I’m getting tired of being so tired, being up so late at night.
I’m getting tired of being so tired, being up so late at night.
Getting things done, but being a night owl doesn’t help improve my sleep schedule when I have things to do. Lots needs to happen … correction: There are lots of things I want to happen before Sunday, for the party (that may or may not happen, depending on the weather). I’m thinking they won’t be done to the desired degree. However, I think I’m okay with that. I just want to have a nice time in celebration of this life I am blessed to live. However, given that certain people likely to attend will not be easy peasy about a house that doesn’t seem to be put together seemingly perfectly, I now find myself aiming to get some bigger things done. Yes, the bedroom will be in no better shape than it is right now, laundry to be done or folded or sorted into where it will be stored for real and all… and there might even be some more in here, too. Plus, we likely still won’t have a functioning sink in our bathroom, which doesn’t make things any easier. However, my man and I both have loads we want to get done that is outside the bedroom and that will be seen.
What all will we get done and how? Dunno. But we shall see.
It is time to start being who I am here to be, who I have worked so hard these past years to become. I have been afraid recently. I have doubted both myself and God. Life had become inexplicably difficult and stressful, despite pursuing and fulfilling hopes and dreams and wishes and prayers… it wasn’t lining up.
But I had grown afraid and begun to doubt my god and my self. It always grows incredibly difficult when either of those happens, and I’ve had both sets of doubt lately.
So, I grant myself permission to let it all go and to ask God to take it all from me and for me.
Dear God, here you go: have it all. I have been so afraid lately, and have trusted you only in part. Help me to trust you fully as I hand this all over to you. My life is yours. I am somewhat terrified, and I still trust that you love me and will provide for my being my best self. If the answer to my prayer is not a, “Yes,” I know it is because you have something better coming. I give this all to you now. Keep it, please. Your will be done. And help me to do it, please. Keep us safe and loved and loving throughout it all, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.
My man had rodeo shifts all weekend. 5pm-1am Friday night; then 2pm-11pm Saturday night; then midnight-7:45am Sunday morning (that one was helping move-in for the pigs, so he was literally helping the pigs get into their temporary homes!); and finally 1:30pm-10pm Sunday.
Basically, that means he slept maybe six hours Friday night, then he slept an hour this morning from eight to nine, then took another hour nap after Church, from roughly 11:30-noon-thirty, and that was it for the whole weekend. Granted, he’s the one who scheduled himself for everything this weekend – he had other choices for how to do his shifts. But this was what he picked. I have a feeling he won’t be doing another weekend like this in the future, however. I think he learned that such a schedule just doesn’t work out for him anymore.
He barely made it to the rocking chair when he got home tonight, then talked to me intermittently for about fifteen or twenty minutes until he passed out in the chair. I finally got him up a couple hours later to brush his teeth and shower and get into bed. He resisted fiercely and definitely still half-asleep, giving me lots of nonsense declarations about, ‘Why are you starting there?!’ and the likes. Eventually, though, he did it. When he got into the shower, the massive sigh of relieve that he emitted made it all worth the hassle – I knew he would feel better and then sleep better if he had gotten to shower and then get into bed instead of sleeping all sweaty and sticky on the rocking chair all night. He would have woken up so miserable in the morning… I don’t know that he would have been able to get much work done.
At that, I’m setting his morning alarm and then going to sleep myself, now. Goodnight!
Thank you for a safe weekend, God. Thank you. Amen.
I have a very full day tomorrow. However, it is all stuff that is really good for me, in some way or other, and can produce very positive results. I have the workout at the gym at 7:30am – boy, do I want to sleep in instead(!), especially looking at what the workout is. Then shower and change at home to be ready at the gun range at 11am, so I can test out shooting a bunch of 9mm pistols (that TERRify me, mind you) and see if there is one we can find that doesn’t make me ball upon use. Then I’m rushing to a birthday party, where I’m hoping to be in time to take a professional level photo with my man (while he’s on his way to another rodeo shift, which is where he already is right now until 1am…), and then enjoy hanging out and meeting the other people at the party for this meet friend of mine. Then I’m going to the rodeo 1)to check up on my man and see if he needs or wants anything special for his shift, and also 2)to deliver and gift some hats to some of the police officers who work with us all at the rodeo and who make all the difference.*
Then, I guess, I can go home.
