Tuesday

You know, I think I might end up really liking this golf thing. Not sure I’ll love playing golf, but I think I might always enjoy going to the driving range and just hitting golf balls. We had a parent night at school tonight, so we had to be at school for roughly 5:30-8:15pm. Therefore, since I didn’t work out today anyway, and couldn’t unless I’d done the morning, due to timing, I went to the driving range for an hour and hit balls.

And I had a great time.

When I got there, I asked a nice older man about the number of balls for each size of the buckets – we had to pick between M, L, and XL, I believe, but with no numbers or estimates listed for each size. He asked me how many I wanted. I said that I wasn’t sure, but that I only could stay an hour, and I only just had my first lesson the other day, so maybe around 50 would be plenty. As I was saying this, he scanned a fob and selected the XL button, telling me that XL would fill the buckets all the way. He asked with whom I had had my lesson. I told him. He said the guy was a great guy. Typical older man talk style, if you know what I mean. It was cute.

As the balls slowly filled his little bucket basket, he grabbed another bucket and swapped it with the one that had already started filling. “Well, you can just share with me. You can have some of these,” he said.

I asked for confirmation, he gave it, and I thanked him. ‘Well,’ he said, ‘I’m a volunteer. Don’t worry about it.’ I thanked him some more, and we both went our separate ways, he back to a cart and I over to the driving range.

I went to the upper level, and poured out the balls. He’s given me 63 balls! Pretty good guesstimate for that 50 I’d mentioned! Anyway, I had a blast hitting them. I tend to be quite consistent, but I don’t know how to fix certain things yet. And that’s okay. I need to stay low with this all, so I don’t overwhelm myself. Baby steps and only casual ones at that. Low intensity progress here, please.

Roughly the first 40 balls went great. Nine out of ten were decent hits, and three to four of those nine were good, straight or almost-straight-forward hits that went far. After about 40 balls, however, I noticed I was tired. My hands started to hurt. I started having decent balls only about half the time, with maybe only one or no straight and far hits per ten swings. So, today I confirmed that I am consistent in any given day and that I can only comfortably handle about 40 swings/balls right now. Good information.

I also videoed myself and saw that I was hunching my shoulders. Once I fixed that, the hits were much better.

Anyway… yeah… golf…(!!!) And I even get to look the part in all these cute tennis-type skirts I now have. Next step is to be able to perform well every time in those adorable outfits – to look the part and to play it.

Thank you, God and my man, for this blessing. And thank you, God, for golf and for my man. In your name I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

P.S. When this is posted, it will be my man’s birthday! Happy, Happy Birthday, Love. May God fill you with gratitude, confidence, and love this year. Amen.

Birthday week-ish begins

Well, I opted for today for his first gift. It was a laptop, you see – Apple, of course, and certified refurbished, because electronics are quickly becoming a massive part of waste going into the ground (check out Back Market, y’all!) – and I wanted him to have it already for the whole week, but I didn’t want him to waste the entire workday Monday fiddling and playing with it. So, I gave it to him today, so he could start setting it up today, and vie further into it tomorrow, so it can be an asset to his days starting Monday, and not a deterrent from getting his job done. And he absolutely agreed with me on that concern. So, he got the fancy computer today, and I think he is really going to enjoy using it. Of course, I got a two-year extra accidents protection plan for him for it, in addition to the standard one-year flaw and minor things protection plan. So, that’s an extra bonus to the present, in a way. I know him too well not to get the accidental damage coverage…

Anyway, it was a good idea all around, and we had a blast taking Photo Booth photos as comic book pictures (before we had to run for a family birthday party celebration). I’m so glad it worked out so well, including the price. (Original price was $2299 for the laptop new, in mid-2018. I paid $514. And it’s in great condition.) Thank you, God, for such success today. And thank you for the many activities we accomplished together today, too. Grant us good rest tonight, please. In your name, we pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

Happy Birthday

Today was my mom’s birthday. For whatever reason, as we went to get her a plant and flowers, this song popped into my head from a cassette we’d had for my oldest brother – clearly something my mom had bought for him in the late 80s.

