I’m beginning to feel, after someone asked me about my writing this morning, that the main reason I like and am drawn to writing so much, is that it is an opportunity for me to express myself without being interrupted, put down (directly), or even ignored (noticeably)… I get to be myself and to express myself, no matter who might be nearby.
I’m not sure if I like that or not, though…
I’ll ponder for another day or month or so, and see where it gets me… perhaps it’ll be breathtakingly phenomenal, when I have a breakthrough out of what I find in that pondering.
Sometimes, the best things come out of signing up to do something wonderful that you are terrified to do… so, I’m looking forward to the morning of October 7th, with both nerves and extreme delight.
My family is so amazing, I wish they lived closer together and to me… no one compares to them and to our relationships with one another.
It’s no wonder I always feel like I have almost no friends – none are the kind of friendships I really seek, ones like the bonds with my family members… and the few who are close like family, mostly live extremely far away, not even in a neighboring state (let alone country for some).
It seems I’ve really taken the whole ‘never settle in life’ concept seriously – it’s either spectacular friends or no friends.
But is that really best?
Sometimes, you just have to be scared, and go for it anyway, and everything will turn out better than you ever imagined…
That’s how it seems to work in my life for me, anyway… without fail.
Sometimes I wonder why I consider myself ‘not worth it’ for myself…
There are many wonderful meals I could prepare at any time, and yet I almost always wait for company actually to make any of them…
There are loads of beautiful and exciting and wonderful spots to visit in my area, and yet I rarely pursue any of them without an accomplice…
Yes, it is wonderful to share things and experiences with others, the good- and the bad-feeling events…, but why do I never measure up as being worth going to do those wonderful things, to see those things that I want to see in the first place?
I declare confidently to the world that I am worth it, whatever the situation, and yet my actions show that something within me believes that I am only worth it when it comes to other people… never for myself.
I don’t have an answer or solution… and I’m not sure I need one, either… I just wonder about it sometimes…
If ever you feel sad, lonely, and/or unworthy, take a visit to small town Texas family.
On more levels than I could express, you will be warmed to your core, and overflowing with abundant love and kindness.
❤ Texas, ❤ Family
P.S. Because it really is okay to leave the big city from time to time.
I received some delightful news today, but I wasn’t jumping for joy at learning it.
However, I have, since learning about that, been giddily delighted about something else entirely…
I think that the news today gave my whole being such a sense of relief that I suddenly was able to enjoy fully the something else I’ve been pondering lately (but hadn’t really been able to enjoy yet).
Funny how that happens. 🙂