Two discoveries

The other day, I was sharing how I love doing photography for people… that we meet up and go have fun and take some wonderful photos…, and that it really happens like that, that we always go out and have fun…

And I found that interesting… I hadn’t considered it before then, but I realized how true it was.

Every time I go out and do photos with someone for him/her we have fun.

And, as it happens, we end up with some pretty, stellar photos… however, that is not my point tonight.

It is the fun that matters most right now.

I love that it is a sort of adventure, and that it is always fun for us both.

Today, after having completed an afternoon of running around with someone, doing photos of a vehicle, I reflected on the time we’d had together.

And I found that it was fun.

Wow… it really is true that we always have fun whenever I go out to do photos with someone… Cool

πŸ˜€

It was lovely to discover.

Another wonderful discovery of today happened about twenty minutes ago…

I have known the voice, and I knew what song has had me know it so well in my life, but I couldn’t have said the owner of the voice… but, when a different song from that usual one came on – iPod playing connected to the speakers again…. I really want to make that even more regular, now that I have started it… anyway – I went to find out whose voice it was.

I know I love his voice and style, so I wanted to be able to listen to it more.

Turns out it was James Taylor.

So, I love James Taylor music.

πŸ™‚

And I will listen to much of it in the near future.

πŸ˜€

Goodnight. πŸ˜€

P.S. Today was National Tongue Twister Day, so I read my mom (over the phone) one of my favorite books from childhood, Fox in Sox by Dr. Seuss…, and it was lovely and funny for the both of us. πŸ˜€

Post-a-day 2019

The return of the cold

Today was really cold… And it was raining… And I only have my bike (Vespa) now…. so that kind of sucked.

But I bought – at long last, though out of immediate necessity today – a rain suit, so that helped tremendously…, but it was still cold out there, riding.

Burr…

Fun fact: My body is getting closer and closer to working normally again… though I was spider-crawling up the stairs, and sliding down them this morning, I was able to do almost the whole workout today at the gym, and my knees feel almost normal now, as I am getting ready for bed.

I mean, I won’t be able to run in the morning, and I probably still won’t be able to squat all the way or rest on my knees for another several days, but I at least will be able to walk without hobbling or being in pain.

So, that’s really cool.

It’ll leave my only main issue as going to the bathroom: every time I have to pull down it up my pants/underwear, it’s like a hammer to my bruised right leg… burr…

Also, another fun fact: I got a hug from a new person today… and it was lovely to have. πŸ™‚

I love hugs, and I’ve kind of been wanting, possibly needing, hugs this week…, so this was perfectly timed and somewhat out of the blue, making it all the better and more loving.

Makes me wonder how I can be more loving to those around me on the regular… hmm… I’ll think on that one tonight while I do some henna… yes…

Post-a-day 2019

Prayers of Gratitude

I have been thinking lately more and more about prayers of gratitude.

In my daily e-mails, one mentioned a short while back how we are always quick to flood the universe with our prayers in times of need – Oh, please help me with this – but that we often miss out on the opportunity to express prayers of gratitude – Thank you for the flowers, the air, the people around me…, for my life, my health, my home, my hearing…, for that act of kindness shown to me, for my ability to show love just now, for my ability to accept love from myself And others

And so, I have been somewhat focusing on prayers of gratitude lately.

Tonight, as I drive myself the remainder of my journey home, I was delighted and relieved that my prayers were clear and of gratitude:

Thank you for showing me safely but clearly to trust myself.

Thank you for putting someone behind me who cares so much and is helping to take care of me.

Thank you for keeping me safe.

Thank you for putting someone behind me who stopped and was paying attention.

Thank you for helping me do what needed to be done.

Thank you for keeping us both – the bike and me – safe, despite our scratches.

Thank you that we received only scratches.

Thank you for the love that is following me right now.

Thank you for letting this terrifying event be in such safe, love-filled circumstances.

