Karate

In the tournament today, my age and belt level had only three women, so, the black belts set us up to spar one another, with one girl having a sort of bye. So, I was put against the one girl who had shown up specifically because her instructor wanted her to spar me. The winner of our match was to spar the other girl next.

I was that person.

I won that match, too.

It was very cool.

However, the videographer for my matches totally blew it with the videos. He shook the camera terribly at all the important moments, without clear reason. So, the videos are near-useless for evaluating how I did from an outside perspective. (And he was the same one who did an amazing job last time on the video’s angle and stability! We will be discussing this, he and I. 😛 )

Nonetheless, I felt comfortable regarding the matches today. Though the advice is to jump into it as soon as the head judge says to go, throwing a kick or strike before the opponent has a chance to move or think, I didn’t really like doing that last tournament. It actually was much more stressful for me, and I was near-panicked at the risk involved.

I had seen how the upper belts, black especially, had tended to take their time in attacking one another. It was easy and casual to watch, though still exciting and filled with bated breath when they sparred. The action moments were frequent and awesome, but no one was in a hurry to dive into them as soon as the head judge said to go.

I was amazed by this. I immediately wondered at why I hadn’t done it myself. Then I remembered that the fast-hitting people always beat me in tournaments as a kid. So, I had taken a page out of their books. Those books apparently come from many instructors in the organization. However, not everyone does as he says. And, besides, that approach just isn’t my style.

In sparring in class this session, I took on seeing how it felt to be chill in my own skin in the ring, fully comfortable in patience and intention. When the head judge said to go, I prepared myself fully to receive an attack, but usually never had one. In those first moments, I learned much about the opponent in front of me, and I used it to my advantage. I watched how the person moved, reacted to blocks, dropped guards for certain movements. I didn’t wait long, but long enough to have an idea to use. And then I used that idea. And I usually destroyed.

Today was just the same. I watched my opponents in the eyes. I saw where they looked on my body, while keeping an eye on the tension changes in their own bodies. There was always a bit of a rise and a clench just before a move was made… and the eyes told me exactly where she had set her target. It was a mostly easy block, followed by a bit if pummeling from me. That is, of course, when I hadn’t already attacked her. Because, as a friend said upon seeing the videos this evening, I was on the offense (though the videos were messy, they were still clear enough to notice). Though I waited those precious moments at the beginning, or throughout as I planned my next moves and sought my own opportunities for points, I was still the one managing the ring.

And that was, surprisingly, not a surprising feeling for me. Frankly, it felt natural, as though it were where and how I always belonged: being in charge, running the show.

It was really, really cool.

I still have much, much room for improvement, of course, but attitude is everything in things like this, and my mind seems to have found its place beautifully.

Thank you, God and Universe. I a extremely grateful for all that was today. Happy Christmas in July and Kakigoori Day and, now, Titanic Day!!

Post-a-day 2021

Vroom, vroom

It took having to meet a friend out for dinner at a very popular place for me to get my scooter back into shape, at last. I do not risk stressful parking situations (which include valet parking), and so used to use the Vespa whenever parking might be difficult. It fits almost anywhere, and usually gets to park right up front, because it can’t really go in a parking spot and ‘waste the space’. Tonight, of course, was no different. They let me park right in front of the front door of the place.

Anyway, that got me going. I called the place down the street to see if they had an air option for tires. They did not, but the car wash across the street from them did for free, he told me. So, I headed on over. As I looked for the air location, the owner of the car wash found me and asked if I was looking for air. We got into conversation about riding frequency and how things have been weird the past several months, and so I never got the bike back into running shape after the freeze in February. He shared about the bike he recently ordered from Italy. He asked if I had ever washed the Vespa. I said how I hadn’t but that I had just been considering it, given the style of car wash place it was, and how it would be just right for washing a bike.

And so, he gave me my first wash for free, and helped me with the air in the tires himself. There felt like 15 different steps in the washing and priming and foaming and scrubbing and special water and wax and tire shine and all…., and it took a while. But it was a great feeling and a great result, cleaning that bike. It has wanted a good scrub and clean for some time now, especially since the cover was destroyed by the freeze with ice and snow.

I then immediately got much-needed gasoline, before going home.

And you know what?

I had been considering getting rid of the scooter, as I hadn’t been using it, and I had started to grow afraid of the dangers of it.

