Have you ever had trouble letting go of something, but haven’t been able to figure out why?
Whenever something bothers me, at some point, I really look to see why it bothers me, and then what I need to do about it either to handle the situation or to let it go / have it no longer bother me.
Something happened this evening at my part-time job that my mind cannot seem to settle about. It feels like I am bothered because I wasn’t trusted, and I was invalidated. Also, I was genuinely correct in my statement of what was the accurate thing to do – of course I verified afterward with the right person, and so I know that I had been accurate. And yet, due to something in how the people with me in the shop took on the situation really bothers me. When I initially mentioned my concern and solution to one person, a superior who is newer, all went well. She wasn’t sure on timing blah-blah-blah, but she accepted easily my reasoning. However, the person who had done the initially incorrect thing that had caused the issue in the first place, came to me later, while I was helping someone, nonetheless, and told me her reasoning for her actions, and also told me that I needed to do the original task – the one that couldn’t be done in the first place. I told her of the reason the task couldn’t be done, and she quickly gave a “solution” for me to do, and walked away before I could finish responding.
I think that’s it – not only did she tell me what to do (yes, we are equals in the store), but she didn’t even stop to hear what I had to say. She was right, and no one else was worth listening to – we weren’t worth her time. That’s what hurt the most; much more than the fact that she was the one who didn’t stop to consider what would be holistically best, and act accordingly, thereby causing the whole issue.
Also, it really pissed me off when people are stupid. And she had acted stupidly. Use your brain, dude. And she hadn’t. Instead, she had acted without wisdom for the act, and then had caused a problem, then made it someone else’s problem to manage, and didn’t even stop to hear what that person was trying to communicate with her.
What’s ironic is that I wasn’t even expecting her to do any further work for the problem. I was going to do it myself. Yet she was acting as though I were forcing her to do more work (although, she had already done more work by doing what had caused the problem in the first place).
Ugh! It just pissed me off when people are stupid and then righteous about their stupidass-ness!!!!!!!!!
I am genuinely laughing right now, and I feel much better. I think that was the real issue I had here. I had to deal with more work and being disrespected and ignored, and someone’s sassiness, all because of one person’s stupidass-ness and defensive righteousness afterward.
I hate stupid people. Go back to school, please, and learn to be a worthy contribution to society. These aren’t the Hunger Games*, folks. Use your brain, not your ego.
And yes, I know there is definitely some ego in this for me – like I said, I was hurt that I was distrusted and all that jazz. And it is difficult for me to love people who do not, in my opinion, act as true people. Our lowest selves, stupidity combined with righteousness, are not easy for me to love right now. I work as a teacher and specifically help students become aware of this state, and to grow out of it. They are willing to listen and to learn, and they develop spectacularly. When I meet adults – I use the term loosely – who never grew out of that, and who are unwilling even to consider that they are even in that, it is very difficult for me. I evaluate so much of my life so much of the time, it is hard for me to be around people who aren’t working to be their best and highest selves in life.
But, as I kept reminding myself this evening, over and over again, Marianne Williamson has a big part of the right of it. By letting our own light shine, we unconsciously allow others to do the same. By being my best and highest self possible, I am encouraging and empowering others, without their knowing, to be their best selves. And acting out in any way negatively does not help that. I certainly had to catch myself several times with that tonight, but I always did rather quickly, and I rebalanced and resettled myself. I am grateful for that success, despite all the rest having been utter nonsense and stupidity.
*For those who don’t know, the reference is used to suggest that people do not watch for sport other people fight one another to be the last one standing. Aka we aren’t a society that puts value on having people to sacrifice to The Games.