Hey, Michael!
It’s your birthday!
I’m in charge of the stars
and I’m here to say,
“Hey, Michael!
You’re the big star today!”

Obviously, my mother is not named Michael. However, since it was stuck in my head already, and she’s the one who’s bought Michael that tape in the first place, I felt it was appropriate. I sang the song to her for her birthday. And no, I didn’t even change the name. ;P
Happy Birthday, Mommy!! Love you!!
Post-a-day 2022

Hmm…

I never went to read my Facebook birthday wishes from people… Tomorrow will be a week after my birthday, and yet I still haven’t done it.

I wonder why…

Perhaps to avoid disappointment in how few I expect there to be, combined with an enjoyment of life out here, real life… I feel no need to go check them, though I also am a touch nervous to go check them.

Post-a-day 2022

Tonight

My Opa died this summer. At least, I think it was this summer… this whole year and a half+ has been difficult for me to separate into time periods beyond the bulk term “recently”.

Tomorrow is his wedding anniversary with my grandma, and my grandma’s 91st birthday. So, my mom and I are staying at their house tonight – despite the 78° thermostat in here, which is a big youch! – in preparation for a small gathering of family members tomorrow. This time, instead of celebrating with Thanksgiving, as we usually do with a two-day celebration, it is a whole week before our Thanksgiving gathering, and it is without my Opa.

And I don’t know how I feel about that.

I also don’t know how I feel about my having such uncertainty…

I think I stayed away more and more as he got close to dying, potentially out of self-preservation. It was hard to be with someone who was so close to death, who so soon would be gone permanently. But also who, more and more, was less himself, as though he was ever so slowly departing from this life, until just the final bit exhaled one early morning, and finished the departure.

Perhaps life is like that. Perhaps it is only a passing-through kind of deal, where we are born, and, from that moment, we begin slowly to depart, slowly to rise to our highest selves, returning to our core and our maker, returning to our home. And maybe some people are more in touch with that home than most, already with one foot in the door, so to speak. Perhaps they never fully left, or perhaps they quickly leaped back. And perhaps the ghosts we have walking these grounds are the ones who have lost their way, or who are just not yet ready to return home. Perhaps they are the ones who forgot that, like college, life is only a stepping stone, not a destination.

Obviously, I’m rambling off in an unexpected direction here. I’m still not ready to deal with Opa not being here in person with me anymore. He was already not really here for a while before he fully left. So, while it feels quite different, his not being in this house right now, I’m also accustomed to it, and even relieved by it, considering the struggles of his body shutting down over the final year or so of his life here.

Anyway… I want to love people the way I felt and sill feel loved by him. With him, I always felt worth it, and I always felt good enough. I always felt loved, just as I was. I want to do that for those in my life.

God, help me to do so, please.

Amen.

Post-a-day 2021

February 28

Today has been my birthday. It was lovely.

We spent it at the beach, amidst the sand and water and birds and fish and boatloads and boatloads of fog. We made sand mandalas and a labyrinth (and walked it), threw a boomerang-y frisbee, – no, it wasn’t designed to work that way, but it did today! – walked a ton on the beach, ate a lovely Paleo brunch and lovely Paleo cupcakes, opened pen presents, drank yummy teas, played some French Monopoly and some Bop-It Extreme, made sand candles, and had a generally lovely, joyful time just being together. I also played with my jump rope (still haven’t found the right length) and practiced double-unders for a bit, and talked on the phone to a few select people.

And I am extremely grateful for my life, and I am especially grateful for what I have been able to do in it lately. It had been a lot these past few years, and even these past several months – stress after stress after stress – and yet I have made it through all of them, better than ever I was before them.

Gratitude, World, Universe, God.

Happy love unto all of us, as we travel this next journey around the sun.

Post-a-day 2021

^Man! Almost missed it!

Today

Well, I survived it all. I would say just barely, but that I was rather thriving throughout most of it… I guess I’m just super tired now, and so feel like collapsing totally into a comfy, cozy bed. I only had just over four and a half hours in bed last night. However, today was awesome on many, many levels.

