Helpless

Sometimes, I think it is important that we feel the experience of being helpless. Because, sometimes, there is no other way to make the lesson stick than for us to end up in a scenario where we feel utterly helpless, and at our own hands.

Thank you, God, for this opportunity. Please, help me to grow beautifully from it. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

Holy Mary, Mother of God

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the Fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us, sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

Tonight just feels like the right kind of night to pray… just to pray.

Oh, my love and my life, God, may your will be done. Help us to pursue your will fully, and grant us the courage, purpose, grace, and ease to fulfill it. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

P.S. Happy Veterans’ Day, and thank you to all who have given themselves in service to the safety and livelihoods of others.

Sometimes…

Sometimes, life just feels really sucky.

And that’s completely okay. Truly, it is. Just allow it to be exactly as it is, and embrace it for itself. Treat it exactly the same as moments of awesomeness and joy, and they are all merely sort of life and can teach us something at every step… even when they suck.

You can do this, Banana… truly, you can.

Post-a-day 2022

Distractions? Oder Directions?

*oder – (German) or

These beautiful and wonderful things keep coming up. I am grateful for each and every one of them. However, they have rather kept me from pursuing the main goal I had to pursue, now that my teaching position has ended: coding. I had set myself up for this path toward coding, and the main resource has been delayed, and I haven’t reached out yet to the secondary resource, because I’ve been so busy managing the tutoring that’s come up, along with the part-time job work and the other part-time job work and the tidying and catching up on things at home…

Have these things been coming up because they are distractions, requiring me to prove my dedication and desire to pursue this goal of coding right now? Or are they actually directions from God and the Universe, answering my prayers for clear guidance, showing me that diving fully into the coding is not what they need me to do right now?

God, help me to follow your will fully. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

Okay!

Last day of teaching for this assignment has completed! Woohoo!

We had a family dinner out tonight in celebration of my completion of the assignment. Now, onward to whatever else is next! (Sure, I most certainly have some big plans in place, but there is always a nearly-surprising amount of wiggle room in there for things to go entirely differently than intended – I have learned my lesson on that very well by this point!)

Dear God, please, help me to have clarity with each step of this, and guide me to fulfill your will in all that I do. Help me to be my best self with all that I am. Thank you for this blessing of a life. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

Avoidance

I don’t wanna go to school tomorrow… But not because I don’t like school. Simply because I keep feeling a desire to avoid the situation as a whole. My assignment ends at 14:55 this coming Friday. With that, too, ends my clear daily goals and making a difference daily in the lives of others and having a clear purpose, as well as having a reasonable salary. All that goes away in a poof on Friday…

And I’m scared to face it, really, because the What’s Next is terrifying. Truly, it is. I’ll be pursuing coding full-time (as a learner, that is), in the hopes of finding work in the industry by January. That’s a lofty goal, I know. But someone told me today that I could make it happen in six months – he actually does this for a living, helping students pursue coding, you see, at a University, no less. If six months is his thought when he thinks I know nothing at all, then three months could be possible, right? I mean, all things are possible with God. And a lot will be up to me for making this all happen, though. Meaning just about all of it, really.

So, God, please, help me to be focused and effective and efficient these next several months as I pursue these dreams that have a massive edge of terror to them. The best ones always do, I know. Thank you for such a terrifying and wonderful opportunity. In your name, I pray. Amen. Amen. Amen. Thanks be to God. Hallelujah!

Shower time

I washed my hair tonight, though very gently. Nonetheless, the scab from the removed mole bled a bit. I think a touch got on the white towel, but didn’t go back to clean it. It was hardly noticeable when I was actively looking for it in the first place. I touched a piece of toilet paper to it, though, then, and I was clearly giving off some spotting of blood. However, it hasn’t really hurt at all today, except when I accidentally forgot about it and scratched my neck or something. Nonetheless, it’s okay. We’re working through it!

Post-a-day 2022

Despair

No, it isn’t poorly pronounced French, but I almost rather it were every time I encounter it. Despair is an odd one. For me, it is both kind of the worst and, in a small way, sort of the best. Sure, the bad part makes sense, but what’s this with the goodness of despair? Well, whenever I find myself in a state of despair, it is always the point at which the straw breaks the camel’s back, so to speak – it is the turning point for me. Simply by seeing the despair, by noticing and acknowledging it, I inevitably start to do something about it, and sort the whole situation out in a way that leaves me, well, being fully myself again. And isn’t that just wonderful?

So, as I said, despair is, while despairing, also gladdening for me. Thank you, God, for showing me this current state of despair. I trust wholly in my ability through your love and will to clear this up beautifully and to restore myself fully to life, better than ever, and every day showing more of the magical and astounding woman you created me to become and to be. I love you. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022