Some thoughts not wasted

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, they always said.

This morning at breakfast, I was very bummed when I asked if my food could possibly be heated, since it was served cold (and just tasted terrible cold), and I was informed first that it could be, but then told that the plate was being re-made… so wasteful…

When it was re-served only slightly warm and significantly worse made, I didn’t dare say anything about it, and instead just wrapped it up to take home for one of us to eat later, after we could warm it ourselves.

Tonight, we had some king cake after dinner, and it was far too dry for me to be interested in eating it beyond a couple bites or so.

But no one wanted to take it home to finish, and none of us had anyone at home with whom to share it anyway.

So, I was curious when I crossed a kind-looking man on a street corner during my drive home.

I rolled down my window, called out, asking him if he wanted some cake, and was delighted to see his face light up, and to hear him answer with a genuine and surprised, emphatic, “Yes!”

I handed him the box of a more than 3/4 king cake, and wished him well as he thanked me.

It made me want to go back and spend some time with the man, and I even felt bad that I didn’t give him water to go with the cake.

(I mean, it isn’t painfully dry or anything – I just really only like king cake when it is super moist on the inside.)

I considered bringing him water, actually, but then saw the absurdity of it, and left it for now… I don’t exactly have the money to be driving back and forth, anyway.

I also found myself thinking about the safety level of going and spending time with him – I often want to do this with people, homeless people typically, but have learned not so nicely that there are often chemical imbalances that can provide an unsafe environment for me if I were to go spend time with the homeless people around town… not always, but often enough to make me reconsider most of the time…, which kind of bums me out… also, I’m afraid of being stuck with really bad smells, which then sends me into a whole ‘nother level of looking for what I could do to help, and then having to manage keeping myself safe…

Anyway, the whole thing reminded me of how one of the most valuable things we have to offer in life is our attention.

People always say “time”, but I think they really mean “attention”.

I can give you an hour my time, but never once pay attention to you, versus give you ten minutes of full attention, and I think the latter will win every time for being the most appreciated.

Sure, things like laying bricks would prefer the former, but when it comes to people-to-people interactions, it is or attention that we all most desire and most need… it is through our conscious attention that we share the most love with others, not just our showing up.

Like someone said after a dance thing the other weekend – he noticed that I kept to myself and didn’t really talk with many people, but that I took genuine interest, asked real questions, and waited for real answers whenever I talked with him… I spent a lot of time on the room, making little impact on anyone, but ten minutes of talking with him directly had a huge impact on him.

I’ve kind of gone off the initial idea here, but I guess that’s how ideas work, anyway, always linking us to different connections, one after another, always and forever…

Which makes me think of brain storming… what a storm it is… debris flying every which way, leaving it difficult to find the origins of certain things, they fly so fast at times, and cross so many turns and twists in the system of the brain, in the storm…

I guess the biggest difference between a brain’s storming and nature’s storming is that the former usually gives us solutions, and the latter often gives us problems… haha… that’s funny… I’m going to continue thinking on brain storming…

Post-a-day 2020

Oh, dear…

I overhear a girl complaining… I look up.

It is to her friends that she complains… it seems she went to the cafeteria to get food for all of them.

She is complaining that she is hot and tired… a girl commented at her in the cafeteria, “That looks like a lot of food…”

“Yeah…,” she responded, slightly ironically, but in agreement.

It seems she did not say it was for multiple people… for three people…, and she felt extreme embarrassment at being considered someone who would be eating it all herself…

“Can you imagine what it must be like… standing there with all this food?.. like…”

I reevaluate what she holds in her hand, as she fans her face with the free hand.

She holds three small paper trays, each with two medium-sized egg rolls and a sweet and sour sauce container in it – any pair of the egg rolls could fit in the palm of my hand at once, with no concern of being dropped.

I probably could hold all six in one hand, if I curled my fingers upward only slightly.

It is not a lot of food.

It is three servings of an appetizer.

And it is to be lunch for three high school girls.

I guess the sauce has loads of calories, but how can they possibly survive on such a meal?

I am hungry just watching them, and I already had lunch.

The worst part for me, though, is how they are embarrassed at the amount of food – all three were embarrassed for the one who bought it all and was seen carrying them solo – and that they consider it to be “a lot” of food for one person.

