Perfection

Yup. Everything is perfect exactly when and how it is. We get exactly what we need when we need it, and we end up exactly where we need to be exactly when we need to be there.

This morning, I got myself to open gym before having to go in to work. I was mostly on my own at the gym, with only the owner and a private training session guy there when I arrived (and the owner’s dog, of course). The music was great and jamming and chill, and the workout was up on the screen, so I happily got to work. I knew I couldn’t do the whole workout, but I was fine with that. I did the fastest 5k of my life yesterday morning, so I was okay regarding cardio. And I had to go straight to work, so I didn’t want to get super sweaty, anyway. Just doing the weightlifting part of the workout would be fine. If I could also do the abs closer, that would be great, too. (It didn’t happen, by the way, the abs part, due to timing.) The sun was shining, it was 8:30-ish (which is way later than my usual exercise), the dog was napping in the sunlight, and we all were enjoying the fresh, crisp air of the morning. People had been walking past the open gym door since I’d arrived, so I’d only partly paid attention to them after the first few times. However, one of the passers-by seems to be coming inside. As I turn and look directly at him, my brain takes a few moments to process what I actually am seeing, whom I am seeing.

He had said he was out of town until Sunday, but that he would be at the gym Monday morning. However, he had been saying that he would be at the gym many times in the past several weeks, though he made it only you around four or five workouts in the past two months… I was beginning to give up on him. But I had checked in on Tuesday just to see what his deal was. He had told me he was in Austin until Sunday. And yet here he was, on Friday morning, walking in to open gym.

I tell you, when my brain fully grasped whom I was seeing, my stomach – and deeper – somersaulted and shivered. My face had a massive smile, and I know my whole being lit up. For both his benefit and my own, I was glad that he was here in the gym. We hadn’t seen each other in what felt like far too long. I had been missing him. We hugged intensely, and I didn’t want to let him go. It felt to be a mutual desire.

Later, as I was passing by him to get to the rings, as I always do with my touch-y self, I gently placed my hand on his shoulder when I passed. He was sitting on a lifting bench, facing me, and ever so slightly raised his hand in response, just grazing the back of my thigh. It wasn’t sexual, no. It was just intimate, in a loving way. For whatever reason, almost since I first met him, I’ve just wanted to hold him and be held by him. Today, in its odd little way, the Universe gave me a taste of that. My morning and day were already set as wonderful today. But that little bit of his showing up and our hugs and gentle loving touches, that set a golden edge to all of it, giving me a certain satisfaction that I rarely have these days. It was perfect, really.

And then, at work, just the perfect person showed up, someone massively important to me from my childhood. We had an unexpected few-minute emotional and powerful conversation, complete with tears and hugs, and tentatively planned to spend real time together in the near-ish future.

Also, the taco someone ordered for me was spectacular and within my dietary desires.

And work felt easy today, on so many levels.

And, leaving work, I walked with a new girl who seemed neat. Turns out, she’s half French, and we spent most of our walk in French together.

And all of that only went to 3:30pm today… It was just an amazing kind of day today, just what I needed in so many ways, and I am grateful. Thank you, God and the Universe, for such love as I felt and experienced today. Thank you.

Peace

Post-a-day 2021

I love these kids

After school today, a student came to see me for some test prep help. However, he also came to tell me, ‘My script has changed, Miss —-.’

And so, what did we do for roughly an hour and a half after school? Work on school work? Nope. We did run-throughs of the many possible scenarios that would arise tomorrow when he approaches this girl to ask her out. Actually, it isn’t even necessarily a date for which he is asking. See the rough “script”, as he calls it, here:

Hey, are you S——? I’m ——-. Nice to meet you. I just wanted to introduce myself, because, honestly, I saw you and I though you were gorgeous, and I’d like to get to know you. Would you like to maybe do something together one day after school or maybe next week?

He has prepared for many contingencies in her possible reactions at any point in his “script”. He has practiced plowing through even when he messes up and stumbles terribly (and yes, he does a great job recovering). He is ready for her apathy, her casual interest, her extreme excitement, and even her likely five-girl gaggle. He is prepared and practiced in how he will ask for her number (and why, should she offer a social media option instead), and what he will say once he has it. He has watched a Ted Talk on power stances, so as to prepare himself chemically in the brain – to cause the chemicals of courage! – and will be positioning his body in at least one power stance during the last several minutes of the previous class tomorrow. He has visualized his “perfect game” in the whole scenario.

He has certainly prepared.

Most importantly, though he cares about this and means every word he is preparing to say to her, he also is prepared for her not to accept his request and expression of interest – he is prepared to accept what is meant to be, and he knows that it is worth being courageous despite the potential of denial. Because this prepares him for so much more than merely asking out a girl tomorrow. Life takes courage if we are to live it to our fullest.

I wish him all the best and loads of love and prayers for this courageous event tomorrow. And I look forward not only to seeing it happen from afar – yes, it so happens that it will take place just outside a window by my room – but to hearing whatever he has to share about it afterward. Hopefully, I will hear that roar of delight from him that he expects will be inevitable should he succeed.

Fingers crossed and prayers offered – God, bless him in his endeavours, please. Amen.

