Abs (olutely not?)

Okay, I think I need to get back on the “Hannah has a totally absurd and almost stupid diet” train again…

I’ve been kind of upset lately to varying degrees, ranging from slight annoyance to total disappointment, regarding my physical fitness.

I’ve found these gorgeously fit people, you see, and, while I love having them in my life, it has made me acutely aware of every thing I consume and of how far away I am from being anywhere near their level or the level at which I truly want to be with my own physical fitness.

Part of me just feels like it isn’t in the cards for me to be at the point I truly want… and more so in that it seems like it would take what I currently consider to be an unnatural and extreme degree of control and monitoring of every single food and beverage I consume, combined with intense and strict exercise plans at all times in my life…, than about that it isn’t physically possible.

I genuinely think it is possible to have the belly I want.

It just seems like so much work, combined with a degree of impracticality for sustaining it… and I worry I would feel even worse having obtained it and let it go than by not ever having had it…

But then…, well, isn’t that just a way to avoid doing work under the guise of something else, and is it not just a way for me to avoid putting myself in an exposed and vulnerable situation?… and in a potential amazing situation…?

As Marianne Williamson suggested, am I really just afraid of how amazing I would be, if I truly went for it?

The fact that my eyes are tearing at this last thought suggests a powerful affirmative…

I am afraid of being so spectacular and still being unloved, rejected, not good enough… at least now, at my not best, being rejected and unloved can have an excuse of my not being at my best…

But who I truly am, underneath it all and at my source as a being on this planet and in this life, that being wants me to do it, to go for it, and to be my best…

Okay… let’s do this somehow… I love you, and I know you can do it…, and so do you. 🙂

::big sigh

LFG. ❤

Post-a-day 2020

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