Thank you for keeping me alive and well, both for my sake, and for hers.

And for those in my life.

Thank you for my life.

There likely were others in there, too, but that was the main flow of my thoughts (along with the occasional, Man that was ….::hefty-shaky exhale…).

I am grateful for the angel who was driving behind me, and who, though she repeatedly expressed that she didn’t know what to do to help, did exactly what was needed to help – and, aside from all of the conscious efforts to help, her attentiveness quite definitely assured my safety.

Had she not been the one behind me, someone paying attention, I might not be here right now… it was a simple and small accident, but her attentiveness kept it so.

Thank you, God.

And thank you, R.

P.S. All my gear took perfect care of me – I rolled probably three times, without ever touching anything with my head, and lots of parts of me hurt right now, but my skin looks impeccable, because my clothes did exactly what they were worn to do… (minus one tiny spot that, through the jeans, still broke the skin and bled a little bit, but it is a tiny spot that looks more like I tripped and scraped my knee than that I fell around 30-35mph and went rolling across the road)…

P.P.S. Icing has been helping with pain and swelling, and the hot shower just now helped immensely with the pain everywhere.

P.P.P.S. And no, I was not on my phone – not at all… I am just glad that the girl behind me was not on her phone.

Post-a-day 2019

Gorilla

We did an art and expression exercise at an art and yoga workshop weekend recently in which we had to select a yogic exercise from our yoga set with which we felt some sort of connection.

For whatever reason, Gorilla called to me.

It had felt amazing, pounding on my sore thigh muscles, and the massive power combined with amazing tenderness of the beasts felt somehow homey and welcoming to me… plus, we come front the same family, right?

So, I went with Gorilla.

First, we had to do a movement and make a noise that connected to our experience of that animal.

I sat up in a wide, wide squat, tilted my head downward, and rested my wrists on my thighs, hands hanging in partial fists, and gave a very subtle grunt.

The group tried to get me to howl and bang my chest – some others even did that at the time, supposedly as encouragement for me to do it – but that wasn’t my experience of Gorilla… “I am not an angry Gorilla,” I said.

I am calm…, I thought, so is this Gorilla… that’s why we get along.

Then, we had to select a word or phrase from a set that connected to the animal for us, to our experience of the animal, and I, despite multiple people’s efforts to have me select something else, – think super stereotypical for the anger and rage of gorillas – selected something like Noble Silence…. in my head, it had been more along the lines of Silent Confidence and Majesty, the phrase connected with my experience, and the Noble Silence was the closest of the available options to that idea.

I shared with my mom afterward about to exercise, and she totally got it.

I, as Gorilla, observe comfortably and confidently, and am at ease, but am aware and ready to handle any situation which may arise that might require my attention.

Yes, I can take down any threat to my family…, but I only behave ok such a rough way when needed – gentle, comfortable observation and royal calm is my neutral and natural state.

Throughout the weekend, the Gorilla connection grew for me.

Ever since that weekend, it has stayed with me.

I always wanted to be a cat – like a lion or a Tiger or Puma -, but maybe I am more a Gorilla…?

My spirit animal has never been clear for me…, perhaps because I have always sought it in incorrect animals.

Perhaps monkey holds more of me than any others, after all, despite my almost joking about our shared origins.

I don’t know an answer for all of this, and I’m okay with that… I am merely considering this newfound connection I have with Gorilla… perhaps we are meant to meet one day… I can almost feel the leather of the hands already, the warmth of the skin, and the roughness of the fur.., does it also stink, ever so slightly???… kind of like dogs…

Hmm…

Anyway, I also am singing now in my head Phil Collins’s “Son of Man”, which played in the animated “Tarzan” film years ago… great song, and great film… yeah…

Anyway, perhaps this Gorilla will connect with my recent Bear connection, too, and I will find my animal kingdom family…

Note: It was Deep Listening that I selected from the available cards/phrases… I’ve just remembered.