It makes me gag just thinking about the eating disorder tendency…

::sigh

😦

And then, what’s worse, they didn’t even finish eating all of it…

Post-a-day 2020

Dreams

Last night, I dreamed that I was in a live-in minimester course at UT (Austin) with the temporary professor Johnny Depp.

The class began beautifully (though a couple people almost got hit by cars in the road), and was about learning to pinpoint pieces of perfection within one’s artistic expression in various aspects of art and life.

He was a very good teacher and quite a silly, introvert-esque guy who really didn’t seem to be too bothered by anything negative, and who was a good teacher naturally, without really trying or having to think things through too much.

It was a great class and very non-professional-like in terms of traditional school, but the activities and approaches were spectacular from a learning standpoint – he really got us getting in touch with everything within our inner core, and challenged us beautifully.

He commented multiple times about how he doesn’t really have many/any friends, and that it mostly because 1) he was weird and 2) he was busy working on stuff and being silly, and most people had normal jobs and weren’t interested enough in doing something like a paint swimming day with trampolines and dogs instead of going to the office.

They aren’t too interested in hooky…

Thus began my brief time of befriending Johnny Depp…

And then the dream ended, and I awoke wanting donuts…

I still want those donuts…

… hmm…

Post-a-day 2020

In-N-Out

In-N-Out Burger has landed in Houston, Texas.

Well, the Houston area, anyway – not in Houston proper, but in a couple highly populated suburbs of it.

I went to the nearest one today for lunch, as I was somewhat already on the way there (compared to where I live in inner city) due to my working location this morning.

And it was all because my mom sent me a photo of their onesie pajamas that she had discovered online (though, I’m not too sure why she was looking not why she sent it to me).

When I checked Google Maps to see if it was open already and how to get there, I noticed only where it was and that it opened at 10:30am and that the other location was already open for today.

Yay!

So, I went.

And cars were everywhere.

Traffic cones line the street next to the parking lot.

Traffic cops direct cars.

About ten to fifteen In-N-Out employees are moving around the neatly organized parking lot, taking orders, it seems, and managing the drive-through lines.

Another employee or two are handing out hats and stickers to people waiting (outside) in line for dine-in ordering.

I tell my mom that I hadn’t known it was opening day, and she says I might as well stay and eat anyway, especially because of that, and also because I had come al the way out for it already.

I agreed that I could sit and read one of my current books, and begin following signs for ‘Dine-In’.

The parking lot-based employees tell me to pass a certain way, and they move a couple cones and a sign for me to truck through into the front parking lot, which is today exclusively for dine-in customers.

I go in, wait not much more than five to seven minutes in line, place my order, and receive my ticket.

As I am heading outside to enjoy the gorgeous weather while I wait, I head the number two called.

My number is 75.

Everyone is in a good mood, though, and is waiting happily enough.

I am delighted for In-N-Out.

Eventually, my mom and my cousin’s husband join me, and I have an outdoor table in the shade, and I get my food.

The cousin husband shows me a saddle that he’s just picked up – super cool, by the way – and heads off, while my mom sits with me while I eat.

We invite a couple to join us at the table, since they already have food but no table on which to set their little trays.

They inform us that the store has been open for a while, and that it is like this every day, open to close.

Wow.

The food is delicious, as usual.

When leaving, I see a couple doing just what I had considered doing, if we hadn’t been able to sit at a table by the time the food came.

It felt like a very cute Texas touch to In-N-Out.

Plus, it was just adorable to see, so I really enjoyed it.

Like dessert to my meal. πŸ˜›

Anyway…, welcome to Houston, In-N-Out Burger!! πŸ˜€

Post-a-day 2019

Early risers vs the nots

I asked my mom what time she needs me to have breakfast ready for tomorrow.

I asked her to find out a better eta for the family driving down.

She didn’t understand why, at first, but eventually got it… somewhat…

I wanted to know what time breakfast needed to be ready to serve tomorrow.

But she just kept telling me that it was okay to have it ready at 9am…

Family won’t event be arriving until ten at the absolute earliest, based on their most recent check-in with us.

AND my mom doesn’t like eating breakfast until closer to lunchtime than breakfast-time…

I don’t see a need for me to be up early tomorrow just because my mother is… I am not a morning person unless I must be… which is almost never.

I don’t care if it is Okay for me to have breakfast ready at 9am… I care about knowing when it needs to be ready, so I, therefore, am able to sleep as long as is possible tonight…

I have been to bed way late, and then up super early… I need to sleep in for once, especially if I will have little girls running around me all day… hmm…

(Fun fact: I just realized that I might be able to do some photos of the kiddos…that would be awesome!)

