beauty – hannah ananas

Puccini

Turandot is a spectacular spectacle – Puccini certainly got it right and did it well with this one, y’all. I almost cried twice, and then did cry near the end, all because of the music – it was so amazing. Robert Wilson’s visionary directing was spectacular in and of itself, yes. It was so fun and cool and amazing. But the music itself held its own… it was satisfying and utterly fulfilling… and, boy darn, was it good… Just wow…

Thank you, Houston Grand Opera, for this spectacular performance. And thank you, God, for allowing me to witness it… in gratitude, I pray. Amen!

P.S. One of the main characters suddenly had to step out (I believe it was today), and so another member of the cast played her physical role, while Juliet from the current production of Romeo and Juliet stood on the side of the stage with a music stand and in a black dress and sang the part. “Like no other,” the creative director said in his pre-show announcement, and it truly was. It was amazing on all accounts. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Amen!

Post-a-day 2022

Beautiful

When do I feel most beautiful?
In those first moments of waking,
when I’m still snuggled up in bed,
and the room is cold,
and,
before opening my eyes,
I squeeze really tightly together,
and I bask…
In those moments,
I am woman – hear me…
Or…
Don’t.
Because I have no awareness
of anything outside.
There is only I and my bed
and the cold and the warmth
of the air and my sheets,
and my arms and legs
hugging me,
beautifully,
beautiful me.
…
You see?
Beauty is little to do with eyes and mirrors,
and everything to do with just simple me.

(**Inspired by @Christi.Steyn)

Post-a-day 2021

Body Image

I intentionally look at myself in the mirror, nude – or almost entirely – every single day. I look and I see all that there is to my body. I fill myself with the experience of all that my body is, standing before that mirror. And I love myself. Through and through, from the tiniest hair to the German skin to the inherited bowels that are all too sensitive – I love my body for all that it is and for all that it is not. This is my vessel, my space, my temple, my power, my source in this life. And I am ever grateful for and in love with it.

That does not mean that I do not want to improve upon it. One can love something and still want better for it. Indeed, I believe part of loving something means always wanting better for it. Such is the case with my body. Every day, as I see the improvements from only a week ago or days ago, I am grateful that I have blessed it with such love… such love as it takes to get out of bed when I want to snuggle in deeper to the cozy covers, to get myself ready for bed early enough to have enough sleep, to choose these foods over those, to deny the casual pressure of those who do not have the same intentions with their food and drink and schedule, not to take the easy route, and just to accept the current and temporary convenience of eating this standard meal that I find before me, possibly even for free.

They mean no harm to me, I am sure, but such a meal is not free for me. It has its costs. Yes, it is utterly convenient, and significantly less socially odd and, sometimes, less embarrassing. But, it is not blessing my body when I consume it. Often, it causes my body actual pain, in some small way or other. And, occasionally, it causes pain in some not-so-small ways… things I never noticed until I began to pay close attention. I always thought eating meant one would feel ever so slightly ill afterward. But that is only with certain foods, with the ones that do not serve my body, that I feel that way. I have learned.

My food is my medicine – I take no other – and it is my daily blessing that gives me the energy for tomorrow. It gives me my strength to exercise at 5:15 most mornings, as though it were a normal hour of the day. It gives me the nutrition I need for my deep slumbers at night to restore and improve my strength and energy.

And it is not always easy. Indeed, it often is difficult to manage getting myself the food I need, whenever I am doing things away from home, with others or alone. Even at home, it takes effort. And yet, after all this time, the effort seems like almost nothing. Why? Because it is so incredibly worth it. I don’t even have to think about giving myself the right foods to serve me best, let alone thinking twice about it. All because I love and want to take loving care of my body.