However, our committee has a club crawl happening from mid-afternoon into the evening and night…, so I might attend that or just part of that, after I deliver the hats, of course.
Then I can go home.
Now, a couple comments about today. 1)A security guy asked me how I was doing, when he was checking my bag at the rodeo. I answered that I was okay and ‘kinda hot and [something I can’t recall right now; ugh!]’. He, quite casually and calmly replied, ‘Well, that makes sense – I do believe you are rather attractive.’ Not even joking. I laughed, and told him it was a very good response, and I thanked him, too, I believe, before I walked away.
Now, I must sleep. Goodnight.
*I was talking with a couple of said officers today. The women, I noticed, had two sets of handcuffs on the back of her belt. The man, I then checked, only had one set of cuffs. What gives? So, I asked them why she had two and he only had one. Their response? A short pause, and then, “She works in the courts, and I work with corpses.”
I kid you not – he said that. And he meant it, too. Apparently, he does crime scenes for the main part of his job. And she said that, in her role, she genuinely uses handcuffs every day, and, even, multiple times a day.
Can you even imagine?(?????)(!!)
We had the availability tonight, so we chose to have ourselves a date night together. We even thought that, since we were going to an early dinner, we might even go to the cook-off just to check it out, try the free barbecue, visit the Jack Daniel’s tent with his special Jack Daniel’s card, and just have a small little hang out there together.
We, of course, fooled around getting ready, and so didn’t actually leave until maybe an hour after intended to go to dinner. Granted, we’d thought we’d stop for a haircut for him on the way, but the place was closed early, so we never even stopped. But that only saved us about 20 minutes or so. Nonetheless, we have dinner, determine that neither one of us really feels like going to cook-off anymore, and we head home. We diddle around at home some more and then put on a movie. But we’re both so tired, we stop the one we’d picked and chose one we knew we’ll and didn’t mind missing if we fell asleep or went in and out. Keep in mind, this is at 9:30pm, now.
We put on Shrek, then. I make it only to the scene where he starts to fall, after saying, “But you ain’t ever seen a donkey fly!” before I apparently passed out. I don’t think my man made it even that far.
At about 2am, I woke up on the sofa, hot and uncomfortable and with my legs falling asleep, lying across his, hanging off the sofa. I wake him up multiple times over the next half hour, as I shower and get ready for bed, because he had wanted to nap and then go to the gym… still not sure st this point if the gym is happening tonight, though.
I’m about to collapse into bed now – just finishing this and my stretches. Got to check on him quickly first, then I can sleep.
But really, how silly is all that for a date night? Clearly, we are exhausted.
Dear God, please, grant us restful sleep tonight especially, please. In your name, we pray. Amen.
I’m still sick. I can talk a bit, but talking aggravates the cough. My nose is still dripping on the back, also aggravating the cough. My neck muscles are tired from coughing so much and from such intense coughing. My sides are tired, too, from the convulsions. I am weak and tired from not being able to eat enough, but eating anything causes immense coughing fits. So, I have to eat quickly and strategically – high protein, easy-to-chew, quick meals or snacks. Even then, I still cough up a storm.
Tonight, when doing the saline rinse in my nose, the right nostril suddenly closed up almost entirely – I suppose from something getting pushed over to it up top – leaving the solution to slide slowly but firmly down my throat instead of out my right nostril, as it had been doing quite decently. After too much of this, despite remaining calm and collected, my body revolted and vomited, right there in the sink. I let a little more water rinse through, just to make sure no vomit ended up in my nose, and I abandoned the rest of the saline rinse. I had hit my limit for the night. I had gotten most of the way through, anyway, and that was better than nothing. I had only thrown up a small amount, and didn’t want to consider what it might turn into if I kept at the saline rinse any longer. I’ll just do it in the morning, when my food is well and digested. Because I need that food right now.
