What’s the point?

Aimlessly I pace, pause, glance…, repeat… until I realize that it is not aimlessly after all… merely fruitlessly…

“What is my aim?” I ask, originally expecting an answer about what topic to use for writing…

“To provide beautiful inspiration through new perspectives,” is the reply, clearly referencing more than just tonight’s aim of finding a topic about which to write…

So, we’ll roll with this idea…

“Did I know this already?”

“Yes, I believe so… perhaps you just set it aside with all the off-and-on panic you temporarily embraced, and forgot its depth for a while…, but you knew it already, yes.”

……

I seem to have done this much lately, letting fear and concerns get in the way of what I want to do in the world with my life, what I am almost committed to doing… perhaps it is because I’m not committed to doing it that I allow myself to push it aside(?)… yes, that would not surprise me…

Fear and concern show up, and, instead of allowing them to be expressed and then move onward, I have embraced them a bit here and there… fortunately, I always seem to let them go, however, I think I could use some work on letting them go much sooner than I have been doing.

Every time I release the fear involved in something, say photography, I end up doing something spectacular or having something spectacular happen to or for me…, so I think it is high time I spent a bit more attention on creating a commitment to providing beautiful inspiration through new perspectives in what I do, and to allowing fear and concern to express themselves and then be released immediately…

I can do this, I know, so let’s just do it already. πŸ™‚

Smiles away! πŸ™‚

Post-a-day 2019

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At the close of a rough day…

What are you doing right now?

Can I play ukulele to you?

I’m feeling a bit lonesome and useless, and that would be a quality purpose

I considered guitar, but the strings really need to be replaced :/

Those were the messages I sent.

And then she called me…, and I played ukulele and sang to her, and we talked a bit afterward about some things, and it was great.

My mission was accomplished, and I felt so much more at ease than beforehand… service given, art made, purpose felt, love shared.

Friends are wonderful, even when they are all the way across the country.

πŸ™‚

P.S. I spoke briefly with a friend in D.C. earlier, and then this one in Oregon tonight… I really do span the country with my closest friends… it’s almost as though one must live farther away in order to deepen our friendship more. πŸ˜›

Post-a-day 2019

Hello-Goodbye

The Beatles sure do have a song for every occasion.

Tonight, we say hello to the new year as we say goodbye to the one that’s been here for a while (for a year, to be exact).

And it really has been a year, this one… life has looked little like how I might have expected.

And yet, the good and the bad, the ups and the downs and the plateaus, have all balanced out rather nicely for this year… it kind of even has me terrified for this next year, because of how wonderful these unexpecteds keep turning out.

Kind of like the beautiful Marianne Williamson quote, where she says that ‘it is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us,’ and that ‘our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,’ but ‘that we are powerful beyond measure.’

This year has been an even more clear example of that entire quote for me in my life, as each year has been progressively showing me, more and more… and so this next year definitely has me on the edge of my seat in slight but giddy and delighted terror. πŸ™‚

P.S. For those who want to read the full and fabulous quote (which I didn’t even have to reference when writing this, though I haven’t seen it in probably years – I just know it so well) from Marianne Williamson: a link.

Post-a-day 2018*

*The Last of its group

Biblical coincidence?

I’ve been reading from the Bible every night, in my effort to read the whole thing (Being raised Catholic, my family fit in well with the stereotype that Catholics really don’t read the Bible, but merely rely on hearing almost all of it through Mass attendance over the three-year plan the Catholic Church follows).

I’ve been in the part where Saul becomes King of the Israelites, and just last night hit the part where the Israelites seem like they’re about to have this big showdown with the Philistines… little did I recall that this upcoming showdown is actually where the story of David and Goliath takes place.

But I still haven’t read that part yet, so how have I come by this tiny enlightenment?

Checking my e-mail this morning, I found a digital audiobook from the library to be just this morning checked out to me (it had been on hold for quite some time, really [possibly months]).

And what book was this?

None other than David and Goliath by Malcolm Gladwell (if you don’t know his books, read them ASAP, or listen to the audiobooks, which are read by the author himself, ASAP)…., in the beginning of which, Malcolm Gladwell discusses the lead-in for the David and Goliath story, which, as I am listening, I suddenly recall, I have just been reading!

And so, with this fabulous Malcolm Gladwell approach to the story, I set myself with delight to the task of continuing on in my reading of the Bible.

I mean, what kind of perfect coincidence is that, anyway???

Tears of fear and laughter

I was all set to write something good, using my computer…, but the internet is, yet again, not working properly, so I got pushed back to my phone for a short bit of thumb tapping instead (because I like two spaces after my periods in writing, and the phone application doesn’t allow such a thing).

Life can be tough and miserable, or it can be tough and comical… I think I’ll aim for the latter this week, since this small incident is one tiny straw on this bundle that feels like it’s breaking my camel’s back…

Post-a-day 2018

Old men and fashion

It isn’t often that I hear an old man comment on clothing, – other than it being related to how impractical this or that might be – but the old men usually make it count whenever they do comment on an outfit.

Tonight, leaving the classroom, the professor asks me if my skirt is made out of coat-ties.

I tell him that it is and that my mom and I made it.

With big nods and a big grin, he tells me how he thought so, because, well, it’s one of the ones in the back part, yes that one there – he owns that tie… he has that same one!

I was totally tickled by it, and he was delighted at having recognized them as ties (because we removed the back seams and opened each of them up, making them double the width), and so we both just chuckled along the hallway on our ways out, delighting in the small world that involved my skirt. πŸ˜›

Post-a-day 2018

Take care, friends

I am strong as a person, and I know it – I can take care of somebody else, easily.

That’s why one of the most appealing things to me in a partner is someone who will take care of me…, because I sometimes just want to take a break from taking care of everyone else – of anyone, actually – and have someone do it for me, instead of the other way around.

But I feel as though I am failing as a friend, if I ask that of a friend… it’s only acceptable, it seems, with a partner in life…, but maybe that’s just because the best kind of friends aren’t really in my everyday life right now, and so I can’t even imagine it being acceptable behavior, their taking care of me for once.

And then this reminds me of something from today.

I stopped in on an old co-worker’s class today while I was subbing, and the prayer she read to begin class was about reaching out to those who seem upset or alone, because, how does one know that that person has friends to cheer him up?… I might be the only one who’s even considered cheering the person up, it said… perhaps the person feels just as lonely as I do, and just no one has ever taken the time to see, it read…

And I cried during the prayer, because I felt like that person who feels so alone, but who no one would consider might ever feel like she’s all on her own and alone, with no one even to check on how she’s really doing, and not just how she might look from the outside…

Post-a-day 2018