My body is merely the starting place. If I am comfortable in my body, and it is ready and able for anything, then my spirit, too, with my body’s support, can take on whatever comes my way, and with a ready heart. So, as I gaze at myself in the mirror each day, easily noticing the room for improvement, I also marvel at the beauty of all that I am, of all that I have become, and of all that I see I can become… all because I love myself for exactly who and how I am. I once was afraid to see myself naked – I couldn’t stand it. Now, I look forward to that time of intimacy and being attuned to and connected in all ways with my physical self. It is one of the most beloved times of my day, and it fills me always with love, joy, and gratitude for this life and for this current step within it.

Post-a-day 2021

Tonight

I’m not sure what to share tonight. I’m sitting in bed, propped up poorly by a couple – actually, it’s three – pillows, my lower back aching something wicked for the third or fifth day in a row. I mean, it’s loads better than it was a couple days ago, but it is still very uncomfortable, and I’m concerned I’ll have trouble sleeping again. It’s kind of funny, the irony of physical aches and pains. Oftentimes, what we need most in such situations, is rest. Yet, the pain is such that we have a hard time resting or sleeping. So, we don’t really end up recuperating very well or very quickly.

I started working on a song just a bit ago, because a friend asked – well, not technically, but I know he intended to make the request – me to create something I found beautiful. He said that there doesn’t seem to be enough of that in the world right now. So, I’m working on a song of things I find beautiful in life. I kind of hated it for a while, but I evaluated why I kind of hated it, saw that it was because I was trying to make it something that wasn’t true to who I really am and how I really feel about the matter, and switched into the proper gear for myself. I think it is going to turn out spectacular now. I’m even excited about it for myself, and not just for the friend to enjoy it. 😀

Anyway, I’m wiped, so I’m going to aim for intense, helpful, healing, deep, long sleep tonight, with a wake-up that is completely ready to take on the stormy day tomorrow. 😀

Post-a-day 2020

Thump-thump, to the beat

Once again, my heart is ablaze at the sound of the same man’s voice…

I first heard him sing just over a year ago, amidst a chorus-filled song, when his crystalline voice suddenly, and seemingly out of nowhere, pierced through the rest, and took my heart with it as its reverberations dissipated through the room…

To me, it was the voice of a man delighted and in love, sharing his delight with the world.

Today, and this week, hearing it again, I cannot but feel my entire stomach convulse and my heart pause in awe, before thumping with intensity and fervor, longing to follow and to stay with such a voice, such an expression.

His voice has my heart forever, I declared… and I told it to him, too, even before hearing him sing again today… that’s how lovely it is, and how strongly it sticks in my memory.

It’s funny what I thought of while considering it all afterward… when I lived in Japan, there was a brief time, shortly after moving there, that I had two phone buddies who also had just moved there.

One of them and I had both procured guitars, and so, one night, while talking, instead of hanging up and having to call back after her shower, the friend just left the phone on speaker, and I practiced some guitar and singing.

We joked that I was serenading her during her shower (which led to the telling of another silly story from college of my doing something similar).

When I told later my other phone buddy, he jokingly yet in earnest asked where his serenading was.

And so, one night before bed, I sang him some music… naturally, with its being just before bed and his being who he is, he fell asleep while I sang to him.

Basically, as we say now, I sang him to sleep.

And so, today, after hearing this tantalizingly beautiful voice sing, I recalled my phone buddy’s demanding question, and I found myself saying (silently to myself, that is) that I want to have his voice sing me to sleep at night… oh, couldn’t I, please?

You can just call me every night before you go to bed, if I haven’t called you yet (because I tend to go to bed at all different hours, depending on the week), and you can just sing me a lovely little song, and then we’ll hang up and I’ll go directly to sleep.

Done.

Easy peasy.

Let’s do it.

Let me have your number – here’s mine.

Date whomever you want; just call me every night to sing to me.

😂

So, yeah… those were my thoughts all afternoon…

Post-a-day 2020

The key mono (thing) to a girl’s heart…

is a beautiful kimono that accentuates her natural beauty, and has her feel beautiful.

Okay, not really, but that’s still a great thing to have.

Today’s theme is kimono.

Why?