Post-a-day 2019

Three things:

1) I burn a couple tissues together that have old oil all over them (peppermint, eucalyptus, rosemary, lavender, and Texas cedarwood, not olive or petrol), and all is well, and my room smells amazing.

I take a hot shower on this same really cold night, and, upon opening the bathroom door afterward, the steam sets off the fire alarms on both the second and third floor, leaving me to run around, fanning the alarms with the towel that had just been wrapped around me to dry me and keep me warm as I entered the cold, cold rest of the house…

::face palm

………

2) I actually am totally spacing on what the other thing was that I had wanted to share here tonight… hmm…

………

3) This conversation happened just as we were leaving my friend’s apartment tonight to go to Target before she drove me home:

Friend: Okay, are we good? [turns toward me] Hannah, your outfit is throwing me off… It’s cold out – do you want some pants?

All laugh, as we take in my wool beret, thick scarf, leather jacket, leg warmers, and short shorts.

Basically, I am cold-weather-dressed up top and summertime dressed in the bottom, with the leg warmers just thrown into the summer bit.

Friend: I mean, your legs look great. But are you sure you don’t want some pants? ‘Cause you can borrow some.

I assure them that I really am okay, and that I actually had been wearing pants earlier, but that it was just too darn hot… shorts were what I needed, if I wanted to keep the top half on (and I had wanted to change as little as possible earlier, when I was adjusting my outfit for the weather for the rest of the day – because pants and a long and heavy skirt had gotten to be just too much by early afternoon), and so shorts were what I was wearing.

Plus, the scarf really warms the whole body rather well – I was really surprised when I first learned how amazingly scarves work… now I wear them all the time for warmth, much more often than sweaters or jackets.

Anyway, we all laughed about my unbalanced outfit, and then three of us continued happily on to Target. πŸ˜›

We decided that I was, in a way, a perfect representation of our Texas and Houston weather. πŸ˜›

The white converse-style tennis shoes

Post-a-day 2019

DΓ­a de Muertos dinner and dessert

Man who appears magically next to us: My girlfriend and I saw how you were dressed, and we were just at this party, and they gave us these cookies, and we wanted you…

He trails off, proffering a small, white papered bundle.

Said white bundle

Hannah: [Big and quick inhale] Are they calaveras?!? Are they skull cookies??

Man, smiling: Yeah, yeah they are.

Hannah: You’re giving us cookies?

Man: Yeah…

Hannah & Mom, slightly off from one another: Awww, thank you(!).

I accepted the package graciously and peeked inside at them, expressed another but of bouncy joy and expressed my gratitude again, both to him and for him to tell his girlfriend, and the man walked off, all three of us smiling.

Not so bad for dinner at a Thai place – my mom had wanted Mexican food to end the holiday, but everywhere food was, naturally, packed…, so, we just stopped for a warm meal at the place down the street from my house, on our way to take me home.

When we fully opened the package and took them out, we found handmade, adorable calavera cookies.

So, in a way, my mom got her Mexican food to celebrate the end of the DΓ­a de Muertos days, after all. πŸ˜›

Post-a-day 2019

Friday Night Lights…?

Q: What are you doing on this fine, crisp, beautiful Friday night?

A: Sitting on the floor at home, filing my next set of aligners (for teeth, like Invisalign), contemplating life…

Truly, I am…

I had two big things today… one was a total win, and the other is something I would like to call a win, but which doesn’t quite feel like one yet…

The first, it was great(!).

It happened this morning (well, noon-ish, really) at the gym.

For the first time e-v-e-r, I took off my shirt in public.

Okay, except for the time at the topless beach in Barcelona, but that is a totally different situation…. and all the times at the onsen in Japan… again, totally different situation.

This today was during the workout at the gym, when I experienced my long-sleeve shirt to be too much in the middle of the workout… I had contemplated losing it at the same time as the gorgeous latinos were ditching their shirts early on – aka my favorite time of the workout – but was not ready for it, nor desperate enough for it.

