Release leads to giddy joy

I received some delightful news today, but I wasn’t jumping for joy at learning it.

However, I have, since learning about that, been giddily delighted about something else entirely…

I think that the news today gave my whole being such a sense of relief that I suddenly was able to enjoy fully the something else I’ve been pondering lately (but hadn’t really been able to enjoy yet).

Funny how that happens. ūüôā

Post-a-day 2018

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It’s all relative

It only takes a trip to somewhere worse to appreciate coming home to a place one was initially glad to leave.

I’ve been doing that a lot recently, but switching between going to somewhere worse and to somewhere better, constantly flipping my perspective back and forth (and, ultimately, leaving me moving in no real direction at all most of the time).

Post-a-day 2018

What’s your nerd field?

Today, my cousin compared my lesson planning talk with that of her brother’s talk about trees. ¬†You see, he, her brother (and my cousin), got really into trees, and studied forestry at Stephen F. Austin State University, in Nacogdoches, Texas. ¬†He used to talk about toy cars and action figures, and even eventually video games, too, like a little nerdy kid who is somewhat obsessed and awed by the specific toys and all that they can do/represent, as well as all of their background information. ¬†You couldn’t really get him to shut up about the toys when he was little, or the video games when he was around high school aged. ¬†In college, this talk turned to being about trees. ¬†He even named his dog after “his favorite tree species”.

So, now, fast forward to today. ¬†My cousin, the forestry cousin’s older sister, said to me that my teacher talk about lesson ideas and planning lessons – and this is about any topic, be it actual foreign language teacher, which I actually did for high schools, or dance lessons, or my art & yoga classes, or whatever teaching opportunity I might have – reminds her exactly of her brother and his tree talk.

Does that not say something distinct and pointed about me and teaching? ¬†ūüėõ ¬†Clearly I like it. ¬†(I also happen to be very good at it, it turns out. ¬†Total blessing, and I am incredibly grateful for it.)

‘Okay, but¬†I’m not going to get a dog and name it Lesson Plan,’ I laughingly retort.
After a slight pause for inhale, she replies, ‘Hannah…, I could see you coming up with a more creative and better way to name the dog Lesson Plan.’
‘You¬†say that…’
‘Oh, did you think I was joking? ¬†Because…’
‘No. ¬†You¬†say that, and I¬†know that you¬†aren’t joking.’

I was just worried that I really might be¬†that nerdy about it, because I could¬†totally see myself doing something that silly somewhere down the road. ¬†ūüėõ

Post-a-day 2018

What to do with my life…

Nope, no idea. ¬†I really haven’t any idea. ¬†I mean, sure, I have loads of ideas all day long. ¬†But I open up the page – that dreadful, white, blank page – and it all just seems to melt away. ¬†It almost feels as though none of it ever existed in the first place. ¬†It isn’t that I have a block. ¬†It is that I have an empty slate. ¬†And being able to create anything for this nothing is not only amazing, but mind-blowing. ¬†I always look for direction, instruction, guidance…, and yet, does that direction, instruction, guidance, even if ever so slightly, take away from the¬†me of it? ¬†Does that not remove the¬†me from the creation, and put at least a part of the result under the specifications of another, when it could have been all generated from me? ¬†It could have been purely¬†me, but I wanted outside direction. ¬†But I want me and I want the blank slate… sort of. ¬†I want the slate however it may be, but perhaps I would like to paint it first, and then begin to work (although the painting would be beginning already), because blank and solid and white is just not¬†me. ¬†Yes, yes… perhaps I just need to paint, and then create further and further from that initial coat.

Post-a-day 2018