Tag: sharing

A Mexican (Food) Stand-Off

She says in Spanish, ‘Is there another salsa? A green salsa?’ The waiter replies in Spanish that there is a cilantro, creamy green sauce that is kind of a topping sauce. ‘Yes, could we have that also, please?’ He agrees and thanks are given.

So far, they have gone through almost two normal containers of the red salsa, eaten almost entirely by him, her man, not the waiter. They continue eating the chips with the delicious red salsa.

After less than a minute, a small container of delicious-looking green creamy salsa arrives. It is smaller than the size of a shot of alcohol, much smaller than the regular red salsa dishes on the table. She looks down at the green salsa. He, her man, not the waiter, looks down at the green salsa. The two look at each other briefly before she, with a lightning-fast move, grabs the green salsa and moves it to her far corner of the table, out of his reach.

He does not share food well. He admits it fully. He devours food. Sharing happens only by speed and force, before he can finish eating, or else it usually doesn’t happen at all. They both know that this is why she has taken the salsa. Two normal dishes of red salsa have been eaten entirely by him at this point. She has full rights for her move. But he doesn’t trust her, because he wouldn’t trust himself if he’d been the one to grab the green salsa first (which he’d tried to do).

He retaliates by grabbing the chip basket and moving it to his far corner of the table.

It is a Mexican (food) stand-off. She says as much, chuckling.

They begin negotiations. ‘Let me get a scoop, and I’ll give you three chips.’ ‘Let me get that scoop for you, so you don’t take all the salsa in one scoop.’ ‘No, let me get the scoop, or I won’t give you any chips.’ ‘Then you won’t get any salsa.’ ‘Okay, put the green salsa over here for one scoop, and I’ll give you three chips.’ ‘How about I hold the salsa over here, and you can get a FAIR and small scoop yourself, then give me three chips?’

They reach an accord.

She holds it tentatively to make sure he doesn’t scoop half of it out in one go. He surprised her by confirming that his amount is okay, and even wipes a bit back on the container before asking. She approves. He eats. She asks for her chips. He gives her one.

The container is small, so she breaks the chip in half. She dips and eats one half and dips and gives the other to him. He gives her another chip, and the process repeats, repeatedly.

‘See?’ she asks. ‘I told you I would be fair with the chips and the salsa.’ He just smiles and eats another bite of chip and salsa.

After a while, she has had her fill and hands the container off to him. He devours what is left in mere moments, it seems. They both know she was right to take the salsa, though he doesn’t want to admit it, and that’s okay for both. They got the chips and salsa they had wanted, and they got them together, which was what had mattered most.

………..

I just hope you can see us being idiots at the restaurant tonight. 😛

Post-a-day 2023

Sharing is caring

I have a lot to say. I started wondering back in college if, provided I had someone who wanted to know about my everything every day and always, someone who listened to it all and asked about it all, would I feel such a need to talk so much? I’m regular conversations, I regularly feel like I could write a whole paper on what I want to say ok that particular topic. I even think about it after the fact, and there I find even more things I want to add to the conversation. But the conversation has ceased. I imagine the person is no longer – if ever he was – interested in what I have to say on the matter.

Tonight, I was sharing about college perspectives and my own experience with selecting a college. After sharing what I shared, I then came back to the messages several minutes later to add more. Then, after showering, I recalled that I had forgotten to share something I had very much wanted to share, and I had discovered something else that I wanted to share about colleges and all. And yet, here I am, unsure as to whether it would be valuable to share. I want to share it for this person’s benefit. But would it be too much information at that point? Would it do the opposite of its intended purpose?

I don’t know.

But I shall think on this… I’m leaning toward sharing it as a ‘I know I said a lot, but it’s a big topic, and here’s my third cent on it…’

Yeah, definitely leaning in that direction now.

Post-a-day 2021

Hmm…

I think that, if being honest and open with people overwhelms them, frightens them, then that is OK – they are just not the people meant to be in your life right now. They were here so that you could express yourself, and, now that that has happened, they are not meant to be here with you anymore.Perhaps they are not ready for who you are yet. Perhaps they never will be. Whatever the case, there is nothing wrong with their temporary passing through your life. It is just what’s so.

