Goodbye songs and prayers

Sure enough, as expected but almost didn’t come to happen, I cried while singing to this one class in particular. Somehow, I got to the last three lines totally fine, but then got one clear look directly at one student, and fell apart almost instantly. I had to stop entirely, because I just could barely breath and I was crying so suddenly and so intensely. We had a fun few moments of me learning to breathe again, and of our joking about how ‘You can’t do an encore, if it isn’t finished yet.’ I had one more line to go, and I was going to sing it! And I did. And it was wonderful. And I just love these kids dearly.

Thank you, thank you, Thank you, God and Universe for the blessing of this position this semester, and for the blessing that is and has been getting to be with these kids and be loved by them.

Post-a-day 2021

Ce soir…

L’opéra, l’opéra, l’opéra at last. After nearly a two-year delay, Houston Grand Opera has returned to the stage officially, and we attended our first show tonight. It was lovely. Also, it was Carmen, and I love the music from Carmen. Sure, the story and lyrics are still totally typical dramatic and repetitive opera, but, goodness, that music is especially spectacular. I’m a big fan. (And I had a fan that I used during the performance, when it was a tad too warm early on. Then Carmen kept pulling out fans and using them herself. However, hers were used very much in a sultry, seductive way, and mine was merely used to cool my face and neck.)

Thank you, Georges Bizet, for this wonderful opera whose success you never got to see or know (He died only three months after its debut, and the reviews were not so great at the time.).

And thank you, God, for this opportunity in my life, and this gift to the world.

Post-a-day 2021

Songs

So, I wrote these songs. I like them. As it turns out, I am now entirely clear that I want to turn them into real songs, so to speak. I want a full instrumentation on them, and a great recording quality. I want them to be like any other song I might play off of a phone or computer or sound system. I want them to be real songs. How bizarre is that? I thought that was for the select few in the world…
I actively want to work on them and improve them wholly. And I can see that I truly will do all of that.
How truly bizzare… and that it feels so utterly casual, normal for me. Perhaps this is a perfect example of my cousin’s point as to whether I even knew what normal was. 😛
Post-a-day 2021

Music

I wrote another song this week. I was hesitant to share it with the public, as my opinions are not exactly the most vocally common… However, I felt that it was the piece of love that I needed to share with the world right now, and so I sucked it up, let it all go, and shared the song. The following is all I said with it.

“I was deeply distraught regarding many, many experiences, both firsthand and secondhand, recently, and I finally started to write about it on Sunday. My frustrations came out in verse, as has been common for years for me. As I wrote them, I was able to release them, and was left, instead of with despair, with the hope of stepping into something of value and filled with love. These words were what was left filling the page, and _________ asked for some ukulele… So, here we have another ukulele song! ;)”

Post-a-day 2021

Music to my ears

It seems as though I have a bit of unfinished business regarding baritones with spectacular singing abilities. I shall contemplate this further, in order to reach clarity, but it seems as though I either need to have a relationship with one, or I need to have a major completion conversation about them…

I believe I shall say more about this tomorrow, when it is not already 2:05am, and I am not literally aching to be asleep.

Post-a-day 2021

Making music

I started writing another song last night. It was initially to help me organize and express some thoughts around the work situation within my life so far – how it isn’t exactly consistent in terms of title or finances, but it is always part of being my true self and being committed to making a positive difference in this world. But an unexpected line showed up right at the end of the session last night, and it was clearly part of the chorus. It was a line about listening to the angels around me. And it made sense, but seemed almost out of place for the content so far in the song…

Until today, that is. Today, for whatever reason, a deeper fullness arose for the song. My mom and I discussed the situation with my Opa, how he is dying, and how he might finish that process in the very near future. It is an uncomfortable thought, itself, but we both are ready to allow what needs to happen next in the situation. At least, as ready as we know how to be…

However, after she and I discussed their things for a while, and then got off the phone, I started working on the song again, as I had just begun before our phone call (I think I had, anyway). As I got reacquainted with what I’d written so far, I started feeling what ideas needed to come next. I was reminded of the encouragement my Opa had given me one day, and felt immediately that it was perfect to use for the song, as it expressed what I was wanting to express… and then the idea fleshed out a bit…, and, without realizing it, the song had a deeper meaning.

Not only am I listening to the angels around me, having them call me forward in life, but a new one has just joined them, and he has given me further encouragement to follow this path I am forging in my life. Every time I sang that part of the song, I could barely get words out by the middle of the verse, and had to stop altogether for the tears and emotion that arose. And I think the words communicate beautifully in the song, even without someone’s knowing the whole situation.

Anyway, I look forward to finishing that song, but, boy, is it going to be a tough one, emotionally speaking.

