Time to Drive

I will remain present, and I will listen to my true guide, and I will follow through with what the fibers of my being already understand to be my truest path.

This is my intention in the coming days; may I succeed in it beautifully, thereby helping the world around me to be a loving and beautiful place.

God, guide me, please, and keep me safe, that I be happy, healthy, holy… Amen.

Here’s to safe travels these next few days(!): Cheers! 😉

Post-a-day 2020

Believe! But I do…

Does everyone have that one friend who always seems to be preaching to us?

Whenever we talk, the friend somehow takes a non-existent tangent to start talking about God or the religion, and almost never really in a normal, conversational way…

We may even follow the same religion, but this friend talks to us like we are atheist to the max… this friend seems to be determined to save us…

I talk about God in my life, and it is, I believe, never preachy – it is just something I talk about, and even discuss, with others.

Other people talk to and with me about God, and it is entirely normal, even if we have totally differing opinions on things.

Yet, that one friend we all seem to have never seems to be able to mention or discuss God without it turning into what feels like an effort to convert us – leaving always a bit of a bad taste in the mouth…

I love God, and I also happen to be of the same religion as you, and my faith in God is not faltering…., so, could you, please, stop always trying to convince me that God is good and that God loves us?

Anyway… not sure what had that pop up tonight…, but it clearly is something that bothers me… hmm…

Boy, do I have other thoughts on my mind tonight (and all day today), but, as much as I have been loving them, they are not thoughts I’m going to share for right now… just know that they are quite delicious and hungry thoughts, and involve a thirst that wants to be quenched. 😉

Post-a-day 2020

Phew!

Okay, yay – this is exactly what I have wanted and needed these past several weeks.

I wanted a more definitive feel for the situation, and I now have it.

Sure, I totally cried really hard for a while, but it was what I was wanting… truly.

Now, I’m clear that it isn’t happening and that it isn’t meant to be (for now, anyway, but that’s good enough for me to be at ease about it).

I said what I felt I needed to say to let it go, and I am starting to be filled with this feeling of breathing deeply, and as though I hadn’t experienced such breathing for ages, somehow.

Ha.

It really is nice to breathe…

And, though it is an extreme disappointment that things are not working out as I had hoped, even wished, I have full faith in the World, in the Universe, in God… there is absolutely something better on the horizon.

This was an opportunity for me to learn, and I definitely have learned much from it… definitely.

(And I do not mean just a bunch of surface-level nonsense, but true and deep insight into myself and who and how I want to be and when and how I can be at my best, and what that means in terms of the people who are around me [on many levels] and the relationships and interactions we all have with one another.)

Yes, this has been quite valuable.

And I am so grateful to be able to let go now of the stress I was building within me because of it all…

Yes, it is lovely to begin to breathe freely again.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Post-a-day 2020

Booking it

Tonight, I offer a prayer:

I pray for these bookings to be resolved with beauty and with ease, and as soon as is possible.

I pray that I listen to what the World is sharing with me, hear the light of God, and act according to His will and what is best for the World.

I pray that we have an amazing time, that I be of service to my friends and to my brothers, and that we all be happy, holy, healthy throughout our trips, and afterward for many, many years to come.

I pray for the healing of my family members who are currently in pain, that they be healed and become happy, healthy, holy.

With love and gratitude, I offer these prayers*.

Good night.

*Yes, I know they turned plural on us. 😉

Post-a-day 2019

Prayers of Gratitude

I have been thinking lately more and more about prayers of gratitude.

In my daily e-mails, one mentioned a short while back how we are always quick to flood the universe with our prayers in times of need – Oh, please help me with this – but that we often miss out on the opportunity to express prayers of gratitude – Thank you for the flowers, the air, the people around me…, for my life, my health, my home, my hearing…, for that act of kindness shown to me, for my ability to show love just now, for my ability to accept love from myself And others

And so, I have been somewhat focusing on prayers of gratitude lately.

Tonight, as I drive myself the remainder of my journey home, I was delighted and relieved that my prayers were clear and of gratitude:

Thank you for showing me safely but clearly to trust myself.

Thank you for putting someone behind me who cares so much and is helping to take care of me.

Thank you for keeping me safe.

Thank you for putting someone behind me who stopped and was paying attention.

Thank you for helping me do what needed to be done.

Thank you for keeping us both – the bike and me – safe, despite our scratches.

Thank you that we received only scratches.

Thank you for the love that is following me right now.

Thank you for letting this terrifying event be in such safe, love-filled circumstances.

Thank you for keeping me alive and well, both for my sake, and for hers.

And for those in my life.

Thank you for my life.

There likely were others in there, too, but that was the main flow of my thoughts (along with the occasional, Man that was ….::hefty-shaky exhale…).

I am grateful for the angel who was driving behind me, and who, though she repeatedly expressed that she didn’t know what to do to help, did exactly what was needed to help – and, aside from all of the conscious efforts to help, her attentiveness quite definitely assured my safety.

Had she not been the one behind me, someone paying attention, I might not be here right now… it was a simple and small accident, but her attentiveness kept it so.

Thank you, God.

And thank you, R.