Well, because I finally went kimono browsing-slash-shopping again at my old beloved store.

That second-hand shop that has a little bit of almost everything.

I bought a traditional Japanese instrument and its case (together labeled only “Jyanku Paatsu”*, but without any actual name for the instrument), which is totally gorgeous, and which seems like it would work great, if we just replaced the strings, which are similar to guitar and the likes.

I tried on some Timberlands (one of the shoes for which I’ve been keeping an eye open the past few years), and enjoyed looking at all the dish ware.

But then I practically began hyperventilating when I reached the kimono section and began to look around it.

Gorgeous.

GORGEOUS.(!!!)

Of course, I purchased several today… getting them home with no car counted for my workout of the day… it was rough and very heavy.

Now I just have to go get some obis and the haori ties and the Obie over-ties and, maybe, a hyoku.

Then, perhaps, socks from the 100¥…(?), if they don’t have any here.

Yeah… anyway, I’m exhausted.

Goodnight! ❤

*Translates to Junk Parts, aka the instrument doesn’t work properly

That Hunk

Okay, can I just have a Scott Eastwood, please?

I don’t need to describe any tall, dark, and handsome details – simply saying ‘a Scott Eastwood’ will do the trick.

Golly, he’s just darn gorgeous.

And just the right age, too.

So, the real Scott Eastwood can continue his film star life – although I should have truly loved to meet his parents, his dad in particular – and I’ll take someone who’s just like him but meant for me, okay?

Okay, thanks, World.

Sounds good.

😛

Dear me… Dirty Harry, you done well with that one, at least… and the world is grateful… whoo(!).

I know I am being silly here (and I hope you can tell, too), but I truly am grateful for Scott Eastwood… he is a quite good actor (in the role I’ve seen so far, anyway), and he just lights up the world around him… even if I never see him in person, I am forever grateful that his beauty is present in this world…

I don’t mean to objectify or demean him, here…. for the sake of a comparison: it is like how flowers are for more than being seen and smelled, but they sure do help to make the world a more beautiful place…, and Scott Eastwood is a fabulous flower in the garden of our world.

P.S. Just watched “The Longest Ride”, again.

Post-a-day 2019

T-shirts

To this day, I remember Kristin L— in the bathroom at middle school, saying that the ideal roll for a t-shirt sleeve was two rolls up…

To this day, I still agree with her…

And I think of her just about every time I roll or consider rolling my t-shirt sleeves…

And, every time I think of her in this scenario, I have a fleeting moment of physical memory of my nervousness, my sense of not-quite-adequacy I always had around her… I envied her, and, at times, longed to be her (she, of course)… I watched her, observed her, taking in the lessons.

What did I love so much about her?

Well, she was somewhat popular, but it wasn’t so much that as the qualities and attributes that made her popular that had me longing most.

She danced.

I eventually became a world champion dancer (yes, I have an actual world title).

She did the French tuck with her t-shirts, and rolled the sleeves up twice, always looking fabulous.

I now do that when I feel like with my t-shirts (instead of being too scared of declared to be “copying”, and then not doing it st all).

She wore bras that looked feminine.

I eventually got there, but have found my own version of balancing feminine with natural and with comfortable.

She was confident in life (mostly, anyway… an air of general confidence, we’ll say).

I am comfortable in who I am, and am generally confident in myself and about life as a whole (though the rough bits get to me at times).

She had a Jeep destined to her, horses to visit, and a determined location for college.

I had lots of openness and no-idea-ness for my far future, and kind of still do…, but I embrace it as a dream board to collage nowadays… and I’ve been interning with horses, learning to care for and ride them, too…

All of this made her gorgeous in my eyes.

The comfortable self-confidence projects radiance from my own eyes, and I find myself staring at smiling me in the mirror on many of the good days, and even on some of the not-too-good ones… the rest of my accomplishments have little to do with the beauty I see and admire in myself.

