It’s almost midnight, and I’m waking up at 3:40am…
My Sunday went from too much to empty relaxation to beautiful difficulty and relaxation.
Actually, today was quite similar…, I just wish now that it had wrapped things up sooner this evening, so I could have slept some more tonight.
Perhaps I can nap tomorrow.
So, it’s a total yikes for tomorrow, but I expect it to be really good, and on many accounts.
The importance of sleep has never evaded me…
I just forget about it from time to time.
And then I am brutally reminded of it in situations like tonight, when I am practically breaking down in tears over my first assignment in grad school, which happens to be one that really is not a big deal, but that I just dislike and don’t want to do, and my tired brain cannot cope with the task at hand combined with exhaustion and dislike and rustiness of subject.
Sleep is a blessing, and withholding it (i.e. not being responsible about it to where I have enough of it) is somewhat self-destructive.
Some days, staying awake 12 hours can feel like the longest, most exhausting day of one’s life.
My cousin wants me to start work on this work-out plan, with a very unique tie into a specialty of mine. The idea itself sounds like something totally awesome not only to create, but also to use once it is created. The task, though, feels almost daunting right now, in the midst of my minimal free/me time. I hardly get enough sleep to function decently right now, I have so little time to accomplish anything that has me feel accomplished, satisfied with my day, I have to do it all late at night before I pass out. I hardly have the time to exercise the way I want (Actually, I don’t have the time and energy to do it the way I actually want to do it, but I am finally getting in some exercise (at last!), though it has me getting to bed even later, which doesn’t help on the muscle restore front after the exercise).
I love the work I am doing right now, and I am dearly grateful for it – it is a blessing in and of itself. I am very much looking forward to what comes next, when this current job is finished. I will miss this, and I will be grateful to have moved to the next thing. It will be time. (I think that is really the main thought behind all of this right now.)
I miss my bed in Japan. My bedroom, especially, is one thing I miss most these days. It was a haven for me. No matter what kind of chaos or boredom lurked in my life, every night, my bedroom awaited me in calm, open, and empty space… in beauty. I shut my doors, and was safe in my retreat from everything else. Only love and blessings were ever allowed into my bedroom. I wasn’t even allowed to walk in it if I hadn’t recently showered. Clean clothes, my ukulele and ukulele music, my nighttime books, and water and tissues were just about all that ever went in there, aside from a clean me and my bed.
My bedroom now is slightly larger, but filled with boxes and stuff… a sentimentality to which I am not so sure I still want to cling. I think I am afraid that I will forget the memories, if I get rid of the objects. I do not, for the most part, want the objects, but the memories and the ways I felt. Without the objects, what will remind me?
Sometimes, I fear tomorrow. Not because I fear the dawn or what is to come, but because I worry that I have not done enough with today, and that the feeling will drag into tomorrow, as well. I am exhausted and I want to sleep, yet I have lain awake (just barely) in my bed for over half an hour already. I accomplished much today, both physically and mentally, and I had a wonderful time with my mom, sharing most of the day with her, loving one another well and clearly. But today is Saturday, and tomorrow is Sunday. I have so little time during the weekdays right now, that I feel a compulsion to make each weekend fully “worth it”. Today was great, and yet I worry that Monday will arrive, and I will wish I had done something more over the weekend. To be fair, though, I typically wish that I had had more sleep over the weekend, more so than wishing I’d done anything else. How odd… perhaps it is best, then, that I sleep now.
My head hurts. I think I need food, water, And sleep.
As I thought about just now how my head hurts, I realized that I can express that fact/sentiment in five languages, and without even having to think about it.
My head hurts. (Duh)
Me duele en la cabeza.
J’ai mal à la tête.
Ich habe Kopfschmerzen.
Rad, huh? My life is super blessed. Thank you, God. Now, I’ll have a bit more water, and then sleep!