And I am extremely grateful.

I felt very much myself in situations where I had only just recently begun being self-expressed, instead of slightly expressed while mostly sidelining. I had a blast doing it. And it felt… just right.

And I got my progress photos from yesterday, the six-week mark of the food challenge with the gym. It only lasted officially for three weeks, but I had determined to go through my birthday fully, and with no meal passes (we were allowed one per week). My birthday is at the end of this week, at which point I am free to use the passes as I see fit. Until then, however, I am still intent on reaching my fitness goals for my birthday. We don’t get new decades every day, now, and we don’t often improve significantly our physical fitness between them as we go upward in count…, but I have this time, and it has been amazing.

Also, less than three minutes walking from our driveway here:

Happy Birthday Week, Banana. 😉

Post-a-day 2021

^Had to think a touch there

Birthdays and bad days

I remember attending my childhood best friend’s birthday party at Skate Central, an indoor roller skating rink, own time when we were little. I had gotten her a Bop-It (probably a Bop-It Extreme). As is usual for my family – my mom is very good at thinking things through practically, and so trained us even as young children to do the same – we had taped the necessary batteries (the ones “not included” with the toy itself) to the present. Therefore, whenever the recipient – in this case, my best friend – wanted to get set up with playing with the toy, all the necessary tools were on hand. And no, it didn’t require any other tools, or we likely would have brought them along, too.

Anyway, that was the present that I was very excited to give to her. Someone else at the party also have her a Bop-It. The same kind, yes. That person did not include batteries in her gift-giving.

So, what happens? My friend and her mom take the batteries from my Bop-It and open up the other friend’s Bop-It to use. Mine will be given away at a later time to someone else, but the batteries were nonetheless useful.

…..

I am not sure that I can appropriately express how distraught and useless I felt at that moment. I only saw myself as useful in filling in where others had failed. I was no main focus in any way. I was merely there to fill in the gaps, as needed… to provide the batteries that no one ha smothered to remember or would consider again until they ran out of power and needed replacing. I was forgetful and a convenient helping hand. Nothing else.

Can you believe I got all that from a single event like that? Yes, it was ridiculous what they did. And yes, they did it without even thinking – they needed batteries to open this other one, and saw batteries on the first Bop-It – problem solved.

This is now something for me to contemplate and consider for a bit. I imagine I have some strong opinions about myself deep down because of that incident. It really hurt me at the time, and we human beings tend to do rash things when we are hurt unexpectedly.

Yeah…

By the way, I loved playing Bop-It Extreme as a kid. I would spend hours walking around – pacing around – my dad’s house upstairs, playing on my own. Everyone said the sound-only game was the hardest. (Psychologically speaking, it’s actually easier, but whatever…) Most people, even with practice, never made it far past the twenties and thirties. I grew accustomed to challenging myself with that one, and ended up with a ridiculous high score of around three hundred something. I averaged a hundred or so for any given play. And that started after only a matter of days of playing it. It was just very natural for me, and also quite fun. I truly enjoyed it, and I loved spending my time playing Bop-It Extreme.

My mom found my one from her house recently. I had gotten a second one, because I missed it when I wasn’t at my dad’s house, which was the majority of the time. When she found it, she replaced the batteries in preparation of showing it to me. I convinced her to play a few rounds with me in the multiplayer version, and we had a blast. When I did the solo player version, I ended up stopping because I wanted to get back to what I had been doing beforehand, not because I made an error. In other words, it was still easy peasy for me, and I was awesome at it.

I really loved playing Bop-It Extreme. 🙂

Post-a-day 2020

Bed time

A pile of laundry sits on my bed. I sit on my bed. I am exhausted. And yet I am putting photos from the camera onto my computer… both of which are also on the bed.

The photos are great, and I am delighted with their outcomes from the party Saturday.

The laundry turned out great, too, smelling lovely and clean and fresh. But I don’t see myself folding it tonight… I see myself doing my stretches and reading quickly and going to bed.

Now.

Post-a-day 2020