Tag: sex

Skintimacy

Quote of the day

“Look, I know sex has greatness in its own right, but all I really want… is naked cuddles,” she declared.

Talk about unpopular opinions, this one likely would throw a lot of people through a loop. But, hey, if intentional and conscious physical intimacy is the goal, then it makes sense, right? Instead allowing oneself to cross over to an animalistic degree of human function – that part of humanity designed to procreate without having to be told how to do it -, there is an opportunity to be extremely intimate without loss of full consciousness and presence and without procreation. It is definitely a valuable idea, I dare say. Indeed, it would be much more intimate as a whole than sexual intercourse would be.

But can people actually do that and only that??? Interesting inquiry…

Post-a-day 2021

What a week

Ovulation is funny to me. The body takes roughly a week to send out scents to attract the best man to reproduce the most effectively. The brain jumps on board and does a mental calculation of every potentially available man it has ever met. It also sends out hormones and emotions that make the body feel really good and healthy and well, as well as the desire to stop off all clothes, be cuddled lovingly, and romp in the sack for hours on end, days on end. Life feels, somehow, entirely possible, and love feels imminent. And even a touch from a handsome man makes everything turn alight with flame. And sleeping is difficult, and dreams are annoying, and waking up is hard, both for the end of the dream to find oneself alone and for the battle the brain undergoes trying to wake up but trying to satisfy the body’s desires. And being around men is difficult, and being near-constantly and easily aroused feels absurd and annoying. It is a week in which one must be careful not to grow too weak in one’s resolve, as one’s mind seems to seek out any and all possibilities for, first, interacting with a man and, second, copulating with him. It is probably the week that most women reach out to men they like, even a little. It is likely the week with the most sex in a woman’s life. It is certainly the week made for sex in a woman’s life… It is a week of constantly having to chill the f*** down in the loins and head, and aim to remember who one really is, aside from a means of continuing the species. It is a week where loyalty seems irrelevant, and every man sounds like a great option; even several at once sounds, absurdly, entirely reasonable and desirable.

All of that is, simply, because we were made that way. Just a bit bizarre, I think…

What a week…

Post-a-day 2021

Food for Thought… or naught(y)

I have just had another few sips/gulps from my freshly-made berry-veggie smoothie.  It is delicious.  But it is not fulfilling what my body needs, somehow – it is not entirely what I want.  It has helped, but it is not sufficient.

As I walk into the pantry, I sigh and ask aloud, “What do I want?… Ugh… I want….” My arms have moved outward and curved downward as the end to the last sentence.  In my peripheral vision, I see that my hands are cupping gently and loosely the area just in front of my pelvis, in front of my uterus and groin.  I say, without having thought about it, “I want warm sex?” and then give a soft snort-sigh at the absurdity of my statement.  I am here for food.  That isn’t food.

Hmm…

Is it?

I consider this a few moments, and then jump further into the absurd: What food is warm, satisfying sex?, I ask myself in my head, as though there were a cookbook somewhere with this information listed, and I am aiming to recall what foods are on the list, like proteins or vitamin-B-rich foods.

To my astonishment, after a few moments, I say, “A soupy broth, poured over a pile…bowl of deeply spiced, veggie-filled, hot quinoa.  Hot.”

Yeah, my thoughts tell me, that’s it.

And I think they must be right.  After all, they are the ones who came up with the concept in the first place.

I guess I’m having hot sex… for dinner tonight…?

(If that isn’t roflcopter, I’m not sure what is.)

Post-a-day 2021

^So fantastically easy, I almost forgot even to comment on it or notice!

Marriage and Dating

I find myself yet again thinking on the idea of exclusivity in a dating (or marital) relationship. We say we want an exclusive relationship. But what does that truly mean?

If we have a problem, we go only to one another?

If that is the case, then why would we not want to seek a doctor for medical advice, or a teacher on a specific topic on which we may seek knowledge. Our partner is not necessarily the one who will have the answers we need, and likely doesn’t not expect us to rely on him or her for things outside of his or her own specialties.

What about that, when we have special news, we go first to one another?

Well, what happens to the best friends and sisters and mothers and brothers in this case? They have held such roles for most of our lives, oftentimes. Are they suddenly replaced by this partner’s having come around? Or, at any rate, have they lost their places as our confidantes in life? We do not expect them to do that, I believe. It is more that the partner joins the ranks of such individuals for us.

