Apps, again

You know, I sent him another message in our conversation a couple days ago, and he still hasn’t responded. We usually each send something every day or day and a half. And it has been longer than that, by at least double now.

And, you know what?

I’m completely okay about it. I keep revisiting the situation in my head, wondering if I really am okay, or if I’m secretly obsessive and borderline about to break down an swear off dating apps from anger and frustration of rejection and how crap guys can be. But it is the same every time: I’m genuinely okay that he didn’t respond. Sure, I would love a response from him. But I only want one if it is for the better. If it isn’t, I don’t want a reply from him. And, at the very least, this is a very good experience for me to evaluate and improve upon how I handle such a situation. (So far, I am grateful and proud of myself of being so comfortable in who and how I am that I am comfortable, whether this guy responds ever again or not.)

So, yeah… that’s some surprisingly delightful news for my life these past couple days or so. Totally cool, but also totally odd circumstances for finding something to be cool and delightful. 😛

Post-a-day 2021

^I was thinking about it ahead of time!

Let’s talk about sex (some more), baby

Somehow, I have found myself thinking about pornography lately.

And no, not in the sense of indulgence or grossness or anything like that.

In the sense of this question: How are people supposed to be exposed to the body, and to sexual interaction initially, to be informed on the subject and not have to be afraid of it all?

The unfortunate answer side seems to have only one measly answer: pornography.

And, while I very much dislike the intended use of pornography, I could understand it from an educational approach… well… the more vanilla side of it all, anyway.

It had me thinking how, in a traditional normal household, a child is somewhat likely, at least once in his life, to walk in on his parents having sex, right?

Right.

That exposure, to me, seems important and possibly necessary for that child.

However, I feel that that exposure alone is not enough for the child to develop a healthy relationship to the concept of sex.

How is he supposed to learn what a positive versus negative relationship with sex is?

How is he supposed to understand truly what is normal (and versus abnormal) for the human bodies of a male and female in the world of sexual interaction?

Many people, I suppose, would say that that‘s the whole point of someone’s first sexual interaction: awkward discovery.

(But many people don’t have that opportunity, and for many reasons…. It could be age difference, personality difference, an abuse history, or even fear of the whole thing…)

But what if it didn’t have to be like that most of the time, with so many people living in worry about getting it right or being good enough or knowing what to do or what is normal?

I’ve mentioned before about how these cave-people books talk about how certain women would be selected each summer to be the sexual guides for all the newly-established men of the tribes, and, when females were declared women, they would have a special ceremony, for which a specific man was selected to be the first sexual encounter for the newly-established woman.

No, they aren’t exactly the same approach, but they both have value, and I think a combination of them would be supremely valuable for a people as a whole.

What a beautiful way for people to learn the human body and sexual interaction in a healthy and loving way…

Granted, it only worked because the whole tribe would select carefully and consciously the people who would be the sexual guides, and there were various restrictions and rules about it all to keep everyone safe, both physically and emotionally/psychologically.

However, it worked beautifully, and everyone had a positive foundation in the realm of the human body and sexual encounters and relationships… they also knew when things were off, and were comfortable reaching out to others about it, because the body and sex were not taboo topics.

Hmm… anyway… just some thoughts… I don’t have plans to revolutionize the world with this, and I know it isn’t perfect, but I think it would be a great brainstorming start for our time in the world…

Post-a-day 2020

Friends

Tonight, we had a dinner: three moms and three daughters.

The mom’s could have talked all night, if we had let them.

We daughters could have talked all night, if one of us hadn’t had to get to bed for an early morning and long day tomorrow.

When we switched to any combination of us talking to one another, the conversation hit a new seemingly infinite possibilities for continuing all night.

In short, it was a dinner of friends.

I have felt for a while now that there is always something that can be said with friends… yes, silence is comfortable, but it is only there when wanted…, otherwise, there is always something new and exciting to be discussed – friends often can hardly wait to share about this or that, and they love listening to the this or thats of one another, and they always inspire new this and thats for one another to share…

With non-friends, we run out of things to say, and then sit in odd silence (which is in great contrast to the comfortable silence that can occur among friends).

And tonight was a night of friends, despite the fact that I’d only met the one mother-daughter once, and my mom hadn’t met them before tonight.

There’s something about friends that doesn’t necessarily have to do with time… more a matter of connection, I guess it is…

I’m not sure we three daughters could have been much different from one another on paper…, but we connected so comfortably, that we might as well have been friends for years.

🙂

Yes, it was a very good night.

I love true friends.

Post-a-day 2019

Cousin Talk

Our conversation just now:

“I went and put cold water on it – I just leaned over and stuck it under the shower real quickly and stood back up, but then the water rolled down my back and went into my underwear… but oh, well… Anyway, I put cold water on it, and it almost instantly started getting better.  There are parts of it that are already back to normal color..”

“Wow.  That’s just… crazy that it did that,” he laughs quietly.

“Yeah, the vibrations irritate it and make it react, I think.  Like I said, I think I’ve had it happen before with some other massage thing or something, so I’m not worried…  But it’s getting better, so…”  and I shrug.

I continue after a few moments of observation of his resumed task, “What are you doing?”

I repeat.

Concentrating on making a fold that doesn’t want to fold, he replies, “I… uh… I’m… making a sheath.”

