In another man’s shoes?

Do you ever imagine a version of yourself based around some single something?

Today, in the resale shop, I crossed this pair of red high heels that were almost my size (the left shoe fit perfectly, but the right was too small).

They caught my eye immediately, but I took a stroll through the shoes a bit more before turning back and checking their sizing on my foot.

When I put on the left shoe, the first one I happened to grasp, – I would say grab, but grab sounds so forceful, and this totally wasn’t so – I was filled with a little but powerful sense of delight.

These shoes…

And, before I could finish the thought, I realized that I didn’t have a proper ending to it…

… could be me?… could be a version of me?… could be awesome?… are definitely not going to be work by me?…

All of the aforementioned, actually.

And so I left the thought as simultaneously all of them and none of them… simply, “These shoes…”, and a satisfied inner sense of wow.

I felt so satisfied, considering the version of myself who wore these shoes.

She’s awesome, if I dare say so myself (which, I do).

And, she’s not the right now version of myself, if ever anything other than an imagined version of myself.

I don’t wear heels anymore… quite frankly, they’re utterly impractical and almost always uncomfortable.

I, once upon a time, had several pairs of high heels that felt great to wear… in recent years, however, since those have all worn out or been outgrown, heels don’t seem to be going for quality or comfort anymore… not ones that are sold for fewer than several hundred dollars, anyway… (though, to be fair, I tried on a few pairs today, when I was brought along to The Galleria, and those $800+ shoes weren’t too inspiring on the comfort level either)…..

Anyway, the point isn’t really about how poorly shoes are made nowadays, nor is not about the lack of consideration for quality and comfort when making them, but it is more about imagining that version of myself by trying on those shoes.

On the rack, they were pretty.

On my foot, it was inspiring.

In a moment of something like awe, I had a flash of the woman who wore these shoes proudly and comfortably, belonging fully in them… turning heads and keeping them turned.

I saw the money, the fashion, the business clothing… and then I somewhat encouraged the vision out the window… – I don’t want the business suit…. I don’t want that life…

I do, however, want that comfort and confidence… and that’s were my current state of the physical body needs improvement and care and love, and my wardrobe could use some love, too, to address the body that is currently here.

Sure, I might lose weight and not fit in the few items I bought specifically for my currently-excessed hips and thighs two weeks after buying them.

But those two weeks are likely to be miserable for me without something comfortable and confidence-giving to wear…, and they likely will result in another two weeks of misery and no weight loss…, and it is likely to continue onward until I have comfort and confidence in what I am wearing… the better I feel, the better care I actually take of myself…

Kind of crazy, almost Catch 22 sort of concept, but it totally is how things always go for me.

I even grew super excited, even a bit giddy, when I tried in a few pair of jean shorts that almost fit me today… the first pair was fun, but the second pair, the pair that almost fit, was divine gid – I had a glimpse of that version of myself who really is I, myself… she Does wear these kinds of clothes and shorts… yes, she does…

So, I guess I’m going back to get shorts tomorrow, because it is hot in Houston these days, it will increase is heat in the coming days and weeks and months, and I can’t keep going on in that one pair of cut-off shorts that are genuinely multiple sizes too big (I got them one time when I desperately needed shorts, and they at least stayed up, even though they were too big) – I feel so miserable in them these days, knowing how sloppy they look on my currently iffy fat situation.

So, yeah… that’s the plan… though I had definitely intended to talk beautifully, inspiringly about those imagined versions we create and see of ourselves when we cross a specific item from time to time… usually, those visions remind me of what I truly want in my life, so, while they’re fun and almost wistful thoughts, they are actually beneficial ones, too.

Yeah… cool, huh?

Post-a-day 2019

Coffee and a smoke for the win (for once)

Driving one day, arriving at a red light, she noticed a woman walking on the sidewalk, drinking from a Starbucks cup in one hand, and then taking a drag on her cigarette in the other hand, preparing to cross the street.

She also noticed a man walking on the other side of the road who looked to have little or no money to his name, and who quite possibly was homeless.

When the light changed, and she was heading on her way again, she saw the possibly homeless man again: With a glint in his eye, he was now taking a drag on a cigarette in the one hand, while holding a Starbucks coffee cup in the other.

……

Yup… same cigarette and coffee…

πŸ™‚

Kinda makes you smile, doesn’t it?

People really can be quite silly yet sweet… let’s do more of that kind of silly love in life.

Post-a-day 2019

Surprise Photo Op!

“Do you happen to have your camera with you?…”

“Actually, I do… I was just saying I’m about to go get it out of the car, because I didn’t mean to leave it out there, with the heat.”

God sent the camera with me, though I’d brought it on accident, and God delivered a wonderful photo opportunity to me.

They were extremely grateful, I had loads of fun taking the pictures – turns out I really do like photographing events, as I’d always suspected (they just need to be interesting and fun events, is all).

And then… the photo turned out great already, and, with a little touching up, they now look spec-tac-ular(!).

And that is objectively so, not merely my opinion – fact-based statement, that is and was… the photos are amazing. πŸ˜›

So, I am truly beginning to feel like a genuine and good photographer, worth people’s hiring and even paying loads of money to me to produce photos for them… I’m not the best, but that’s just a yet. πŸ˜‰

For now, however, I can feel and see objectively improvement in my photography as a whole and in specific areas every photo shoot.

