Alright, so, it is starting to seem like my job is trying to replace me. Not good, of course, but, after sharing with my dad about how everything has been going, I notice that I actually feel a sense of relief. Not that I want to lose a job, especially one that I’m actually very good at doing and whose actual work I like doing. But the admin and all of their struggle nonsense has been really getting to me and has contributed significantly to the depression I’ve already been having with the pregnancy and its physical limitations. So, yes, I would have to find other work, and yes it would have to be very quick. However, just the thought of being done with the disaster that is this admin has created a sense of ease within me. I think, too, that part of the relief is that I would have outlasted them. I have wished I could quit, but been intentional about keeping the financial benefits of the job, as well as enjoying teaching the kids and wanting to do a good job by them. I’ve been sticking it out through the total trash for those two reasons. If the admin decide to replace me, then I will have outlasted their BS. And that’s a big deal to me. Especially to have done so while so utterly miserable and pregnant.
Not saying that any of this actually will happen. But I notice that I feel okay, in a way, if it does happen. I’ll find something all the better instead, and we’ll work things out. We can do this, and I know God is with us and rooting for us. He wants us to be our best selves. This job might not be part of that after a certain point. Whatever the case, I trust Him. And I will do my best, period. As I have been doing. My best is very different these days, which has been a major adjustment for me. But there’s literally a whole load of work going on below the surface these days, and my work on the outside necessarily is different than in the past. And that’s how it is meant to be.
Thank you, God, for this opportunity. Please, make clear for me my next step in pursuing and fulfilling your will. Help me to be the best person I can be, the person you call me to be. Make me and the baby safe and well, please. Keep my husband safe, please. And help us always to sleep well each night. Also, please, grant me the right words in the difficult situations, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2024
Note: I meant what I said there with “the right words”. Sometimes, the right words are not the sweet ones or the accepting ones or the ones that allow an injustice to continue unacknowledged, as I have discovered so far in this current job. Just because something is legal doesn’t make it just – these are words I have said this year. I would not be surprised if they got me into trouble, true as they were and appropriately placed and relevant as they were. I didn’t say them to cause trouble, but to communicate clearly as I felt called to communicate. So, yeah… trusting God’s words and guidance here these days, especially. May He give me the right words for following His path for me. 😛
hannah ananas 