Arawareru

あらわ

現れる

This is the phrase I have selected for my kakizome this year. Or, rather, we have selected to work together and to spend much time together this year. The fist kanji (Chinese character used in Japanese) is made of two separate kanji. One, 王, means “king; rule; magnate”. The other, 見, means “see; hopes; chances; idea; opinion; visible”. Together as they are, they mean, “present; existing; actual,” and this kanji is pronounced “arawa”. Now, combined with the two kana that follow this kanji, the whole pronunciation is “arawareru,” and it means, “to embody; to appear; to come into sight; to materialize/materialise; to become visible; to come out”. This year, I am all about embodiment in my life – I want to cause to happen all of these wonderful things towards which I have been called and for which I have been longing in my life. God, please, give me the grace this year to embody Your love through manifesting clearly and materializing fully my dreams. In Your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

(Almost missed it! ^)

Dearest Angels

I believe you can hear me, you feel me, and you know me…, and you respond to me. Thank you. Please, comin the to guide me, that I might be the love that is needed in this world, that we might heal those I meet with this love that is The Universe and God itself. I know you hear and feel my prayers. Thank you. Let us continue.

Post-a-day 2021

P.S. ^ It’s been nice, completing this fifth year of sharing with the world daily.

Growth

I think it show immense growth that I can simultaneously have a touch of trepidation at the idea of receiving feedback from someone on a song I created, and also comfortable consideration of that person’s ideas, without panic or a feeling of defensiveness. I would have been both in the past, I have very little doubt. Now, however, I see that I can accept the offerings for what they are – offerings for improvement -, and then evaluate them genuinely, and either accept or reject them based on what I truly want for the song, separate from any feelings of not being good enough, or anything else like that.

It feels odd, but the comfort of it is surprisingly wonderful.

Post-a-day 2021

I see you

Do I write poetry?
Or does poetry write me?
Or, perhaps, I write poetry,
and poetry rights me…

I experience an extreme
lack of understanding
from the people I meet.
They do not see me
almost at all,
though they believe
that they see all.

If I cannot express simply
who I truly am,
how could someone else define me
with just a glance?

Ender said it,
and I felt it, because
How can you judge me,
If you do not first know me?
And how can you know me,
If you do not first love me?

It is little wonder
i feel so alone.
I’m surrounded by judgements,
So,
barely seen,
barely loved,
barely known.

But by myself.

Post-a-day 2021

It’s coming…

Harry Potter Day, as it was Harry Potter’s birthday and the beginning of almost every book, is tomorrow, 31 July. I suppose he would be…, well, I don’t know. The first book was released 26 June of 1997 in the UK. Harry turns 11 at the beginning of that book (after the intro bits, that is). Worth each book, he was a year older, but the books didn’t release each year… so, based on the release of the first book, we could say that Harry would be 35 now… However, at the end of the last book, he’s already all grown up and all, so that messes with that completely.

But the series is now over 24 years old…

So, let’s put it this way: This 31 July will be the 25th opportunity for the world to celebrate Harry Potter’s birthday. Let’s just enjoy that, then, shall we? 😉

Happy 25th birthday, Harry.

Post-a-day 2021

Five years

So it seems, five years ago, on 21 June, I opened my account for a weblog. I wanted to be a writer, and so I needed to start writing. I was focused on writing only interesting, good things at first. By October, I had discovered that it stifled my opportunity with the weblog, limiting myself so strongly. I began writing every single day, sharing just whatever happened to be on my mind. It had become, and remains today, a sort of journal for me, a true log of events and emotions within my life. Whenever I cross older posts, I am delighted, and often also amazed at what I had to say on a certain day or topic, what I had to share. My own history, in a way, is written here, my mind itself put on display for any who would buy take the time and interest to read.