P.S. All my gear took perfect care of me – I rolled probably three times, without ever touching anything with my head, and lots of parts of me hurt right now, but my skin looks impeccable, because my clothes did exactly what they were worn to do… (minus one tiny spot that, through the jeans, still broke the skin and bled a little bit, but it is a tiny spot that looks more like I tripped and scraped my knee than that I fell around 30-35mph and went rolling across the road)…

P.P.S. Icing has been helping with pain and swelling, and the hot shower just now helped immensely with the pain everywhere.

P.P.P.S. And no, I was not on my phone – not at all… I am just glad that the girl behind me was not on her phone.

Post-a-day 2019

Bolo Ram, and have it all

Tonight, I share the words of a meditation we have been doing the past almost-week, which is focused on “wanting nothing”.

Whenever I used to hear the word “want”, I saw it with the view of “desire”.

Ever since I learned German, I see that definition only second, for the original definition and connotation(?) arises first: to lack.

From this perspective, this definition, “wanting nothing” comes across differently.

By the “desire” interpretation, one could have little to nothing or have loads, but desire nothing.

By the original meaning interpretation, one has everything needed and lacks nothing.

I fully prefer the original meaning interpretation for the word “wanting” in this case (and just about everywhere, really).

And so, we have this lovely meditation for “wanting nothing”, aka “lacking nothing”.

Bolo Ram, Bolo Ram, Bolo Ram

Roughly translated, it is, “Let us shout ‘God’ together.”

I have greatly enjoyed this meditation, as well as its intentions.

Post-a-day 2019

P.S. Find a description of the full meditation here and links to the music for the meditation here.

Another day full of energy

I asked God and the World to have me do what was best today, what was perfect.

Apparently, that turned out to be waking up at 3:37am to use the bathroom, and then going back to bed, only to go ahead and get up at 3:47 and begin my day, instead of waiting for my 4:10 alarm.

Then doing a solid workout at the gym, and heading to school for the team’s morning working, and catching just about every traffic light along the way, adding a full ten+ minutes to the drive – I kept asking, What are you having me avoid by being pushed back in my time path here?

Then forgetting until it was too late to grab a student and schedule a meeting with him.

Then passing a different way in the way to my room, only to discover that we could have great breakfast in the mornings – and then to have a delicious omelette and few sips of orange juice that satisfied every nutrient need for my body post-exercise and the general morning activity of the previous four hours.

Then organizing class materials, helping someone develop a good idea into a great one while I got myself some autumn tea, grading a bunch, and then sitting down outside in the shade for twenty minutes with an old priest on my way to lunch, discussing various aspects of the workings of his community’s life, plus a bit about language and culture – I’m working on getting him to offer masses at least weekly in French (which would be a great increase from the current ‘zero ever’ frequency).

Then my being shown love by a couple students as I obtained my lunch and took it to eat.

Then happily chatting with coworkers and showing a test to the department head for approval.

Then kicking a kid out of class and partly scaring the rest of the class.

Then forgetting about the kid for most of the class period, and eventually remembering and finding him sitting outside on the floor, joining him, and having a wonderful talk with him in which he Fi-Na-Lly got it, and due to which he now intends to pause to consider before Everything he does – you see, he discovered that he just really doesn’t think at all before acting, thus resulting in some terrible behaviors.

Then being silly yet helpful with my next class, and having an oddly at-home comfy environment for class as they did their test review work, and scheduling a morning meeting to help a student.

Then perfectly running into the person I was seeking when I was only halfway to where I was going to find him – and my being slightly disappointed at the journey being cut short, as I would not be able to run into another person I sought to schedule a meeting.

Then having to pause to use the bathroom, running into some students, and finally heading out.

Then, just as I was about to pull out of the parking lot, being flagged down by the exact person I’d hoped to cross earlier, and talking for a bit and scheduling our meeting for tomorrow.

Then singing, unsure as to why, a German praise and worship song that repeats, “Ich vertraue dir…” (“I trust you…”), and laughing at myself, first for singing that song with such sudden delight, and second for the struggle that is riding a Vespa/motorcycle with an open-faced helmet while singing – better watch out for bugs…

Then having to order a new helmet… 😛

Then running a silly errand to print something and it taking a crazy amount of time, while I gladly enjoyed the presence of someone I love and rarely see.

Then sharing something wonderful with my mom.

Then finding Crown Maple Syrup (not alcohol, but syrup that was aged in the barrels after the alcohol was bottled out of them, allowing the odor to soak into the maple), and sharing the discovery with family who were delighted.

Then coming home to Sunflowers and stacks of colored paper just inside my back/side door, sitting outside on the porch for a while, cooking and eating dinner, and heading up to shower and to ready myself for bed.

Then reflecting on the day, and discovering how so much of it were things that I could have seen as bummers as they happened, but that I allowed just to be as they were, without meaning…, and how beautiful it was – without forcing anything or stressing about anything – to have all that I desired in the day to fall beautifully into place, loads better than I had initially anticipated.

