Month: July 2026

Someone who gets it

I just want to find someone I can relate to with the struggle of pregnancy/labor/delivery/postpartum who voluntarily had more than one kid. Someone who gets what I’ve gone through and am currently going through, and who has already come out on the other side and chosen to have more kids. And is happy about that. Haha. Currently, my brain is a mess with sadness and struggle. It just wants to hear from someone that it’s okay to feel this way and still end up having the big family I want to have.

But it just feels like I’m surrounded by people who cut the corners and do it the ‘in my own interests’ way instead of ‘in the interest of my child/ren’. I need people from the latter way’s mindset in my life. Where are all of them??(!!)

God, guide me clearly, please, and help me to heal now. Keep us safe and make us well. Help my husband always to do well with his work and to find joy in his efforts and tasks. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

Comedy

Today, my daughter was standing at the foot of the garage, just yelling, “Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!” on repeat for a few minutes. It was the true realization of Brian Regan’s comedy bit about dogs and their late-night barking. It was awesome. Haha 😀 😛

Brian Regan’s bit

Post-a-day 2026

Home

Well, we did better getting home than I had anticipated, and I am grateful. We both seem to be very tired, which is good – for once, we seem to be synched up! Here’s to hoping for a great night’s sleep for both of us! Cheers!

Post-a-day 2026

Hard times

No, not as hard as the horrible times in that novel by the same name (and which has two separate endings!!! I wrote a research paper all about it in grad school.). But still hard things. Having such high levels of stress on both of us has made interacting hard for my husband and me. We’re both likely overwhelmed by nearly constant high cortisol levels, as well as all the crap that comes with that, physical fitness included. Let alone our general exhaustion from low sleep and high stress all day of every day. So, we’re already struggling. Adapting and facing firsthand how we feel like we’re failing at being the people and the partners and the parents we each want to be is made all the harder by our current situation. So, it sucks. Even still, I think we’ve done better about being nice to one another than we have the past several months. So, improvements, even though we’re nowhere near where we want to be. We are definitely getting better at communicating in general and communicating our needs specifically. Also good.

But I am tired and just want to sleep, all the same… ::big sigh…

Post-a-day 2026

Travel

We made it! I had a solid moment of panic when I arrived at security and couldn’t find an important bag. But my brain started working again after a few seconds, and I found it underneath the stroller. The TSA agent told me not to worry and that I was doing better than I thought. And, though it was simple, it was a very meaningful interaction for me.

Post-a-day 2026

Exhaustion

It is wild to me how quickly exhaustion can have me go from having a comfortable and calm interaction to yelling and cursing and crying.

And it sucks big time.

God, help us, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

Sleep

My mom fusses at me for not going to bed earlier at night. I, of course, would prefer very much to go to bed way earlier and to wake up way earlier each day. However, I am dealing with depression. When I need to be getting ready for bed each day, I both have a need to accomplish something, so my day doesn’t feel like it was a total waste – because I barely could function enough to do anything earlier on, both for my exhaustion and the depression – and a desire for the day not to end, because it feels like I have nothing to look forward to doing tomorrow (aside from being depressed and exhausted and feeling miserable and like a total failure).

My mom thinks depression is merely a conversation. I agree to a degree. However, when my physical needs are not met, that conversation is pretty hard to shift toward reason. I never get the rest I need. I have almost no support of any kind for anything. And I rarely eat enough in a day to constitute ‘eating well’ by anyone’s definition. Most days, I feel like I’m wasting away and that nobody cares.

I know my husband cares. But he can’t do anything to help right now, so that’s that.

Post-a-day 2026