Home now; bed wow

I must admit that one of the greatest feelings is stretching out on my back on a freshly fitted-sheet-made bed (meaning not the pillow or top sheet or comforter yet) directly after a fresh and cool shower… and it gets even better if it is just after a long car trip, as I have just done today/tonight.

I have my feet up at the head of the bed, and my head it at the foot… I’m not entirely sure if it is better with or without my pajamas on me… (I say pajamas, but I really just mean underwear and a loose t-shirt.)

It feels amazing…

And there is that special feeling of the freshly made bed, combining with the feeling of doing something very uncommon and, almost, forbidden, lying upside down on a bed that is missing its pillow and top sheet and comforter… I probably would have gotten in a bit of trouble, if I’d done this as a kid…

Haha

Actually, come to think of it, I regularly lie down on my fully made bed right after a shower, towel wrapped around my hair, pajamas not yet on… it is one of the few times I don’t immediately make sure my body is properly clothed.

Well, possibly the only time I go without clothes, aside from showering itself.

But, for some reason, I somewhat purposefully and somewhat passively allow myself to experience nudity, and in a comfortable and safe and easy setting in this time right after showering.

Some nights, it lasts only a minute or so, and some last half an hour or more… the majority are somewhere in the middle of the two ends.

It started out as mirror time, like my best friend told me that she does every day: to take in, accept, embrace, and love all of my body, as it is now.

It eventually turned into an opportunity for me to learn to be physically comfortable in nudity, and not just mentally so.

Now, I think hardly anything of it… one of my favorite moments of the day sometimes is plopping down sideways on my bed, with only a towel wrapped around my wet, clean hair, and the a/c blowing lightly on my still damp skin right after a shower…

And it usually is with my head to the foot of the bed…

Hmm… I’ve actually been wondering about this lately, if it mightn’t be a good idea for me to switch the direction I sleep.

But I keep not changing it, because I always remember how this has been a hint for me as far back as I can remember, lying the opposite direction on my bed when it is made versus when I go to sleep in it.

I wonder what the deal is with my doing that all the time… hmm…

Okay, tangents are over for the night… I am back home, I had a miniature breakdown sort of incident when I first arrived and found that people had been here, had moved my puzzle and messed it up, and had used the kitchen and left lots of evidence of their having been here (and they left the toilet open[!!!!!!!!!!!!])… I am hoping that sleep will heal me fully, though I am already proud of myself for being so extremely sleepy and exhausted (on multiple levels), and for being out of a lot of my regular supplements that help me so well, yet only having the breakdown for about thirty seconds, if even that long… and it wasn’t even very intense, and I handled everything I needed to handle in order to have everything clean for the potential of more people tomorrow (even though the city said not to leave homes unless absolutely necessary, and this studio is not actually open again yet… but anyway…), and I didn’t cry or anything when various other issues arose, like being tired and still having to carry heavy stuff up two flights of stairs, with one being a narrow, turning staircase, or when the shower wouldn’t switch from the bathtub full faucet to the shower head with more than a tiny drizzle of water, much like it did for a while after I was in Japan and the Philippines, but even worse this time…

Anyway, I am exhausted on many levels, and I need to work out tomorrow and Sunday to stay on track for this week, and still make up two more workouts (I believe – got to check the list) from the other week’s stress-y break.

Goodnight!

Post-a-day 2020

Take it off

I found out yesterday that The Full Monty is not just a film, but also a stage play and a stage musical.

(!!!)

Did you see that???

The Full Monty

!!!!!!

And I kind of really want to see a production of it now….

No, I have never really been interested in any Chippendales activities (though I did have a blast* with both Magic Mike films, it wasn’t really for the reasons one might expect).

