Turning insignificant into loved

I started working at a clothing store as a part-time job recently. And kind of ‘just because I wanted to do it’. I had never worked in retail before this, and I had often felt that I might be well-suited to being paid to organize and fold stuff (something I already do when I go into stores as a customer, anyway, but, of course, not for pay). So, I am giving it a go.

Walking to the store today to work, I had geared up for the pouring rain: Waterproof boots, a long raincoat, backpack waterproof cover, and an umbrella. The only thing not covered directly by waterproof material was my sweatpants – odd how that is singular yet not…. a single item of clothing, yet referenced as a plural for its two legs… yet we do not reference a shirt as plural for its two arms/sleeves…

Anyway, so, I am being very careful as I walk on the sidewalk. It is placed directly beside the road, with no buffer – genius, I know (meaning What idiotic brain fart planned this sidewalk?). Whenever I come up to a spot where there is a puddle in the road, I quickly run a large arc away from it, before joining back with the sidewalk, doing my best to avoid any possibility of being splashed by passing cars.

Just after I cross the train tracks, when there is nowhere to arc , and I am just running in a straight line to pass a puddle, a single car comes speeding up from behind me. There are no other cars around, and the car easily can move into the left lane and avoid hitting the massive puddle on the right lane… and the bright yellow individual who cannot be considered invisible right now.

The car does not move over. I notice just in time to jump forward and pull up my legs as best I can in front of me.

Almost my entire left pant leg, and some of my right, is suddenly soaked, completely through to my skin. My leg is actually dripping wet on the left.

I curse in an outraged yell, as I continue on my way, somehow embarrassed.

After setting everything down in the back at work, I change into my regular shoes, and head out to check in, eyes already beginning to burn. The moment she asks me how I’m doing – the standard check-in – I starts to cry. I cannot help myself.

I’m okay, but I’m not okay right now, I manage to say a couple times. I explain briefly what happened and that my pants are currently soaked through, and that, as I am now seeing with clarity, I am not only physically uncomfortable, but I am living in the experience of having been unworthy of being noticed. Insignificant out on the street, thus completely missed by the driver. That was my experience, no matter what logic told me, and I was still processing that experience and all the emotions that went with it.

She got it completely. Do I want to go change? she offers. I don’t have anything to change into, I reply, still in active tears.

“Okay, do you want to go pick out some pants?” I hesitate, considering how it doesn’t work for me to go buy something for myself right now.

“I’ll get you some pants,” she clarifies at my hesitation to respond. “Go pick something out from the sales rack, and come check back in with me, and I’ll get them for you. And then you can go change.”

And so I did. And she did. And I changed into dry, fancy, brand new pants. And the world was suddenly a lot easier to take in when I was no longer soaking wet and mentally preparing how to survive the next five hours as such, and somehow be in a good mood and help people and walk around with ease.

I checked back in with her once I was changed, expressed clear and direct gratitude for handling the situation so well – so immediately and so effectively – and for creating a space for me to clear things up for myself by removing the strong physical discomfort aspect of the situation. (Think how we are miserable and can’t function properly when we are super hungry, and then our brains suddenly work again after we’ve gotten the needed nutrition. Better yet, think about how a bull or horse will buck and buck like crazy, even after the cowboy is off its back, until that miserably tight burr strap is loosed off its hindquarters.) It has been a no-brainer for her, and she was glad to have been able to help clear it all up for me. After all – and she didn’t say this, but we both know it – I can serve the store and its customers best when I am at my best… and wet and miserable is certainly not my best. So, it was beneficial to the store for me to have the new pants, more so than just the cost of the pants, but for the cost of all the customers with whom I would come in contact the rest of the day.

I don’t know if she bought them herself, or if there is a budget for the store to be used for such odd, here-and-there occasions. And I’m okay with it either way. I am nonetheless grateful that this person considered such a solution, whatever the details of it, and made it happen. And immediately. It made a world of a difference for me, and I was and still am extremely grateful.

Plus, I actually really like the pants. They were comfy to wear, and they are a really pretty color. Thank you, K. You turned a terrible experience into a lovely and loving one. And I am grateful.