Well, the coughing proved to be a big problem last night. After hours of being in bed, I had barely slept a wink – I just couldn’t stop coughing, even when on the brink of exhaustion. My man came through for me and delivered some specific single-ingredient medicine – typically the only kind I want going into my system – to help stop the coughing. Well, not to stop the coughing, but to lessen it significantly. And it did just that. It took a bit to kick in, but I finally fell asleep around 3:30 or 4:00 this morning. And I actually slept. Thank you, God, for some real sleep, at last.
I had hoped only to take that medicine at night, but my coughing grew so terrible by late afternoon, I couldn’t even function. I’m still taking it easy as a whole, but I don’t like having to be on medicines like this. My body can’t truly tell where it is in recovery and what it may most need. Tomorrow is the last day of the antibiotics, and I hope I will be able to back off the rest by tomorrow night or the morning after, too.
Oh, and I hope I have a voice to use again soon, too. That would be helpful… though, I have very much appreciated this opportunity not to speak. It has been frustrating at times, but very good as a whole… a great lesson in patience for me and for my family. Makes me really want to get us into some ASL classes asap, though. You never know when you might need or want to use another language.
Prayers for healing, if you are willing and able, please, for me and for all the world.
Dear God, heal us all, please. In your name, we pray. Amen.
Sick. Yup. I barely slept last night, for all the coughing and the crazy stuffy nose that came on last night for the first time. I couldn’t get the neti pot – it is the off-brand this time – to run water through the right side of my nose before I went to bed, so I was a touch concerned at that. Sure enough, I was up around 2am, coughing up more loads of yellow gunk in varying shades. By the time my alarm sounded to get up for my volunteering, I knew there was no way I could make it out there today. I couldn’t even stop coughing long enough to drive safely. Don’t even mention how my abdominals and throat were in big pain, or how I couldn’t talk at all. No way could I be up and out the door in two and a half hours, and then last through 1pm, helping people with things outdoors all the while…
My man had offered around 3am for me to have an ibuprofen half, and I accepted, as I was in such tremendous pain that was keeping me from sleeping, making it all the worse. After that, I actually was able to sleep a bit, with only the small interruption of my alarm, seeing I wasn’t well enough, messaging the team, and going back to sleep.
Now, getting ready for bed tonight, I feel better than I did last night, but still not well. We considered and discussed today my taking antibiotics. How I wake up tomorrow will determine our route for that. I avoid antibiotics whenever my body can handle something itself. But, if it can’t handle the germs, I’ll accept what is needed. Since I’ve been over-busy that past several days, sleep and water and food haven’t been at their best. Hopefully, my body will have a better chance, now that I rested today at home and have tomorrow fully open for rest.
Now, off to shower and another run with the Neti Pot, and then off to bed. Wish me well!
Test number three: passed!
Tonight, we did the timed sit-ups and push-ups and various kicks, all timed, as well as all of our karate techniques, not timed. Only a few of the group didn’t meet the requirement – we have to get maximum points available for this test, versus just meeting a minimum points on the lower belt level tests – and so have to re-do the push-ups tomorrow (and continuing each night until they get enough).
I barely met my max points for the sit-ups, and it was the first time I’d ever done it. I got over 76 sit-ups in two minutes, and it was tough. I genuinely don’t understand how others can get more than that, because I never stopped and I didn’t go slowly at all. Guess I’m just so out of touch with what youth bodies can do, I can’t even fathom it! 😛
Granted, I think they only had to do 78 in those two minutes, possibly 80. So, only four more sit-ups. The push-ups, however, the boys had to get 71, I believe, in the two minutes. But my gender and age only requires 40. That’s 40 push-ups in two minutes! I still took my time and rested and shook out my arms throughout it tonight, and I got around 53 or so. (I knew I was going to get the forty, so paced myself and didn’t push it. It was the first thing of the night, after all, and I didn’t need to drain myself right off the bat.) Push-ups are clearly a non-issue for me. But that sit-up speed… whoo… someone mis-judged what women over 22 can do on that scoring system! Only 40 push-ups compared to 71 for the boys, but 76 sit-ups compared to their 80? That just doesn’t balance out.
Anyway… it went mostly well tonight, I believe.
Afterward, we practiced our little presentation we’re doing for the black belt ceremony, and it went really well.
Now, I’m ready to pass out. Goodnight, all! Thank you, God. Amen.