If we met a guy like Gaston today, how would we respond?
How would we like to respond?
Think on that for a while.
If we met a guy like Gaston today, how would we respond?
How would we like to respond?
Think on that for a while.
For some reason, I genuinely want friends, and I rather want males to leave me alone in the dating realm of life. I usually struggle even talking with guys who show interest in me, until they seem to understand clearly that I am not interested (a process which usually includes utter bluntness, ignoring, a combination of the two, and possibly many other negative-type events). So, it always feels like I just wants guys to leave me alone – I don’t want to date anyone, so let it go, give it up -, but I’m fine with having friends and acquaintances, and actually prefer that to dating.
Yet I want to be with someone.
I think that 1) I am crazy, and 2) I am already in the mindset of being with that certain someone, whoever it is, because I feel so confident that it will be unbelievably obvious when the time comes that we finally meet and are ready to be together, that we are the ones for one another. So, in a way, I’m already having a relationship with this someone – or myself, if I am the only one meant for me after all -, and so I naturally am bothered by guys expressing interest in me. I already have someone, or else I won’t ever be having someone, so leave me be (on that front, anyway).
Yeah, so I suppose I have established that I am, indeed, just a little bonkers, then. 😛
On my evening walk last night, I walked with a small opossum for a while. It was great. He was adorable. We were both enjoying the weather and a casual stroll in it. At one point, we paused and gazed into one another’s eyes for a few moments. It was very intimate. I guess it got a little too intimate for him, though, and he felt awkward. Because, a few seconds after our gazing into one another, he wandered off suddenly in a different direction. And I haven’t heard from him since. Sigh… And we had been having such a good time… Perhaps we will never understand the male sex…
A sort of short story about a girl’s casual, 30-second train of thought.
“…I go on a job interview there, and that’s how we finally meet up, and discover that we really do like one another in a dating capacity. And so, I start working over there, and we start dating. That’s easy enough, you see,” says Eliza.
“Okay…” replies Karen speculatively. “And then?”
“Well, and then we realize that we totally love one another,” continues Eliza, “and we’re ready to get married. But the question is whether we get married here or over there. If we got married there, it would be totally classy and cool, but then all of my family and friends here likely would miss out. But then, I think, what people here do I really care about having at my wedding? Most of them would be invited only so I could show off my amazing husband and wedding to them, anyway. And wouldn’t it be accomplishing the same thing by getting married in Europe instead, where my husband is from? It shows how he’s exotic, and so am I, getting married over there. Plus, then all the ladies could wear their fabulous hats and everything would be so chic and practically straight out of some fashion magazine.
“I would have a dress that is inspired from the princesses’ wedding dresses in London over the years, with a hint of French flare and loads of my own personality, all tied together beautifully and stunningly.”
Karen cuts her off, “You have the dress planned already?”
“Well, I’m not sure about the whole thing exactly, but I know how the sleeves would look, and they’re spectacular and classy. And YES, they do exist, despite all this recent fashion of sleeveless wedding dresses. So not my style.”
Karen shakes her head, and takes a sip of tea as Eliza continues.
“Anyway, so that could be cool. And we’d have a super-fab old Church for the wedding, and that would be amazing and not cliché, because it’s actually just normal in Europe. But then, we’d have to have some kind of something here in the US afterward. I’m not sure what, exactly, but something to celebrate specifically with everyone here who couldn’t make the trip. But nothing lame. Too many people do a lame ‘Oh, we couldn’t invite all of you to the wedding, but we still want to celebrate with you’. Aka ‘Give us presents, even though you weren’t good enough to be invited to the wedding.’ Not to be harsh, but you get the point…”
“Who’s she talking about?” whispers Lorena, who has just returned from flirting at the tea bar.
“The guy from the photo I showed you yesterday,” replies Karen, sighing. Lorena accepts this, and begins to process what Eliza is saying.
“Then we’d continue living over there, and it’d be perfect, because it lines up with my wanting to live over there, and we’d be so close for an easy trip up to visit Christine and her husband whenever we wanted for a long weekend or whatever. Or I could go alone super easily.”
Astounded, Lorena cuts in, “You mean you’ve already decided on wedding plans with this guy?! You haven’t even gone on a date, yet!”
“He hasn’t even asked her out,” chuckles Karen.
Only slightly defensively, Eliza replies cooly, “Well, if we can’t agree on a wedding location and place to live, then it isn’t really worth bothering dating in the first place, now is it? We’d be wasting our time if we knew so soon that it never would work out, yet went forward with it all, anyway.”
“She has a point,” allows Karen, raising her eyebrows.
After a pause, Lorena replies, “True… I still hold that you’re nuts, Eliza.”
“I’ll second that,” throws in Karen.
“Third it!” laughs Eliza. “Oh, I know I’m totally nuts. That’s why it’s so important that a guy and I be compatible through and through before we bother starting anything.”
They erupt in giggles and laughter, enjoying the ridiculousness of the conversation, and knowing how true Eliza’s statement really is.
“Weirdo,” says Lorena, playfully. “Okay, let’s have some lunch. I’m hungry, and now all I can think about is smoked salmon…”
The other two frown questioningly at her.
“What? You were talking about weddings. Weddings always make me think of smoked salmon.”
Lorena laughs, “Whatever.”
