I have to give a 20-minute presentation tomorrow on a 15-20-page paper I haven’t yet written, the research for which I have only just tonight begun reading… and had to stop reading, because money (aka real) work last night went so late that I didn’t get enough sleep to be at a level of quality functioning today…
I imagine I’ll manage something decent for the presentation, but ugh, this being exhausted so often and having to do work I don’t particularly want to do is just really exhausting. 😛
No wonder I feel ill.
P.S. I am a long-time procrastinator, so the last-minute work is nothing new – just the exhaustion from other stresses and whatnot combined with the procrastination is new and stressful.
I feel like some people are just destined to sleep early at night, and some to sleep late at night.
I am one of the latter.
Tonight, as a fifth-day support – for I have had now five days in a row that have ended similarly late, though without previous expectation, and each with a different, outside-of-myself reason for it – for this belief, I spent three-ish hours (more than that, actually) on the phone with an old friend, who had reached out, somewhat out of the blue, in desire to talk for a while, despite the late hour.
Now, here I am, even later than the other nights, finally going to sleep just before three in the morning, even though I was prepping for bed at nine something this evening. 😛
I’m just destined to get to sleep late at night, it seems.
I did awesome stuff today. And I am very tired. And I really don’t feel like writing right now.
I sorted through almost an entire box of old papers today. I left out about two inches worth of spirals and papers, because I knew they specifically had loads of content I would want to peruse (and possibly photograph) somewhat thoroughly. And it was exhausting. However, I lay down sideways for a minute or two on my bed, and then got to work on another box of mixed stuff. I pulled out a few things for donation, more for trash, and loads for recycling. There’s still a good chunk of papers left in this box, however, that is only about 8% of what was in the box earlier today.
All-in-all, I am quite satisfied with the progress I made today on my clearing out, cleaning, and organizing task. It is suddenly as though an entire half of my room is in spectacular condition (while the other half has mediocre cleanliness and clutter, as well as several boxes of apartment stuff). After having the entire room be a storage room, in which one could barely walk to get to the twin mattress on the floor, this is spectacular. 😛 Just in case you didn’t know how things were in here before.
Anyway…, I want to finish out that last 8% of the one box tomorrow, and play with the glass ball I found in it. And yes, the glass ball is made for playing with it. It isn’t a fortune-telling object, nor is it decoration (intentionally). It is for playing. And I am greatly looking forward to doing so with it. 🙂
Some days, staying awake 12 hours can feel like the longest, most exhausting day of one’s life.
Sometimes, I fear tomorrow. Not because I fear the dawn or what is to come, but because I worry that I have not done enough with today, and that the feeling will drag into tomorrow, as well. I am exhausted and I want to sleep, yet I have lain awake (just barely) in my bed for over half an hour already. I accomplished much today, both physically and mentally, and I had a wonderful time with my mom, sharing most of the day with her, loving one another well and clearly. But today is Saturday, and tomorrow is Sunday. I have so little time during the weekdays right now, that I feel a compulsion to make each weekend fully “worth it”. Today was great, and yet I worry that Monday will arrive, and I will wish I had done something more over the weekend. To be fair, though, I typically wish that I had had more sleep over the weekend, more so than wishing I’d done anything else. How odd… perhaps it is best, then, that I sleep now.
Two not-so-great things happened today at work. 1) I hid under my desk again (second time so far here). 2) I took a stupid typing test, and only got 60 words per minute.
For the desk thing, it’s just a whole new world, working here with these kids. Education that has felt like second nature to me most of my life, is a piece of education that has somehow eluded a good chunk of these guys, thanks to stereotypes and income levels of families. The first time I hid under my desk, I think I just wanted to be alone, after a good hour or two of kids being kids, unable to handle sitting in a classroom, even for five minutes at a time (we get up and about in the room a lot during class, excluding test and quiz days). Today, it was a bit of that, but mostly my distaste at the unfortunate lack of capability of many of these high schoolers to do basic addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division. I took these same classes at their same ages, and yet I flew threw most of this stuff. Not only was I good at math, but I had friends and family to support me with it, whether I needed the help or not. These kids just plain don’t. So, I’m not sure if it was so much the annoyance at the kids being restless today, as it was their social and educational backgrounds that really just have me wanting to curl up and cry, and go away… but ‘out of sight, out of mind’ has never really been one of my supported phrases in life.
And, for the typing test, it was stupid. It was for doing Aesop’s fables, including their titles and an introduction. I didn’t have a single error in the final product, because I corrected as I went, but the flow was difficult, because it was different formatting with the titles and such. Aren’t typing tests traditionally of paragraphs? Perhaps my belief in that is a false one, but it makes more sense to me for a general standard test than what I had today. Anyway, it was some free online test, so I don’t expect it to be the best standard… it was just kind of annoying. Hopefully I am right, and my typing speed is actually faster than just 60 words per minute. I didn’t even have a comfortable positioning of the keyboard and everything, either, so I don’t really see why I’m upset about it. I guess I’m just tired and feeling ill today, and that’s bringing me down in more ways than one right now.