How You doin’?

How am I doing, she asks?

I’m doing okay, I think. Dealing with a school mental struggle of being tired of it and not wanting to do semi-pointless work (i.e. work that serves no value whatsoever in why I am getting the degree). I got sick, too, and so that aligned interestingly perfectly with the assignments, and so they are excused from being late. I still don’t want to do them, though. Life has become so interesting outside of school recently, it makes me want to take a big break from school, possibly permanently. But mostly because ‘I don’t Feel like it(!)’, and I’m not sure if it really has anything else behind it. Laziness might just be all there is in the matter, ultimately. :/

That’s the just bulk of my daylight hours… evenings and nights are a whole ‘nother conundrum these days. 😛

How are you doing?

Post-a-day 2019

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Beer run?

‘Okay, I’m stopping at the grocer on my way out there.’

‘Oh, since you’re stopping at the grocer, will you pick up some (hard) cider for me?’

He then gives me the details of his preferences on cidre, and we settle a plan…

“Haha…,” he continues, a bit nerdily and excited, “I’ve never had my little sister buy me alcohol before.”

We both had a dorky chuckle at this idea, mostly because we knew how the rest of our family had been growing up, as well as how unlike them I had been, simply uninterested in alcohol, let alone getting someone to buy any for me.

…..

Separately, when actually at the store, two girls who work there were telling me about the cidres sold, and kept suggesting I get a ‘sneaky’ one, so that I could ‘get him drunk’, and they kept chuckling at how their boyfriends are always surprised with sweet drinks that have high alcoholic content and leave them drunk, when they had thought they were totally fine… I didn’t entirely disapprove, since it’s people who matter to the girls, but I wasn’t exactly a proponent of the behavior in the first place…

When they remembered that I had said “for my brother”, their tunes changed and they gave me genuine flavor information on the different cidres, instead of just talking about getting something sweet. 😛

The irony of it all was how I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d purchased alcohol, let alone purchased any for my own consumption (not that these were for me, of course), and it felt extra-silly carrying out the cidres… I felt so totally out of place, not unlike an underaged kid sister trying to sneak alcohol for her brother’s party…

My extra consolation was in the fact that he really doesn’t drink much in the first place either, but wanted some drinks because he is on vacation (and even then only a few, because there’s an intense CrossFit class awaiting him in the morning). 😛

Post-a-day 2019

Lost in the story

Do you ever find yourself so engrossed in, so invested in, so infatuated and obsessed with the fairy tale story that you choose it over your real life, the book or the movie or show instead of living the lovely parts of your own real life?

I think I sometimes grow scared of my life becoming a letdown, such that I cling to something else – another story, that is, and usually a created one – for a while instead, and dream about and long for that life, or something like it, for myself…

I unrealistically throw as much possible time as I can into reading the book further, and reading further into the series, if it is one, changing and informing planing and intended activities just so I can spend more time in the world of the book…

Until, that is, I reach the point that I notice the new infatuation interfering too much with real life – when I typically would be delighted at the prospect of spending the day with my brother, and doing photos and sports, nonetheless, but find myself longing instead to stay home alone to continue this new story in which I have mentally thrown myself.

You see, I don’t want to be like Kathleen Kelly in the first half of “You’ve Got Mail”, where she feels like all of her best life moments have been ones read in books… I want mine to be real, more like Kathleen Kelly at the end of the film…

And so, that point is when I acknowledge fully that my interest is bordering on scary, and that I would do best to look at what is behind it all – Why do I long for this other story so?

Do I want their money or love or friends or lifestyle or passion or any number of other things?

Usually, that is it exactly, and, by my acknowledging that, I can find a way to move forward powerfully within my own life, altering something that helps me in the area I found most lacking and which had drawn me so strongly and painfully to the created story…

Say I love their looks and their love story.

Then, I resolve to have my own love story…, and, seeing as how I was rather bummed the other day at the consideration of my search being at its end, I acknowledge that I perhaps do not want the love of my life to be settled yet… and so would prefer not to have Matthew Crawley become the love of my life after all, but would rather wait for the actual real and perfect man for me (because who wants to live in the age of corsets anyhow?)…

Just as an example… 😛

Post-a-day 2019

Cold, verified

Turns out I am way sick… my head won’t stop hurting, even upright, and I can hardly breathe for the deep congestion.

But, as desired Sunday night, I did not have to go to school tonight. 😛

I phoned in for class, so I still kind of attended, but without the painful effort that would have been involved – I didn’t even leave the house today, my body has been so sore… I do hope I’ll be well by morning, though, because 1) I have tutoring at 10am and 2) I’m tired of everything hurting so much.

