Wow

Today, I wanted to ask out a guy at the gym.

But then, I noticed, too, that I was potentially interested in going out with this other guy at the gym.

And then there was the one with whom I’d always been in teenager love…, though I was kind of over it due to his utter lack of availability and interest…

And, on that note, there’s this other guy who has some shared background but a totally different occurrence in the world than the first guy, and I kind of would be interested in going out with this guy…

So, I had had it in my head that I might ask out this one guy, if the opportunity presented itself – I even had the conversation ready.

I was ready, and over embarrassment.

But then, I got distracted in my other distractions.

If I want to date all of these guys, I just don’t see its being a good idea… when is it ever a good idea to make the rounds of dating guys in any place we go regularly?

I don’t need to be dating everyone at the gym.

And then, what’s more, there is the chance – slight but there, nonetheless – of the first guy becoming available and interested… I fear I would drop this guy I was planning to ask out immediately, if the huge crush guy were suddenly available…

if that is the case, then is it fair for me to date him at all, when I already know I would choose someone else, when given the opportunity?

It’s kind of like offering a cute guy, and then offering Brad Pitt… kind of hard to resist…, though this one is much more likely to happen than Brad Pitt to show up… anyway…

It just doesn’t seem fair, to me… it would be unfair to both guys, I think.

And so, I was relieved a bit when the opportunity did not present itself – i.e. I did not have the easy chance of speaking to him alone today – and I did not ask this guy out.

Tonight, telling my mom about the silliness of it, she mentioned something simple yet somewhat profound for me.

She said that, before, I was not complete about things with myself – physically, emotionally, mentally, psychologically, and also in terms of comfort and what I might want in a relationship – nor was I complete about things that had happened to me… Now that I am complete about all of that, I am open to dating – emotionally, psychologically, physically, and mentally – and am interested in dating… that is I want to date.

Not just anyone, of course, but I am not opposed to it for some under-layered, hidden, or absurd reason anymore… Before, I think I probably couldn’t date… Now, I can.

And I want to do so.

And I’m okay with it not going anywhere long-term… which, by the way, is a huge deal for me to be thinking.

I’m happy to learn about one another by spending time together, and thereby evaluating if we want to pursue a relationship of some sort, be it friendship or a dating relationship.

I want to spend time with people, with men, even, one-on-one.

And I’m not afraid of admitting that – and it doesn’t feel like admitting anything, actually, because nothing is out of place in the want… all is well. πŸ™‚

So, perhaps, I will end up on a date (or million) in the near future…

Yes… maybe, let’s date, y’all. πŸ˜‰

Post-a-day 2020

Zoom, zoom

Today, with great excitement and delight, my mom and I had some fun together on the Vespa.

It was my first time having a passenger on it, and I was cautiously excited.

Thinking back, I used to ride the dirt bikes with a friend on the back, and that always seemed to be fine – I have no recollection of even thinking about how it might be different or difficult when compared to rising solo…, so, I guess, it really wasn’t any big deal back then.

We also weighed maybe a hundred pounds at the time…

Although, my mom and I both weigh not much over a hundred pounds, so there’s not too drastic a difference, however, it could have been a 40-pound difference then to now… and 40 pounds is a lot of added weight, when I am used to carrying and managing only myself and my own body weight for something.

Anyway, it went well, and I figured out along the way what I needed from her, which eased most of my concerns regarding having a passenger with me on the back.

We went to a lovely park, and walked out over the water together, being delighted idiots together, grateful for our blessed friendship with one another, as well as our opportunity to be in such a nice place and to be there together.

Awesome view of said water ^

We had many little stops we made, and we crossed loads of people who heartily shared their approval of and appreciation for our means of transportation.

And I think my mom was surprised at how much she enjoyed it all.

She, at one point, was sharing with me about her eight-year-old self’s first ride on the back of a bike – apparently she left marks on Uncle J——‘s skin from her having held on so tightly. πŸ˜›

We did not have such an issue today, but she did joke about and then genuinely compliment my awesome state of abdominal health (aka I’ve kind of got some impressive abs, which can be felt, even though they aren’t visible).

It was a really lovely bonding time for the both of us, for a silly set of reasons, but we just really loved being able to finish off our day full-o-whatever-nonsense-we-for-some-reason-has-to-be-handed today by being silly and happy idiots together by the water. πŸ™‚

We eventually ended up at Kroger to get eggs and drinking water… aka two of the worst possible items to be managing on a bike of any kind, let alone when it’s a first go at riding as a duo on the thing…

We, of course, were fully aware of this thought before even bothering to go.

And, naturally, it was a total success, even with our snake-shaped stick we found on a beach during one of our many stops in our mini-adventure.

And it was a two-and-a-half-gallon jug off drinking water – aka the big ones – and not just a single gallon.

