Month: June 2021

Nerves

I think I’m nervous. I’ve been hesitant to share with too many people about this whole computer programming and engineering thing. And I think I finally saw today why. I think I’m afraid that I’m not actually good enough for it. I’ve always seen people who do this kind of thing well to be of a caliber above me, somehow. Super brainiacs, so to speak. I’m certainly smart, but I’ve never considered myself to be that smart.

And yet, as I mentioned while speaking of my concerns the other day with the family friend – who, by the way, is one of those super brainiacs and who has confessed complete confidence in me on this endeavour -, what I have done and can do with human languages is, in its core, remarkable. Sure, it is normal and no big deal for me – it is my own brain’s workings, after all, so I know nothing else. And yet, compared to how most people’s brains work around language and languages – especially people who were not born into a multi-lingual or bilingual family -, what mine does is a total anomaly. I’ve always held that I have a math brain…, and that language is just math to me. But who ever crosses that barrier between math and language/writing? Indeed, who ever dissolves that barrier? For me, it just doesn’t exist.

And so, I can see how my brain is already set up to step into that role of super brainiac, in a way. It already is a super brainiac around language education and teaching. Now, let’s have it expand into the real of computer language and art. I am ready to create, and to improve all this junk that is out there everywhere, currently wasting people’s time left and right…

Let’s do this.

LFG

Post-a-day 2021

Learning

I began last week learning something entirely new to me. Okay, so it isn’t exactly entirely new to me – I first learned some foundations for it back in middle school. Mrs. N**** taught us in computer lab. I think most of the other kids, the girls especially, weren’t huge fans of it and didn’t really get it too well. But I was and I did. It was HTML.

Hypertext Markup Language, that is.

And, you know, though I didn’t ever realize that I could pursue learning HTML, I did pursue learning other languages. Remember, languages and math are all the same thing to me. So, a computer language just feels like a fun cross between the human spoken/written languages and the math ones. No wonder it was easy for me to pick up, and no wonder I loved it back in middle school.

But I never knew that this was the foundation upon which all of this ‘computer programming’ and ‘software engineering’ was based. Don’t ask me how – I don’t know how I didn’t ever make that connection. But, finally, I did last week.

And I’m doing beginner work on it all now, starting off with a course on HTML. Though I’m in this course to learn HTML, I kind of feel like reading the comprehensive list of code for HTML would be easier for me at the point. The blocks of text that attempt to explain things to me are often much more confusing that just looking at the actual code itself. I regularly go back to the text after reading the code, and decipher it that way – the code makes more sense seen than talked about. Does that makes sense, how I said that? I guess it is like just about anything else: you can talk to me for days about it, but, until you show it to me, it is just words and ideas, and doesn’t fully make sense or click.

But this stuff is clicking. And I’m liking it. A lot.

I’ll finish the HTML foundations course tomorrow or the next day, I think, and move into CSS or iOS app development training next. Or both…

It’s funny, though. I can tell this is important to me, because I won’t let myself cover too much direct information in a day, so as not to confuse it all later. And I am excited every night before bed, as I plan out when I will be working on it all tomorrow.

Man… did I mention that I’m a nerd? Well, it just got a bit more obvious. 😛

Post-a-day 2021

Hard decisions

Just because it’s a good option doesn’t mean it’s the right option. There can be a multitude of good options available to us. But they aren’t all the best for each one of us. They are all different just as we are all different.

And, even if someone else may think this good option is the best option, it doesn’t mean that it really is the best option for me.

And, just because I can see that this one really is a really great option, it doesn’t mean that I have to pick this option. I am allowed to choose freely, of my own accord. When I know exactly what I want, I can wait for that, create that. I do not have to select or accept something else, simply because it is the best I’ve found so far, the closest I’ve found to what I actually want. Because it, ultimately, isn’t what I actually want.

Even if it is a really good option.

I don’t just want the best so far. I want the best.

If I’m going to put so much effort into something, I want it to be for the perfect option, the one I truly want, and never anything but that one.