“Out of paper?  See if Allison has some leather you can use for it… Wait.  You have leather.  Make a real one out of leather.”

“I don’t have any that’s sturdy enough.”

“Oh,” I sigh.  “Okay.”

 

That’s how all people’s 2:30 in the morning looks, right?  😛

Post-a-day 2018

 

Kokopelli and breakthroughs

Today, I talked to a girl briefly about Kokopelli.  She had one on her sweatshirt sleeve, and I asked her if she liked him.  I absolutely love him, and my love showed as I spoke about him to her.  A girl who normally says nothing at all to me, and who oddly declined any sort of interaction with me when I previously asked her any kind of question, this girl seemed intrigued by my delight in Kokopelli.  I asked her if she knew him, anything about him, and she looked right at me and shook her head.  At my somewhat comedic disbelief, she even smiled a little bit, and her eyes had a slight glisten, sparkle, to them.  “Oh, my gosh!  Look him up.  I love him!” I told her, and then proceeded to tell her a few basics about him, as well as saying at least a couple more times how he is awesome and I love him.

It was a great interaction, and I was (and still am) incredibly grateful for it.  In addition to that one, I had several other interactions that felt like my relationships with the people had reached a turning point – at last, there is comfort, ease, and openness.  Today was just filled with fabulous interactions.  I am grateful and delighted.

Post-a-day 2017 

“Chocolate”

Okay, here’s an anecdote from the wonderful dinner we had tonight (despite the fact that there were people smoking off and on in the restaurant).

My brother, his girlfriend, and I all had dinner with my brother’s private student tonight.  He’s this older Japanese guy, perhaps in his fifties, who is quite fun and silly, and who loves his family and my brother.  At one point in the night, we ended up on the subject of the pronunciation of English words in the Japanese style (Katakana English, as we like to call it), and specifically the struggle for Japanese people to say the word “chocolate” like a native English speaker.

My brother’s student was determined to pronounce chocolate like a native, and so we kept having to say it ourselves, and then analyze and critique the student’s pronunciation.  Most of the time, there was some special vowel added to the middle of the word, because Japanese doesn’t have consonants side-by-side (only “ts”, “ch”, and guttural stops written as a double consonant [e.g. “tt”, “kk”, etc.]).  So, instead of the native’s “choc-lette”, it tended to come out as “cho-koe-lay-toe” or “cho-ku-ray-toe” (They also don’t have R’s or L’s in Japanese.).

Back and forth, back and forth we went, my saying “chocolate,” followed by my brother’s student saying “chocolate,” the two pronunciations forever being different from one another.  But the student and my brother’s girlfriend, being Japanese speakers and non-native English speakers, couldn’t quite hear the differences.  Whereas my brother and I heard the difference every time, resulting in a good amount of laughter and face-making (You know how you make a face when something isn’t quite right?  That.).

The student even called over two of the waitresses at one point, explaining the situation to them, and asking them to listen to me and him saying each of our versions.  ‘Did the pronunciations sound the same to them?’ he wanted to know.  Yes, they did.  However, when I then said both versions myself, they heard a difference.  So, having lost that bit of the battle, he had them try to pronounce chocolate like native English speakers.  No, they couldn’t quite get it right, that middle “cl/kl” sound being the constant culprit in the matter.  This, of course, created and even greater flow of laughter in our corner of the restaurant.

There is a Japanese comedian who goes around to places (I’ve only seen and heard of ones in the US, but he might go elsewhere, too), asking for different things, but using Japanese English and odd translations.  For example, he walked around New York asking for a “boat-plane” or “sky mamma”.  He was, naturally, looking for a naval aircraft carrier.  The Japanese characters individually mean “sky”空 and “mother”母, and it is, of course, a sort of boat with airplanes.  The whole purpose of his show, of course, is to be silly in interacting with the Americans who have no idea what he is asking.  Having talked about this show earlier in the night, I eventually wondered what might happen if this guy were to try ordering the Japanese version of “chocolate” in, say, a coffee shop or restaurant.

My brother and I did our darndest in listening, but we couldn’t hear the words as people who didn’t know what was being said.  That is, we understand and are accustomed to Japanese English, and so couldn’t figure out how it would sound to people who don’t understand Japanese English.  So, we decided to send a voice message to my mom, recorded by my brother’s private student.

“White chocolate, dark chocolate, bitter chocolate…. please!”

(rather, “Waiito chocorayto, dahku chocorayto, beetah chocorayto… pureezu!”)

Naturally, my mother had no idea, no matter how she tried, what on Earth was being said.  Then, when we went for some other variations, – that is, his attempts at pronouncing it as a Native English speaker – she thought he might have been saying something about a certain kind of energy used in Reiki.

As one can ascertain from that, his “native” pronunciation has some room for improvement.  He declared that his homework was to practice only pronouncing “chocolate” all week.  He even has a voice memo of me saying, “Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate,” on his phone for reference.  We’ll see if he ever manages that native-sounding “choc-lette”.

Now, for anyone concerned about the fact that, ‘Well, chocolate does have an O in the middle,’ recall that that is not the point.  They are not saying the word differently out of righteousness for the fact that the O is there and therefore must be pronounced, but out of the fact that the “cl/kl” sound is just somewhat impossible for Japanese folks.  It makes for some pretty funny-sounding words in English, if you ask me.  😛

 

Post-a-day 2017