This is true to form, though, that my body forces me to take it easy by grabbing a dreadful cold…

Fever and all, including right now, though I’ve been hot most of today with the fever… I used the Neti Pot twice today, and on neither occasion did the water flow through my nostrils… only tonight did it at least start going into my throat via the one side, but only slightly, and the other side never budged.

Sigh…

Anyway, wishing everyone health this week, myself included. 😉

Post-a-day 2019

R(acc)oonmate Update (ish)

Warning: Gross stuff in this one.

….

Okay, well, the raccoons still live with me, but at least the maggots and their wretched stench are gone.

Yes, you read that correctly.

(At least, so long as you actually did read it correctly, including the part with the maggots, then you read t correctly…)

The live trap that I have had to check daily, and have checked usually twice a day, which has captured no raccoon – which I never much expected, seeing as how they all moved to the bathroom downstairs once the babies were born (at least, we think babies have been born, due to all the early morning chatter in the past couple weeks or so) – instead had its container of bait go from brown wet cat food to reddish-pink maggot mush, and stunk up the attic and, consequently, the stairway that leads into my room.

Fortunately, I was on the phone with my cousin when I discovered this, and asked her what to do, as I worked on not panicking too terribly.

She asked her mother and father, whose home she is still visiting, and my aunt quickly told me to carry the cage outdoors, dump the bait container into a plastic bag, seal the bag, drop bag in the outdoor trash bin, trip the trap, and leave it on the back outside porch to be retrieved by the company who set it and left it.

I kept them on speakerphone with the phone on my hip for moral support as I aimed desperately not to gag and hurl while bringing the whole thing down two flights of bendy staircases, and then another staircase outside to the ground, and followed the instructions of my aunt.

I dare say that, if I’d not been managing my own desperate desire to panic and cry, I would have come up with the same solution, so I was quite willing to follow the instructions.

Unfortunately, I had to jimmy a makeshift air funnel to clear out the space, since there’s only one tiny widow that even goes to outdoors up here, and so that was tough to arrange.

However, I was gone doing study buddy work with a friend of mine for a few hours, so I didn’t have to be here while it did the bulk of air clearing out.

Now, sitting on my bed, longing for sleep, I am nervous to turn off all the fans, for fear of the germs and smell that might still be lingering – eeeeeeww!!!!! – but am so sick and tired (yes, I actually have come down with a rather terrible cold today – the dry and painful kind that just make everything hurt and clog the back of the nose, but don’t provide the relief of a runny nose’s nose blow from a wet cold), I want to go to sleep.

Perhaps I’ll leave it all as-is, and go to sleep anyway… if I get too cold later, I’ll swap the fan nearest me with the heater (only one outlet over here, you see, and no central air option).

Yes, I think that is my plan now.

Ow… my body and head and throat hurt.

Goodnight, folks.

Post-a-day 2019

Mommy, let me skip tomorrow, please

I have schoolwork that I need to do tomorrow and Tuesday, but I find myself already feeling that old dreaded feeling of Sunday night at the end of Spring Break in middle and high school… I don’t want to go back to school tomorrow…. Mommy, can I just not go to school tomorrow?

Obviously, she always declined, but I never truly meant it – some part of me always wanted to go back… I just didn’t necessarily have all the work finished by Sunday evening, and so really just didn’t want to do the work I needed to have done by class the next morning… much like this time… 😛

Life has offered me so many awesome things this past week, and I’ve grown so accustomed to them – and quite easily, I dare add – that I don’t want to go back to that other routine from before Spring Break…

A small part of me is saying that things will be good once I’m back to it, and that it is only tough because this has been such a good break, and that even the break would turn bad, if it didn’t have an end, and that, at that point, I would start to long for my previous schedule of school and work…

But the key word up there is “small”.

And so, I feel like curling up into my bed with my stuffed animals – duh – and ignoring morning tomorrow, and sleeping in, instead… though, I know I’ll be up around eight or nine at the latest, desperately needing to go potty, and guilt is likely to settle in within me, if I try to avoid the day by going back to sleep. 😛

And so, (I say again) I think I’ll not bother figuring out anything right now… I’ll go to sleep and rest myself in all aspects for the night, and then see how I feel whenever I awaken… hopefully, I’ll be prima for going to a coffee shop to work, and then I actually do that, because I really do have a decent amount of schoolwork to do by Tuesday and Thursday evenings. (Yikes.)

Sweet Dreams, and Good Morning (to those across the planet right now from me)!

Post-a-day 2019