Sleep

My mom fusses at me for not going to bed earlier at night. I, of course, would prefer very much to go to bed way earlier and to wake up way earlier each day. However, I am dealing with depression. When I need to be getting ready for bed each day, I both have a need to accomplish something, so my day doesn’t feel like it was a total waste – because I barely could function enough to do anything earlier on, both for my exhaustion and the depression – and a desire for the day not to end, because it feels like I have nothing to look forward to doing tomorrow (aside from being depressed and exhausted and feeling miserable and like a total failure).

My mom thinks depression is merely a conversation. I agree to a degree. However, when my physical needs are not met, that conversation is pretty hard to shift toward reason. I never get the rest I need. I have almost no support of any kind for anything. And I rarely eat enough in a day to constitute ‘eating well’ by anyone’s definition. Most days, I feel like I’m wasting away and that nobody cares.

I know my husband cares. But he can’t do anything to help right now, so that’s that.

Post-a-day 2026