Some thoughts on sex and marriage

******Warning: potentially uncomfortable content here, though no intention of being offensive in any way. Just giving you a heads up that it talks about sex and some uncommonly publicly discussed topics.********

A friend was talking to me recently about the seeming pointlessness of honeymoons for the average couples nowadays. Typically, they are already having sexual intercourse with one another before marrying, and most have at least some version of living together, be it that one stays over st the other’s place often/regularly, or that they actually do live together. The whole purpose of a honeymoon was for a couple, in many senses, to get to know one another and to grow comfortable being together in an intimate way, that being physically, emotionally, and sexually.

And I tend to wonder with this friend on his particular topic: Is the honeymoon really anything special or valuable most of the time anymore? Is it not merely just a vacation together, and likely not the first?

So, I was thinking about the Fifty Shades books this evening, and a conversation I was having with a different friend last night. We were discussing shaving and laser hair removal at one point, and found ourselves discussing, in a space of somewhat silly comfort, personal preferences of shaving, as well as various cultural theories on pubic hair in terms of sexual intimacy and pleasure. For example, when I did some research on The Vagina Monologues several years ago, I heard a good handful stories from women that really stuck with me, as they were about how physically uncomfortable they women were when they shaved off all of their pubic hair. A few of them had gone to marriage counseling, and the therapist had recommended they shave fully, because their husbands liked it, and that would help their sexual and therefore whole relationship. But these women were in actual pain during intercourse, when they had no pubic hair… and that idea blew my mind.

You see, I grew up with significantly older sisters who were in the category of ‘shave almost everything, but leave a touch for aesthetic purposes’. I also heard about their sexual lives, whether anyone paid attention to that or not. This idea that women would be in physical pain not having their pubic hair was very striking for me. And hat they would have pain during intercourse was even more striking… that’s meant to be one of the most pleasurable experiences in life, yet it had become something of torture for these women… and even with men they loved.

So, we were talking about all of this, gently yet honestly and openly, and something eventually brought up a reference to the Fifty Shades books. So, tonight, the books came back to mind, and I somehow found myself thinking of Fifty Shades’s various sexual activities, and wondering if the average couple every bothered to explore any of those activities, or if they kind of just told each other, ‘I like this,’ and left it at that.

And then I wondered if they even tell each other anything about their likes and dislikes sexually, let alone discussed exploring it all together newly.

And it hit me that that is exactly what could be accomplished on a honeymoon for the average couple nowadays. I fully believe that a relationship works best with continuous effort and intention and communication on all of this – it is not a one-time thing. However, it is often not an easy topic for most people to broach, and a honeymoon just seems like an easy enough in for such a conversation, be it verbal or only physical. A honeymoon was originally established as a means of growing comfortable together. Why can people not still have it be that?: a growing opportunity. Then, hopefully, even of a couple has been together for years, sexually active together for years, perhaps they can explore together sexually, and discover not only new bings they each like and dislike, but also find a new depth to their relationship and intimacy, a further comfort they may or may not have noticed was lacking before.

It’s not a perfect idea, but it is one I think is worth pursuing. Especially for the people who feel that one must have sex with another before marriage, so as not to be stuck with someone where the chemistry is just a mess, or something like that, the honeymoon could be a real opportunity for paying special attention to sexual exploration and comfort for both members of the marriage, in a way they never had before then. It’s not about visiting sights in a foreign land, but about visiting sights and experiences with one another that have been foreign or frightening (in terms of comfort, not safety) thus far, with risk of embarrassment. That, ‘I’ve always wondered about that,’ sexual activity could be a huge part of exploring together on a honeymoon.

Anyway… just my two cents from tonight’s casual thinking. Take it or leave it, as you wish. 😉 Though, I’m totally hoping you take it with you and share it. ;D

Post-a-day 2020