Booty work

Well, the rash is back in full swing! (Or, shall I say, itch??) Ugh. Guess it’s time to cut out all sugar sources, which is minimal in terms of processed sugars, but is a major bummer in terms of bananas and grapes and all other fruits that I would love to have right now. But, hopefully, it will be worth it, as this thing seems to thrive on sugars (and make me crave them, too). Hopefully, I can crunch on a bunch of ice and drink cold, cold water to satisfy all my watery-sweet, cool-fruit-in-summertime cravings. Hats off to the absurd for our health!

God, give me the grace and strength, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

“Ouch! Leave it!”

Anyone else out there think that acne would have gone away after high school and college?? And anyone else out there find that not to be what happened for you?

I mean, it’s not like it really bad or anything – nothing like middle school and high school – but come on… must we really still deal with this nonsense? What have we messed up in our diet and fitness here? Seriously, what? Taking care of and honoring my body has little to do with it, it seems, and sweating has almost everything to do with it. Give me one afternoon in a muggy place, and I can almost guarantee that I will have at least a little bit of acne just about everywhere that got touched/rubbed during those muggy hours.

Ugh… oils and junk. Just eww, sometimes.

Post-a-day 2022

Youch

And some days, you have an amazing day going with your friend and her baby to the beach, which is for the baby’s first-ever beach trip – by the way, she loved it! – , and the half-Mexican baby ends up totally fine with darker skin, and you and your girlfriend look like crawfish, just in time for the end of the season… Or, perhaps, I’m on my own on this one… 😛

Post-a-day 2022

White

My skin has gotten so dried out that it truly had a layer of white on top… the dead skin cells, I suppose, that did not get their needed hydration (or, rather, were stripped of that hydration by soap and dry winter air).

Guess I really ought to be better about putting the oils on after showering now, when my skin is still all wet from the shower. I’ve just been so focused on my hands not getting all bloody, everything else with my skin has kind of taken a back burner… :/

Post-a-day 2022

Some skin at the gym

Two or three fingertips press gently on my skin, just above my left hip, halfway between my hip an dry navel. Two or three others do the same on the outer edge of my right side waist. I am in a workout bra and leggings, and the skin-to-skin contact is like a jolt of electricity to my body. But not in a sexual way. It is in an empowering way, as though that contact literally has given my body more power.

We are at the gym, in the middle of the strength part of the workout, transitioning to the second half of the strength work. The hands of the fingers belong to a slightly older man who loves me, just as I am. I love him, too. He was gently preventing us from colliding as we passed one another, and several other people were suddenly right around us, doing the same thing, nearly running into one another. Everyone, of course, just barely misses collision, likely thanks to several hands gently guiding their owners and others away from one another. And, like I said, it wasn’t sexual, those fingertips on my skin. But it was certainly sensual, lighting me up with capability and power. I could feel the spots where they touched for hours afterward, continuously reaping further rewards from that small yet impactful energetic exchange. Thank you for the love, my body kept saying, almost like a mantra, both to me and to him. Thank you for that.

And, golly, it was wonderful. I am grateful. Thank you, God, and thank you , Universe. Please, continue to bless me with Your love, and continue to guide me to be Your love in the world. In Your name I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022

(Barely got it!)

Skintimacy

Quote of the day

“Look, I know sex has greatness in its own right, but all I really want… is naked cuddles,” she declared.

Talk about unpopular opinions, this one likely would throw a lot of people through a loop. But, hey, if intentional and conscious physical intimacy is the goal, then it makes sense, right? Instead allowing oneself to cross over to an animalistic degree of human function – that part of humanity designed to procreate without having to be told how to do it -, there is an opportunity to be extremely intimate without loss of full consciousness and presence and without procreation. It is definitely a valuable idea, I dare say. Indeed, it would be much more intimate as a whole than sexual intercourse would be.

But can people actually do that and only that??? Interesting inquiry…

Post-a-day 2021

Stickers(!!!)

In middle school, I discovered that my love of stickers could be used I my advantage. I already stuck fruit stickers on me, whenever I peeled them off of my fruit, and the sticker kind of went wherever was most handy on the moment and wouldn’t easily get stuck on something else as I continued moving about in my day. So, that meant usually the backs of my hands or, if in shorts, the tops of my thighs had at least one fruit sticker on any given afternoon. However, I liked the idea of putting stickers in one’s cheek/s, as fellow classmates did (though with normal stickers, not fruit label stickers). And so, I started doing that, too. And then, I started strategically placing the face fruit stickers directly over bad acne spots. I don’t know if others saw through my disguise, but it certainly helped me relax a bit, especially when I looked on the mirror and didn’t see a massive red spot anymore, but a cute fruit sticker instead.

Nowadays, I’m slightly amazed at be fact that the germs of it didn’t freak me out, but I wasn’t so far into the OCD world back then. My body still had much development and hormonal explosions in store for me.

However, I do still stick fruit stickers onto my skin, following my original methods. Today, my arm was closest, so it won, even though it wasn’t the best surface for a sticker to stay stuck. Nonetheless, that persimmon sticker brought me much joy each time I noticed it. There’s something fun in the silliness of having a sticker period, and an extra degree of fun at the fact that it is, of all stickers, a sticker from a piece of fruit.

I love it. And I look forward to many more fruit stickers stuck to my body parts in the future. 😛

Post-a-day 2021

Oh, no…

The.

Rash.

Is.

Baaaaaaack!

Ugh!!!

