I normally love rainstorms…, but this has really put a drag on my steps for today…
Fitbit just might have made me even more crazy than I already was…, but it might also have been doomed ever since I was the one who put on that little bracelet. 😛
I am becoming the person I want to be in the future, by being the person I want to be now.
And it feels good.
(Though, my legs are totally sore, and some of my other muscles, too.) 😛
Nope, no idea. I really haven’t any idea. I mean, sure, I have loads of ideas all day long. But I open up the page – that dreadful, white, blank page – and it all just seems to melt away. It almost feels as though none of it ever existed in the first place. It isn’t that I have a block. It is that I have an empty slate. And being able to create anything for this nothing is not only amazing, but mind-blowing. I always look for direction, instruction, guidance…, and yet, does that direction, instruction, guidance, even if ever so slightly, take away from the me of it? Does that not remove the me from the creation, and put at least a part of the result under the specifications of another, when it could have been all generated from me? It could have been purely me, but I wanted outside direction. But I want me and I want the blank slate… sort of. I want the slate however it may be, but perhaps I would like to paint it first, and then begin to work (although the painting would be beginning already), because blank and solid and white is just not me. Yes, yes… perhaps I just need to paint, and then create further and further from that initial coat.
I occasionally worry about the possibility of my having kids of my own. And by kids, of course, I mean children, not goats. My brother has goats already. They’re really cute.
Anyway, the main genuine worry that I have regarding my having children of my own, is the concern of what I might name them. I thought my cousin had it crazy enough, when she said that she would like to have a girl, and to name her Jacques, pronounced “Jake”. But I’m over here in the shower tonight, contemplating having twins, a boy and a girl, and naming (and calling) them Penny Lane and Abbey Road (respectively, I think, but I’m not set on that). And then I get all concerned, because I worry that I might actually do that, if I have children of my own to name. Either that, or I’ll not actually give them set names until they’re six months old or something. And, even then, I might still give them absurd names. I could actually see myself doing this to my dear children. Though, perhaps I would give them somewhat ‘standard’ names, so to speak, and then just call them these absurd names I have. That way, I could use multiple absurd names on each child. Having children is absurd enough as it is – at least give me a little bit of fun of my own to have, you know? (And, yes, I do know that I am somewhat totally crazy here.) 🙂
If it didn’t really matter, what sorts of absurd names would you give your child/children? Think about it.
For some reason, I genuinely want friends, and I rather want males to leave me alone in the dating realm of life. I usually struggle even talking with guys who show interest in me, until they seem to understand clearly that I am not interested (a process which usually includes utter bluntness, ignoring, a combination of the two, and possibly many other negative-type events). So, it always feels like I just wants guys to leave me alone – I don’t want to date anyone, so let it go, give it up -, but I’m fine with having friends and acquaintances, and actually prefer that to dating.
Yet I want to be with someone.
I think that 1) I am crazy, and 2) I am already in the mindset of being with that certain someone, whoever it is, because I feel so confident that it will be unbelievably obvious when the time comes that we finally meet and are ready to be together, that we are the ones for one another. So, in a way, I’m already having a relationship with this someone – or myself, if I am the only one meant for me after all -, and so I naturally am bothered by guys expressing interest in me. I already have someone, or else I won’t ever be having someone, so leave me be (on that front, anyway).
Yeah, so I suppose I have established that I am, indeed, just a little bonkers, then. 😛
Things I heard or said today that delighted me:
‘Where’s my phone?’
‘In the pantry.’
‘I was his chef. I don’t know if he ever ate anything I made him […]’
‘What are you looking for?’
‘A can opener(!),’ she responds, searching hurriedly through drawers.
‘…Is there a specific reason you don’t want to use the pull tabs?’
Regards tops of easy-open cans, ‘…I am just so tired.’
Sometimes, you do work at your desk.
And sometimes, you do your work while sitting on the floor in the bathroom, trying not to make too much noise.
… or maybe that’s just me.