Post-a-day 2021

Sharing is caring?

I have begun sharing. Why? Because I care. I care about those who have been hurt. I care about those who can help those being hurt or who have been hurt. I care about those who can prevent others from being hurt. I care about those who want to understand. I care about those who want to help. And I care about those who, simply, need to know.

But sharing isn’t always easy. And it isn’t always perceived as caring. Sometimes, it can merely frighten those on the receiving end. So, I think it is important to be responsible for the listening – will this person be able to hear right now what I next will say, or do I need to set up the conversation differently, so that this person can hear what I am going to say?

Beyond that, though, no matter how jarring it may be to share, I believe that sharing truly is caring. And I care.

Therefore, I share.

Watch out, world. I’m coming, open.

And that openness has reached a whole new level. So, get ready. And let’s do this. ❤

Post-a-day 2021

Old much?

I went down the rabbit hole of my photos on the computer tonight, and it felt like it lasted forever. Sure, I had a blast from the past in there – and a mostly very good blast -, but I went down that hole deep.

And so, it must be close to two a.m. now, right?

I check the clock. It isn’t even ten fifteen…

Man, I operate on such a different level from where I was a year ago. 😛

Post-a-day 2021

Theories

Why does all the bad and annoying have to happen one right after the other in life? Ugh.

So, I got sick. So, I can’t go exercise. Then I couldn’t sleep. Then all the crap feelings combined with my living alone, and I was lonely. Then I was miserable because I was sick and alone, and it was even worse. Then I couldn’t make food, which made everything worse, including my recovery time. Then, as I think I am recovering, my lower back seizes up while stretching it out, and I’m in varying degrees of pain there.

What will tomorrow bring for my body?? Please, God and Universe, let it be full wellness…

Oh, and did I mention that there were somehow fleas in my bed, biting me? I don’t even have a pet…

Post-a-day 2021

Quote of the day

“I think the takeaway quote of the day is, ‘Not even Vanilla Bean.’”

She had said, “If you don’t stretch, all you can do is Vanilla. And I mean you’re stuck with not just Vanilla, but super bland Vanilla… not even Vanilla Bean.”

Folks, stretching the whole body is immensely important, period. It also allows for loads more opportunities in life, especially in unexpected ways, when we keep the body stretched out, strong, and ready for anything.

Be prepared, and Life will meet you all along the way, and in unexpectedly wonderful ways.

Post-a-day 2021

Five years

So it seems, five years ago, on 21 June, I opened my account for a weblog. I wanted to be a writer, and so I needed to start writing. I was focused on writing only interesting, good things at first. By October, I had discovered that it stifled my opportunity with the weblog, limiting myself so strongly. I began writing every single day, sharing just whatever happened to be on my mind. It had become, and remains today, a sort of journal for me, a true log of events and emotions within my life. Whenever I cross older posts, I am delighted, and often also amazed at what I had to say on a certain day or topic, what I had to share. My own history, in a way, is written here, my mind itself put on display for any who would buy take the time and interest to read.

Fascinating… I am grateful for the opportunity of this weblog, both for the cataloguing it has done and for the expression of self that it has been for me. No matter my situation in life, with family and friends and all, hannahananas.com awaits me, always ready and always accepting whatever I have to offer. It is an open space, granting me opportunity for the cosmos. And I am grateful for that.

Post-a-day 2021

Cookies and cake

At what point is it just too much cake? When do we determine that we have had enough, despite our body’s ache and desire to have more, our very pores proclaiming its merits and immense deliciousness? What defines that line?

If we haven’t ever thought about it, perhaps we do not have such a line?

Perhaps we will get lucky, so to speak, and find that the cake suddenly doesn’t taste quite so good as expected this time around…, and the next is even worse…, and, eventually, our body stops informing us that it wants the cake, and we only have our brain with which to contend… and, perhaps, that, too, will stop begging, as it adjusts to the distaste of the too much cake…

Post-a-day 2021