Seriously?

Can it really be?

Is my throat truly burning with a fire so bold, it could only been a painful yet brief illness?

I Just finished getting over a cold yesterday… my second one in a week(!).

Add in this new version, and it puts me at three different types of colds in ten days… man…

Ugh!

And I am scheduled to work out at 5:15am, and then go to Galveston for the day with my mom…

Ugh…

Help me, please…

Post-a-day 2020

Booking it

Tonight, I offer a prayer:

I pray for these bookings to be resolved with beauty and with ease, and as soon as is possible.

I pray that I listen to what the World is sharing with me, hear the light of God, and act according to His will and what is best for the World.

I pray that we have an amazing time, that I be of service to my friends and to my brothers, and that we all be happy, holy, healthy throughout our trips, and afterward for many, many years to come.

I pray for the healing of my family members who are currently in pain, that they be healed and become happy, healthy, holy.

With love and gratitude, I offer these prayers*.

Good night.

*Yes, I know they turned plural on us. 😉

Post-a-day 2019

More scared than actually sick

My stomach has ached and I have been consistently nauseous for the past four or five days…

Just about any food – and I mean the idea of it – makes my stomach curl in concern.

I feel as though I am growing paranoid about whether I’ll be able to find the right foods to make this all end, and am thereby making it all worse by being so distraught.

I don’t know how pregnant women do it for weeks at a time, and get through it okay, because it’s only been a few days of nausea for me, and I’m a total pathetic case of wanting someone to take care of me while I curl up in bed, borderline crying. 😛

Post-a-day 2018

Ill

I just don’t understand how I have to be sick still.  It has been almost 14 days that I have been ill with whatever this is.  Sure, I’m loads and loads better than I was at the beginning, or even for the first week.  But it still sucks.  What lesson does the universe want me to learn from this?
Post-a-day 2018

My brain on leave

You know that sort of delirium that is sometimes tied to illness?  The one where, mid-sentence, you have no idea what you were thinking, and aren’t even entirely certain that you were, in fact, talking.  Yeah, that one.  I’m totally living in that right now, with interspersed bouts of clarity and energy.  It’s definitely weird.  Kind of puts a troublesome damper on typing, even, let alone coming up with an idea for writing and then actually remembering it… Yeah.  Okay.

Post-a-day 2018

Sick, yet again

What’s the point of getting sick, if there’s no one around to take care of you?  Or, at least, to check in on you, and possibly bring some hot food for you…  Sure, I get to take a break from going out into the world, but I hardly have the will to procure myself food when I’m healthy and well.  Get me sick, and, though it is the time at which I most need quality nourishment, I hardly have the energy to get out of bed, let alone cook food to feed myself.  I think this is what I want most out of a partner in life.  I want someone who will take care of me in those times when I most need (or really want) to be taken care of.  It isn’t all the time, but sometimes being held closely and having someone rub my back genuinely lovingly is the perfect remedy for any ailment.

Post-a-day 2018

Another day, another something

The days come and go of their own accord, with emotions and thought patterns, actions and germs, along with plenty of others, all jumping on board from time to time, so that they, too, can do their work in and make their marks in the world… like the possible germs who hooked onto yesterday or today, to bring me what feels like the beginning of a painful fever… 😛

Post-a-day 2018

a day to consider my life

I stayed home from school today, sick.  Just like when I was younger, my mom made me feel guilty for even considering staying home.  That is one thing that I do not miss about living in a different country from my mom.  I fully thought through the situation, before deciding anything – if I had had anyone else feeling as I felt this morning, I would have wanted the person to stay home (and also stay away from me).  This was not about disliking my work, as it has been in the past at times.  I was genuinely sick (and still am).

My mom doesn’t get sick very often, and only has a sort of slight cold, whenever she does get sick.  But she gets to sleep.  I used to be like that, rarely getting sick, and having it be mild, just requiring water and a single night’s sleep to rid myself of it.  But working life stole my long nights of sleep and weekends of rest, and traded stress and distaste for them.  I clearly am not a fan of the trade – I now get sick regularly, though mostly just when it’s cold out.

So, today, I stayed home, sick.  I handled what I needed for work, gargled some warm salt water, and then went back to sleep.  I woke up once, in desperate need of a potty break, and then downed some more water, and went back to sleep.  I didn’t really get up until my second potty break awakening, and, even then, I only got up, because it was 1:30pm, not because I felt ready to get up.

Now, late at night, I am hardly able to stay awake to accomplish my bedtime goals, despite my sleep from last night.  I am only awake this late anyway, because my mom and I agreed to watch a film together, and it was pushed back, and then paused and rewound so many times, that our initial ending time of 9:30pm was much later.

Anyway, the whole point of this is that 1) I need more sleep in my daily life (or nightly, I suppose), 2) I really enjoyed spending the day working on some writing (that’s what I did, once I was awake and having tea), and 3) I found today ironic.  While I was in Japan, all alone so often, including when I was sick, and just longing to have someone be with me, like it had been back in the USA, I had longed to have someone spend time with me and take care of me when I was feeling poorly, and expected to find that once back in the US.  But I was all alone today, on my first sick day in the USA.  And I really got to be alone with my thoughts, which was useful and somewhat frightening.  I have much more to consider in my life right now, and today helped me to see some unique parts of it all.

A fun final piece of my illness today, is that I discovered it surprisingly satisfying to eat the heads of Darth Vader and the Clones in my Star Wars SpaghettiOs.  I haven’t had SpaghettiOs in years, but this was a fun one to have, especially for being sick.

Post-a-day 2017

The stress…

It is finished.

I am officially out of my old apartment (now it is old, I suppose). As of around ten-ish this morning, I am free of it and obligations relating to that little town.  Sure, I’ll be back up there to visit next week, and to help out with a few things later this week, but that is all voluntary.  My obligations are complete.

And it feels amazing, I’m sure.  It’s just that, as per my usual case, I am painfully ill now.

Whenever I have a short-term, end-in-sight, super-stress time, it is inevitably followed by illness.  And the illness’s intensity just might be linked to the intensity of the stress.  If so, oh, boy – this could be rough.  This time, however, I easily cancelled my plans for tomorrow (and earlier today).  I had one thing tonight that I wanted to make sure I did.  Otherwise, though, I have turned my next 36+ hours into sleep, water, and rest time.  I hope it saves me.
Post-a-day 2017

Sick at work, and no one cares

Today, I woke up around 2:30am, throat sick.  Lots and lots of pain, a desire for water that could not be satisfied due to extreme pain when drinking, and total exhaustion.  I woke up once (or was it twice) more before my actual alarm, needing to rush to the bathroom from all the water I was drinking.  I contemplated just going to the doctor’s office instead, and getting a sick leave day, but my mother, who is visiting, convinced me that it was best to go to school, since I hadn’t been there much lately and would be gone the rest of this week, too.

And I discovered more of the Japanese views on work and illness while I was at work today.  Almost no one seemed concerned that I was sick and at work (and could barely talk).   Having to sit around at work after I finished all my classes was even more rough than the start to the day.  And finding compassion for being ill and stuck at work was rather impossible from a people who practically would work on their deathbeds.  (For those who don’t know, Japanese teachers don’t take off work for almost anything, including illness.  Only the flu gets them all ruffled up into a panic, where they force you to stay home for a week.) 

It was an odd day for sure…
Post-a-day 2017