Fascinating… I am grateful for the opportunity of this weblog, both for the cataloguing it has done and for the expression of self that it has been for me. No matter my situation in life, with family and friends and all, hannahananas.com awaits me, always ready and always accepting whatever I have to offer. It is an open space, granting me opportunity for the cosmos. And I am grateful for that.

Post-a-day 2021

Really?

So, there’s a chance that I actually want to write something along the lines did romance novels… erotica…., but with really good stories that have really good sexual interactions/thoughts dispersed throughout them… like real life. It isn’t all about the sex; it’s about the life. And the sex just gets it due description, like the rest of it all.

We shall see, though. Time to dive further into reading that smutty romance stuff and see how I feel about it all!

Post-a-day 2021

Show me how you nerd

I mean, let’s be real here. How many people actually spend time looking up and reading about punctuation…. just because they are curious? And how many people do it more than as a one-time-thing?

I do not believe that the count is very high, but I know that I am one of those select nerds. 😛

Post-a-day 2021

Making music

I started writing another song last night. It was initially to help me organize and express some thoughts around the work situation within my life so far – how it isn’t exactly consistent in terms of title or finances, but it is always part of being my true self and being committed to making a positive difference in this world. But an unexpected line showed up right at the end of the session last night, and it was clearly part of the chorus. It was a line about listening to the angels around me. And it made sense, but seemed almost out of place for the content so far in the song…

Until today, that is. Today, for whatever reason, a deeper fullness arose for the song. My mom and I discussed the situation with my Opa, how he is dying, and how he might finish that process in the very near future. It is an uncomfortable thought, itself, but we both are ready to allow what needs to happen next in the situation. At least, as ready as we know how to be…

However, after she and I discussed their things for a while, and then got off the phone, I started working on the song again, as I had just begun before our phone call (I think I had, anyway). As I got reacquainted with what I’d written so far, I started feeling what ideas needed to come next. I was reminded of the encouragement my Opa had given me one day, and felt immediately that it was perfect to use for the song, as it expressed what I was wanting to express… and then the idea fleshed out a bit…, and, without realizing it, the song had a deeper meaning.

Not only am I listening to the angels around me, having them call me forward in life, but a new one has just joined them, and he has given me further encouragement to follow this path I am forging in my life. Every time I sang that part of the song, I could barely get words out by the middle of the verse, and had to stop altogether for the tears and emotion that arose. And I think the words communicate beautifully in the song, even without someone’s knowing the whole situation.

Anyway, I look forward to finishing that song, but, boy, is it going to be a tough one, emotionally speaking.

Post-a-day 2021

Brains and words

I’m listening to a news audiobook this week. In it, the narrator does hand lettering and calligraphy. At various points in the story so far, she has described how she often sees the letters of the words people say, as though they are out in front of her, and she describes to the reader the size and style and font and, even at times, movement of those words. Every time she does this, I find myself agreeing with her. Yes, I saw it that way, too…, because I had seen it that way, when the other characters had said what they had said, before the narrator had described the way she had heard and seen it. I don’t have the education regarding specific fonts that she seems to have, but I’ve done a touch of research along the way, as she mentions something of which I am not certain, and now understand exactly what she means as she describes various fonts and words. And I get it, every time.

Which made me suddenly realize that, though I can relate so easily to this character in this way, I do not believe that was necessarily the intention. That is, I think she was more meant to be a sort of artistic anomaly, one that is fascinating to the normal folk, because they are not like she is; they do not see the world of words as she does.

At the very least, however, I have a fictional comrade in seeing the words that people speak, and then, likely, at least one person in real life, be it the author or someone the author knows. So, I’m not entirely alone on this.

But it does have me wonder how many people do actually see words this way, as I and this character do. Like how some people hear smells or see sounds; like how Julie’s R is always the color purple (a girl from my program back in France, many years ago). Is this a matter of neuron pruning, like synesthesia? Is it only a small piece of the population, or are there actually millions out there?

In a way, I wonder how alone I am on this way that my brain functions…

Post-a-day 2021