It is very difficult for me to ask people for things, to make requests of others. No matter the situation, no matter the request, it is always somewhat – if not extremely – difficult for me to make the request. Of course, people seem to feel as though I have a comfortable confidence when making these requests, and have admitted to me of having no knowledge of my difficulty in making requests. But that is simply because I make sure I am as ready as possible before making the requests. I am usually the only one present for the inevitable turmoil that precedes a request for me. Occasionally, my mother or best friend is around for part of the paranoia, and so they understand it a bit. However, most people have no idea what it takes for me to make the simplest of requests of them.
All of that being said, perhaps one could understand how devastating it can be for me when I am denied a request, especially one that I might have expected to have been granted easily enough. I am always so willing to receive requests from others, and yet I cannot practice what I wish to receive from others. I suppose I have just had a little too much rejection of sorts in the past, that I lack the confidence now.
I wander, wander, wander… blindly, patiently, impatiently… expecting… something. I revel in what is to come. You are guiding me, even when I aim to ignore the guidance, and you accept me as I am. You are here for me, and now I want to be there for you. What is my next step to bring me from here to there, from me to you? That is my question.
Today, I realized fully that I am the only sibling on my mom’s entire side of the family who does not have a significant other.
And I am the only sibling in my entire family who has never had a significant other.
Hashtag unique, I guess.
This was from an e-mail one of my brothers sent to me, forwarding me the information regarding his upcoming visit to us in Houston. It is so my family and, especially, my brother.
So I double checked the initial send and realized I hadn’t sent a copy to you, so here you are. Your own personal copy while everyone else had to share one. Love you and hopefully we can talk again soon.
I’m not sure what’s with the world right now, giving me all of these days with both extreme highs and extreme lows in each of them…
… It’s really quite exhausting, and kind of makes me want to do something drastic (i.e. move to another country).
I love when things just show up in life, as though supporting a new idea or direction I have just selected.
Sometimes, that leap of terror was all we really needed to move forward…, because it was really just a ravine in front of us…, since the world isn’t flat, and so doesn’t actually end at that cliff.