Nerds

We research in my family.

When we are interested in something, we start learning about it, and we tend to do lots of research on it.

Presently, I am preparing to use a used Prius for a while.

Someone was very upset and expressed concerns of my sanity and logic in doing this.

So, to satisfy my initial belief that it was a reasonable idea, and not just plain crazy, I started looking up important things about Priuses, in order to learn more about them… whatever might be important to know, you know?

In sharing a small bit of what I’m learning with my cousin, she replies, “You will now be well versed on the Prius. I’m imagining you building a PowerPoint presentation”.

And, while I chucked inwardly at the intended joke, I also totally saw the seriousness of her statement, and had to agree: I could so see myself doing that.

In fact, I kind of did for physics class in high school at one point… we researched various hybrid cars and their overall effects on the planet…. let’s just say that, fortunately, things have improved in the hybrid world since then…

Anyway… I think I already have enough information to give a really good ten-minute presentation on using used Priuses…

Total nerd, right?

And I love being it. πŸ˜‰

Post-a-day 2020

What’s the name of the game?

I want it all to work out beautifully, but along the lines of my intentions… we shall see what life has in store, however.

Likely, I will discover something much better and rather different than I had ever expected, and for many, many reasons.

After all, is that not how much of life tends to work in the first place?

Anyway…

I’ve been struggling the past ten days, give or take a few on either side.

Getting myself to exercise, even to get out of the house and be specifically outdoors has been tough.

Part of me wonders if something is off in my hormones and diet, but most of me believes that I simply have gotten myself into a mental slough…

This whole “What’s Next” thing has really been getting to me, and I feel like I need a bit of a break from being where I am and have been, both mentally and physically.

The things I have been doing have ended or are ending, and I want a quick vacation to reset, and then to come back and take on all the new stuff full-force(!).

I got a small taste of what it feels I most need last Friday…, and it was amazing, but it also reinforced my draw to taking that real retreat from this daily circumstance in which I presently find myself (and have found myself for a very long while).

I was supposed to do a somewhat quick road trip with my mom, and go visit my brother in Wisconsin, because my mom has wanted to take a road trip with me in her new car for the past three years (though, I only just this year learned of this intention of hers).

Every time I’ve asked to arrange everything with my brother and her, she tells me her schedule won’t allow it.

Okay…

So, I aimed for a shorter trip to visit my cousin in Oklahoma.

It was to be during the workweek, so that I could still work remotely, and we wouldn’t interrupt my cousin’s weekend time with her husband, who had to be at work during the workweek.

But then, suddenly, days before we are about to go, my mom declares that she can’t take of time during the week like that – it must be a weekend…., even though she had already agreed, before I had even reached out to my cousin about visiting.

And then, we were going to go to Galveston for an overnight stay…, but my mom, yet again, decided she actually couldn’t take off when she said she could from work, so we would have to do it on a weekend… when everyone else is there…, which neither of us was interested in doing.

And now, two and a half road trips having been canceled, I’m about ready to burst… I already had my summer plans of spending six weeks in Italy and England (to work on my thesis and visit my best friend and her soon-to-be baby) canceled…, I don’t know how much more of being stuck here I can take.

If it goes much longer, we risk my getting a job elsewhere and just moving away, clear as day…

I was doing so well, back when I had things I was looking forward to doing…, and now, I’m what feels like such an oppressive state, I feel it harder to breathe, and I can’t even seem to get myself to exercise… which only adds to my misery, making me feel like I have a huge fat-girl complex, and all I seem to want to do is eat cookie dough and cry and sleep all day to avoid the world…

And it isn’t all day that I feel this way, but it is the underlying tone to almost every moment, and so is always with me.

I know that I’ll be okay at some point, but I’m really not okay right now, and it has kept regressing, little by little, lately… that’s why I couldn’t stand people asking how I was doing weeks ago… I wasn’t okay, but I didn’t want to talk about it with them.

And I still don’t.

But I’m still not okay.

However, I am finally starting to see clearly what all is in the way for me, and I know I can and will start clearing and cleaning it all up in the very near future.

For now, though, I am simply acknowledging it and letting it be.

I am pissed off and I want a retreat from all of this, and I keep being promised one, and then having it pulled away from me.

And it all comes down to money… if I had more of it, this wouldn’t be an issue right now.

But I won’t get into that.

Ugh…

Post-a-day 2020

Change

I understand change, and I even support it fully, especially when it provides significant and likely necessary improvement upon what came before it.

This is intentional change that I mostly mean at the moment….

I dislike intentional change that makes things more difficult…. it just brings me to the question of, “What idiot thought this was a good idea?”, which leads to, “Or did he think at all?”

And that brings me around to my everlasting struggle of despising stupidity…

I can’t stand stupid people.

And I don’t mean uneducated.