All-in-all, I had a wonderful time and feel totally accomplished.

Post-a-day 2019

Girls, girls, girls

A conversation via text message between two girlfriends around 10:30pm one weeknight:

H: I have this slight problem in that I can’t find my pants

N: Ya

N: Ha.

N: I—- [her daughter] scraped her knee and got blood all over mine

N: Which reminds me to move those to the dryer

H: πŸ˜‚

[thirty minutes later]…

H: Ah! I’m almost certain that they are sitting on the shelf in my office πŸ˜‚

You know, the usual place to keep one’s blue jeans. πŸ˜›

Post-a-day 2019

Collaboration

My mom and I had our first glimpse today of how our collaboration on my photography could look…

And it looks awesome.

We have similar taste, yet different approaches to it and ideas and perspectives for it, so, working together is easy, yet always unique and filled with wonderful ideas neither of us would have gotten on our own, and that most people never consider.

We have a few foundational bits now, after today’s collaboration, going through clothing and fabrics, and I am confident that we can make this happen… very well, and somewhat soon.

I have a lot of the teaching work I kind of need to do at the moment, but my efficiency there is improving significantly by the day or two, so I’ll be able to put time and mental a leggier and physical effort into the photos my mom and I will be crating together in collaboration.

I’m delighted and looking forward to it.

And, I think she is, too. /)

So, yay!

Post-a-day 20198

What goes down at the museum

So, this happened while we were walking around the current exhibit (Fashion photography) at the museum today…

We actually had a somewhat difficult time not laughing too loudly as we were doing this.

I had asked my mom if she was going to give me back the cash I’d lent her anytime soon… (She was leaving town right after we finished the painting class we were doing one day, and she realized that she had forgotten to stop and get cash at the bank, so I just gave her some that I had.)

A couple comments later, my mom has turned to me and is opening up her wallet… as she starts flipping through the bills contained within it, I notice myself taking a quick glance around the room (exhibit room), and suddenly feeling like I was just checking to make sure no one could see what we were doing….

And I instantly thought about how shady a scenario this, under different circumstances, could be.

‘Are we doing our sketchy drug deal in the museum?’ I said quietly to my mom.

We both then glanced around and could hardly contain ourselves as she counted out money, and I gave her a coupon I had recently been given and wouldn’t be using.

Quite the dealing, though I say so myself. πŸ˜›

Post-a-day 2019

Happy Birthday

“Happy Birthday….

“Happy Birthday, baby, oh… I love you so!

“Siiix-tyyy candles….”

That’s what I sang to my mom as I played the ukulele tonight… it’s her sixtieth birthday today, and, just after I had sung her our usual birthday song (“On this day”), I suddenly had the beginning of “Sixteen Candles” in my head…

And it hit me: sixty sounds a lot like sixteen… I can do this!

So, I did a quick chord check, and then called her back.

As soon as I hit the third line, she was laughing… ‘sixty candles make a lovely light’… they do, indeed. πŸ˜›

And then, she apparently had her phone sitting open in front of her, with me on speakerphone, because she had just been sending my brother a message while I figured out one last detail before singing to her, and so, as I sang, the Animoji I had sent via her phone to my brother this morning was playing (silently) on repeat… as my mom said afterward, it was like one of those translated Kung-fu films, where the lips are nowhere near lining up with the dubbed speech, but, in our case, it was a tiny digital monkey serenading my mom with my voice. πŸ˜›

When she told me that, we both cracked up at the stupidity of it (including the fact that she kept watching the monkey babbling the whole time in the first place!). πŸ˜€

I love my mom… thank you for my mom, God… really great work there. πŸ™‚

Post-a-day 2019

Friends

Tonight, we had a dinner: three moms and three daughters.

The mom’s could have talked all night, if we had let them.

We daughters could have talked all night, if one of us hadn’t had to get to bed for an early morning and long day tomorrow.

When we switched to any combination of us talking to one another, the conversation hit a new seemingly infinite possibilities for continuing all night.

In short, it was a dinner of friends.

I have felt for a while now that there is always something that can be said with friends… yes, silence is comfortable, but it is only there when wanted…, otherwise, there is always something new and exciting to be discussed – friends often can hardly wait to share about this or that, and they love listening to the this or thats of one another, and they always inspire new this and thats for one another to share…

With non-friends, we run out of things to say, and then sit in odd silence (which is in great contrast to the comfortable silence that can occur among friends).

And tonight was a night of friends, despite the fact that I’d only met the one mother-daughter once, and my mom hadn’t met them before tonight.

There’s something about friends that doesn’t necessarily have to do with time… more a matter of connection, I guess it is…

I’m not sure we three daughters could have been much different from one another on paper…, but we connected so comfortably, that we might as well have been friends for years.

πŸ™‚

Yes, it was a very good night.

I love true friends.

Post-a-day 2019