These are merely two examples of my thoughts on this matter. Their having been said, I move to my great point of concern.

Is it more so a matter of sexual exclusivity that we seek, when we declare a desire for an exclusive relationship?

That thought has been bugging me for quite some time now…

I want to deny it, but I cannot do so effectively yet. And I’m not sure if I ever will be able to do so.

I know that I want to be, in a way, mentally ever-present for my partner, and I want the reverse so, too. I want to be sexually exclusive with one another, and because we both want that specifically – not because we are restraining ourselves in some way from acting on desires with others. I want us to trust and to love and to want to be with one another in all ways, and for us to be okay whenever we are apart – we are so confident in one another’s love and support. We will be always there for one another, and we will speak honestly and openly with one another.

And I don’t want to be in any other kind of relationship with a potential partner, even at the very beginning.

Post-a-day 2021

^!!

The hard conversations

I talked openly about sexual abuse with someone yesterday. And about body parts. And sexual intercourse.

There was no anger or wrong-making or freaking out. We just talked. Questions were asked and answered calmly, honestly, and genuinely. And the conversation eventually comfortably and naturally moved onward into something else.

And nothing was weird. And we both gained an unexpected degree of value from the conversation.

And wouldn’t the world be a better place, if we could have informative, open, and safe conversations about more of these traditionally taboo and sensitive topics?

My world certainly has improved since they have become part of my everyday life. It was really, really scary at first, and difficult. And awkward and uncomfortable. Now, though, it has become quite normal and easy. And I am grateful for that every time such an opportunity and conversation arise.

Post-a-day 2021

^Right in the middle of typing it, I caught myself, and so got it right 😛

Body versus Brain

I swear: My menstrual cycle makes me feel like it is made to point out to me that I am single in this world designed for my species to partner up. At certain specific points throughout my cycle, my body very clearly reminds me of how desperately it wants me to have a partner already, as though my brain weren’t already on the lookout for that partner all day, every day. 😛

Actually, I don’t actively think about finding a partner most of the time. In a way, I trust God and Fate and the Universe that things will be sorted beautifully in my life, including my partner-in-life situation, and so don’t really spend much time or effort on the matter directly. The other end of that, though, is that I believe everything will work perfectly when I am working perfectly – when I am ready within myself and no longer need but want that partner, he will show up. I am designed to be self-sufficient, but to work perfectly with another, producing more love and beauty in the world than I ever could have produced on my own. I look forward to that with pitter-patters in my heart anticipation. But I no longer spend much time focusing on the finding him portion of that. Instead, I focus most of my attention on improving myself, such that I soon will be ready for him to arrive and for us to work together and create some new magic.

Until that time, however, I think I am stuck with these physical reminders of goosebumps and inner tingles every 14-ish days. 😛

Post-a-day 2020

Some thoughts on sex and marriage

******Warning: potentially uncomfortable content here, though no intention of being offensive in any way. Just giving you a heads up that it talks about sex and some uncommonly publicly discussed topics.********

A friend was talking to me recently about the seeming pointlessness of honeymoons for the average couples nowadays. Typically, they are already having sexual intercourse with one another before marrying, and most have at least some version of living together, be it that one stays over st the other’s place often/regularly, or that they actually do live together. The whole purpose of a honeymoon was for a couple, in many senses, to get to know one another and to grow comfortable being together in an intimate way, that being physically, emotionally, and sexually.

And I tend to wonder with this friend on his particular topic: Is the honeymoon really anything special or valuable most of the time anymore? Is it not merely just a vacation together, and likely not the first?

So, I was thinking about the Fifty Shades books this evening, and a conversation I was having with a different friend last night. We were discussing shaving and laser hair removal at one point, and found ourselves discussing, in a space of somewhat silly comfort, personal preferences of shaving, as well as various cultural theories on pubic hair in terms of sexual intimacy and pleasure. For example, when I did some research on The Vagina Monologues several years ago, I heard a good handful stories from women that really stuck with me, as they were about how physically uncomfortable they women were when they shaved off all of their pubic hair. A few of them had gone to marriage counseling, and the therapist had recommended they shave fully, because their husbands liked it, and that would help their sexual and therefore whole relationship. But these women were in actual pain during intercourse, when they had no pubic hair… and that idea blew my mind.

