Following

Bro, I don’t quite understand where God is directing me right now, but I am certainly following the calls and encouragements full-heartedly. There is now a very high chance that I will be helping with this martial arts thing at school, now, in the mornings… because, you know, I wasn’t busy enough already. 😛 My words and thoughts, by the way, and I believe them as both true and ironic. Haha

Anyway, must sleep ASAP, as it’s already after 9pm!

Post-a-day 2021

Giving up

Today, I had to give up being better than others. Instead, I had to acknowledge what was truly best for me and for my students. I need not be the one to put forth the effort regarding certain things in class, especially when it is specifically someone’s job to handle such things. I am paid to teach and asked to teach. When something else is preventing me from doing my job, it becomes my job to let the person know whose job it is to handle the problem.

And so, I did that today. I cried a bunch in that meeting, but I feel good about the whole situation now. I trust the person into whose hands I set the situation, and his words and approach and plans eased me, despite my initial aversion to reaching out for the support. And his casual comment about having been nearly three decades in the military somehow both surprised me and did not – “No wonder you are so calm,” I replied. His calm, calming, yet ruling demeanor makes sense with such context.

I have a high level of confidence that things will be much, much better going forward, and that I, much more so than up to this point, will be able to do my job and teach this one particular class. At last, we can begin to breathe and to have some fun.

Post-a-day 2021

Big sigh

Have you ever done something when you’re having loads of free time, and totally loved it, but then, tried it again, but without the free time, and been none-too-excited about it?

We just started up karate classes again after a month break. I have since started school, right? Now, more than ever, I am exhausted in the late evenings, getting into bed as early as possible, sometimes even at 6:40pm. Yet karate class is assisting the juniors at 6pm, and attending my own class at 7pm. If I attend the other classes throughout the week, they go even later. But I need loads of hours to move forward in my official training and belt levels (which I want to do).

So, I guess I need to sit down in the next few days, and figure out how many hours of what I need, and how quickly (or slowly) I can and want to make them all happen. Otherwise, without the specifics and the goals set up, I might get a little too tired to do any of it, especially with school happening right now. I do love this all. But I need to be rested enough to be able to enjoy it fully. Otherwise, the teacher and German within me will tear apart the instructors and assistants and other adults mentally, and be annoyed throughout all the classes for a plethora of reasons. I really don’t want to be that way. Alas, I shall make my plan and get some sleep!

Because I want to beast at karate. Seriously.

Post-a-day 2021

Tropical Storm

Precautionarily for the expected wind, rain, and flooding, school for today was moved to asynchronous learning yesterday afternoon. So, I sent out e-mails to my classes to let them know their assignments for today, and just checked in every so often to answer the few e-mails I received from them with questions. I did one make-up test at noon – which was fortunate to be digital, as the student had broken a finger, and so struggles to write right now -, but, otherwise, I rested much.

And boy did I need that rest.

The gym was closed for the morning classes, due to the intense rain and wind, so I didn’t even exercise today. (I suppose I exercised my freedom of choice by choosing to be restful.) I only had to be up just before eight to send out those e-mails. Though I woke naturally at four, my body let me use the bathroom quickly and then pass back out. I only awoke to my alarm after seven, telling me to send out e-mails. And then, I went back to sleep for another little bit, and resting in near-unconsciousness with eyes closed for an hour-ish before getting up for real for the day.

I dressed cozily, had some easy, warm food, listened to my current audiobook, and, after that test, went to go through paintings with my dad.

Today was oddly simple, yet very satisfying. I think the work I did was exponentially beneficial, and so was much more impactful than it would seem initially. Thank you, God, for such a blessing today.

Post-a-day 2021

Ouch

Okay, but why??? Butt, why???

I’m about to go to bed, a touch late, and I have an early start tomorrow, despite its being a Saturday. Suddenly, my lower, lower guts begin to ache. My belly is swollen, 99% likely with gas. And then, even more suddenly, the area just upward/inside of my anus begins to hurt. The kind of hurt that make sitting sound near impossible. I’m moving slowly, now, and still have to all my stretches, and then lie down in bed… will I be able I handle it? Gosh, I hope so, because I am exhausted. And this whole situation is practically the epitome of my body telling me that it is exhausted. Naturally, that means it prevents me from helping it with more sleep…

Sometimes, nature seems like it dropped a few brain cells somewhere along the way… 😛

Post-a-day 2021

Snore

I genuinely do not know what to say. I am exhausted, and for many reasons. But today was oddly satisfying in many ways. Troubles from yesterday have not been handled. But much good was accomplished today for other parts of my life, and I feel really good about those things. I look forward gladly to applying some of the work I created today in classes tomorrow.

