We went to a dance event tonight. It was a country event, but we came for the west coast swing finals part of it, and the social dancing after those events. My man and I did.
And it was awesome.
We danced with each other and with other people. I gave him a sort of mini lesson after we first went downstairs and he got a bit overwhelmed just by seeing everything. (Apparently he had spent the whole day being scared and nervous and trying to create reasons not to come because of that. I had kept asking him all day what was wrong and what was going on, since he was being so snippy and unkind toward me and stressed and all. He had only ever told me that he just needed to ‘get over it’ about each little thing.m, though he never really did… until we started dancing, that is.) He then asked me to dance in the main room before and after the competitions and awards, and he voluntarily sought out four other women and danced with them (always while I was out of the room, naturally). And he and I danced more and more, and I showed him more and more bits, and he got better and better. And it was awesome.
I had begun being comfortable with the idea that I likely would not get to do west coast swing with my husband, whoever he would be, because I never much liked the men who would frequent events and get involved in the typical social culture of dance events and all – read ‘lots of alcohol and sleeping around and being pompous’ – and found it unlikely I would meet my man at any event. And then this guy showed up. In our first night of knowing one another, he voluntarily offers up that he grew up doing a bit of ballroom for kids, and that his favorite dance was probably west coast swing. He’d only learned a bit, and it was all self-taught, but he loved it. And so, God blesses us…
Thank you, God, for this lovely opportunity. Thank you for bringing my man and me together. Thank you for this awesome step into the dance world for the both of us this weekend. Phew. Thank you. In your name, I pray. Amen.
We had a birthday dinner at Benihana for my sister-in-law tonight. We brought gifts that all were shades of purple, and the smaller ones were wrapped somewhat Japanese style, what with the wrapped item then put inside a decorative bag and tied closed, while the larger was simply wrapped in purple wrapping paper. The money was green, but it was wrapped in a cute pink Japanese gift-giving cloth. (My mom had gotten a money envelope, but I couldn’t remember the kanji that were right for birthdays or general events, so I wasn’t sure it was the right kind, and thought it actually was a wedding one…, so we didn’t use that.)
We also brought glow sticks for everyone to choose and wear. And Haribo Goldbären and Kit-Kat minis and mochi doughnuts – also wrapped in Japanese style baggies with colorful ties and stickers – were the party favors we gave everyone.
Basically, it was a silly little surprise-party-type dinner, without being an actual surprise party. Just the level of festivity was a surprise, I guess. Oh, and we also had a candle that we stuck into her ice cream when they brought that out and sang to her.
And I am exhausted right now. But that’s okay. I actually had a great time at dinner, even though it went until around 9pm, which is already late for me to be out, but especially so after this tough, tough week and the start of school.
And we’re going to a dance event tomorrow night, just for the night. I’m slightly terrified.
God, please, help me to have the energy and comfort in my body and mind to enjoy tomorrow and tomorrow night fully. Help me to help my man enjoy it all fully, please. And thank you for getting me through everything this week. In your name, I pray. Amen.
This was what I determined yesterday, as someone failed in supporting me as had been promised.
It made all the difference today. School started and went well. Sure, one class was boring and slightly annoying, but it still went okay. Plus, the other class I had seems like it could be awesome. More tomorrow.
I cried at least three times at work today, because of work. Talk about being overwhelmed, and you’re talking about me today. But I managed to let it out as it came up, and then get down to business again and again throughout the day. I spoke a couple times with the teacher for whom I am teaching the first quarter – she’s on maternity leave – and what she had to share with me helped immensely with my stress. I now know somewhat decently what specifically is expected of me regarding content and presentation for class, and I have my next steps clearly in place for tomorrow (and the future classes as a whole). There is much for me to learn regarding the subject matter – Sacred Scripture and Catholicism – and I want to learn it all. But it will take time. And I have a clear plan as to how to do that now. Phew.
I want to do a good job here, as with everything I do. That’s why I’m stressed – because I care so much. But I definitely sat under the desk and cried hard at one point near midday today. So, today was a lot in a lot of ways. I wonder if tomorrow will be quite so emotional…
Dear God, grant me the grace and perseverance to do the amazing job I know you have called me to do here. Help me to fulfill your will fully and wholeheartedly. And help me to see clearly where you want me and need me to go. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Well, we really got some stuff started at school today. I have a computer and can log in to it, and now can log in to all the online things I need to access and use. Still some links on details with some of those, but getting into them in the first place was a big step forward today! I also was given access to a boatload of (organized) files to show me what to do for classes and all – super duper helpful. And I have keys for school and the classroom I’ll be using. Woohoo! (No joke, an HR person seemed very much against the idea of my having keys for anything… you’ll trust me to teach and spend loads of time with the kids, but not to have a key to the classroom or building? Odd to me, anyway! But it worked out in the end! I have zee keys!) Also, I had a good time with the silly human Scrabble ice breaker this morning, which was a positive surprise for me. I felt much more wanted and accepted today as a whole, as several people reached out to check in on me and to support with what hadn’t been appropriately prepared for me.
Went and looked all around – even in trash bins! – for my scrunchie from yesterday, but didn’t find it. Still hopeful, because God can make anything happen! He gave me my keys very easily simply by my going to look for the scrunchie! Trusting that all is perfect and in God’s will here. 😉
Loads to read and learn before class starts later next week. Sticking to not taking work home with me, which I suspect might be a bit difficult this time, now that I have this amazing man and all, whom I want to see and with whom I want to be almost always…but I pray for the needed support from God for this.
Lord, help me to do all that I need, so that I might be an amazing teacher to these students this semester. Help me to learn and study what I need in order to step forward powerfully and confidently into this school year, embodying all that you will in me. In your name, I pray. Amen. And thank you. Amen. Amen. Amen!
When did the cute stop being cute?
When did the adorable
The laughter that once
Filled the days and the nights,
When did it turn
To rude quips,
To frustrated sighs?
Did the shivers of delight,
Utter excite (ment)
Turn to crying at night
And wanting just to walk
So I stop causing
The question isn’t, “When?”
It is, “Why?”
And the answer
Is that I deCIDED.
I cut off all chances
Those wonderful things
Had at surviving,
Let alone thriving…
While that is so sad,
So terrible to hear,
What’s wonderful about it
Is that I</> decided it all…
And so I</> can let it all go,
And choose sonething new.
Whenever I find myself spending time with repeated thoughts and ideas and conversations in my head, especially somewhat negative ones, I must remind myself: Get Out! Now! That is all… Thank you for listening.
And, you know, it is one of the best things I ever do for myself.
I’ve spent too much time in my head lately, dwelling on some of the same conversations and ideas, leaving myself feeling small and in-the-way and a problem for others and a failure for myself. It’s quite depressing, really. No joke. I’m letting that all go tonight, though, giving it up to God, and giving myself grace and respect. I am capable, and I am worth it. Period. So, let’s keep on improving as we have been doing, pursuing the path on which God has been calling us. We can do it.
I pray your name in gratitude, God – the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. In your name, we pray. Amen.
Today was odd in that it had both extremely relaxing – sound bath healing meditation in the cistern, massages, Church – and incredibly stressful – overflowing toilets and faucets in a restaurant, scary traffic scenario, time limits, very mean and nasty people, forgetting things places, not getting anticipated healthy foods or relaxation time – events throughout the whole day and evening/night.
I guess some days just have it all in there like that.
Dear God, please, help us to release fully whatever is tying us up tonight. Help us to release and to allow the space for your love and will to fill the new voids within us and our lives. In your name, we pray. Amen.