Tired

The started rather well. I managed to get Mayer looking very nice and stand having my hair down for twenty minutes to take a school portrait after morning carpool duty today. The girls had saucers for eyes, they were blown away with my hair’s being down. They kept saying how beautiful I looked. It was adorable and sweet. Though, I had been surprised myself when I had put on my dress and quickly fixed my hair – and that means that I took it out of the messy bun, pulled back the very front into the half-up half-down style, and placed the right balance of hair in front of my shoulders and behind them, no brushing included – in the bathroom. I did look very nice, and surprisingly so.

So, that was cool.

But I ended up missing two meetings after that, one I hadn’t even known about and one about which I had completely forgotten. No one came to get me or anything, though, for either one, so that felt kind of crappy.

I got notes from another teacher for the one meeting, and the other was rescheduled for tomorrow. And something has me stressed about tomorrow’s meeting, that it isn’t just about the original purpose. I think it was something mentioned in the invitation that immediate disappeared after I clicked on it, but I don’t recall. I hope it goes well, but I am doubtful that it will be easy for me.

My husband mentioned something this evening, when I shared about an annoyance at work (in the context of his asking why I so dislike my job), and it hit the nail perfectly. He said that it sounds like they don’t care at all about what I have to say. And it has very much felt like that. No one cares about my opinion. They simply want to do things they way they already do them, and they don’t want to be bothered by someone’s being confused or frustrated about those way, nor do they want to hear about it or deal with anyone’s struggling with it all. They seem nice and all, but they don’t actually care about me and my experience of anything they do or anything I have to say. Not even a little bit.

So, as annoying as that is to see, it is relieving, too. It has put clarity onto a massive struggle I have had. I am grateful for that insight.

Thank you, God, for the love of today and the insight of today. Help me and the baby to be well, please. Help our family to be well financially, and keep my husband and us safe, please. Help us to pursue and fulfill your will. Show us clearly our next step in doing that. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024