Today is the first day at work with all faculty/staff, not just the new folks.
When I got into the rental car, I choked and almost got sick. Some nasty and fake perfume was soaked in tot he interior. The car had been shut for a whole day, since I hadn’t gone anywhere yesterday, and what had been a slight annoyance was overwhelmingly horrible suddenly. I had to drive with the air blasting and windows down, and it still didn’t actually make the smell go away.
I got lost and confused on the way to school. (It is easy to get to school. After the two blocks to exit my neighborhood, it is four simple turns to arrive at school. Now, I was running late and I was embarrassed at having gotten myself lost on such a simple and easy drive that I had already taken twice in the past four days.) So, it took me a little longer to get there. Because of that, I had to park up top in the garage (plus all the ‘parents with little kids’ spots were full, which was where I was supposed to start parking today, since I’m pregnant. And also because I’m physically struggling).
By the time I finally made it down all the stairs of the four floors and over to the cafeteria, I got overwhelmed just preparing to go in to the breakfast. My dress is big, I have no name tag (no fault of my own), had a hard morning already, and felt halfway miserable physically. I was stressed that I couldn’t be the normal excited and happy self I am for the first day of teacher meetings each year. And then there were Lots of people. I want doing well already emotionally, and handling a lot of new and loud people felt like a very hefty task. I cried before going inside the cafeteria.
NOTE: I woke up not feeling utterly dreadful this morning, and then quickly was shocked to see that I’d been asleep for six hours straight. It scared me deeply, and I was massively relieved when, after making it to the bathroom, I could tell that I was definitely still sick. (I even had a horrible session of puking to follow up the feeling.) The last time I had woken up feeling different, better, after having slept through the night while pregnant, it was because the pregnancy had ended, and that day was a truly sad and miserable one for me. So, though it was nowhere to the same degree of feeling different, it still kind of freaked me out for half a minute, gave me the panics.
Anyway, so I let it be that I was emotional and unable to manage and reign in my hormones, got a hug from someone and communicated where I was and that I know it’s okay – just hard to manage the hormones going wild with the smallest of things
Went to get a coffee. They didn’t have decaf today, though they did the other days. As I was replacing the cup on the stack, a guy behind me said to a lady “Still pregnant?!” He was joking and she likely was one of the 8-9-month pregnant ladies. However, it hit me really hard, especially after the concern when I woke up this morning. It hit home in a very painful way, and I absolutely could not handle it given my current state. I broke down massively and immediately, and I went to cry in the bathroom for a bit until I could calm down.
So, that’s how the day started. And, though I technically slept six hours straight, it was terrible sleep. So, I was physically exhausted by midday. When lunchtime happened, I got to have five-day-old super wilty salad, because the only other option was fruit that had hurt my stomach and pizza, a food that I can hardly mention, after having gotten so sick puking up one of its main ingredients a few months ago. I can barely stand even the smell of it without feeling sick, even throwing up. So, I got almost no nourishment at lunch.
Then we had another few hours straight of a long meeting, siting still in one chair. Oh, and an unanticipated fire alarm sounded. Since it wasn’t a drill, we had to walk all the way around campus on its outskirts in order to reach the fields where we’re supposed to gather for emergencies. Before I made it to the field, I was overheated in this hot and humid and sunny weather, and was very much about to hurl. I ended up with four people around me, fanning me with their booklets while I tried to sip my water that had miraculously melted all the ice right before the drill, and so wasn’t providing me the true relief I needed from it. After the drill, we got ice in my water and we got back inside, both of which helped tremendously. Fortunately, one of the people was a mom who understood the situation immediately, and she fended off any concerns the others (or anyone else) had. She knew that I had meant what I’d said and that I was only hot and super close to throwing up, but desperately did not want to throw up the food I had worked so hard to eat.
After that, we returned to the hours of one long meeting, and our day finally ended around 4:30, which was immensely long both for teachers and for me in my state, its having started at 8 this morning and had gone on with meetings constantly aside from the brief lunch break.
It was just an immensely difficult day for me today. Arriving home exhausted and in the reeking car only turned the evening into a pretty terrible one, too. So, basically, today has sucked beyond all reason, and I’m going to bed at 8pm crying. Shocking, I know…
Post-a-day 2024
hannah ananas 