You see, I grew up with significantly older sisters who were in the category of ‘shave almost everything, but leave a touch for aesthetic purposes’. I also heard about their sexual lives, whether anyone paid attention to that or not. This idea that women would be in physical pain not having their pubic hair was very striking for me. And hat they would have pain during intercourse was even more striking… that’s meant to be one of the most pleasurable experiences in life, yet it had become something of torture for these women… and even with men they loved.

So, we were talking about all of this, gently yet honestly and openly, and something eventually brought up a reference to the Fifty Shades books. So, tonight, the books came back to mind, and I somehow found myself thinking of Fifty Shades’s various sexual activities, and wondering if the average couple every bothered to explore any of those activities, or if they kind of just told each other, ‘I like this,’ and left it at that.

And then I wondered if they even tell each other anything about their likes and dislikes sexually, let alone discussed exploring it all together newly.

And it hit me that that is exactly what could be accomplished on a honeymoon for the average couple nowadays. I fully believe that a relationship works best with continuous effort and intention and communication on all of this – it is not a one-time thing. However, it is often not an easy topic for most people to broach, and a honeymoon just seems like an easy enough in for such a conversation, be it verbal or only physical. A honeymoon was originally established as a means of growing comfortable together. Why can people not still have it be that?: a growing opportunity. Then, hopefully, even of a couple has been together for years, sexually active together for years, perhaps they can explore together sexually, and discover not only new bings they each like and dislike, but also find a new depth to their relationship and intimacy, a further comfort they may or may not have noticed was lacking before.

It’s not a perfect idea, but it is one I think is worth pursuing. Especially for the people who feel that one must have sex with another before marriage, so as not to be stuck with someone where the chemistry is just a mess, or something like that, the honeymoon could be a real opportunity for paying special attention to sexual exploration and comfort for both members of the marriage, in a way they never had before then. It’s not about visiting sights in a foreign land, but about visiting sights and experiences with one another that have been foreign or frightening (in terms of comfort, not safety) thus far, with risk of embarrassment. That, ‘I’ve always wondered about that,’ sexual activity could be a huge part of exploring together on a honeymoon.

Anyway… just my two cents from tonight’s casual thinking. Take it or leave it, as you wish. 😉 Though, I’m totally hoping you take it with you and share it. ;D

Post-a-day 2020

The Dick Pic

Women just about everywhere hate them, yet single women just about everywhere with digital means of communication cannot escape them…

They are The Dick Pics.

Why do men seem to want to send them to us women?

After much contemplation and casual discussion, a girlfriend of mine and I hit something that made a lot of sense: Guys would love to receive the reciprocal from a woman, and so they somehow believe that 1)women will appreciate their offering theirs free of charge or request, and 2)it will be a way for them to receive the response photo from the women receiving their photo.

It makes sense.

Except for the fact that women don’t typically like the dick pics… like at all…., and they openly say so to the public.

Yet men keep doing it.

It is even illegal in some places now, to provide an unsolicited photo of one’s penis.

I have never received a dick pic, actually.

But I’m not on dating sites, for one thing.

And I also wouldn’t be interested in dating anyone who might consider a dick pic to be a possibility period, let alone a good idea.

So, while a small part of me feels like I am missing out by having not ever received one of these photos, a much greater part of me is grateful for not having to have that in my life.

If and when I have a partner in my life, I can see all the up-close and personal genitalia I want – until that time, no photos, please… and thank you.

Tonight, I could have remedied this small situation of minor FOMO*, as a distant friend of mine reached out, telling me that he was in the mood, and could he send me a photo?

That wasn’t the typical request regarding photos… usually they ask for a photo of us…, so, I asked what he meant, and he replied:

🍆📷?

I’m in the mood

A long messaging conversation ensued, in the middle of which, I reached out to a close male friend of mine for guidance as to how to handle the situation.

Apparently, this guy just likes sharing himself with women who enjoy seeing him (specifically his genitalia) – he gets a rise out of it.

And he admits this openly and fully.

And, while I adamantly denied the dick pic request, I thanked him for his frankness and for his asking me for permission – the two are rare, and they were much appreciated.

