hung out with her as my workout neighbor over the phone for the first half of the workout. It was actually really cool, and I enjoyed it immensely. It was nice to have that same feeling of company that the workout class gave. Truly, it was a fabulous way to begin the day. It was so good, in fact, that I didn’t even realize that I had already mentally planned to do it again tomorrow, without even thinking about how I have only managed to do workouts every other day at highest frequency lately… I’m delighted for what feels like a true shift for myself here.

AND… dear me, my friend reminded me yesterday how “ice cream sandwich > some guy”. I had been preventing myself from having one or having any ice cream, because of my concerns around being not fit enough and whatnot. I ate and enjoyed the sandwich last night, got up and worked out as planned today (only the time was slightly different, but it was still the first thing I did and I had to get up early to do it), ran all my super important errands of the day (including a lovely and satisfying lunch with my mom), and then picked up veggies and ice cream and gelato from the grocer on the way back home. And I totally ate a couple bites of the gelato and several bites of the ice cream. Full enjoyment on that ice cream tonight, and still within the caloric goals for the day. Bamn! I can do this, derr. And, though I don’t want to have it all that often, due to the dairy and the sugar, I was comfortable today in the fact that it’s okay for me to have ice cream when ice cream is what I truly want to have. And, today, it was. And it was delicious and satisfying.

Tomorrow, another workout to start off the day! πŸ˜€

Oh, also, I met a lovely and adorable Australian Shepherd today… gosh, it was hard to stop rubbing and petting her, and to leave her to go home… she was lovely and super sweet… I want to snuggle now… haha

P.S. It is September now… what on Earth???

Post-a-day 2020

Progress

I think I have worked out some of the concern around my exercise and desperate motivations. Unfortunately, it is ridiculously hot these days, so it is looking as though my only logical option is to get up for the now-imaginary 5:15am classes again on the weekdays for my regular. Of course, it is almost midnight right now, but I have a laser hair removal session in the morning, so I won’t be able to work out in the afternoon – morning is my only option tomorrow.

Here’s to hoping I make it happen! ❀

Post-a-day 2020

Extra ouch

Well, today felt like much of an improvement after yesterday. I tutored in the morning, finished up mixing six CDs for a student to have some exposure to French-language music – these have been taking me weeks of on-and-off effort to organize them out and pick which songs to include, which genres go where and belong at all, and figure out what degree of effort it is worth as well as how many CDs would be acceptable – messaged with a good friend about her wedding planning and tres leches and not feeling like working out, and then I worked out and watched a very interesting film of Natalie Portman’s. I want to look further into the film to see what it was all about, and whether it was inspired by a specific story or many or what. She sang very well in it, by the way, and I was quite pleased with her performance on all levels, especially the concert portion, which was a surprising yet lovely part to me. As for the workout: man, it had a 3k run in it, as well as 80 jumping up-downs (burpee without the push-up)… talk about a sore calf feeling the heat! Both calves have been sore for a few days now – I genuinely could barely go up and down the stairs two days ago, and walked with a limp, all because of my calves. Finally, when they show signs today of recovery, I have to put them through so much work. Ridiculous, just a bit, I dare say.

But the greatest part of the workout, I think, aside from doing it, was the part where I hung out in the pool afterward to relax and stretch out. That was awesome. Though, the effort to swim breast stroke for a few lengths of the pool felt like it might paralyze my arms, my shoulders and all were so worn out from today’s workout. πŸ˜€ Haha

Anyway, I’m off to read and sleep, now. Today was a lot in a good way, but it was nonetheless a lot, and I am exhausted. Goodnight!

Post-a-day 2020

Recuperation

Today, I did a lot of not much all day and evening. In fact, I woke up a few times throughout the morning, either because the dog was shifting around or because I needed to pee. But, every time, I went ahead and went back to sleep. It was overcast enough of a morning, plus the curtains in this room are rather effective, I was able to fall back asleep easily. I went to bed after one in the morning, sure, but getting up for the day at 1:45 in the afternoon is just plain nuts. I haven’t done that in years.

However, yesterday, and the proceeding few days had a whole combination of stressors for me, as well as the added lack of sleep that comes with an uncomfortable situation yet comfortable company (read friends). So, it really makes sense that I slept so much and so hard last night (and today, technically). I knew I was exhausted yesterday, especially since things were really getting to me in a way they only do when I am exhausted. So, even though I physically felt okay, I knew I was close to wiped. Thus the 12+ hours of sleep.

