Everyday nudity

I’m getting to have way more time than I’d like, sitting around in just my underwear this week. And it is quite likely to continue for the next month or two.

You see, I live in a converted attic space. So, it is a lovely little studio kind of space, but the awesome-looking vaulted ceilings are actually the roof. And this is Houston. And it is June. So, it is hot.

Because there is only a single window unit on each of the three floors, it gets terribly hot up here during the day, and it takes a couple to a few hours after sunset for it to be at a tolerable temperature, and another one or few to be at a sleep-able temperature. And so, after I take a cold shower, I sit in my underwear by the fan for a while, and eventually lie down on the bed, usually without sheets on me, aiming to keep myself as cool as possible in a not-yet-cool room.

It has been two hours now, and I finally was able to turn off the fan, but can’t put on my shirt yet.

And I might turn the fan back on a while longer…

Ugh…, but, at least, it is practice being with my mostly naked body, and being comfortable in it just hanging out, not feeling any kind of sexual tie to the nudity. It is just everyday nudity.

Post-a-day 2021

False reprieve

That awful feeling when, after the baby has gone, and we shall have a full night without disturbance, the loudest person declares that it has just been too cold overnight, and so, if nobody has a problem with it, that person is turning the air up a couple degrees tonight…

And then to find out, by initially overhearing a comment from another, and then inquiring about it, that the rest of us have actually wanted it a touch colder overnight lately, as well as during the day, and we are all silently in misery at the prospect of how hot and miserable it is likely to be tonight… will we sleep tonight? Certainly not well.

Post-a-day 2021

Rest and Weather

I feel like the weather is kind of really getting to me lately. You see, I can handle cold weather and hot weather both, just so long as I can be in charge of my indoor temperatures. Lately, the weather has been going back and forth between warm-ish and really cold (in the twenties Celsius to just above freezing). Unfortunately, between work and my mom’s house, I have not had reliable temperatures indoors anywhere. No matter how I have approached it, I never seem to predict appropriately what the indoor temperatures will be, and so end up slightly miserable while at either location for longer periods of time. In my own home, I hav even fine. But I haven’t spent the bulk of my waking hours in my own home lately.

And so, with that physical semi-misery comes a certain level of both conscious and subconscious stress. And, with that stress and the unexpected cold indoor temperatures, I feel like I am getting sick. And it sucks. All I want to do is take a super fast shower and then curl up in bed and sleep for ten hours. But I have to be up to work in about nine hours from now, so I likely won’t get more than eight to sleep. And only that much if I somehow manage to go back to sleep when I inevitably wake up around 5:30 or 6:00 in the morning, as almost always now. (Another factor in my feeling terrible, as I haven’t gotten enough sleep lately, especially due to the fact that I can’t stay asleep during the time I have available for sleeping.)

Anyway, lots of frustration and stress lately and right now, and all I want to do, I can’t really do. But we shall see how quickly I can get myself to bed right now, and then how I feel in the morning. I really hope I crash asleep tonight, and then wake refreshed and well tomorrow morning. I and the world around me need it(!). I actually broke down in miserable crying tonight before driving home from my mom’s, I was so tired and stressed.

But, starting after tomorrow, the days will be increasing in length again, and I am grateful for that.

Post-a-day 2020

Boiling point?

I might be at my boiling point this week… physically, though mentally regarding the physically…

You see, I have learned to handle acne rather well for my body… meaning that I have learned how to avoid having very much of it.

Unfortunately, my body is extremely sensitive – well, kind of to everything, but that’s not the point right now – to sweat, when it comes to producing acne.

All I need is to have my skin be the level of sticky sweaty – pouring/dripping sweat is fine, but, once it stops, I need to clean off the skin – in order for acne to show up in the very near future in those exact spots.

So, I washed my face three times throughout the night last night, and have done it several times today, simply because of the heat of the place where I am staying this week – it is warm, like 76 overnight and 82 degrees Fahrenheit during the day (And, before you start saying the temperatures are to save money on electricity or to help save the planet, know that the air is set to “ON”, not to “AUTO”…, so it is always running…, but with warm-ish air abouts.)… I couldn’t identify at first why I was so mentally disturbed by the fact that the apartment was kept so warm, but I eventually realized that that was it: the acne concern.

