Month: September 2024

I just can’t do this anymore. I didn’t much care for politics before. But I can’t stand it now. There is so much fake-ness and trash thrown around, and the truly important questions are often straight up ignored. I am afraid of what could happen to our country and to our world, all because of leadership. I never thought the president mattered all that much. I have learned very differently in recent years. And from personal experience, as well as from witnessing what happens, second-handed. I am getting too scared and stressed with all of this now, and I need to step away.

God, help our country to heal in all ways and to turn to you. Help me to heal, please. Make me and our baby well, and grant us a country in which it is safe for us to grow as a family. Help us bring this healthy baby into a world worth loving. Keep my husband safe, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Today was hard. I am having to go ahead and bite the bullet on some terrible, time-wasting sh** at school, and it hurts. It just hurts me to my core. I think the only thing getting me through the strain of this right now is being able to rest in the knowledge that I will not have to be at this place or deal with all this nonsense and crap next year.

I will get to be where I have been called to be in life.

God, please, help us to fulfill this dream you have granted us to dream. Keep me and the baby safe, and make us both well and healthy. Keep my husband safe, please, and progressing well and effectively in his studies and his work. Help us to take care of our family and to help it grow well and beautifully. Make clear our next step always, please, and be always with us, please. Help us to notice you more and more easily each day. Grant us the words to share your will and your love in the world and with one another. Thank you for this life, this home, my family, my husband, and this opportunity. Thank you for the opportunity to trust you, and for helping me do it better and better each time. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Multiple sources have discussed lately the idea of having gratitude for the stuff that sucks in life, for they, too, can be God’s will. Naturally, they are resulting from whatever decision and such we have made up to this point, but the idea is to consider that God wants us to be exactly where we are in even the tough times, as they somehow lead us back to Him more powerfully and fully than before the pains and sufferings. And some other stuff that my brain isn’t recalling right now, but that I know sounded worth considering, and so I am considering it all.

So, tonight, during prayer for dinner, when the host was listing off specifics for which he was grateful, I silently added one for my current sickness, trusting God with it as part of His will.

And it actually felt good to do so. It allowed space for my not knowing and not understanding everything, and truly just trusting God, completely oblivious to how it all plays to His will in my life.

So, that was cool. It still totally sucks to be so sick and miserable so often. But that was still a valuable and beneficial event and viewpoint for me.

Thank you, God, for this life. Help us to be well, please. Make me and the baby safe. Keep my husband safe, please. Help us all to sleep well at night. Help me to enjoy going camping. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

** Note: somewhat graphic/personal references to follow**

Well, I noticed last night while showering and then confirmed today, when my belly wasn’t swollen with any gas to sway things, that I have lost sight of my groin area. If I lean my head way to the side and twist my belly the opposite direction, I can just glimpse the very bottom bit. But, in terms of looking forward downward or actually seeing the whole area, it’s a definite nope. I’m not entirely sure when that happened, because I haven’t paid close attention the past several days… well, I haven’t paid close attention at all. I’m usually utterly exhausted by the time I shower, I’m giving it all I have just to get through the shower, let alone pay attention to anything. Nonetheless, I do think it is a very recent development, because it was very pointedly odd and then so jarring for me when I realized that what was off was that I wasn’t able to see anything at all. Had that been the case at any point sooner, I would have had the initial shock then. Plus, I do remember specifically seeing the region just recently while showering.

So, anyway, lost sight of that now. Very weird for me.

Progress in the pregnancy, I suppose!

God, help me and the baby to be well and safe, please. Keep my husband safe. Thank you for our home and our lives. Help us always to see clearly our next step. Help us to pursue and fulfill your will in our lives, always. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

My husband passed this tests and check rides this week, so he is signed off as a commercial pilot. Woohoo for him! Still much to go before he will be likely to get full-time work in it all, but this was a major step forward for it all, and not an easy one. I’m proud of him, and grateful. Hopefully, this helps ease his mind a bit, and he can start being more at ease in our daily lives.