Then, after getting up for the day, I indulged in the candy that tempts from its jars, as well as a Tillamook ice cream bar (which was awesome, by the way) from a freezer filled with desserts. I did eat some real food, too, but the bulk of my calories today was likely the three ice cream bars and the finishing part of a tub of ice cream. However, I think I still ended up under my caloric requirements for the day, so my body gets to use its excess stores to handle the remaining caloric balance for the day.

Basically, I spent the day hanging around, either eating food or watching Disney movies, or even both at once. I took the dog on a training walk-run, and exerted some real physical effort this evening, but mostly just spent the day recuperating. And yes, recuperating is the right word – I wondered why I was so unbelievably uninterested in doing anything else throughout the afternoon and evening, and I realized that it was because I needed this non-effort… I needed the opportunity to readjust and revamp… I needed to spend today in a way that allowed me to re-empower myself, both physically and mentally. So, I slept physically for 12+ hours, and then I rested mentally the rest of the day.

And it did a really great job. I think tomorrow will be a joyful and bouncy day for me, now that I will have rested so much and so well. πŸ™‚

I am grateful for such an opportunity.

Post-a-day 2020

Today

Two things tonight: trash and holes.

First:

Today, I got to experience a delightful little bit of small town life. No one put out the trash this morning, so, once I was up and finished with tutoring, I handled it myself. There were still trash bins all down the street, and, when I had been doing the running for my workout, I discovered that some really reeked… suggesting that they still had trash in them. In fact, it smelled outside period, because of trash. So, I cleaned out the trash cans throughout the house, added their trash to the kitchen bag, and stuck it in the trash bin. I hugged the bin out to the curb, and headed back inside, out a clean kitchen bag and cleaned the trash can lid, and then washed my hands.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang. After a pause of contemplating the possibilities and likelihoods, I went and opened the door. An older, grayed and balding yet able-bodied man stood on the doorstep. “I hate to have to say it, but the trash man’s already come today.”

His southeast Texas small town accent only increased the endearment of the whole act. Only in small towns, communities that care openly about one another, does this happen. The other week, my mom said that the fat layer on my arms was due to my having been in the boonies for so long – it was just part of living out here. I laughed really hard at the joke, and told her later how grateful I was again and again at her having given me that silly way to look at the unpleasant situation of having gotten fat where I didn’t want it. That was, nonetheless, one of the drawbacks of small town life. This week, I got to have a positive of small town life, and enjoy the super sweet neighborly kindness that this guy gave freely to me. Just lovely. πŸ™‚

Second:

I talked with my old high school boyfriend this afternoon. We have remained friends these past many years, despite the oh-so-different paths our lives have followed. We don’t talk often, but, when we do, we have to be cut off by some activity of some sort, or else we talk for hours. And we do it with ease. We weren’t just a dating couple in high school. We were really good friends for years first.

Talking today, I noticed how there is a piece of me – un trou – that is filled only by him. It sits just behind my ribs, from the center to the right a few inches or so, and it has a bit of depth to it, though not uniform. I could feel it so incredibly clearly today, I am surprised that I hadn’t fully identified its existence before. It had just been one of those subconscious knowings, I suppose, until today. But now I see and feel how that one spot is filled only by J——–, and it makes my heart, somehow, feel more full. By the knowledge of his absence, he somehow goes everywhere with me, whether I realize or pay attention to it or not. It was a kind of fun realization to have.

While we spoke, I could feel an intangible heat stretching inside my ribs, expanding to fill, at least in part, his space within my being.

Whenever I see him next, I can definitely see myself hugging and hanging tightly around his neck for quite a while – he is so important to me. But it is truly out of love through friendship, not romantic love. Frankly, we are so not interested in one another on a day-to-day or dating level – that’s a hard pass for the both of us. But, just because we are not romantically for one another, doesn’t mean that we cannot improve the foundation of our relationship, and stick with that: friendship.

Anyway, I’m losing focus, both visually and mentally, actually. So, I’m going to end here and do my stretches and reading so I can go to sleep now. Goodnight!!

Post-a-day 2020