Post-a-day 2021

So much

Do you ever have so much that you want to say and share with the world that it just feels like it would take far too much time and effort, either for yourself or regarding the other person’s time and patience, and so, you just say nothing at all?

Or when, simply out of some degree of fear, you just don’t say what you really, truly want to say in a given situation?

I wonder how many wonders in life are lost that way, how many friendships never discovered nor deepened…

Perhaps it would be a service to all creation, if we were to start asking people directly and openly what they would like to share with us today, each day we meet them. And then, if we actually listened to what they had to reply each time.

That could be spectacular, I do believe.

Post-a-day 2021

Sharing is caring?

I have begun sharing. Why? Because I care. I care about those who have been hurt. I care about those who can help those being hurt or who have been hurt. I care about those who can prevent others from being hurt. I care about those who want to understand. I care about those who want to help. And I care about those who, simply, need to know.

But sharing isn’t always easy. And it isn’t always perceived as caring. Sometimes, it can merely frighten those on the receiving end. So, I think it is important to be responsible for the listening – will this person be able to hear right now what I next will say, or do I need to set up the conversation differently, so that this person can hear what I am going to say?

Beyond that, though, no matter how jarring it may be to share, I believe that sharing truly is caring. And I care.

Therefore, I share.

Watch out, world. I’m coming, open.

And that openness has reached a whole new level. So, get ready. And let’s do this. ❤

Post-a-day 2021

Wow

It’s funny how, when we are comfortable and confident enough just to speak openly about the things that matter to us, even when one of them might typically be considered as out of place within the current setting, those things end up being exactly what was needed to be said; those things end up being something that gives value beyond expectation to both the conversation and the relationship between those involved in said conversation.

And it’s funny how often I forget that all, and how I am alway at least a little bit surprised whenever it happens.

But it happened twice today, and beautifully so.

In the morning, I shared comfortably about my current menstruation status, and then the conversation turned into my sharing all about how accurate testing body temperature can be for knowing what is going on within a woman’s cycle…, and then I sent a whole link of information on it all to the person after the conversation, because, as it turns out, she has quite irregular cycles and is currently working towards becoming pregnant. Aka my comfort in sharing openly 1) allowed and empowered her to share openly, too, and 2) created a beautiful connection of tools for her current and future endeavors regarding something extremely important to her and her life.

Later today, after a hesitational moment to consider that I truly wanted to proceed with my next idea and comments, I ended up discovering a crazy and fun connection between me and another person at work. And then, through that connection, we found another connection, deep and intense, as I continued to share openly and comfortably and confidently. And then, once more. And it was awesome.

And that I was so entirely comfortable in all of it was awesome. I didn’t even hesitate by the time we got to the last part. It was so easy, I didn’t even have to think about whether it was safe to share about my experience of abuse, or whether it was worth sharing or whatever – I just automatically knew that it was, because of the previous connection in the conversation.

And now the two of us experience one another in an wholly new and positive and loving way. And it was completely worth the risk of sharing that atypical sharing. Totally worth the risk…

Post-a-day 2021

The hard conversations

I talked openly about sexual abuse with someone yesterday. And about body parts. And sexual intercourse.

There was no anger or wrong-making or freaking out. We just talked. Questions were asked and answered calmly, honestly, and genuinely. And the conversation eventually comfortably and naturally moved onward into something else.

And nothing was weird. And we both gained an unexpected degree of value from the conversation.

And wouldn’t the world be a better place, if we could have informative, open, and safe conversations about more of these traditionally taboo and sensitive topics?

My world certainly has improved since they have become part of my everyday life. It was really, really scary at first, and difficult. And awkward and uncomfortable. Now, though, it has become quite normal and easy. And I am grateful for that every time such an opportunity and conversation arise.

Post-a-day 2021

^Right in the middle of typing it, I caught myself, and so got it right 😛

Grammar, man

I shared about some grammar concerns today with someone new. It didn’t exactly go very well, so far as accepting and understanding go. I was left with an experience of having been not heard, not believed, not trusted, and considered bizarre in a negative way. I merely shared that there were errors in the copy of almost everything official that I had read by this company, and that I wanted to reach out to the right individual or individuals to begin creating the corrections for all of those errors. I even gave various general examples of the error types that I had found. After doing that, I was asked what kind of errors I had found. I repeated myself almost verbatim in answering the query.