I mean stupid.

People who just don’t think, and who don’t even realize that they aren’t thinking.

Just… ugh!

Post-a-day 2020

Let’s talk about sex (some more), baby

Somehow, I have found myself thinking about pornography lately.

And no, not in the sense of indulgence or grossness or anything like that.

In the sense of this question: How are people supposed to be exposed to the body, and to sexual interaction initially, to be informed on the subject and not have to be afraid of it all?

The unfortunate answer side seems to have only one measly answer: pornography.

And, while I very much dislike the intended use of pornography, I could understand it from an educational approach… well… the more vanilla side of it all, anyway.

It had me thinking how, in a traditional normal household, a child is somewhat likely, at least once in his life, to walk in on his parents having sex, right?

Right.

That exposure, to me, seems important and possibly necessary for that child.

However, I feel that that exposure alone is not enough for the child to develop a healthy relationship to the concept of sex.

How is he supposed to learn what a positive versus negative relationship with sex is?

How is he supposed to understand truly what is normal (and versus abnormal) for the human bodies of a male and female in the world of sexual interaction?

Many people, I suppose, would say that that‘s the whole point of someone’s first sexual interaction: awkward discovery.

(But many people don’t have that opportunity, and for many reasons…. It could be age difference, personality difference, an abuse history, or even fear of the whole thing…)

But what if it didn’t have to be like that most of the time, with so many people living in worry about getting it right or being good enough or knowing what to do or what is normal?

I’ve mentioned before about how these cave-people books talk about how certain women would be selected each summer to be the sexual guides for all the newly-established men of the tribes, and, when females were declared women, they would have a special ceremony, for which a specific man was selected to be the first sexual encounter for the newly-established woman.

No, they aren’t exactly the same approach, but they both have value, and I think a combination of them would be supremely valuable for a people as a whole.

What a beautiful way for people to learn the human body and sexual interaction in a healthy and loving way…

Granted, it only worked because the whole tribe would select carefully and consciously the people who would be the sexual guides, and there were various restrictions and rules about it all to keep everyone safe, both physically and emotionally/psychologically.

However, it worked beautifully, and everyone had a positive foundation in the realm of the human body and sexual encounters and relationships… they also knew when things were off, and were comfortable reaching out to others about it, because the body and sex were not taboo topics.

Hmm… anyway… just some thoughts… I don’t have plans to revolutionize the world with this, and I know it isn’t perfect, but I think it would be a great brainstorming start for our time in the world…

Post-a-day 2020

Out of the frying pan

… and into the black pot of swirling stew…*

Things have been quite the bit of a mumbled- jumbled mess today!

Whew!

Tomorrow is a half-day for work, due to something happening in downtown Houston…

I truly hope and pray that all be smart and safe tomorrow afternoon… let humanity show some advancement, please…

Anyway, things have been crazy today for other reasons entirely, but I am glad for the half-day tomorrow.

However, it is likely to be an interesting half-day in and of itself… man… today’s muddled stew did not turn the way I’d thought it would spin…

Tomorrow is likely to tell us more… and next week will make it all clear, I think.

Fingers crossed… God, guide us all to, through, and with love.

Amen.

*For those who’ve missed it, I’ll tell you merely that I have combined two famous phrases for their meanings and for the locale similarities… πŸ˜›

Post-a-day 2020

Nerves

Tomorrow morning starts something new… I could even go High School Musical on the situation – it really is a big deal, and it has all the nerves of high school to go with it.

I want it to go well, which is what has emme nervous… that, and the fact that I have no internet at home, and this will take regular internet access for long-ish periods of time… hmm…

I’ll keep thinking in that, and see what I can come up with that is not only practical but that leaves me truly comfortable.

Anyway, I want to do well with this all… and for many, many reasons, none of which are insignificant.

God, help me to listen to You within me tomorrow morning, especially, and in every moment, as a whole.

Amen.

Let’s do this.

We can do it.

And amazingly so. πŸ™‚

Post-a-day 2020

Running Men

It seems I am making men run these days… first my conversation exchange buddy, and then, perhaps only days later, a guy I know from high school… so, who’s next on the list, World??

And I haven’t even told them to start running or anything… they have simply determined for themselves that they want to start running for their own health and well-being…, in some way or other, because of me.

How odd… I make men run… and without telling them to do so… and they aren’t running away from me…

πŸ˜›

And I don’t even really run anymore… haha

Though, if my belly hadn’t been hurting today, I likely would have done a semi-long run (just a few miles, probably) to get in steps for my Weekend Warrior Fitbit contest with a girlfriend from college this weekend…

Anyway…, it is almost 11pm, and I can barely see straight, I’m so sleepy… I need to sleep better at night…

Fingers crossed that I sleep well tonight! πŸ˜‰

Post-a-day 2020