He said he didn’t understand why a guy ever would send such a photo unsolicited and without permission, and was surprised at the idea that they nonetheless do it often.

Whatever the case, we ended up messaging about other things, once it was fully settled that I did not want what he had to offer to me tonight, and it was actually really, really cool.

I actually feel like we have more of a friendship now, because of it… and especially because of our openness and honesty with one another.

At any given moment, I could have gotten all offended.

But I didn’t… I have him space to be himself, and accepted his honesty… as I said to myself earlier, he was genuinely just asking for help.

Just because it was not a common request or one with which I was very comfortable did not mean that I needed to freak out or grow angry or grossed out with him.

It was rather refreshing, then, dealing with pure honesty in such a situation.

It was like the opposite of an affirmative yes, and in the best of ways… an affirmative no, in a way.

So, I still have no dick pic, and I am totally happy with that… totally…

And I am also grateful for the upfront honesty and no-nonsense of this guy tonight – it was awesome. 🙂

*For those who are not aware, it means Fear Of Missing Out.

Post-a-day 2020

No, thank you

I seem to do a very decent job of rejecting guys and making it abominably clear that it ain’t happenin’, and then being friends with them (or, at least, good acquaintances).

A man once invited me on a vacation.

Well, he asked me about inviting me on a vacation – ‘What if I invited you on a trip?’ kind of thing.

He, we both knew, had something specific in mind for a guaranteed part of that trip’s itinerary, no matter the destination of the trip.

I informed him clearly that, no, it wouldn’t happen – not doing it that way either, man… but thanks for asking, instead of assuming and all that jazz.

And he, naturally, was bummed, but he also got over it.

Years later, we have turned somewhat into friends.

I call him out on his bs, and never hold it against him.

He calls me on the phone, and has slowly begun talking about genuine things with me, instead of the casual, surface-level chitchat most of the world seems to be comfortable living in.

Today, we were just talking about what we were up to this evening and the past week or so, and I was sharing about my nature time here in Madison, and how, since international travel for vacation is not exactly a thing for the next while, I was considering expanding my goal of visiting Texas parks to include other parts of the country… get to know nature here, so to speak.

One of those places is Utah.

In a sneaky and, basically, magical way, Utah is pulsing with glorious natural wonders.

And I want to spend some time with at least some of them.

When I was sharing about this desire, the guy expressed his total agreement, and said that Utah is truly an amazing place for nature.

I casually asked, in a sly yet joking voice, “Do you wanna take me to Utah?”, knowing that he would remember his offer from years back, and he would know that I was making a joke about it.

He replied, with no actual hesitation, and in a voice so sober as I have only occasionally heard from him, “I would take you anywhere.”

Aww… that’s sweet of you, I told him, and we moved on along in the conversation.

It was a simple comment, and, though it could have been interpreted quite differently when not hearing it said, it was clearly a genuine compliment, both in its meaning and in the speaker’s sincerity in speaking it.

It warmed me, hearing that phrase from him this evening.

He knows that I won’t take him up on his initial offer, and so he wasn’t just saying it in hopes of getting me to go – not at all.

He was saying it, because, in a way, he meant it.

And he still wants me to agree to it, his original offer…. a fact that, in its own odd way, warms my heart ever so slightly…

Because it is nice to be wanted…, even physically and sexually…. I won’t deny that it is especially nice to be wanted by someone so entirely desirable as this guy is, either.

And, even for his little bit of genuine meaning it with his statement, it was well worth hearing him say it, and knowing that the compliment of being so desirable was still there.

Especially now, when I’ve been working so hard on my physical body, I appreciate such a compliment (especially when it is absent of the ridiculous vulgarity too many people seem to express so openly these days)… and it is especially sweet, because this guy doesn’t even know how I’ve physically improved in the past year plus, yet he still holds such an opinion of me…

Compliment, indeed, and I’ll take it! 😛

“I’d take you anywhere,” said a deep, kind, and sober voice over the phone… and, for that few seconds, she took flight in the traces of human love found in that statement, and imagined what kind of person would take her anywhere… she doesn’t really see that happening with him, but she believes that someone is out there, getting ready for her and all the absurdity and love she has to offer, and that she is seeking.

Post-a-day 2020