I was kind of supposed to go take photos with someone this week… now, it is definitely not happening… I already have more acne on my face than when I got here yesterday, plus, I only slept a maximum of a few hours last night, for fear of bugs (I got bitten while aiming to sleep) and for the struggle of the intense warmth of sleeping atop a fabric sofa and wool-like blanket…. so, no photos of me this week, buddy – I need to be not semi-miserable and not annoyed at my physical state to go take such specific photos.

Let’s be real: sitting here, writing this, I keep taking breaks to move my arms away from my body, and to breathe deeply, both in hopes of cooling off even a little bit more… it reminds me of the days of no a/c in the world, when everyone just suffered all summer long, and sat, miserable, on their porches with cold lemonade and a cool rag, unable to get themselves to do anything else, because the mental effort involved in starting any physical effort was just too much for the overheated body and brain to handle…

That’s about how I feel here, breathing in the warm and humid air of the apartment, as though I might just be sitting outside still…, but outside has bugs and wind and rather low humidity, actually… man… not even my deep breathing is relieving, it feels so oxygen-low…

Ugh… okay, you can do this, Banana…

Post-a-day 2020

Wanna be… me

Tonight, for what I believe to have been the first time in my life, I confidently and utterly comfortably – even somewhat proudly – wore a womanly, beautiful, sexy dress that showed off my body (tastefully yet subtly)… at one point, a friend complimented me and asked if I had a hot date, I was so appropriately dressed (“I wish,” I replied, and he jokingly offered to take up the position.. which may or may not have been just a joke.).

I was honored and appreciated by his comments and by those of others, and I was so happy to be so comfortable – I felt entirely myself – it would have been overwhelming, if it hadn’t felt just so right.

Tonight, I was the woman I want to be… I said what I wanted to say, the way I wanted to say it and to the people I wanted to say it; I stood up for myself to myself and the world around me; I was at ease; I was a delight to those with whom I interacted; I was beautiful and sexy to behold…, and it was all without trying to be.

I just was myself.

I had two moments of consideration at which points I dismissed easily my thoughts of taking the ‘safe’ route, and I elected easily to remain true to myself and to do what truly works for me, the true me.

Frankly, I like this woman, and I want to be friends with her… she was so amazing… which reminds me: I am amazing, and I did a beautiful job of being entirely myself tonight, tears and love and sexy and smiles and all.

This was an empowering night for my life, and I am extremely grateful for the experience.

I look forward to being my gorgeous, attractive, beloved self tomorrow, too… and each day and night afterward, as well…

At last, I see that we can do this, Banana, and I believe it with my whole being… we really can do this. 🙂

Post-a-day 2020

The rain in Spain

Stays mainly in the plains.

But, in Cebu, it pours everywhere, and with all it’s got, albeit only in approximate 5- to 20-minute increments.

The wind grows cool, and the temperature feels like it drops almost ten degrees Celsius, and it seems like the impending rain will last forever, until, when you turn your back for a moment, it suddenly starts pouring, and you turn back ’round and notice the rain…, then it clears up within two minutes, the clouds part and clear away, and the sun shines with all its glory once again, as the temperature pops back up that same ten degrees again to a warm – oh, so warm – 29-35°C.

As I write this, just that has happened.

The air was cool and windy, the sky was dark, but no rain had started.

I turned my attention here, and then, as I looked back up after a few minutes of writing, I saw the rain falling all around.

It is not quite finished yet, but the sky is already brightening… it will not be much longer before the sky is clear of this rain once again.

P.S. There are far too many flies for me to be comfortable here (in addition to all the other huge dislikes), but I am rolling with it and hanging in there.

Post-a-day 2019

Weekend snob

– So, how has your weekend been?

– Well, yesterday, I went sailing, and today, I attended the Houston polo finals…. so, rather posh, I dare say…

(Totally hashtag posh, right?)

What’s funny about it, really, is that it wasn’t anything near as posh as it sounds.

