Apps, again

You know, I sent him another message in our conversation a couple days ago, and he still hasn’t responded. We usually each send something every day or day and a half. And it has been longer than that, by at least double now.

And, you know what?

I’m completely okay about it. I keep revisiting the situation in my head, wondering if I really am okay, or if I’m secretly obsessive and borderline about to break down an swear off dating apps from anger and frustration of rejection and how crap guys can be. But it is the same every time: I’m genuinely okay that he didn’t respond. Sure, I would love a response from him. But I only want one if it is for the better. If it isn’t, I don’t want a reply from him. And, at the very least, this is a very good experience for me to evaluate and improve upon how I handle such a situation. (So far, I am grateful and proud of myself of being so comfortable in who and how I am that I am comfortable, whether this guy responds ever again or not.)

So, yeah… that’s some surprisingly delightful news for my life these past couple days or so. Totally cool, but also totally odd circumstances for finding something to be cool and delightful. 😛

Post-a-day 2021

^I was thinking about it ahead of time!

A Musical Goodnight

Okay. So, that second song seems to be created now. I likely will make tiny tweaks as I prepare to record it for real – well, more for real – but I like it as it is, and I am very happy with it. I need to go back and listen to another song I did, so I can make sure they don’t sound too similar. At least not unnecessarily similar. I’m fine that they be similar as single-instrument and voice songs – I only know about two strumming patterns after all, and both of these songs are slow songs, so variation is minimal on the instrumental front. However, I want them to be two exclusive songs. So, I need to do a touch of checking and editing on singing notes and phrases.

After that, though, I will upgrade from my casual, ‘Just get it all down,’ recording on my phone to a more official recording of how the song really goes, all the way through.

For now, I shall rest briefly and, hopefully, quite well before the early morning workout that is to come in only a few hours.

Goodnight for now, World. Hasta la dark before sunrise, baby. 😉

Post-a-day 2021

^Baller

Music life

I am beginning to see how easy it is to write songs, to create songs. It already seemed doable to me before now, but it has become abundantly clear to me that it is all even easier than expected.

And, I suppose, that is what really is so hard about writing songs. Because it is so easy to start writing them, it is easy to lose track, get distracted, and never finish one. Loads of starts and parts, but very few full, finished songs ever seem to appear.

I guess that is a warning, a reminder, and an encouragement for me. Beware of doing only starts and not actually taking the time and effort to focus on creating a full song in the mix. Remember that it is easy and that you can and want to take the time and make the effort for starts and full songs both. You have done the tremendous effort of completing full and real songs already – you can do it again as many times as you wish.

That being said, I have two songs that are sprouting. One is almost ready to be written beyond just a chorus, and the other began today, budding out with its main idea in the first verse and chorus. (Psst: I’m actually really excited about the latter song.) It feels like the second one will happen before the first, and that’s completely okay with and for me. It isn’t quite yet time for the first, and I know it. It is more a birthday song this year, so it likely won’t be ready until closer to then for me. 😛

Post-a-day 2021

^Whew! I caught myself as I was in the middle of writing the year! No mis-types. Just perfect timing of remembering! 😛

Another some days

Some days, we have high plans, but then end up sleeping most of the day. And that’s totally okay. It is important that we allow our bodies to rest when they need the rest. Aside from all the general rejuvenation that sleep gives us, it is also the time that our muscles repair and build and that our outgoing fat gets released. So, sleep is even better than we imagined!

That being said, I accomplished minor but important tasks today, and I did not accomplish several intended tasks for the day. And that is perfect and okay. I am now going to bed rather early, and that, too, is perfect and okay.

Thank you, World, for this beautiful day and life. I look forward with gratitude to whomever and whatever it is that may come still. 🤗🙏🐪

Post-a-day 2021

^Remembered again partway through!

The hard conversations

I talked openly about sexual abuse with someone yesterday. And about body parts. And sexual intercourse.

There was no anger or wrong-making or freaking out. We just talked. Questions were asked and answered calmly, honestly, and genuinely. And the conversation eventually comfortably and naturally moved onward into something else.

And nothing was weird. And we both gained an unexpected degree of value from the conversation.

And wouldn’t the world be a better place, if we could have informative, open, and safe conversations about more of these traditionally taboo and sensitive topics?

My world certainly has improved since they have become part of my everyday life. It was really, really scary at first, and difficult. And awkward and uncomfortable. Now, though, it has become quite normal and easy. And I am grateful for that every time such an opportunity and conversation arise.

Post-a-day 2021

^Right in the middle of typing it, I caught myself, and so got it right 😛

Ready or not

My whole body seems to be hurting – well, all the muscles on the outer layers, anyway – right now, it is almost 11 o’clock, and yet I am getting up at 4:20am to attend the 5:15 workout class in the morning. And I have several activities scheduled with others throughout most of the day tomorrow. I likely will be very tired and sleepy by the end of it all.

So, why I am sticking to all of it, instead of rearranging or rescheduling anything? Because tomorrow is one version of an ideal day for me. I will be doing things that nourish me, that nourish others, that I love doing, and that also happen to earn quality money to support me in this life.

And I am not only super excited about it – I am terrified. It’s that good. 🙂

So, cheers to a restful and empowering sleep for me tonight, and for anyone else who needs it tonight: may we have our dreams come to fruition, as we become our true selves more and more every day. 😉

Post-a-day 2021

^ Whoop! Had to think about it, but I got it right!