But, I think the fact that this film (and show, I guess – it wouldn’t be that different, right?) is about a group of goofy married (I think most of them are married, anyway) men who decide they can outdo and outshine (or at least end up comparable enough to earn some cash) traditional fit and sexy Chippendales performers… somehow…., and they go through this whole development and growth and transformation of outlook and spirit of life…., and it is just a lovely and totally silly and fun story, following these guys and feeling their emotions with them, and, especially, joining in their delighted terror and triumph as they actually pull themselves together and perform their show… just wow…

So, yeah, I want to be cheering on those guys in life.

I think it would be a really funny and silly and fun and empowering and inspiring show to see… because live is a whole ‘nother experience from a Hollywood film. 😀

No editing available on a live stage, so you can feel the extra layer of struggle within the actors, in addition to the struggle within the characters the actors play.

So good…, if it is done well, that is… and I hope it is done well… 🙂

*The first was amazing, because I went on a new friend date with a guy from my dormitory where I had just moved in Germany… we had agreed we both wanted to go see a film in the theatre to practice our German, and Magic Mike was almost finished showing in theatres in Germany, so I kind of wanted to see what the fuss had been all about back in the US while I suddenly had the chance again… so, I asked him if that film was okay, because it was playing in 45 minutes at the theatre in town… there was a hit of back-and-forth about ‘Why this movie’, and I believe I convinced him with the fact that it was likely to have less difficult dialogue to follow, combined with the fact that it was just plain crazy for us to go see that film in particular… to practice our German…, as two disinterested-in-dating opposite-gendered people… So, that was great – I understood maybe 5-15% of the actual words said, though I still got the gist of the story.

The second time, I was at a girlfriend’s apartment while her best friend was in town to visit… they discovered that I hadn’t seen the second film, and declared that I must see it now…, so we put it on, and they whooped and hollered, and I giggled along with them…, but, what I noticed most, and what delighted me most, was the dancing… I could hardly wait to see the dancing, and just the opening dance scene in the workshop blew my mind happy – the creativity of the dance, as well as all the other dances in that film, due to their creativity and smooth execution, were just mind-blowingly fabulous…. such a great film… and I kind of understood the plot of it, too, like the first film.

Plus, I have always had a crush on Channing Tatum, so it was lovely to see him working through struggles as a smart, extremely capable man in both films…, and it was even cooler that he was a man who had true rhythm and could dance… and then even cooler cooler that it was all based out of his own story of being smart in life… just awesome, man. ❤

Post-a-day 2020

Get your a** off the floor ;P

The biggest mistake was sitting down.

If I hadn’t sat down in the first place, I wouldn’t be stuck here right now, battling mentally with what it will take to get me to get up, go put on some clothes, and finish my post-shower, pre-bed activities so that I can go to bed and sleep.

However, here I still sit, leaning against my bed, instead of in it, and just a towel wrapped around my hair… eyes drooping closed and slowly rising again to determine if I have made it into bed yet, only to be disappointed to the point of closing them once more… the cycle repeats.

Okay, fine, I’ll get up and finish things up… I just don’t have anything for tomorrow, though I have more than one thing I would love to do tomorrow (if only it weren’t all dependent upon another), so it is harder for me to want to go to sleep.:.

Well, perhaps I can develop something wonderful simply by waking earlier than needed, and taking the time to explore what I might like to do, and then do it…

We’ll see about that…, but it is enough to get me up, so, here I go…

P.S. I Really want to go somewhere next week – no school, no work, no events… let’s either get a cheap plane fair somewhere or drive somewhere, a state or national park, perhaps(!)… ye-he-hess (Mr. Burns style, fingers and all).

In the raw… not

Sometimes I wonder if my OCD isn’t the only thing I have.  I had a sort of episode today, which is what called to mind this idea (though I have had it regularly for years).

I had just showered, and was using the bathroom briefly before dressing.  My mom had just shown me a dress she was considering for my cousin’s upcoming wedding, while I had been wrapped in my towel.  When she came back toward my bathroom a minute or so later, telling me to look at another outfit, I told her to wait a minute, because I was peeing.  She, in good humor, and not thinking much into it, said, ‘No, look at it now.  I have it on already,’ and began to open my bathroom door, to show me the outfit.