I love teaching…

Post-a-day 2021

Perspective

Why does education and race have to come into the conversation? Well, because there’s usually a very good reason for a stereotype. But being upset about the situation and merely perpetuating and allowing the stereotype to continue serves no one. Acknowledging where things truly stand, and then doing something to improve the education that perpetuates the stereotype, however… Now, that would serve us all, and very, very well.

Post-a-day 2021

Malted milkpsych

We went to Galveston specifically to have a malt together. One of my favorite parts of having a malt, aside from the malt flavor itself, is having the cold, cold beverage served in the tall, frosted, metal mixing cup, and eating it with the long metal spoon. Usually, my mom eats what is served in the glass, and I have exclusively what is still in the metal cup. There’s just something about it that completes the experience for me.

We arrive at the shop today, and discover that the confectionary is only serving items in styrofoam cups at present…

Well, I’ve waited close to two and a half years at this point, so I suppose I can wait a while longer to have this malt experience.

In the meantime, my mom has determined to do her best effort of making a vanilla malt for me at her house on Sunday afternoon. She supposedly has all the necessary ingredients and tools, so we shall see what happens…

Post-a-day 2021

Surprised

I am cold, but not ashamed, sitting naked on the floor.

I have been putting together ideas for how to approach a particular class that I’m teaching. You see, I absolutely love teaching – I can’t stop getting excited about it, when I have the opportunity actually to do it. I just love teaching and helping people learn things. And teaching foreign language, despite its struggles, is one of the most exciting things I have ever been able to do in my life. I really wish that I could devote more of my life to doing just that: teaching foreign language.

I think I always got so frustrated with teaching, even though it was mostly foreign language, because of the books I had to follow. I would do my best to use the books, but despised how terrible they were, not just in terms of accuracy, but in terms of how ineffective they were in creating someone who genuinely could say, “I speak this language.” And so, I would make a belated effort to come up with something better, while keeping on track with the required timing of the course, and covering whatever silly info the book had thrown in as ‘important’ for the course. Actually, of the courses – I was never just teaching one, but usually three to five courses in French, all at once.

And I think that that is how I grew so exhausted. The frustration combined with the inefficiency and knowing that I could do so much better, if only I had the time. Yet, when summer came around, or any other longer break, I was already too exhausted to do anything about it all, and too overwhelmed by the frustrations and inefficiency in which I had been living for so many months already. It was easier just to give up. And, eventually, it was easier just to walk away. The state requirements were too stupidly set up for my efforts to be worth it on my own, it felt.

And yet, there was something else. Something I hadn’t realized until, perhaps, this week… maybe, even, until today.

I had not found a place where I truly wanted to put forth the effort. I had not found a school for which it felt my efforts would be worth it.

And yet, as I mentioned, though I never take work home with me, I am sitting here on the floor, most likely at home (because I’m definitely not sitting around in my office naked), working. But this isn’t work for me. It is something I am excited and impatient to do. So, I am doing it. Well, I was doing it. Once I hit the point of being done for now – no longer thrilled by it -, I closed up shop for the night. I likely will revisit it all tomorrow and Saturday, and possibly will go in to school on Sunday or Monday for the more “work” part of it all, the labor that isn’t so fun, but necessary for it all to be great.

And, you know, I excited about that. What kind of weekend is that? A wonderful one, filled with a sense of accomplishment and helping make the world a better place, and making a positive difference in the lives of those around me, on the lives of people I love.

So, I can hardly wait to get back to work. For now, though, Imma get up, get dressed, and get to sleep, because I’m exhausted.

Goodnight, all.

And may God and The Universe bless us all with love. 😉

P.S. If you got that song reference, it is extra fun, because I really have been torn about all of this teaching stuff lately. I thought I had left teaching for good…, but then I got an e-mail and phone call this summer, and here I am, teaching for the semester… and loving it in the most ironic of ways.

Post-a-day 2021

Loving boys

I told the boys in last period today, before class started, that I was exhausted and that I was rather borderline in tears, and requested that, therefore, they aim, please, to be a bit more gentle in class today, be kind, help me out. They seemed stunned, and some even openly asked what was up for me. I just told them that there were just a lot of things with which I am having to deal at present, both in- and outside of school, and I’m exhausted.

And, though they are very young and forgetful and ridiculous and lacking in self-control, they actually did a very decent job today. Several of the boys helped keep others in check, such that I didn’t have to tell them each to hush so often as usual. It was still tough, but much improved from usual, and their genuine sweetness shone through. It made me love them even more… which made me want to cry for a whole ‘nother reason! 😛

Post-a-day 2021