Once I noticed it tonight, I immediately took some of the supplement I had been taking back when we got rid of it. I also put some topical things on it, and I reached out to the nutritionist to ask his recommendation. (He’s the one who got rid of it last time.) I am praying and intending that this will sort it out within the next 24-48 hours.

Please, God and Universe, heal my body. I have been dealing with so much lately, it is starting to feel like it isn’t worth it to bother taking care of myself. My emotions are really starting to struggle here… please, please, please, help me to heal myself in all ways this week.

Amen.

Post-a-day 2021

Oops

Rash news to follow——- you have been warned 😉

………………………

So, the rash is still around, but the tea tree oil treatments seems to be helping significantly. It is only a light pink now, and the skin is dry, with layers peeling off regularly.

That being said, I had a laser hair removal appointment today. If you recall, I first noticed the rash just before my last appointment. At that appointment, the technician certainly noticed the rash and asked about if I was okay, in pain, or whatever. This time, she asked if I still had it. We chatted briefly about the diagnosis and the of late improvements. Upon learning that the rash didn’t actually hurt in any way, and wasn’t uncomfortable physically at all, she asked how I ever noticed it in the first place. When I was shaving?

“No,” I almost snort, “not shaving.”

As I pause to consider how I, in fact, first noticed it, so many weeks ago, she has a short shock of realization strike her face, and she says, as though having realized a major blunder, “Oh…, someone told you.”

It took me only a moment, and then it clicked. And I started to laugh. She was so chastened, and yet she had no actual reason to be. She likely remembered that I have no boyfriend and have had none for many, many years. And she most certainly thought that I was looking for a way not to say that someone else, meaning a guy, had noticed it during a sexual interaction of some sort, and had informed me of the rash.

I clarified for her – not because I was embarrassed, but because I wanted her not to be – how I, on my own, had discovered the rash one night.

It was simultaneously a hilarious and adorable interaction for me, and I loved it.

Post-a-day 2021

Feel the burn

Today, I got to spend some in-person one-on-one time with a dear friend of mine.  She and I have not spoken much lately, because, whenever we do talk, it usually lasts a couple hours or more, and I tend to think of calling her when it is a little too close to bedtime for such a long call.  And our schedules have been kind of opposite – I go to bed early, and she late – which hasn’t helped her be able to reach me either.  We just both accepted that we were in a bit of a scheduling break (break due to scheduling, that is).  

We used to spend at least one evening a week together, spending quality in-person time with one another and a few other good friends.  Then, we actually lived together.  And then I moved away, then back… the latter of which happened right before she moved away.  (Not too far, but far enough that even weekly hangouts were out of the question.  So, instead, we talk on the phone a lot, which is actually quite nice.

Anyway, today, we spent time together in person.  And it was amazing.

The other day, I had almost cried when someone held my hand – it was a surprise for me to have such a reaction, but it was an important but near-forgotten sensation from what feels like oh-so-long-ago.  I was nearly overwhelmed by the feeling, by the comforting warmth and pressure in just the right place.  Just as our hands were growing slightly damp in the middle, and my insides were breathing with pure comfort and delight at this specific, if odd, comfort from so many moments in my life, he dropped my hand.  Naturally, I went a bit crazy in my mind about the possibilities as to why he did that.  And I don’t just mean then. I mean mostly afterward, and borderline obsessively.  (Fortunately, I can acknowledge when it has been enough, and I can just let it all go, but I certainly allow myself to delve, if only for a short time.)  From a logic standpoint, it was likely due to the sweat that he dropped my hand, although it was because of the sweat that I was so filled.  

Nonetheless, as I considered this over the next couple days, I began to see how much I had not seen regarding my need for physical comfort.  My brain, body, and psyche need physical contact to survive, not just to thrive.  And I have been getting by on the absolute bare minimum lately, and so certainly not thriving.  Life has been just that much harder because of it.

And so, this evening, as that all was not news to this friend, I was given a good, solid rub-down.  Her strong, firm, warm hands placed intentional, loving pressure on my back, both massaging my muscles and giving me comfort.  Then she purposefully rubbed all along my arms and each finger, my neck and shoulders, and each leg.  I asked her to treat me like a dog, and give me a rub-down, and she did.  And it was extremely comforting at the time.  Then, further along in our hanging out together, rather than just giving hug after hug at things, we just sat together in an embrace, I somewhat in her lap, arms around her waist.  Her strong arms held me tight around my shoulders and back, as my head pressed against her upper chest, and she rested her chin atop my head.

When she had first arrived, there was no doubt in either of our minds that I was struggling.  I have a lot of things causing stress in my daily life at the moment – a lot.  And those things have begun taking a greater hold of my attention each day, as their volume and significance have increased.  Now, about to go to sleep, I don’t necessarily notice feeling any specific way, but that I notice a lack of something.  There is something gone that was previously here, weighing me down.  I am not tense and stress-y, clenching somehow with my whole being.  I am comfortably standing, wide-legged, shoulders totally chill and relaxed, breathing very calm and easy, all without effort.  Now, I am merely getting ready for bed.  I see those things that have been stressing me, but they are just something I see – they are not taking me over anymore.  I am breathing easily, without restriction or strain (that, though I could push through them, they certainly were there before).

And I can breathe, simply because my body can handle it all again.  My skin and muscles and hair follicles were rejuvenated by her hands and arms, and they are all breathing freely once again.  All because I got a rub-down.

It may sound silly, but there’s a reason that has become an actual job in some countries – people need it.  Remember, babies die without physical contact.  It’s a wonder we haven’t come up with something for this for people sooner, I suppose.

Man…

Post-a-day 2021

^Meh… got it, but had to consider