However, on the last two of seven rounds of fast squats and burpees (as fast as was sustainable), I had hit the limit of caring about how I might come across to others and how much I wanted not to be wearing my long-sleeve shirt anymore.

I mean, I had even considered how I wanted to lose my pants/leggings, but I didn’t have shorts with me, so the shirt was kind of the only thing I was willing and able to lose without being too ridiculous, even for my own standards… I mean, this was public, not home (and we all know I go without pants at home quite often… like right now, even), so pants needed to stay on.

Anyway, I ditched the shirt, stayed present with myself and my intention of improving my efforts and performance in the workout by having removed my shirt, and I did just that: improved my performance in the workout.

And I wasn’t embarrassed when the guys encouraged me in my workout, but actually encouraged.

And it was kind of totally no big deal that I had no shirt on.

And that was wonderful and absolutely beautiful.

And, though the whole experience was new and slightly uneasy for me, I was comfortable… and that was great.

What’s more, after I had grown comfortable with this all, and the workout was finished, I did a brief evaluation in front of the bathroom mirror…, and I discovered that I not only wouldn’t have been bothered by seeing another female in my physical condition shirtless, but I would have even approved it as quality enough to show off comfortably in other settings – aka though it isn’t required for being shirtless, I look fit enough to show it off, which is a whole ‘nother win for myself today.

I was comfortable and confident enough to ditch the shirt, and I am at a fitness level that I’m even a bit proud of how I look…. I already have been proud of how hard I have been working in these past several months, but today I got to be proud specifically of how I look from all of that work… which is a wonderful little bonus to all the rest. πŸ™‚

So, that was awesome.

Now, the second thing was kind of total suck…

I was told, after practice today, that blah-blah-blah I am not allowed to coach the boys anymore… and not by any fault of my own, mind you… administrative blah-blah-blah was the declaration.

Based on many other events that have happened since… well, over the past while…, it definitely didn’t feel like that was the reason, and I definitely, for the first time in my life, could relate to the desire of throwing a flaming bag of s*** on someone’s front porch – dog, not human, because human would be just too much… eew… anyway…

Naturally, I dismissed the idea easily, for I didn’t actually want to do it, but part of me wanted to release the extreme upset caused by certain others.

You know what I mean?

Anyway, so I don’t get to coach the boys anymore – I love them dearly and I miss them already, and this was a conversation I was expecting to be having one day soon… and I am glad that it is over and done with now…

Yes, total heartbreak for me.

No, not the end of the world.

Just the end of this part of it…

And, the reason I want to call this one a win, even though it definitely doesn’t feel like it at present, is because I accept that this is a clear sign from God and the Universe that something else is coming for me… I had to be removed by shock from the place and state and situation of dis-ease – because there was just too much unease for me in that place, despite the fact that I felt so much love from the lacrosse folks – so that I would make a change in my life to develop something infinitely better in my life and with my life.

As I said to myself earlier today, I have so much to offer, and that just wasn’t the best situation for me to offer myself and my life fully – something better will arise, now that it has the space to do so.

Now that I did not have that time commitment, I have loads of time open for something else, something better… something more specifically tailored to using my skills and God-given talents to serve the world, to be God in the world around me, to let my light of God within shine and have it inspire those around me… this little light of mine has been growing, and it is starting to burn like a fiery blaze… not everyone is ready for that yet, so I must find whoever is ready for it.

And that’s what I’m contemplating tonight, as I file my teeth aligners and prepare for bed on this beautiful Friday night that everyone else seems to be out celebrating (but I have to be up really early tomorrow morning, so I can go earn some money for this insane life I seem to be leading). πŸ˜›

Anyway…

Let’s roast some marshmallows, y’all… this fire is ready.

πŸ™‚

Post-a-day 2019