Life really does go beautifully when we let go and let God… that was my high school junior retreat theme, and it was awesome then, and remains to be awesome now – it works every time. 🙂

Well, I’m off to sleep, for an early morning meeting, preceded by an early morning workout, waits for me(!).

(I promise I’m still not a morning person…)

Post-a-day 2019

Connection

Sometimes, all we need is connection…

A hug…

A common experience…

A shared surprising and true interest…

A shared language…

Sometimes, that is all it takes to soar our spirits up from the depths of the valleys, into comfortable, smooth air.

In my life, anyway, these are the moments where, when I look back on them after the fact, I can glimpse a sort of smile from the God within us all.

Post-a-day 2019

Photo Lingo

I helped out on a little photo shoot today.

I always learn something new at these, which is great, but I always enjoy them just for the fun of their being an event: a photo shoot.

Photo shoots aren’t just an everyday nothing, really… usually, they are, to some degree, a little or big to do, an event that requires at least one someone’s best up-do, and then some.

Today’s, though a small shoot, was no different.

Those being photographed were clearly in their best getup for the occasion, make-up done to a T, and several costume changes at the ready.

It was, as I mentioned, an event.

Now, this was fun, of course…, especially some of the silly things that happened throughout the photo shoot.

However, the little nugget of surprise delight and God-granted satisfaction popped up when we had a few quick comments from the photographer to one of the models, who was the husband of someone there.

The photographer was giving a few specifics about how to do something, if that model was doing it, and then somewhat simultaneously asking the model to come throw something in the background of the photo.

Now, the husband of this model, in a moderate accent, said to the model, “Entiendes?”, which is Spanish for, ‘Do you understand?’

The husband then gave an iffy explanation, still in English, of what the photographer had been saying.

I could tell that neither one of them was getting what the photographer had said, not even the English-speaking husband…, and so I went ahead and, in a quick aside, verified with the photographer for myself when he had wanted communicated.

I then, while still standing atop a large ladder, broke into the conversation between the husbands, addressing the Spanish-speaking one pointedly.

I asked him a few questions in Spanish, told him the first the the photographer had said, and then communicated the answers to the photographer in English.

I then explained to the model, again in Spanish, the second topic the photographer had mentioned (i.e. throwing those objects), and asked if he could do it.

He asked for some clarity on specifics, and then readily agreed.

Problem was solved, and amazing photos ensued.

When that model was then in photos, I let him know to tell me if ever and whenever he did not understand… he agreed, and proceeded to check with me on just about everything that was said to him.

At the end of it all, it had become very clear that he was relieved to have had me there, and everyone was grateful for my surprise super-helpfulness in the form of Spanish, whipped out of my back pocket.

Might I point out that I am dirty blonde, pale, and blue-eyed, – obvious German heritage of which, one could imagine, Adolf would have been proud – an outer shell that does not boast a likelihood of speaking Spanish?

But it is situations just like these that send a delighted tickle to my core when they arise, because everyone is simultaneously flabbergasted and relieved that I have this oh-so-unexpected skill.

I love having my languages be of use.

When I went for that “Super” trip the other day, it felt like a relief and a blessing that the person selling turned out to be a German guy, with whom I was able to interact in German… it made things feel ever so slightly more ‘right’, like I was on the right path.

It really felt today that this same sort of thing was happening – the World, God, was making a sign to me that I was (and am) in the right place.

I want photography to be the right place, and it increasingly feels more and more like it is the right place for me to be and to be putting my efforts and my love and my passion right now…, so this whole Spanish thing today was like a super-blessing from God and the World.

So, yay!

Thank you, God.

Thank you, World.

Thank you, Universe.

Help me to continue on this beautiful path that is meant for me to create and travel, that I might share the beauty and the love I have to offer the World. 🙂

……..

In a separate note, I found myself wondering this evening: How can a couple be married, and not really be able to communicate in the same language?

From what I saw today, the one guy’s Spanish is super limited, and the other’s English is very questionable… so, how do they communicate?

Is it really more like the idea of mail-order brides that caught on back when I was little, than a naturally-occurring relationship?

But then, perhaps their language is presence, and words are in the works…

I know fully well that speaking the same language fully isn’t exactly a requirement for wanting to be with someone.

I even had a time (with one of the acrobats) in which I declared this guy and I could not date until we both spoke the same language fluently (though, I didn’t care what language that ended up being), and I, eventually, followed my declaration (after, of course, passively ignoring it, and, essentially, being in an informal but distinct relationship with him for about six weeks)…. (We had a great time, but too many problems began to arise due, mostly, to language issues, but also to cultural differences.)

So, they very well could be that way, where words are not the language of the now relationship, because they just absolutely hit it off without the words, but the words are in the plans for the future of the relationship.

I dunno… anything is possible, but I know that I, personally, need to speak the same language fluently as my partner in life, whatever language that may be.

Post-a-day 2019

A bedtime prayer

Dearest Sleep,

Engulf me, please,

For the next eight or nine hours,

So that I might awake

Refreshed and ready to go,

Ready to take on the world

And to use my unique talents and me-ness

To serve the world

By being myself

Fully,

For the greater glory of God,

I offer this prayer and this intention.

Amen.

Post-a-day 2019