Boyfriends, Partners, and Housemates

Tonight, I taught my first official totally solo yoga class.

Through a series of events involving the teacher suddenly being unable to teach and her not being able to find a sub, I ended up being the sub for the class.

I spent close to an hour preparing everything for class and myself, and then headed downstairs and taught a great class.

I messed up the same little thing I’d messed up in the past with classes, but I noticed it within possibly one minute of my having made the error, and, though it was too late to do anything about it, the fact that I noticed it son immediately is something that I consider, in its way, a win.

Being oblivious to my errors would have been loads worse of a situation.

Fortunately, I noticed it, and almost immediately.

Even with that, the class went really well.

And I actually enjoyed myself.

I wish I had had more time to prepare, but I used the time I had available to me, and I created and taught a great class.

Everyone left in a very positive state of mind, with a sort of cozy smile on each of their faces… gratitude for my teaching.

There was one new person who left right after class ended, and so I wasn’t able to gauge her experience so much… and that might rest in my mind a while…, but I know it is okay and everything was perfect exactly how it happened.

If she did not like the class, then she was meant not to like the class tonight – it does not mean that I am a bad, unlovable person.

It means I was meant to do exactly what I did, and there is something for us all to get out of the experience… just as it would mean if she had totally loved the class.

Anyway….

Oh, I also earned some money by doing this class, which was a delightful and much-appreciated financial bonus.

Sharing all of this is great.

And I really wanted to share it with someone I know…, but I don’t have a someone who listens to all of my sharing and talking… I don’t have someone who wants specifically to hear from me about these many things in my life… I do not have a partner, a someone special, a boyfriend…., or even housemates…

And it left me feeling rather overly spacious tonight, spread out, solo in a group culture… alone.

And not necessarily in a positive way.

So, I figured I would share here – just like how I learned the value of a diary – someone always willing and desiring to hear my every thought and word, if I wish to share them – I can see that this space of sharing and writing is a space that is always waiting and open and interested in what is on my mind… even if I have no one concrete with whom to share…

Yet…

Post-a-day 2019

Repairing and Improving, with Joy

I will have some classes to teach for the next week and a half… French classes.

I wasn’t sure how exactly I would approach it all, until this morning, that is.

In the first class of the day, it happened that two of the students had a sibling who had been taught by me during the first quarter of this school year, also for French.

After answering some of their questions regarding things like, ‘Do you really only talk to them in French?’, we entered into a natural and almost immediate discussion on whether I could do that with them, these students I have now.

We talked through the method I follow, as well as some whys for it, and every single one of them was enrolled in the idea: Yes, we want to do it, please.

It was almost shocking, but also not, when I considered how I have always loved such opportunities as a student.

Nonetheless, I was delighted.

And so we began setting up their tools, discussing barriers they are likely to meet, and preparing overall for what was going to start next class meeting.

I even gave them homework, and they were okay with it (and surprised themselves that they were okay with the specific assignments).

They left with excited nervousness in their space, and I was delighted with the whole ordeal.

Another two younger siblings were in my next class, and discussion arose – though differently than before – regarding my teaching methods, eventually reaching the point of my asking them whether they would be interested in using the method for our time together.

They, too, were unanimous in the affirmative.

The final two classes of the day were even more willing to be enrolled into the idea than the morning kids, and some even went so far as to smile really largely and to bounce and say how excited they were.

It was adorable.

… and refreshing.

I can hardly wait for next class. πŸ™‚

Note: It had seemed that having everyone on board and truly understanding the expectations and the hows were my biggest struggle in the past…, hopefully, this one day in mostly English will be the needed improvement for me… fingers crossed!! ❀

Post-a-day 2019

It’s biking freezing out there

We are at 3Β°C right now.

It will be at approximately 1Β°C when I am traveling tomorrow morning… both times.

Add with the wind chill, and it will be well below freezing for me while riding.

As I said tonight to someone about my bike, it’s 300cc, so it can go reasonably fast… Which makes an unfortunate Catch 22 on days like tomorrow… the faster I go, the faster I get out of the miserable weather… but the faster I go, the more miserable the weather…

Basically, it will be miserable tomorrow morning… and my mom forgot to bring me the ski pants tonight, so it will be even more miserable than expected… ::sigh

I kind of wish I could stay home and snuggle with my big teddy bear for the rest of the week, but I’m actually really excited to be doing the teaching I’ll be doing this week and next, so I want to go to school… I just wish there were a warmer way to do it. πŸ˜›

Post-a-day 2019

Pain

My knees hurt.

And I didn’t even go to the gym today.

I had considered going in the morning, but only if I work up at the right time, which is just after 4am.

I woke up at 3am, and was very wobbly on my feet, heading down to the bathroom…, so I knew I wasn’t doing the morning class – I could go at noon.

I had plenty of time after tutoring ended, so I went to fill my water bottle.

By the time I was at my scooter, it was 21 ’til, and the gym is almost half an hour from school…, so I would have to go at 4:30pm, when the rain would be starting, but would be less than during the later classes.

Plus, it wouldn’t be as cold as it would be for the later classes…, but it still would suck.

After eating a late lunch at home, I was exhausted, and could barely keep my eyes open.

My headache had subsided somewhat, but had been around since around 10am, and was becoming a little overwhelming for me.

My knees had been hurting since I’d gotten up for real in the morning.

I finally wasn’t dizzy or wobbly anymore, but my face was hurting, from the slight congestion behind my nose, combining with the pressure change happening outside… or so I declared, anyway.