Yet, there is still something about her that makes my insides feel clenchy and hollow and longing, whenever I think about her or her life at present… I still little girl style long to be more like her (she)… to be her (she)… even though I know I want to be myself… that little girl still longs for something unsatisfied in the relationship, it seems, and I’m not sure what it is…

Perhaps I could write her a letter, read it aloud, as though to her (but not actually to her), and then let it all go… perhaps that would handle it all for me.

Yes, I think I’ll give that a go next week (because I still have final papers for this week to do).

Wish me luck and freedom! 😀

Post-a-day 2019

Today

Things about today:

I finished another Malcolm Gladwell book, Outliers, and, naturally, feel like a total genius, totally inspired (as is the usual with his books).
I cried multiple times and about various things, and I was okay with that.
Someone told me that a someone is coming for me, sometime soon, within the next few years, and that that someone will love and respect and appreciate and value the beauty of a human being that I am and will show it in a way that I actually get to experience my immense value and beauty in the world.
I want to believe him, and not other people, who say that perhaps I’ll never have a someone like that in my life (not in a negative way, but just a ‘there isn’t somebody for everybody, and you might be one of those everybodys with no somebody’ way).
I was reminded that I desperately love languages, as well as teaching.
I remembered, too, that I want to do more in my daily than just teach school classes.
I wrote out all of this, before meditating/praying/playing music, and then going to sleep.

Post-a-day 2018

Dirty Dancing Magic

Have you ever seen the film “Crazy, Stupid, Love”, with Ryan Gosling and Steve Carell (among other familiar faces)? (If you haven’t, you can watch it on Netflix!) ***If you don’t want anything ruined from the movie, do not read this next part.*** Remember the scene where Emma Stone’s character asks Ryan Gosling’s what his line is for getting girls to sleep with him? So, he finally comes out with the fact that he does the “Dirty Dancing” lift. She doesn’t believe him, but they do the lift anyway, and, of course, she totally falls for him at the end of the lift.

So, why is this relevant?

You see, I do acro-yoga – at least, I have re-started doing acro-yoga again, after a three-ish-year break. The other night, at a sort of practice/hangout session (called a “jam”), one of the guys offered to test out a certain standing lift with me. It was not the most basic option, so we agreed to do the simpler option first. And what was that option? The “Dirty Dancing” lift.

It definitely takes effort from both parties to make it work properly, so the “Crazy, Stupid, Love” version makes it look too simple. “Dirty Dancing” is definitely closer to the kind of effort it actually would take a newbie flyer/follow to pull off the lift. I’ve done lifts in dance routines before, and even a throw/toss, so I’m practiced in the concept of lifts, but I’ve never done that particular lift in a routine. Anyway, so it took a few almosts, and then we had the lift down perfectly.

And it felt like flying… or something. I’ve never actually flown (I think), so I can’t actually compare anything to flying, but it definitely felt magical and like I was more than just physically ‘above’ everything around me – I felt like I was on a higher plane of life. And, of course, that I was utterly beautiful in this specific position, muscles flexed beautifully, like a fairy zooming overhead.

And this guy helped me to be in this position – it was because of him that I was in such a place of wonder and beauty…. I suddenly totally could get why girls would want to ravish the guy who did that lift with them. Fortunately, I knew the guy and the general activity well enough to keep him and the actual task separate from one another in my head. Otherwise, I would have been a total mess full of goo-goo eyes for him for weeks. But I fully understood what could be so attractive, so sexy, so desirable about doing that lift. I mean, how often do people normally put me into a place of magical wonder, and make me feel more beautiful than the whole world? (Perhaps your life is different from mine, but I’ll let you know: It is extremely rare for me.) 😛

That being said, I have two things: 1) Totally try out acro-yoga, because it’s a blast and is totally easy, even if you aren’t super fit or anything. 2) I recommend giving the “Dirty Dancing” lift a try at some point in your life, guy or girl, because it is magical and awesome (as I have already mentioned multiple times). 🙂

Post-a-day 2018