The sailing was on an approximately 25-foot sailboat that belongs to a friend of a friend of a friend (technically an old coworker of the guy (super smart space engineers) my friend was dating for a while, but whom she isn’t really dating anymore, but they still sometimes do things together, like this)…

The polo match was because I’d found out about a Groupon for super discounted two-packs of tickets, and so I found a friend to go with me and live out another one of my “Pretty Woman” fantasies…

Both were quite hot and sunny, and much less interesting than they sounded at first, but were wonderful nonetheless.

And, because of them, I am able to go to bed tonight with a sense of silly giddiness at how funny life can be sometimes. 🙂

I don’t need to live that life, but it certainly is fun to have the occasional sprinkling of it here and there, and especially when I am able to share it with people I love. 🙂

Post-a-day 2019

Pants at home

Tonight, a few friends and I got on the subject of housemates and the comfort of being pant-less at home (US pants, not British, of course).  It reminded me of my first flatmate.  When we lived together, it was a quickly-known thing that I ditched my pants almost immediately after I walked in the door after work.

Truly.  It was part of my ‘arriving home’ routine, really.  I would walk in the door (and shut it, of course), set down my stuff, take off my shoes, shove off my pants, toss them to the side, and then put my shoes on the shoe rack.  Some days, I even would collapse forward onto the carpet after the pants-removal step, and sigh with exhaustion and relief.   We live in Houston.  It gets hot here, but the insides of buildings do not.  At my job at that time, my classroom was guaranteed winter temperatures, so I was extra overdressed for the outside weather.  Sometimes, I would be more peeling off my pants than sliding them off of me, it was so hot outside.

Since it was a well-known fact that I was pant-less almost the instant I arrived home each day, slight precautions were taken.  One day, I received a message from my flatmate’s boyfriend, asking if I were home.  He said that he was told he should text me before coming over, because I might not have any pants on.  I think I let him know that I was home and all was appropriately dressed.  He then added that perhaps he should have just not asked, and just shown up and caught me off guard.  I chuckled hard at that one. I knew it was a joke, and he knew that I would understand it to be, so the comment was actually quite funny, instead of terrible, as almost any other person in the world would have caused it to be.

Thinking about all of this tonight had me notice how rarely I am pant-less nowadays.  I guess I’m just not so hot outside anymore, that I want to strip the moment I arrive home. I also have little space of my own, in which I am even able to be pant-less.  Though, I don’t recall being without pants/shorts very often in Japan…  You know, I think I have moved to a slightly different style of pants/pant fit.  The other bits are valid, too, to a certain degree, but so is this one.  I found a pair of pants that I used to wear to school, and wore them tonight.  It was warm out, but not hot.  I remember peeling off these guys regularly in the afternoons.  Yet, now, I can hardly imagine being able to peel them off, they are so loose on me.  Have they stretched with the aging of sitting around?  Have I lost weight in my legs?  Both?  This would not be the first pair of pants that has seemed oddly large on my legs lately, however, I still weigh what I have weight the past two-ish years.  And I haven’t done enough exercise since moving back (I think, anyway) to have had such an impact on my body yet… have I?  I don’t know, but, if I am losing fat in my legs, it’s for the better – my body needs it.  Now just to trade that loss of fat with some gain of muscle and tone.

Anyway… this has gone a bit of a ways from being pant-less at home.  I will leave this open for further consideration, and I will go to sleep now.  Goodnight, world.  Sweet breathing.

Post-a-day 2017

Hurricane’s a turnin’

A hurricane has landed in Texas.  Yet again, that is.  It is really quite far south and west of us, and it only landed a handful of hours ago, at most, and yet our power has already gone out.  It isn’t even scheduled to be in our area until it has calmed down significantly, and dropped to a level one, possibly only down to a two.  And that’s on Monday or so.  It’s Friday night right now.

What a weekend this will be, huh?  I pray that we be happy, healthy, holy throughout it all, and onward to the next step after the storm.  For now, I shall sleep while it is still cool enough in here to do so with decent ease.

Post-a-day 2017