And I know that I care about language and grammar loads more than any average human being is likely even capable of caring – I get that. But it doesn’t make it suddenly not suck when I experience someone not only distrusting and disbelieving me but also verbally responding with words that suggest that I am a negative anomaly in the world. Because it does suck when that happens, and that does happen.

And I get that this person likely was very tired and rather surprised by the concept I was presenting. That also does not make it suddenly not suck, how that person responded to me.

So, I just wanted to share that – that it really sucked in those moments of someone, whether knowingly or not, invalidating me and my concerns for the betterment of this company.

Yeah.

I guess this is an opportunity for me to look at how I might do the same to others, especially when I am tired or sleepy. 🙂

Yeah. 🙂

Post-a-day 2020

Which one did you want??

“Turn on your video for a minute…,” I hear from the guy who, not quite 30 seconds beforehand, had entered the shopping aisle.

I turn and see him holding the phone up, clearly FaceTiming with someone, displaying the products in front of him, “Which one do you want? These are TAMPAX… I don’t know which one you want.”

I smile heartily, enlivened by his comfort in asking for help, and his lack of embarrassment at the situation as a whole… he is not opposed to admitting he does not know, nor is he opposed to learning how to help.

“Unscented… super plus,” I hear come from the phone in a woman’s voice.

Wow… I never would have even thought to say ‘unscented’… I don’t even want to think about what scented tampons means… eww…

I look over again, and see the guy pointing the phone in very much the wrong direction – I happen to have just been looking at the exact product he is now seeking, so I know at a glance where it is – and so I smile again, and walk over and point out the right box for him, “It’s this one.”

With delight and gratitude, he takes notice, and grabs the box I’ve pointed out to him, saying a genuine thank-you to me, and saying, somewhat disappointedly, that he really doesn’t know all this.

“Unless she wants the Pearl…, in which case it’s this one,” I add as I point to a different box, placed elsewhere on the wall of products, recalling that most people seem to prefer the plastic applicators.

“Oh(!)…”. He holds the phone in front of the second box and asks, “Do you want Pearl?”

She confirms that she does, and he confirms what he is going to purchase, then he thanks me again, mentions again about really not knowing this, and thanks me one final time before departing the aisle.

I am smiling so hard, that was such a fun and comfortable and fulfilling exchange for me.

As I turn back to the organic section I had been perusing-slash-evaluating, an older lady is pushing a cart toward me from that end of the aisle.

She says to me, “What a good guy,” chuckling loudly, and we both share a few moments of laughter and smiles.

I wonder at her comment, not because I disagree with with, but because I imagine that she and I have different views on the situation as a whole.

The biggest part for me was that this guy wasn’t embarrassed to be on the aisle – he just happened to be on an aisle with which he wasn’t acquainted, like if I asked someone who doesn’t know about yarns to pick up some Artiste size ten mercerized cotton crochet thread for me, and sent him or her into a yarn shop or art supply store… it’s just a lot of new information that could take a long while to sort out.

But there’s no need to embarrassment at not knowing how to find the exact product I’ve requested.

Such was the case with this guy, and I really appreciated it.

Yes, I think it would be lovely for men to take the time – and women to take the time with them – to learn about feminine hygiene products, especially the ones that their significant others use, and why they use them, as well as what versions of them the women use and why.

Nonetheless, I think this situation today is an example of a good start for such a conversation, and it shows promise for society in moving to a place of comfort with feminine hygiene products and menstruation… we have a long way to go, I dare say, but I feel so much transformation already from these past ten-ish years – especially the past few years. – and how the younger generations are already approaching and addressing menstruation rather openly, both among women and in sharing more with men, talking about things that are so, and not letting the presence of men in a group stop them from sharing (e.g. ‘Hang on… I need to go put a tampon in before we start,’ or, ‘Today was crazy at work: right at we started our morning meeting, I started my period…’).

Keep it up, folks… keep sharing and keep learning… all of us, yeah?

Yeah. 😉

Post-a-day 2020