Post-a-day 2021

A year ago

A year ago today, I was still on the high that arose from the musical on which my mom had been working and with which I had been helping. It is a glorious musical, and it was brand new. Its opening night never even happened, as they had to cancel everything after the dress rehearsals. It was, nonetheless, a lovely show with wonderful music and some stellar cast members and voices. One in particular actually made me cry several times – and I have a hunch that it would do it again, if I were to hear it sing those certain songs today – and two others were absurdly lovely and inspirational. The show came to mind the other day, and I pulled out my music notes for it today, and I sat on my front porch swing, playing through and singing some of the songs… just like I was doing a year ago, possibly on this exact date.

And I didn’t even plan it.

Kind of cool, huh?

And simultaneously quite sad, considering it might as well be a year ago right now regarding the show. At least then, there were prospects of eventually having an opening night, possibly later in the year. Now, it seems far too uncertain as to whether the show even will happen again, and most certainly not with the same cast, and not necessarily even in Houston. Man…

Well, with that, I go to bed. Goodnight, folks. May we all have lovely nights to follow my lovely day. 😉

Post-a-day 2021

^Not too hard

Happy Birthday, she called it

I went ahead and finished another song for today yesterday. I started it back in early October, when some big changes were happening in my life. I wondered if it was about one of those in particular. But it wasn’t. Then I wondered if it was about New Year’s Eve. But it wasn’t. And then, I wondered if it wasn’t applicable at all. But I ruled that out I easily enough.

Finally, though, I considered my birthday, and I realized that so much of what I have been doing lately in my life has been leading up to my birthday, quite similarly to this song’s thoughts on a certain “tomorrow” and on life.

So, I did it for my birthday.

It wasn’t flawless; it had many errors, my performance; I went too fast at parts; I almost totally messed up words; the ocean water was loud and invisible; the fog was intense; construction was happening in the background, sound-wise; and I forgot to record the audio for an audio track on my phone. But I did it. And I was super excited to do it. And I loved and love it.

I wrote this to go with it:

“Happy Birthday”

Welcome to tomorrow! Another year aged, another trip around the sun, and I feel, possibly, better than ever. I wish you all the loveliest of years this year: that we may all have our fears, and be filled with courage and gratitude; that we may create and embrace loads and loads and loads of love. Happy Birthday to Me, and Happy (Early) Birthday to Texas! ✨💗🎨⚡️🌏💫📿🧘🏻‍♀️❤🤗🙏🐪

🍙

🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑

🦖 🦖🏋🏼‍♀️💪

I certainly had fear in making and in sharing the recording/video of my playing and singing this song. And I did it nonetheless. And I am extremely grateful. May we all have fears and be filled with courage, especially this year and especially in new ways and places.

P.S. March 2, 1836, was Texas’ Independence Day (from Mexico), so Texas kind of has a birthday right after I have mine!

Post-a-day 2021

Music and love

I shared tonight the song I wrote this week. I had in my head that it needed to be touched up somehow, but it turned out to be perfect for me as it was already. I just had to play it all together at once, when my un-callused fingers had rested and could handle playing again. 😛

But I really like the song. And it is in a different way from most of the others. This song is about heartbreak on a human level, and a heartbreak that we all share at some point in life: the heartbreak others don’t see in our lives, the hidden heartbreak.

My heart is aching like it’s breaking

And not only just for me.

How many hearts are the same today

For the things we just don’t see?

Thus goes the chorus. And how utterly true it is.

However, I believe that, though life can be terribly difficult and painful at times, when we operate on a foundation of love, and we make love our aim, our every breath, our life, life is beyond worth it all. I am grateful for this life and for all the love I find and am able to produce and experience within it.

Gratitude, Universe ❤

P.S. Tonight at 21:21:21,

It was the 21st second

Of the 21st minute

Of the 21st hour

Of the 21st day

Of the 21st year

Of the 21st century

Rather baller, huh? 😉

Post-a-day 2021

A Musical Goodnight

Okay. So, that second song seems to be created now. I likely will make tiny tweaks as I prepare to record it for real – well, more for real – but I like it as it is, and I am very happy with it. I need to go back and listen to another song I did, so I can make sure they don’t sound too similar. At least not unnecessarily similar. I’m fine that they be similar as single-instrument and voice songs – I only know about two strumming patterns after all, and both of these songs are slow songs, so variation is minimal on the instrumental front. However, I want them to be two exclusive songs. So, I need to do a touch of checking and editing on singing notes and phrases.

After that, though, I will upgrade from my casual, ‘Just get it all down,’ recording on my phone to a more official recording of how the song really goes, all the way through.

For now, I shall rest briefly and, hopefully, quite well before the early morning workout that is to come in only a few hours.

Goodnight for now, World. Hasta la dark before sunrise, baby. 😉

Post-a-day 2021

^Baller