Post-a-day 2020

Tootsie: Roll Film

Okay, I watched the film “Tootsie” tonight.  It was lovely. I already liked Dustin Hoffman a lot beforehand.  Now, while watching and after seeing this film, I love his work even more.  Definitely a fan over here.  And, really, I was quite surprised – though not at all surprised, really, because my experience has always included things like this all throughout my life – that this was a film done in the early 80s.  Several comments and many ideas presented in it are ones where countless people seem to struggle terribly still today.  For me, these ‘difficult topics’ were always no-brainers, and super simple and easy topics.  That’s the family into which I was born and by which I was raised.  But, I think, most people were not born to such families, and so those traditional ‘difficult topics’ and still difficult for them, decades later, generations later.

Anyway, I highly recommend the film as a fun watch and a supremely delightful mini-adventure.  Dorothy is a very believable character, and I often had to remind myself that, given the true circumstances, such and such scene is intended to be extremely awkward for Michael…, but I regularly forgot that Michael was there at all – he was that good and enrolling in the roll.  Confused? Watch the film.  😉

P.S. I also love particularly Bill Murray’s earlier acting, and it was a fabulous surprise to see him in the opening scenes of the film! (Yay!)  And I loved the photo shoot scene – it got me super excited about doing one of my own some day soon!

Post-a-day 2020

Brain waves: zero

Do you ever find yourself sitting down to do something, possibly late in the day or close to when planning to go to bed, and having no idea what on Earth you are supposed to be doing sitting there? Not because you don’t understand the process of the task, but because your brain has checked out and either is napping or has gone to bed for the night… without even fully forming the mental question of, ‘Why am I here?’, you have the sense of the question, the uncertainty and slight sense of being lost that go with it… and, rather than having various thoughts about why you might be here, your mind brainstorming the millions of possibilities as to why you have just set yourself here, your thoughts are just kind of off. The gasoline has run out, the power switch has been flipped – whatever the case, you find yourself sitting in front of something, with no idea as to why you are there, no thoughts to brainstorm your way through it, and no real understanding of what to do about the lack of knowing.

Well, whether you experience it or not, I most certainly do.

Post-a-day 2020

Español

And suddenly I am using Spanish again. I had a desire to reply in Spanish the other night to a coworker’s message – I was only guessing from context that she spoke Spanish, of course, but it was a highly supported guess – and went with it. And we have been doing Spanish ever since. Yippee!

Yes, it has genuinely been fun for me. I haven’t used Spanish for real in so long, it has been slow-coming. But it is already faster now than it was two hours ago, and then even faster than it was the other day to start. This is a part of me that has been in waiting for quite a while, I think. She is ready to live vibrantly again, and much more so than way back when when I lived in Spanish as a child.

Let’s go, woman. Vamos, chica. 😉

Post-a-day 2020

Work

I am exhausted. And in a satisfied kind of way, which is really good for me right now. I accomplished a lot of work today, and for multiple types of work. In the newest work, I finally started to feel like I had my bearings (at last!), which is awesome. A question was asked of me; I either knew the answer or had something easily on my tongue in guidance for a solution. I learned a new skill that was invaluable for the job, and that solved a lot of stress I had been experiencing almost constantly with the work.

So, much improvement today, but work almost all day long. Tomorrow is likely to be quite similar, working all day for different work, but improving significantly with the newest one. Plus, I get breakfast tacos at the early morning one (must arrive at 7:00am for that one). Yumm!

I love breakfast tacos. I sent a text message once, in response to someone telling me that the other food was gone but that someone had just dropped off breakfast tacos, and that message has been quoted to me multiple times since then. I think the person found my use of young adult language hilariously tickling.

“Super cool! Thanks! I can hardly wait. Breakfast tacos are my jam 😂”

So, I’ll be jamming in the morning, it seems… makes me wish I had some Jams to wear for it… 😛

Post-a-day 2020

Election Day

I just want to say that, despite the qualms of the official leaders in this country, the fact that there is concern for rioting and people’s safety in the cities tonight, election night, suggests not that the elected leader is the real issue at hand, but that the people who cannot manage themselves are the issue. If people cannot be trusted to act appropriately, how can they expect anything better from anyone else in this culture and society?