Without having my chance to think anything through, I had thrown my arms around me protectively, and was almost yelling – not actual yelling, but much louder and more panicky than regular speech – to tell her to shut the door, and saying that she doesn’t ‘get it’; I was serious about waiting a minute.

I was almost in tears.  My mind was able to view the situation with sanity – What on Earth, girl?  It really is okay that your mother see you naked and/or on the pot.  What just happened in here, darling?  My reaction, however, had been instantaneous and automatic, leaving no attempt to consult with my brain on the matter before responding to the situation.

I went to talk to my mom about it afterward, and my eyes teared while we hugged.  It had taken me a while to go see her outfit, because something had me feel a need to be fully dressed before going to see her, as opposed to my usual comfort level of a bra and underwear being just fine.  It was like an odd means of making up for having felt exposed – compensating by over-dressing.

Growing up, I never was very comfortable with nudity of my own body.  My female family members were all incredibly comfortable with being nude around the house.  I’m not sure I went a week at any given point in my childhood without seeing at least one of them walking around naked.  And it never disturbed me.  I even marveled at how comfortable they were with being nude, and respected it.  I think I even thought that I would be so comfortable by the time I was around their then-ages (college-aged).

It never happened, though. College came and went, and here I stand totally uncomfortable with my own nudity around others.  In college, I was surprised that more girls in the dorm didn’t walk around more often in their towels.  I had just learned so well from my sisters how to make a towel stay in place wrapped around my body, that I spent plenty of time down the hall with friends, their constantly wondering and asking how my towel stayed up.  I didn’t even have to consider if I were comfortable in a towel – I just was.  In the same way, I suppose, I never even considered the idea of being comfortable nude – I just wasn’t.

And I imagine that all of that is somewhat normal for a good chunk of my society.  Some girls strip down entirely in the locker rooms after water polo practice, and some just don’t.  I have actively pursued being comfortable with my own nudity, just in my own presence, over the years, in hopes of 1) learning to appreciate my own body, and 2) being comfortable with certain close family and friends being around when I’m changing or have to use the bathroom.  (There are just certain scenarios that are part of life, and I can’t seem to see myself possibly functioning in them.)

But, just to throw in a sort of curve ball, let’s talk about how I am fine with other cultures and my own nudity.  I specify: Bath houses in Japan and a topless beach in Spain all had my full participation.  I was slightly nervous initially, but the social acceptance of the behavior allowed me to accept mentally the task.  I even appreciated the ease and comfort of the accepted nudity.  For the topless beach, I wasn’t with friends, so that made it loads easier. But the bath houses in Japan were easy enough to do with multiple friends, after my initial exposure to how the whole thing worked.  So, social context makes a huge difference in my comfort levels, it seems.  In my apartment in Japan, with the same friend with whom I had hung out naked in an onsen, I would not be found nude… take away the bath house, and the comfort disappears with it.

So, sometimes I seem to be in good shape and totally normal.  I changed at the YMCA the other week after swimming, and I did it in a way that was much more exposed and easy-going than I ever would have done in the past.  Perhaps, despite the fact that the general social context has changed (not Japan anymore), since it is a changing area at the gym, I still can grasp the behavior mentally, and participate to a certain degree, after my experiences in Japan.  However, since it is not Japan, and the general social context has changed in terms of nudity acceptability, I am only okay with it, because no one I know is around to notice me.  Add a family member to the equation, and I’d bet that I would be wrapped up or in a bathroom stall while changing clothes.

And I think all of that is somewhat normal, too.  However, when something like today happens, where it is not just a matter of my being uncomfortable, but a matter of my having a panicked, immediate reaction to the situation, I wonder if there is something more to it.

Post-a-day 2017