God, thank you for the blessings of today. Help my husband to be a successful and good pilot. Keep him safe, please. Make me and the baby well and safe, please. Help us all to sleep well at night, especially tonight. Thank you for this life. Thank you for Father Drew – receive him with grace, ease, and joy. Help him to see the wonders he has created, and that it is okay for him to join you fully now. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

We had our first meeting last night. It feels real now. Our first event is next month. It has felt like ages away for so long, and suddenly feels just around the corner (though it is still over a month away haha). I am excited for it.

I also am hoping I can find people who genuinely want to participate in our fundraiser clay shoot in January and who will sign up and do it for the foreseeable future. It’s both an awesomely fun event and incredibly helpful for the scholarships and all that we give out to kids every year. So, very win-win.

But we shall see!

God, help us to see clearly and to pursue fully your will in our lives. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Work was still hard. Quite hard today, in fact. But the meeting tonight for rodeo was very nice. I got to see a handful of people I had been missing, and many folks got to realize that I am very much pregnant, several wishing us congratulations directly. That was very nice. And an awesome bit was that one person on the committee confirmed that he and his wife will pass on the majority of their baby’s newborn clothes to us. So, yippee! Yay! They and the other new dad on the committee who was talking with us are all about saving money, accepting hand-me-downs, and handing on unneeded things to others. It felt really good to be in the conversation with others who feel so similarly to how I have felt about everything. And it also felt great to have it confirmed aloud that we’ll get some baby boy clothes.

Phew.

And it was a good time as a whole at the meeting.

Thank you, God, for such a nice end to a very hard day. Help me to be well and to do well for the rest of the week. Grant me good sleep each night, please. Make me and the baby well, and keep us safe. And keep my husband safe, too, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Well, totally was quite rough and tough. Not only did I have a very difficult day, but a student ended up crying right at the end of the last class of the day, so I got to deal with that. Frankly, I just wanted to cry with her. But I knew she needed help, so I helped her how best I could. I asked if I had been too harsh or dismissive – that was very much something I could have done, today especially – but she had said just that she had missed the original instructions and so was embarrassed that she had done the whole thing wrong. I get that. I’d be embarrassed, too. But I would have asked the teacher for instructions directly, instead of trusting classmates who likely were gabbing during the instructions in the first place. Nonetheless, we got it sorted out and I let her correct it as homework, this time following the actual instructions for the assignment, and at no grade loss. She had clearly done work, but had learned a hard lesson of her classmates’ unreliability. At the end of it all, she said that it was also just a Tuesday, and that meant it was a tough day period. So, I felt a bit better bearing that, knowing that it wasn’t all on me that this poor dear was in terrible sobs for a few minutes.

Fair enough sentiment, though. I spent a whole chunk of my morning today absolutely sobbing, and working very hard not to puke because of the intense sobbing. Today was tough. Tough Tuesdays, perhaps. If I can get back to working out soon, I’ll be able to tie in tough workouts to help ease the other tough aspects.

God, help us to sleep well tonight and to awake rested tomorrow, ready and able to do your will. Guide us always clearly in your will and your ways. Make me and the baby well. Keep my husband safe, please. Help him to do his best and to be a good pilot. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Well, no one came for that bed today, which has been a bummer. However, I still accomplished further things today. Especially laundry. That still felt good.

However, I’ve felt very lonely all afternoon and evening. I’ve also felt rather nauseous most of the afternoon and evening, too, which has made it all the worse.

::big sigh

God, help me to be well and to embrace your love and joy. Make me and the baby well and safe, please. Keep my husband safe, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

We got a lot done tonight. Bed dismantled and moved, safe moved (with help, of course), mattresses moved, beds put together, mattress placed atop, sheets washed, beds made. I am going to bed very satisfied with the accomplishments of today (not to mentioned the other stuff we accomplished and baby items I picked up from a friend who had many helpful free things to give us). Tomorrow is likely to have even more, given that someone is to pick up the former guest bed (ironically to become her guest bed, now that she’s having another baby). Things look great so far. More beauty to create tomorrow with accomplishments. And, even if they are very few, these were so significant and important to me, I still will go to bed satisfied tomorrow night.

Thank you, God, for these accomplishments and the help given within them. Thank you. Make us well, please, and keep my husband safe. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024