And it feels amazing.

Thank you, God, for the steps forward on this beautiful path I now explore.

πŸ€—πŸ™πŸͺ

Post-a-day 2019

Misled Bartender longs to be loved

Can we just talk for a minute about a certain type of character in men: that of the overweight male who manages the alcoholic beverages for everyone?

I’m not sure how I feel about this character, but I tend to notice that I frown or bold my face firmly blank rather often when in the presence of such a person.

On the one hand, he can do whatever he likes – he has the freedom to choose.

On the other, I feel so sad and distraught and, even, angry and annoyed that that is the way the man chooses to be.

You see, it comes across to me as a man who couldn’t find himself valued physically – fitness lacking immensely – and, quite possibly, therefore, intimately, and so he has discovered/chosen his position as drink expert, because he gets to be valued and appreciated by preparing and providing alcoholic beverages for everyone – in a way, he gets all the pretty girls, and, from each, a version of love, appreciation, and intimacy.

Add onto that the often-present obsession with drinking games and their rules, and I can hardly stand to be around this man… he is so adamant that he is the expert on this drinking game or that drinking game… and his skill levels are quite high in just about every drinking game…, as is his alcohol tolerance…

He goes around to the females of the party, and developed special codes with each of them regarding their drinking preferences… he understands them like no one else does…, but only in the sense that he knows what alcohol preferences they have…

And he seems to exude importance and appreciation of himself…

But do these women truly love him as he wants, needs?… or is the situation only getting worse and worse for this man who feels so unloved (outside of the alcohol stuff)?

Every time I cross this man, I have a sense of outrage at his ignorance – meaning that he ignored it – of doing anything valuable with his time and effort, and his misled focus on improving his skills at those two areas.

I mean, Really???!

And I know this is just my view and my opinion… I just wanted to share… the whole reason I am even upset about it is that I don’t value alcohol almost at all in life – I see it mostly as an unnecessary and not-so-valuable distraction for people… it used to be the safe beverage to drink, due to germ issues back in the day, but it seems to me to be utterly abused and somewhat unnecessary in modern-day society.

There are so many better ways a man can spend his time than focusing on alcohol tolerance, combinations, and games… he probably could have picked up a foreign language in all the hours he dedicated to those three things… let alone exercised and gotten loads more fit… :/ ::sigh

Just a thought – I’m not aiming to be rude here; merely aiming to say what I see and feel about this… but do you know what I mean?

Post-a-day 2019

today’s tasks complete, and completely un-ready for tomorrow

Productivity was on my side today, it seems… and I am exhausted… and I have to get up early for a workout…

Although, it isn’t like I’m actually going to be able to be competitive at it, even though most of the other people totally will be – I’ve relatively only just begun at the gym, and so I have to do a scaled down version of the workout, anyway, let alone have a competitive time of it…

PLUS, we don’t do pull-ups with kipping at our gym, so that already is going to affect people’s times strongly… the only people with whom IΒ could compare my time would be those from my own gym… and, even then, there’s only one person who is comparable to me in the exercise at present, and she’s currently out at a bar, and so no longer plans to be participating in tomorrow’s workout. Β πŸ˜›

Therefore, I guess there really is no need to worry for myself – I’ll be totally okay, however I do on the workout… it needn’t be much different from any other day at the classes (for me, anyway… everyone else can be all pumped and excited for their times, but my goal is just to show up and participate to my fullest).

With that, I am going to shower and sleep now.

Peace
Hannah

Post-a-day 2019

Day’s Done

Graduation… tutoring to pass sophomore exams… baby reveal… photography session…

My head is achy, and I didn’t get to attend the workout class I’d intended to do this morning…, but it seems nonetheless to have been a rather great day…

I haven’t seen the photos yet, and my head hurts too much to strain to load and check them out tonight – everything is ready for bed and sleep at this point, and I want to roll with everything on this… sleep beckons me warmly, proffering a cool, damp, lavender cloth for my eyes and forehead to ease my pains and clear my sinuses that are now somewhat clogged…

Too bad I don’t actually have that cloth… oh, well… too much effort to make a makeshift version here – I have oil blends, but no lavender, and she has no wash cloths of which I know…, so we’ll let it pass for tonight… instead, I’ll simply go to sleep and pass… out…

πŸ˜€

Post-a-day 2019

Hearts and Eyes

James McAvoy stole my heart many years ago in the film Becoming Jane, opposite Anne Hathaway (who also happens to be a love of mine, but in a slightly different way).

Tonight, many years further into my life, and actually experienced in full-on adulthood, despite his character’s faults, he still holds my heart captive in the gorgeous ideal he presents…

To be so loved and admired as he portrays his character to love and admire Anne Hathaway’s… practically the epitome of my goals in life with a partner…

And, just for a moment, consider those bright blue eyes showing up in that dance sequence… just stunning how much love and passion and delight they portray.

Well, done, director and crew and James, himself… darn stunning, indeed!

Post-a-day 2019