But riding on it this afternoon, after the air and wash…, it was spectacular, and it reminded me of why I loved having the thing in the first place.

Going out tonight with it, I was delighted to be riding again. I am grateful that I did this today, instead of letting it sit until I felt it just had to go.

Anywhere it goes, I hope it carries me safely on top of it – I love riding this scooter.

Post-a-day 2021

Dolces of life

Yep. I fully believe that we are given exactly what we need when we need it in life. And most of what we need seems to show up when we finally let go of that sense of desperation at needing it. As soon as we allow and trust life and the World and the Universe to provide for us, they do.

And they do a much better job than we ever imagined for ourselves in the first place, anyway.

Post-a-day 2021

Encouragement

It always is very impactful to have somebody wholly unrelated to a situation share a thought, unbidden, on how something feels to her regarding the situation, and for that thought to mirror almost exactly how I have been feeling about the situation myself. Especially when that feeling seems somehow contradictory to what ‘would make sense’.

It always feels like a message from God and the Universe: Yes, you were right. That is the case. Now, hop to it. 😉

I love those messages.

And so, I did hop to it today.

Thank you, God and Universe and Cosmos. I am grateful for the tender encouragement and empowerment today.

Post-a-day 2021

Oh, no…

The.

Rash.

Is.

Baaaaaaack!

Ugh!!!

Once I noticed it tonight, I immediately took some of the supplement I had been taking back when we got rid of it. I also put some topical things on it, and I reached out to the nutritionist to ask his recommendation. (He’s the one who got rid of it last time.) I am praying and intending that this will sort it out within the next 24-48 hours.

Please, God and Universe, heal my body. I have been dealing with so much lately, it is starting to feel like it isn’t worth it to bother taking care of myself. My emotions are really starting to struggle here… please, please, please, help me to heal myself in all ways this week.

Amen.

Post-a-day 2021

Just do it

Ask the question. Say the comment. Take the action. Step forward.

So long as you are fully present to who you are and how you want to be in this world, and it is coming from a space of integrity and love, go ahead: just do it. You will be honoring your highest self by doing so.

Especially if it kind of terrifies you. It is most likely beyond worth it.

So, be afraid, and then just do it. 😉

Post-a-day 2021

Let’s sleep hard tonight

Today was wonderful. I tidied and ate decently. I had a stretch session for my splits and kick training (which also helped my lower back). I had a lovely workout this afternoon (rare for me to go anywhere so late, let alone to work out!) alongside a newer friend. And then I finished off with some coding fun after dinner and a shower. The family friend, upon seeing some screenshots of what I was doing, declared that, if I live what I am doing now with the training so far, I will love working in coding. He also says that I clearly have a mind for it. (Perhaps I am one of those brainiacs, after all…)

I look forward to lots more similar days in my near-ish future.

Oh, and by the way, I spent almost five hours reading a new book. It’s a top-rated romance novel – giving the genre a real go -, and I am loving it. But the main character has Aspergers. And I can related to about 90% of her thoughts and feelings and ideas and ways of thinking. For real. I don’t have difficulty succeeding in social situations or in reading people, but just about everything else she mentioned was relatable for me. She’s even my same age, and in a very similar relationship situation (at the start, anyway). Very similar. And with a similar attitude towards it all.

After about two hours of the book, I asked my mom her thoughts on it. She thinks that I definitely qualify in certain areas and to varied degrees, and definitely not in other areas. In other words, she and I agreed. No one likely would consider giving a label to any of my traits that align with Aspergers – they always just come across as slightly quirky, if they are even noticed at all (which, they usually aren’t). My OCD is the only thing people ever seem to end up knowing about, and, these days, it’s mostly because I tell them about it and how bad it had gotten before I started sorting things out with the holistic nutritionist. Anyway… haha

So, I’m a lot like this character. Including the things that are part of her Aspergers. And then, further into the book, I find out that the main character also works in coding… talk about timing and coincidence. 😛

Hopefully, the part where she makes oodles and oodles of money in her work will be a commonality we one day share, too. ;D

Post-a-day 2021

Taking strides

I asked, I prayed, and I meditated on my request last night. I slept with the mala last night, and wore the mala all day today, reminding myself of the intention I set with it, each time I noticed it.

And that was great.

I had breakfast with my dad.

That was great, too.

I reached out to someone who, for whatever reason, kept calling out in my mind for me to contact. A male, yes.

And that, though nothing has come of it, including a response from him, also was great.