I’ve been thinking tonight about my Prince Charming, my personal one, my desired future. It all started with thinking about musical theater as I showered. As most shower stream-thoughts go, I ended up on a very loosely connected tangent. Do you know the song by Chris August called “Stranger”? It’s a beautiful song, and I fell in love with it several years ago. A lot happened related to that song, but let’s not go there now. While some specific lyrics rolled through my head over and over again, as song lyrics so often do, something struck me.
I dreamed you.
Now, I’ve found you.
Call off the search,
’cause I found my stranger.
Those were the specifically inspiring words tonight. Though I have listened to the song more times than I know, and I know every word still, despite having stopped listening to it years ago (for reasons I won’t mention just yet), I have never had the thought that followed those words as they repeated in my head tonight.
“I have never dreamt you.”
Though I have wished and wished, and even hoped and prayed and asked for my partner in life, I have never dreamed him up. I have begun ideas before, but I have never come up with what my partner in life actually is. You could ask me now, and I would have no idea what to tell you about the partner I want. Sure, there are plenty of things I know that I don’t want, but everything else seems to change with how I feel each day, each time someone asks me about it.
Now, I don’t exactly see this as a bad thing. I just happened to realize that I have never dreamed him up. So, I can never have Chris August’s song become a reality for me – I can’t find my stranger. I don’t even have a vision in my head of what it looks like being with someone. Every time I have dreams where there seems to be a sort of partnership, I always seem to be the one taking care of someone else – the traditionally male role. Or, perhaps it is the mother role I play. I already seem to do that all over the place in life. It’s the reason I have always wondered if I can ever find someone to take care of me. But I digress…
I realized in the shower that I have no image of a person. I don’t know if I’m looking for someone tall, dark, and handsome. I don’t know if he is foreign or domestic made. I don’t even know what kind of skin he has. Again, I don’t necessarily see this as bad. I am just noticing it. I also notice how so many others seem to have dreamed up their partners years before they even have begun dating others. I mean, they seem to know what they want. By having that idea of what they want, they are able to seek it out. Sometimes, when they find it, they realize they didn’t want it after all. And sometimes they find something better along the way. But they have something to pursue. I don’t even have an idea to seek out, a type of someone or something to pursue. Perhaps that is an issue with being so open to the world and to new ideas, and for knowing that what I see or think isn’t always the best that the universe has to offer.
We grow up always hearing about not playing favorites. “Don’t play favorites,” and, “Treat everyone equally,” everyone always seems to say.
And yet, I struggled through the constant questions of “What’s your favorite _______?” I even made up a favorite color, because I didn’t have one, but people constantly asked what mine was.
What’s more, if we look at it purely on a human perspective, not to play favorites, then does marriage even really work? Exclusivity in relationships would be impossible. How could I treat someone else with the same passion, love, care as I do my partner? And then, how could I treat everyone that way?
How could I have an intimate and loving relationship with my mom, if I am to treat her as I treat all others, despite the fact that I spend most of my childhood with her, and not the rest of the world?
I’m not looking to cancel exclusivity or marriage or anything, here. I’m just wondering at our concepts of ‘treat everyone equally’ and ‘don’t play favorites’. There seems to me to be a sort of inconsistency in the thinking here – something is missing in our mentality, and I want it to come beautifully to light to save the day… something like that, anyway. 😛
I feel a little bit like I was part of the film “Legally Blonde” tonight. Remember how Elle said that a sorority sister of hers threw up on a guy on their first date, and they ended up engaged/married? (It was something very similar to that, anyway.) Well, tonight, meeting up with a guy for the first time (outside of just seeing one another at work, and Maybe exchanging a word or two), something in that same category went down. In a sense, anyway… you can judge for yourself, if you think it really is in the same category of events.
We met up to go look at these really cool buildings, with artwork all on the sides of them, done by this one particular artist. As we were finishing up, we decided to go get some food together. We settled on ramen, as it is kind of the go-to food in Japan, and I’m usually okay eating it. However, for whatever reason, this ramen decided to disagree with me more than usual. Much more than usual, in fact.
As I explained that my typical US diet was one that included veggies, fruits, seeds, and nuts almost exclusively, and no meat, fish, or grains, my new acquaintance started apologizing to me. ‘No, no… it’s okay. Really. I’m used to it.’
Except that it kept getting worse as we walked around the neighborhood, headed for the riverbank. When we reached the riverbank, I had to lie down on the ground, my stomach was is such a miserable state. After another minute or two, I suddenly changed my mind on the offer of a bathroom, and said that I needed one asap. Hurry, please! I thought, as I focused on breathing deeply, he continuously asked me if I was alright, and little pebbles (from my lying on the ground) shoved their ways lower and lower down my pant legs.
We finally made it to the grocery store. I told him to shop a while, we both chuckled, and I practically ran to the bathrooms. I tell you, I almost cried while in there, so bad was the pain in my stomach. I have no idea what was in that ramen, but it was one of the worst things I’ve had to eat since living here (in terms of effects on my body).
And, of course, I had to have this happen while spending time with this new guy. Good thing I’m not too big on looking good and first impressions being amazing or anything. This was just plain ridiculous. However, he had an amazing attitude about the whole thing. And that’s how it reminded me of Legally Blonde. Rather than push us apart, it felt as though my mini illness actually brought us together – we made it through the hardship together, you know?
Anyway, that’s that. And it might have even been a date (according to my Japanese girlfriends). 😛