And a dash of Indian

I have an organized (-ish), color-filled explosion of Indian outfits on my bed and desk chair right now, and it feels, somehow, really, really good.

I’ve never even been to India, but I feel this strong connection to many parts of its culture…, my mom was Indian in her previous life, so perhaps I was, too…, or perhaps she merely passed the culture down to me in this life… ;D

Whatever the case, I’m entirely delighted about these clothes, which is why I still haven’t started putting them away, since I pulled them all out to see for the first time this afternoon. 😛

Post-a-day 2018

Advertisements

Freshly Sliced

I am the epitome of sliced white bread, as I enter campus.  I have on my dance top and shorts and my hipster tie-dye Oakley sunglasses.  I am eating a Trader Joe’s snack bar and holding a large bottle of cold Trader Joe’s electrolyte water, and am walking with a cool green backpack on my back, and my dirty blonde hair in a messy bun on top of my head.

Two black guys are walking towards me.  The larger of the two, a very large and very dark guy, asks me how I’m doing and what I do here.  I tell him that I go to school.  He asks if I do any sports or anything, because I look like I do long-distance running; I look very thin and fit.  I say that I did.  He says that ‘you see there, I was right – you look like it’.  I notice that I’m also wearing running shoes – the ones I used to wear for all my walking and bike riding at my Japan job – and that I haven’t just been doing exercise, despite my complete outfit for it.  He hands me a flyer while saying that they hope I can join them on the 20th, and then I continue onward.  Based on the flyer, it looks like some sort of DJ dance party with stereotypical black advertising and expected attendees.  Not that I’m opposed to the party, but I’m not exactly the target audience of the flyer, making it surprising that this guy would have stopped to invite me…I mean, did he see me?  Again, not opposed to it.  I’m in full support of it.  I’m just a little surprised by it.  However, I recall that this is a college campus, so they’re probably inviting just about any girl they can find (who doesn’t look like a total nerd, that is), and my surprise lessens significantly.

After a few hundred yards of walking onward, I see what I originally think is a dead snake on the ground.  As I approach it, I see that it is a strand of weave, of false hair.  A gurgling chuckle rises within me.  This is definitely not my typical territory, and I feel as though my thoughts of being stereotypical white bread have just been proven by my surroundings of very much black culture  – not to mention the fact that almost everyone I can see is black to some degree – showing up in stark contrast to me.

And then I remember that I also am wearing a drape-y scarf, despite the fact that it is still technically summertime.  I’m even more white bread than I had thought.

Post-a-day 2018

Never settle…?

My family is so amazing, I wish they lived closer together and to me… no one compares to them and to our relationships with one another.

It’s no wonder I always feel like I have almost no friends – none are the kind of friendships I really seek, ones like the bonds with my family members… and the few who are close like family, mostly live extremely far away, not even in a neighboring state (let alone country for some).

It seems I’ve really taken the whole ‘never settle in life’ concept seriously – it’s either spectacular friends or no friends.

But is that really best?

Post-a-day 2018

Hot commodity/mess

Have you ever been a hot commodity?

It’s somewhat of a newer experience for me, though, in this particular situation, I’ve been of a similar status for quite a while.

The thing about it is that, it’s wonderful when those I want taking advantage of my presence are there to take advantage, and no one I don’t particularly want taking advantage of my presence gets in the way…

But it never really goes that way, now does it?

When everyone appreciates one’s value, everyone wants to benefit from that value…

And I do give back loads…, but, sometimes, I just want to go out and enjoy myself, and not bother with all of the newer, inexperienced folk expending my energy.

Of course, and then I run the risk of being considered utterly snobby, thinking myself above everyone else.

However, especially recently, I am starting to understand why so many people have given up trying not to seem snobby… it just takes too much effort to care what so many people think when, just every once in a while, they want to have some fun for themselves, not have to have things be a helping-out, volunteer-y time.

Yeah, I get that now… no wonder so many of them seem so stuck-up…

So, while I love having my talent and skills, it’s not always great being a hot commodity, when people’s feelings and opinions are so easily injured.

Those are my thoughts to share for tonight. 🙂

(Good luck with your own hot commodity situations ;))

Post-a-day 2018

Not enough

Sometimes I wonder why I consider myself ‘not worth it’ for myself…

There are many wonderful meals I could prepare at any time, and yet I almost always wait for company actually to make any of them…

There are loads of beautiful and exciting and wonderful spots to visit in my area, and yet I rarely pursue any of them without an accomplice…

Yes, it is wonderful to share things and experiences with others, the good- and the bad-feeling events…, but why do I never measure up as being worth going to do those wonderful things, to see those things that I want to see in the first place?

I declare confidently to the world that I am worth it, whatever the situation, and yet my actions show that something within me believes that I am only worth it when it comes to other people… never for myself.

But why?

I don’t have an answer or solution… and I’m not sure I need one, either… I just wonder about it sometimes…

Post-a-day 2018

Think before you speak

Today, I was the forced object and false source of a race-related disturbance.

And I don’t want to talk about it.

But I do want to share that it happened.

The woman did not hear my giddy excitement as I told my mom what I had just seen while returning from the bathroom, nor that my mom asked me where I had seen them.

The woman did not hear my genuine words of excuse (or my mother’s), immediately following the moment where my pointed arm passed between her eyes and her far-outstretched camera.

The woman did not see that she was almost standing on top of my bag (to which I had just returned after using the bathroom).

The woman did not hear or see any of this – she only saw a pale, blue-eyed, blonde girl ‘get rudely in her way’.

Based on all of the angrily expelled words that were slung like swings of a bat from her mouth, she made some serious assumptions about who and how the ‘never taught any manners’ white girl was.

At first, I made an effort to calm her and to show her how unintentional the act of pointing in front of her was, and that I’d never meant to do any harm or rudeness…, but her irrational declarations and chastisements suddenly became rational, when I discovered that, for her, it was about race, and had nothing to do with what actually had happened.

At that point, I made it clear to my mom, too, that there was no use in discussing anything with the woman – she couldn’t hear us or our words… only our skin.

It saddened me that someone would believe such intense beliefs about me, and especially where we were (a multicultural event), when I am the person I am.

I have more than just friendships to show that I am not what the woman assumed of me, but it seems absurd that I even would have to defend myself on the matter… I just don’t understand why people continue to insist that things like this must be “fought”.

What good was accomplished by this woman’s verbal attack today?

I don’t believe that fighting has ever truly been the answer in history.

It was just a way to get rid of those who saw things differently, but permanently so – it didn’t actually solve problems.

… Anyway… just some thoughts of mine tonight…

Post-a-day 2018