A different ouch

Well, my hamstrings started to grow sore last night… Today, they have been amazingly sore, but only when something comes into contact with them, or I have to go from sitting to standing. Otherwise, I guess I haven’t really noticed them much… But, boy… in those moments do they hurt(!!!)… whew…

I just hope testing will be helpful tonight instead of the opposite of what they actually need – action. Either way, I’ve got to exercise tomorrow, since it didn’t happen today – things ran too close to one another today for me to get in a workout. And that was totally okay for me, by the way. I have finally begun to embrace who and how I want to be around my own physical fitness and my food and such right now. I am exercising for myself, again, and eating for myself, and it has been feeling amazing – and so easy to do, too. And I didn’t get all stressed or angry with myself or my life when the workout didn’t happen today, or when I saw yesterday that it likely wouldn’t happen today. It genuinely has been okay. And I am grateful for that.

But I’d really like to relax these aching legs already. 😛

Post-a-day 2020

Cookies, anyone?

Look, I know people love cookies.

I do.

But I almost always prefer the batter to the cookies themselves.

Seriously.

One of my favorite treats in life growing up (aside from certain breads 😂) was taking a spoon (or fork!) to the roll of Pillsbury chocolate chip cookie dough… mmmmmmmm…

Slicing the end off with a serrated knife, sucking out the bit from the end piece, and then having at the rest.

Not even joking here… we would stand in the kitchen at night, sharing from the roll, my siblings and I.

Oh, it was just so good… I have no words for it…

Haha

It may or may not be something I have been known to do in my adult life… on more than one occasion…

(Okay, like three times, so don’t get all crazy on me about the raw eggs – the gluten and sugar in it hurt me more than the eggs ever have or likely ever will.)

And no, I didn’t even bother to bake cookies, whenever I get the roll.

(Not for myself, anyway, but I might have baked them and just given them away, because nobody needs that much cookie dough.) 😂

So, yeah… I was supposed to have some on my birthday, actually…, but it didn’t work out with timing, and I am rather strict about following my dietary guidelines and rules, and the allowance is only on two specific days a month, and I don’t want to waste the cookie dough on just any old day… I want it to be a celebration, so I can bask in it, and also share in delight with those around me, who also are celebrating somehow…

Perhaps we can do a Christmas in July celebration, and include it then… hmm…

Or else, I’ll just wait another ten months for my birthday to come around again… :/

Yeah, anyway…

Cookie dough is delicious, so long as it is in small quantities and not some crap recipe, anyway… 😂

Post-a-day 2020

Abs (olutely not?)

Okay, I think I need to get back on the “Hannah has a totally absurd and almost stupid diet” train again…

I’ve been kind of upset lately to varying degrees, ranging from slight annoyance to total disappointment, regarding my physical fitness.

I’ve found these gorgeously fit people, you see, and, while I love having them in my life, it has made me acutely aware of every thing I consume and of how far away I am from being anywhere near their level or the level at which I truly want to be with my own physical fitness.

Part of me just feels like it isn’t in the cards for me to be at the point I truly want… and more so in that it seems like it would take what I currently consider to be an unnatural and extreme degree of control and monitoring of every single food and beverage I consume, combined with intense and strict exercise plans at all times in my life…, than about that it isn’t physically possible.

I genuinely think it is possible to have the belly I want.

It just seems like so much work, combined with a degree of impracticality for sustaining it… and I worry I would feel even worse having obtained it and let it go than by not ever having had it…

But then…, well, isn’t that just a way to avoid doing work under the guise of something else, and is it not just a way for me to avoid putting myself in an exposed and vulnerable situation?… and in a potential amazing situation…?

As Marianne Williamson suggested, am I really just afraid of how amazing I would be, if I truly went for it?

The fact that my eyes are tearing at this last thought suggests a powerful affirmative…

I am afraid of being so spectacular and still being unloved, rejected, not good enough… at least now, at my not best, being rejected and unloved can have an excuse of my not being at my best…

But who I truly am, underneath it all and at my source as a being on this planet and in this life, that being wants me to do it, to go for it, and to be my best…

Okay… let’s do this somehow… I love you, and I know you can do it…, and so do you. 🙂

::big sigh

LFG. ❤

Post-a-day 2020