And I continued my progress on this coding adventure today, making what felt like major strides. I finished the CSS intro course, and then a coding intro course I had forgotten that I had ever begun (because before HTML basics caught my attention as an option!).

Finishing that felt great.

Then, I began working on an app that the family friend sent me for learning and using Swift, so I can learn to do the coding used for Apple products. That part was a blast. And I apparently am great and a natural at it, because I was doing things that just made sense to me (in order to create the shortest code), and then, in the following lesson, it would ‘teach me’ how to do what I totally had just already done… I was almost always one step ahead of the game.

That all was really great. I had to force myself to stop, using the iPad’s battery depletion as my excuse to have to stop for the day.

I was supposed to go to a yoga class with girls from the gym this evening. But I wasn’t feeling like getting out so late. I was grateful to receive a message declaring a need to reschedule from one of the girls. Woohoo! So, I worked for hours on the Swift program instead.

So, that was awesome.

And I began the reorganization and tidying that I have been very much avoiding for quite some months now (since March). There is still more to do tomorrow, especially, but it feels much mote doable, now that I have actually started it and have a vision for it.

So, that was a great relief, at least.

In other words, my day today was really awesome, and I am extremely grateful for it.

Post-a-day 2021

Asking for help

Why are some things easier to ask for than others? I ask the Universe and God to show me what next to do, that I might find my work that I will love and that will serve the world best. Within days, I am engrossed in a world I had previously believed – and am still not entirely convinced is not – over my head. It wasn’t until a week or so later that it even occurred to me that, yes, I had distinctly and clearly asked, fervently, for this guidance that I had so clearly received.

And so, today, I am having a conversation with the same person who had asked me the other week if I had actually asked for help from God and the Universe regarding my work. He brings up about a boy, asking me if anything has come of that situation. No, it really hasn’t. “If he isn’t on my level, then he isn’t for me,” I reply, “And that’s okay.”

As we get into the fact that I really do want to have someone in my life already, that I’m tired of not having a partner and significant other, I notice that, though I definitely could ask for this situation to arise in my life, I feel an immense hesitation to do it. It only makes sense to ask, especially after the last request I made for help. But something is stopping me. I am stopping me, that is. But why?

I suppose it is the same as always: I am scared. I am scared that I will end up settling, and hat I will miss amazing opportunities because I picked someone. No explorations in partners to be made, once a partner is set.

But let’s be real here: I’ve had plenty of time, yet have had almost no interest in anyone I have crossed. What explorations am I even referencing? I don’t actually want to pursue any of them. But, as soon as they are unavailable, it feels, I would want to pursue them, somehow.

How silly…

Okay, so, here’s the thing. I want the man who is perfect for me and for whom I am perfect. Together, we want nothing, and we have everything. We are filled and fulfilled together. While we can – and have done so – live apart, we choose to live together, as we love and live better when together. I want a partner who allows me to think happily on other possibilities of men, as I think today on candies. (Okay, that reference was not intentional, eye candy and all…) That would be awesome! But I’ll leave it to everyone else – I don’t truly want it.

So, yeah… come on, Man. Bring it. I’m ready to step up onto our level, and be together going forward now. Yes, I am still terrified. All the better. Bring it.

Post-a-day 2021

July 4th

I saw a thing today that said that we live in a country so great that even the haters won’t leave it.

And, you know, I can really relate to that. Yes, given that we are a massive quantity of human beings, we necessarily will have many problems, many disagreements, many misunderstandings. And yet, for being such a large collection of people, I think this country has actually done a really great job overall. New levels of consciousness and awareness and human connection are allowing for new opportunities for growth as a country, as a people, and as individuals. Acknowledging the many problems we have is the first step toward remedying them going forward. And, the fact that people are able to call out society on problems they see is magnificent so far as freedoms go. There are far too many places where such a thing is not only prohibited but extremely dangerous to one’s life. One of our most unique freedoms is the freedom to complain.

As someone said yesterday, I think one thing that would make a humongous difference for people is simply listening, allowing others to be heard. Oftentimes, people begin to get loud, because they feel they are not being heard. So, I intend to continue to improve my efforts to listen, to hear what those around me are saying more and more loudly. And I intend to encourage others to listen. Oftentimes, all it takes to solve a misunderstanding is for one side to stop and listen to the other. At the very least, it can be a starting ground for mutual love.

Post-a-day 2021