I have always maintained that education – and more than mere math and science – real education is one of the most impactful and important things for a culture and society. Goodness, we could use some work on that right now and in the immediate future, for both children and adults.

This recent political arguing just seems so double-edged, so double-standard-y to me. That one could be forcefully attacked – and also constantly verbally attacked – for supporting one candidate over another just seems so unbelievably absurd to me… and yet it has happened over and over again, and from both sides.

We all know that change comes within, both on an individual and a group basis. So, perhaps, we would do better to focus our efforts within ourselves and within our immediate communities, than to be nasty and upset about the elected officials thousands of miles away.

Just an idea that has been remembering itself to me almost constantly, these past few years, and increasingly often these past few months and weeks.

Big siiiiggggghhhhhh

Post-a-day 2020

Next Step

Okay, training on my own (with mandatory videos) is complete! Now to do some in-person training and some solo study (because I want to do the latter, not because I have to do it).

I’m actually excited about the solo study that I get to start doing tomorrow. I really hope I start with it tomorrow. Things really do transform when we are interested, invested, and enrolled in them – I was rarely so excited about studying on my own for things in school… or even learning the information in the first place, at least for most of school… wow.

Crazy, huh?

Post-a-day 2020

Goodnight, goodnight

I am back home, and boy, does it feel good to be home.

Truly.

Thank you, God and World and Universe, for all of the love in my life, especially for the love in the form of my finding a home here, and especially tonight. Thank you all. 🙂

Now, to conch out and wake up super early for my (possibly) last test proctoring for the semester… to be followed by work training… for four plus hours on the computer… times two. Ugh… haha

Anyway, goodnight!

Post-a-day 2020

Photo surprise

I shared a casual 40-ish photos with a friend from elementary school last week. I had gone by his daughter’s outdoor birthday party to take some photos. I wasn’t hired. I just wanted the practice, and he was open to having photos and to having me around. I was invited as s guest to the party, should I like. The photos were my own intention.

So, I went later than I had hoped to be able to go, and only took a good handful of photos, as I would call it, of the friend, his daughter, and her cousins. They weren’t the greatest I’ve done, but I had fun logging the silliness and fun of those few characters – for they certainly are characters. And the photos represented that fun and silliness quite well, I think. Plus, they were pretty photos.

Today, logging into Facebook, I saw a notification that I had been tagged in a post by that old friend. He had shared all 40-something photos, and said that I had produced them in their entireties. That was not only kind that he would tag me but flattering that he would include all of the photos. Even I would have included only the top ones for my own posting. Perhaps those were his top picks… all 49-something of them.

Whatever the case, it was really cool and was a really great experience for me to see my love and passion being appreciated and shared. Gratitude on both ends of that equation. 🙂

Post-a-day 2020

Kid talk

Talking with a little boy at a small birthday party yesterday, while he played in an inflatable water slide thing and I took photos of the little cousins for their parents – he being one of those cousins – I was reminded of the fun that can come of simply having little kids around. His little brother told me that he, the little brother, is two. Then, the older of the two tells me that, yeah, he is two and I am four. Oh, I see. He’s two and you’re four.

“Yeah, but I’ll be five soon.”

“Oh, really. You’ll be five soon,” I say in the question-like statement I tend to give little kids oh, so often.

“Yeah.”

“When will you be five?”

“Oh,” he almost sighs, giving a little pause before saying, “after a couple a years,” and he nods knowingly.

I nodded with him in understanding… a couple years really does make up a long time. Half a lifetime, it even could feel… but I didn’t say so… I didn’t trust myself not to hurt his feelings… I swear, I barely kept it together and didn’t laugh right in front of this child in uncontrolled fits. 😂 My entire insides were shaking with a desire to burst forth in laughter.

Fortunately, I was able to tell me mom about it afterward, and we got to laugh really hard together over it. 😛 Clearly, the kid got the phrase from his parents or some other adults, and just applied it without any idea of its actual meaning, but knowing that it was used for something that wasn’t going to happen quite yet. 😂

It was beautiful.

Post-a-day 2020