Post-a-day 2021

Vulnerability

Well, I was shut down and crushed in one area this week. But then I was praised and respected in another. The boys – I suppose they are technically men, though their brains, I think, are not fully developed [not being by mean here – that’s a real thing] yet – officially requested to be my friends. I am to change the group chat name from ‘“Buddies”’ to something with “friends” in it, whenever I consider them to be friends of mine, instead of just acquaintances and buddies. And yes, the word buddies is in quotes in the actual name. No, I did not do that myself. 😛

Anyway, they expressed the need for vulnerability in friendships, and so I offered up a good chunk of that in our group chat, after our adventures together tonight, and I shared what I had written about the abuse I experienced in college.

We shall see what happens…

Post-a-day 2021

Alas… a lass

Little girl in me is crushed – fairly certain he’s in a relationship. 😭😭😭
Correction: I think he is, and that hurts as much as being fairly certain.
Ugh… I supise it isn’t actually that big of a deal. However, it is causing me to have to deal with a lot of negative emotions and engrained thoughts around the idea of my not being good enough, not worth it. If I really were good enough, they wouldn’t reject me, right? That’s the main feeling today. Of course, part of me still hopes that what I discovered today was misinterpreted (by me, of course). However, allowing the large possibility of my having interpreted accurately, there is a part of me that is grateful to God for having shown it to me today. I only just spoke openly about my interest to anyone yesterday, and this happenstance felt like the world’s reply, in a way. Because many things kept going oddly, in order for me to end up exactly where I was when I was there, and for me to see exactly what I saw. 30 seconds difference, even, could have shown me something entirely different. But the Universe wanted me there at that exact moment, and so I was. Now, I must let go and let God – it will be all revealed in time, as is needed for my life to be the beautiful blessing that I am here to create with God and the Universe. Dearest cosmos, please, help me to release this pain.
And God and Universe, thank you.
Post-a-day 2021

Surprise

Have you noticed that, when seeing someone wearing a mask, our brains complete the face for us…., but often inaccurately? For me, I have noticed that my brain completes the face a perfectly and proportionately as possible. So, basically, everyone is the genetic lottery style of model underneath that mask, according to my brain. And so, naturally, as very few actually win any lottery in life, when people remove their masks, I find this to be less handsome and beautiful than I expected. I mean no unkindness by this, of course – that is just how it is. We are not often perfectly proportionate as a species. That’s why it’s called the genetic lottery.

Now, that being said, have you ever had it turn out the other way? Where, upon seeing someone for the first time without a mask, you find the person to be more attractive than you had imagined her to be? It happened for me to a big degree this week. A colleague, while sitting outside, working on something, was wearing no mask. First, I was stunned by his beauty. Then, I was double-taking, as it occurred to me who this person was. After confirmation, I was stunned freshly. Just wow… he is gorgeous… and I had had no idea. My brain had sorely underestimated the adorable face behind that mask. An error I am fully willing to make again, really. 😛

Post-a-day 2021

Take a breath…

… exhale… then go for it. Sometimes, we just have to be brave and ask. We might be wrong, but that’s okay. Better to be wrong and know it already, so we can proceed forward, than continue stressing and wondering, and then, possibly, missing out.

Because there’s always that chance that we might be right…

Either way, it only gets better if we take on the bravery and just ask.

Be brave. 😉

Post-a-day 2021

Trust

I trust that God and the Universe are acting in my best interest, helping me to be my best and highest self. As annoying as that may sometimes be, I still trust them. And I am grateful for their support and guidance.

He said he envied her height. She said that, if he had been taller she would have married him. But then, she wouldn’t have married the man she did marry, and had the children she had. And he wouldn’t have become a priest, and made the difference in the world that he has made in that role.

Thinking on this, it occurred to me that, though I may envy someone something or be jealous of someone for something, I need only remember that my not having that something is actually helping me to do what I am here to do, the make the difference I am here to make. If I had what that other person has, she would not be able to do what she is here to do, and I would not be able to do what I am here to do.

And so, when the World dishes out something specific to me and something specifically envious to someone else, it is intentional. I have what I was given, because that is what will help me to do what I am here to do in this life, both now and in the future.

Even if I did really want that something else (or someone else), the lack of it will prove much more fertile and endeavour than having it would have proven.

Post-a-day 2021

Thanks, Today

Someone picked me up today. And no, I don’t mean like a, ‘Did it hurt when you fell?’ kind of pick-up. I mean that he actually picked me up off the ground. And then he carried me up some stairs, my half flung over his shoulder and laughing, and walked us casually into our buddy’s house… like I weighed nothing. Suffice it to say that 1) I was surprised – I had no idea he was so strong already, and, also, he was somewhat intoxicated yet didn’t even come close to stumbling – and 2) I was basking – for whatever reason, one of the most attractive features for me in men, aside from good teeth, is their ability to carry me. No clue whence that standard came, but it has been a big deal for me, somehow, for my entire adult life so far. Absolutely, I was delighted at that unexpected event…

So, yeah… that was awesome. 😛 Thanks for that bit of icing on the cake that was this surprisingly wonderful day today, Universe.

Post-a-day 2021