It’s okay

For the most part, my husband has shown frustration and annoyance at my current capabilities and behaviors. He clearly hates the farts and burping – remember that I cannot control these, and they are miserable for me to have in the first place – and has been frustrated that I can’t manage the dishes or laundry or tidying up the house anymore.

Last night, while going to bed, I had a kind of break-down about this. I told him how I was sorry that I wasn’t being a very good wife. He responded in a very unexpected way. He told me that I was being a great wife. I said how I wasn’t getting anything done that I normally am supposed to take care of at home, and hat I couldn’t take care of him or support him at all. He replied that I am growing a baby and that that is wifely. He said that it is the ultimate and most valuable womanly thing to do. The other stuff is great, but it isn’t as important or difficult as this. I asked if it was the ultimate wifely thing to do, and he made a joke that I easily predicted and finished. (Only, he was only halfway joking, and I tend to agree with him…)

Nonetheless, it was really great to hear from him that he’s okay right now. I cannot do almost anything I usually take care of right now. I can barely take care of myself in terms of food and water and showering and sleeping. Barely. But that’s okay right now. And he’s okay. And I’m not being a terrible wife. Yes, our house is a mess. No, I can’t do much about it myself. But that’s okay for now.

If, in the next few weeks, I’m not able to start doing that stuff again, I’ll reach out for help and figure it out. My husband is incredibly busy working and training right now, doing his best to be prepared for us financially and schedule-wise come January. That’s important. I miss him and I miss the help he could give at home. But we can manage a while longer without the help at home. And, like I said, if I don’t start feeling better soon, I’ll find someone or someones who can help us.

It’ll be okay.

God, heal me of the nausea, please, and make this baby well and safe and growing healthily and beautifully. Keep my husband safe, please. Help us to trust you freely and easily. Guide us to be our best selves and to pursue and fulfill your will. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024