Anyway, goodnight. πŸ™‚

Post-a-day 2019

Food belly

I tested out eating ‘normal’ food last night at dinner with friends.

We went and had Korean food – the irony of the situation being that a friend of mine came with us, and she was visiting Houston from Korea – and agreed, as is typical for Asian eating situations, to have everything be shared (a style I rather prefer, as I have said often).

They asked for dietary restrictions, and I mentioned that I had mine, but that I was going to use the night as a tester for whether I’m okay eating ‘normal’ foods from time to time (because this diet is a lot to keep up, and it seems a bit nuts to keep up every day for the rest of forever, especially considering holidays and cultural events that have foods that just don’t fit the bill…).

I ate food with them.

It was delicious.

While eating, I noticed quite quickly some physical responses to certain foods (e.g. having to clear my throat from excess mucus somewhat constantly after eating the dish with dairy and the high gluten one).

Afterward, I noticed slight discomfort, but nothing too bad – it was only somewhat noticeable.

I was pleased.

Good thing, I thought.

I went home, delighted with the evening with friends, as well as with the food situation with my body – no, I had no intentions of eating that way anywhere near often, but yes, I would be able to take part in special occasions like tonight.

I go to bed, ready to pass the *** out, because it is so late by then.

At 5am, to a searing pain in my lower stomach, I awaken, almost in a bit of a fit.

I rush to the bathroom, unsure as to whether something needs to come out by gravity, or whether I need to hurl…

… it feels like both.

……..

Almost an hour later, I have managed not to throw up, despite the rising panic that it was wanting to happen, I have cleared out a good amount of what was hurting my bowels so badly, and I go back to bed, exhausted, only to feel another wave of nausea hit me when I lie down flat.

I curl over to one side, and strategically place body parts to help ease the once-again increasing pain in my belly, and somehow fall back asleep.

Today, I felt okay all day, but still exhausted from not enough sleep – had to get up too early today – and somewhat low on energy due to the bit of food debacle early this morning.

I told my friend about what happened, and she said that we are sticking to my dietary restrictions from now on at dinners. πŸ˜›

Well, I survived it, which is great, and I now know not to do it unless I want a lot of pain and discomfort – which, I don’t.

The point is that I have lived and learned on the matter, and I can move forward content with my dietary restrictions, and people who get weird about it can go eat a can of glass… just saying… πŸ˜›

(Haha – for some reason, that last bit really makes me chuckle, it is so absurd and came out of nowhere.)

Post-a-day 2019

Go fish… or go, fish?

The fish isn’t mine.

We just live in the same house together.

Every day, at some point or other – some days, it is more than once, and sometimes for hours at a time – we see one another.

I say hi to the fish just about every time it is the first time I’ve seen him in the last few hours or so, and I feel a sort of acknowledgement come my way, as his own greeting to me.

We are comfortable housemates, and we watch out for one another.

He keeps his space clean, and I help him stay alive, and make sure his light gets turned off at night – too many people seem to think it is a good idea to turn on his light in the evening, and then leave it on the entire night… (I mean, when and how is he supposed to sleep???)

::eyeroll

Anyway…, we are buddies of a sort.

Happy house-sharers.

Some nights, I walk into the main room without looking yet at the fish tank, but I can tell he knows I am there – I can feel his eyes on me.

And, sure enough, on such nights, when I turn around and give my attention to the fish tank, the fish is there, facing directly toward me, wherever I am, his nose almost pressing against the glass.

It did not take me long to discover why he did this, of course.

Every single time, it is because he has not been fed.

It’s nice not having to check the log to know if he’s been fed or not – he helps me out that way.

And I help him out by feeding him.

He also is a great listener – he accepts me the way I am, and offers minimal judgment, always allowing me to be open and honest, wall-free about things.

And I can always know that he accepts me as I am, whether he cares about what I have to say or not.

And that is really nice.

Do you think he’s so especially good at this all, because he is part of so much meditation (he’s located in the main meditation and yoga room)?

Maybe…, just maybe… a meditative fish makes for a good friend…

Like the sharks from “Finding Nemo” declares, fish are friends, not food.

And this one is a good friend. πŸ™‚

Now, the question is: How do we build more relationships like this with people?

That’s a good question well worth answering, I do believe…

Post-a-day 2019