I determined and chose not to go anywhere else today – I called my mom and let her know that I was going upstairs to get ready for bed shortly, despite the fact that it was only nearly 3pm.

Seeing as how my knees are still hurting right now, hours later, I think t was the right decision not to go to the gym today.

Plus, I caught up on that podcast (An Addict Named Mary), and put away a lot of laundry, and organized a lot of laundry, cleaning up a whole part of my room (which I’ve been wanting myself to do for quite some time now).

Just as I was preparing to get into the shower, I discovered what this muffled beeping noise the previous several minutes had been: the arriving winds were shaking my bike so much, that it was setting of the first round of my alarm, declaring potential tampering with the bike.

So, I had to throw an outer layer of clothing back on myself, rush downstairs, put on the rainboots, and undo the cover and locks on the bike, move the bike to a different location and angle, and redo all of the locks, all while in the wind and cold drizzle.

Then, I went and carefully climbed into a hot shower that made everything feel better.

But my knees still hurt…

I’m not sure if I misjudged yesterday, due to the CBD oil that was in my morning beverage, and then I overdid it with the walking during the photo fun…, or if I overdid things at the workout Saturday morning, and it is hitting me now, that second day afterward, like typical bad muscle soreness…

But it might just be a combination of both: I overdid things, and I’m still not healed in the first place.

Now, I want to set myself carefully in my bed and fall deeply asleep for the night, snuggled under my comforter and big, white teddy bear that I’ve had for possibly twenty years (Can you believe that???… He was mostly decorative for the first decade and a half, and I only recently started snuggling with him regularly… and he gives wonderful hugs and comfort…)…

Yes, I think I will do that now.

Post-a-day 2019

Two discoveries

The other day, I was sharing how I love doing photography for people… that we meet up and go have fun and take some wonderful photos…, and that it really happens like that, that we always go out and have fun…

And I found that interesting… I hadn’t considered it before then, but I realized how true it was.

Every time I go out and do photos with someone for him/her we have fun.

And, as it happens, we end up with some pretty, stellar photos… however, that is not my point tonight.

It is the fun that matters most right now.

I love that it is a sort of adventure, and that it is always fun for us both.

Today, after having completed an afternoon of running around with someone, doing photos of a vehicle, I reflected on the time we’d had together.

And I found that it was fun.

Wow… it really is true that we always have fun whenever I go out to do photos with someone… Cool

πŸ˜€

It was lovely to discover.

Another wonderful discovery of today happened about twenty minutes ago…

I have known the voice, and I knew what song has had me know it so well in my life, but I couldn’t have said the owner of the voice… but, when a different song from that usual one came on – iPod playing connected to the speakers again…. I really want to make that even more regular, now that I have started it… anyway – I went to find out whose voice it was.

I know I love his voice and style, so I wanted to be able to listen to it more.

Turns out it was James Taylor.

So, I love James Taylor music.

πŸ™‚

And I will listen to much of it in the near future.

πŸ˜€

Goodnight. πŸ˜€

P.S. Today was National Tongue Twister Day, so I read my mom (over the phone) one of my favorite books from childhood, Fox in Sox by Dr. Seuss…, and it was lovely and funny for the both of us. πŸ˜€

Post-a-day 2019

Fear

Tonight, I had a conversation that I was worried about having – I was afraid of it, and I didn’t know how to have it, and I was afraid of it bringing forth shame for myself regarding past events (although I am not ashamed of them anymore, it felt like this conversation could bring back those upsetting thoughts of shame)…

And I knew the conversation would be best had, and not left milling in my mind, making me ever the more uncomfortable, eventually to be come ‘comfortable’ by familiarity with the discomfort…

And so I had the conversation.

I was honest and open, and I shared how I wasn’t sure what I needed out of the conversation, other than merely having it, and how I wasn’t sure what would be best to do about the concern I had/have, and that I was afraid to have the conversation, but knew it was best had and not left quiet – staying quiet and convincing myself that I was overreacting was what got me into trouble with the last stuff in the first place…

And the conversation went really well.

We don’t yet know what all is best to be done about the concern I had/have, but we have come up with a start.

And that feels good.

And it feels good that it is a “we” working on the matter, and not just a nervous “I”.

I am so grateful.

I told my cousin that this is a week about trusting oneself, and tonight’s conversation was just another one of those amazing moments of how beautiful it is when we trust ourselves truly.

Gratitude.

πŸ™‚

Post-a-day 2019

The return of the cold

Today was really cold… And it was raining… And I only have my bike (Vespa) now…. so that kind of sucked.

But I bought – at long last, though out of immediate necessity today – a rain suit, so that helped tremendously…, but it was still cold out there, riding.

Burr…

Fun fact: My body is getting closer and closer to working normally again… though I was spider-crawling up the stairs, and sliding down them this morning, I was able to do almost the whole workout today at the gym, and my knees feel almost normal now, as I am getting ready for bed.

I mean, I won’t be able to run in the morning, and I probably still won’t be able to squat all the way or rest on my knees for another several days, but I at least will be able to walk without hobbling or being in pain.

So, that’s really cool.

It’ll leave my only main issue as going to the bathroom: every time I have to pull down it up my pants/underwear, it’s like a hammer to my bruised right leg… burr…

Also, another fun fact: I got a hug from a new person today… and it was lovely to have. πŸ™‚

I love hugs, and I’ve kind of been wanting, possibly needing, hugs this week…, so this was perfectly timed and somewhat out of the blue, making it all the better and more loving.

Makes me wonder how I can be more loving to those around me on the regular… hmm… I’ll think on that one tonight while I do some henna… yes…

Post-a-day 2019