Brain fart?

I just received a box in the mail. I was surprised, as I was not expecting any boxes. It was a 12”x10”x6” box.

Its contents?

A piece of paper and a plastic package of underwear, measuring 4”x3”x1”.

And I know the sender had significantly more environmentally friendly and less wasteful packaging available to them. In fact, their usual packaging is quite small, and is reusable.

Is that not just ridiculous?

Perhaps the box is a better deal, because I will recycle it, but I might not ever reuse the reusable packaging they typically use. N

onetheless, why?

Note: And yes, I would have bought the underwear in person, had they been available for me to buy anywhere in person.

Post-a-day 2021

^ 100% missed it this time. I actually forgot that I had even written anything at the end, and was going back to add the line before publishing, when I found that I had already done it… with 2020… ::face palm

Winterrr

Well, it is full-on brrr time in Houston right now. We were at 3°C this morning, with a feels like of -1. I had a frosty windshield when I got up to go exercise this morning, evidenced here:

By midday, however, the chill had fully gotten to me: my throat was hurting. By early afternoon, I could hear buildup in the back of my nose, and my voice was difficult to use at regular volume, and sounded odd, like going in and out of signal somehow. I took a long nap early afternoon, had an extra super-smoothie, then ate hot food for dinner. And I am definitely sick.

However, it feels just like all the other winter chills I seem to get at least once every year. Hopefully, I can sleep and drink it off* this weekend, and be back to fully functioning by Monday morning. My dad and I are scheduled to go for a walk together for his birthday then. (Clearly, I won’t be preparing a song for him this weekend, seeing as how singing is not really an option for me at the moment.)

Anyway, here’s to hoping my room is warm enough tonight to help heal me properly, and my sleep is deep enough and lasts long enough to help, as well. Cheers!

*Of course, I mean with water. I hope you didn’t need that clarification, though. 😛

Post-a-day 2021

^Got it, but only barely, like last night!

Say, what?!!?

Have you ever had that moment when something on your actual life sounds like something from a film? Where you have a moment of being unsure as to whether you will break into tears at the stress of it all, or you will break into laughter at how ridiculous and movie-like it all is…or, maybe, both?

I had one of those today: a genuine, ‘What… the…,’ mind-shocking unraveling of events. And I still don’t know what to make of it all.

The problems are just like in the films, with, I am almost certain, the exact same reasons for having developed as the film-problems have. And I don’t know if they are going to be solved, or just used as sad memories for those involved for years to come. Will righteousness and hurt, anger, frustration, and a lack of true and genuine communication reign, ruining the opportunity for intense, immense love? Or will those involved stop and breathe and acknowledge the love they have and want to share, and straighten out their words and needs and means of communications, and truly – possibly for the first time ever – and fully create the love they want to share?

I prefer the latter, without a moment’s hesitation or doubt.

Fingers crossed!

Post-a-day 2021

^Almost there! Still got it wrong at first, but corrected it immediately, with a little sigh, of course. ;P

Scary, scary

I have been working on actively taking on doing things that scare me. On Sunday, I went running on my own at a park that people use for running all the time. It was terrifying, and thrilling. And I actually want to go back. It makes sense to me now, why people might run there versus at home. I’m sick of running through my neighborhood, I’ve done it so much. This made for a change of scenery with reliable measurements and safety. Also, it provided support and encouragement via everyone else there getting in a run and/or walk in their mornings.

On Monday and Tuesday, I also did something each day, but I’m not recalling what at present… I actually am not even remembering almost anything I did on either day right now… lunch with my dad was… yesterday? Yes, yesterday. I worked Monday. Yeah, and I even wrote all about my day yesterday… I guess I’m tired now and ready for bedtime. Haha 😛 Anyway, moving onward…

Today, I asked for something that was due to me. The answer was an easy and immediate, “Yeah, of course!” from the person. Wow! That was easy and had an awesome result. I also went to the post office and handled all my mailings that needed to go out…. months ago, really. But they are now done! Yay! Huge relief there. Yay!

Tomorrow, it will be something else. And the same is the goal for each day after that. I took on this idea at one point in college, and I ended up having a blast with the things I did. Life had a new and spectacular edge to it. I still remember specifically how I ended up skateboarding behind the administration building as one of those things – I really wanted to try it, but was scared… and so I made it my thing for that day, and let the guy teach me how to do it. It was thrilling and frightening, and I am still grateful that I did it.

One of the scariest things for me is speaking up, be it standing up for myself or just asking for something, making a request, speaking up can be quite difficult for me to do. So, I expect a good handful of these scary things will involve speaking up. For the first while, anyway. Perhaps I will adjust so well to having to speak up so often as my scary thing for the day, that it won’t be scary anymore. That could be fun. It would open up a whole new world of scary things to pursue.

(Keep in mind, these are not dangerous things. They are merely regular things that, due to fear, I typically would avoid doing, despite wishing I could or would do them.)

Post-a-day 2021

^Man, I just got it wrong this time. I had closed the post, when I wondered if I had even put the last line on it. I wasn’t even thinking about if I’d gotten the year correct. When I saw it, I was surprised and relieved that I’d written it. And then, as I was scrolling away to close it, I remembered to check for the correct year. And it was 2020. ::mega face palm tonight Haha